Hey, this is a new one, hope you like it. Got a soft spot for Castiel, wanna see him in a few more fics.

Disclaimer: don't own nothin' would love Dean but would settle for Castiel.

1. I Can't Breathe

Dean couldn't sleep. He'd been trying to for the past week but all that happened was he came face to face with everything that had happened downstairs. People said you couldn't remember pain but Dean would love to argue the point with them. He opened his eyes a crack.

The room was dark, outside was dark. It was probably only about three in the morning. He looked at his fluorescent watch. Yep, 3:03. As he was looking away from his wrist, the glow of the watch illuminated part of the room. Poorly, but enough for Dean to see another figure. The figure was shorter than Sam, slightly shorter than himself, lean and wearing a trench coat.

"Castiel."

"Hello Dean."

Dean sat up and swung his legs to the floor and turned on the light. He looked at the angel and was just a little bit shocked when he did so. It looked like Castiel had been through the wars. He had a cut on one cheekbone and a dark bruise on the other as well as bruises around his eyes and on his jaw, it looked like at one point both his nose and the corner of his mouth had been trickling blood.

"Jeez you look like you went ten rounds with a Wendigo," Dean said. "And lost."

"Well, you have your battles, I have mine. Do you mind if I sit?" Castiel didn't wait for a reply instead he immediately moved to Dean's bed and sat gingerly on it as if he was injured.

"Are you," started Dean, "I mean, can angels get hurt, are you gonna be okay?"

"As you know, the knife given to you by Ruby can kill anything evil," Castiel began but Dean interrupted.

"You know about Ruby?"

"Yes I know about Ruby. Her knife can kill and send to hell only evil beings that belong there. That's why it brought no harm to me. However, there are other knives in the world Dean," the angel finished. He winced slightly and brought a hand up to his ribs.

Dean gave the angel a concerned look and sat down opposite him on Sam's bed. Sam's empty bed.

"Damnit, where the hell is Sam?" he said looking around the motel room as if he expected to see his brother.

"With Ruby, 42 Maple Crescent. Do not worry, they are merely talking."

"Oh, I'm gonna worry alright, I can't believe after everything I told him before I died that he's still goin' around with that bitch."

"He had no one else to turn to," said Castiel, his voice had become strained, but Dean didn't quite notice.

"He could've turned to you, if you were around, then maybe he wouldn't have got so wrapped up with the whole, 'I'm doin' a good thing even if I'm exorcising demons with my mind,' Dean said, a slight amount of anger present in his voice. "You could've stopped him from going down that path in the first place."

"My orders were to help you to stop your brother. Not help your brother, Dean," Castiel said. "It is your job to stop your brother. And for you two to stop Lilith."

"Son of a bitch, when am I gonna get some goddamn answers, huh?" Dean couldn't control his anger any more. "All I get is, 'God has work for you' and 'you have to do this, and stop this', I thought angels were meant to be, at the least helpful, not dishing out orders and threats and offering to blow towns full of kids and happy families and white picket fences off the map."

Finally he stopped to take a breath. "How do you think I'm gonna be able to stop anything if you don't tell me anything? You knew about the Witnesses, you could have warned us, we would have been prepared and me and Bobby wouldn't have almost had our hearts ripped out from our chests. I'm gettin' kinda tired of things wanting to rip things out of my chest you know."

"Dean, let me explain, I can't"-

"You can't what, help me? Show me what to do? I'm fighting Lilith with one arm tied behind my back and blindfolded, you ain't helping much Castiel," said Dean.

"Dean, I can't"-

"What, give me a straight answer? I mean, why bother taking me back to 1973 if I couldn't stop anything?" Dean knew he'd been over this but he still felt a twinge of agony inside of him when he remembered his mother's face.

Castiel was silent as he waited for Dean to go on, the angel knew there was no point in arguing.

"Okay, now I know about Mom and the deals that Yellow Eyes made but what was the point if I couldn't stop any of it? Why make me go through the pain of seeing my Mom and Dad happy and young and hopeful when in twenty years they would still both be dead?"

"Dean, I"-

"I've had enough of all this crap, Castiel. I don't know if I can keep doing this. I don't care what you say, leave my brother out of this. Kill me, if you have to, send me back to hell. It would be easier to deal with than having to come back, remembering every single second of those four months and trying to act like normal around Sam, Bobby, everyone. I can't do this, anymore."

Finally he looked up at Castiel. He didn't know whether it was from his tirade or not, but to Dean's eyes, Castiel looked as if he'd turned a shade of grey.

"Cas? Castiel?"

"Dean. I…can't breathe."