"When are you going to realize that that stupid Out of Order Sign isn't the Bat Signal? I'm not at your fucking beck and call! This is the last time you'll get me to-" Her tone is weary, broken down, and if he could spare a shred of compassion he'd worry. As it is, he's barely surviving on his own. Taking a step, he lifts his hand to stop her. Now is not the time for inane banter. He needs her help.
"I need to tell you something." His voice is low, insistent. She blinks as he touches her, shocked that the mere brushing of his fingertips still send tingles up and down her spine.
"Who did you piss off this time?" She mutters, ducking her head so that he can't see the dull blush that has taken up residence on her cheeks. She splashes water on her face, and takes a calming breath, opening her eyes only to see him staring into the mirror. Into her.
"No one. God, Veronica. Why do you always make things hard?" Her mouth hangs open, and just for a second he wishes that he were a fairytale prince. It'd be the perfect swooping in opportunity. He shakes his head. Now is not the time to remember he's still in love with Veronica Mars. He doesn't want to love her, but it's not a choice thing, rather one that he chooses to ignore.
"I make it hard?" Her voice breaks as she rubs her hands over her face. "God, Logan, I don't-" She stops, leaning forward against the sink and pressing her hands against its cool surface. "I can't do this anymore. I can't fight you anymore. What do you want from me?" Her shoulders are sagging beneath the weight of her bag, and for the first time he realizes how tired she looks. How very exhausted.
"I-nothing. Never mind."
"Did you want to tell me about erasing the tapes?" She's not looking at him. He's breaking right there in front of her, but she won't spare him a glance. He lost. Her back is to him, and he realizes with a start that her shoulders are shaking.
"Veronica?" He asks. And as he touches her shoulder, she breaks into his arms, holding on for dear life. They sink to the floor, her head against his chest, his fingers tangling themselves in her hair. "I love you." He whispers, and their lips touch, she's convinced he's all she's ever needed.
xxxx
He wakes with a start. Rubbing his eyes with his knuckles, he tries unsuccessfully to steady his breathing. It doesn't work.
"This is all my fault, isn't it?" He voice is quiet, and for the first time in his life he is left staring at a humble and apologetic Lilly. He pinches his arm because he can't quite believe she's real.
"Lilly?" His voice is just woken and scratchy. She glances up at him, smiling simply, and a shaft of moonlight frames her beautiful features.
"I'm sorry, Logan. You do know that, don't you?" He nods, silently, unable to speak. He pinches his arm again, a bit more discreetly this time. But she sees him and annoyed, she reaches to swat his fingers away. Her hand goes through him. "That wasn't supposed to happen." She mutters, hanging her head, and in the silhouette of moonlight he can just make out the garish gash that mars her features.
"Why-why are you here? In the entire two years since you…since you've been gone, I haven't seen you once. I haven't even dreamt of you." She nods slowly, once, and glances up to meet his eyes, shrugging slightly.
"You needed me less." She responds, bouncing slightly on the mattress, and out of nowhere he wonders how it is that she can sit on his bed, but not be able to touch him. "I don't know either." She responds, and he stares over at her, startled.
"Dead people have ESP?" He asks deadpan, and she giggles, the sound sending ripples of life through him. "Why are you here, Lilly?" He asks long moments after she's stopped smiling.
"Because I miss you? Because I want you to get on with your life, get your head out of your ass and fix things with Veronica? She's dreaming about you tonight, too, by the way." She stands, putting more distance between them, and when she turns to face him, amusement shines in her eyes. "Love, what you've done with the place, babe." She mutters, gesturing around the sparsely furnished room, a scowl marring her features. "God, Logan, why are you letting yourself go? You had something great there. Something that could've pulled you back from the crap you're always getting yourself into! Setting fire to swimming pools, stealing cars, drinking yourself to death?" She gestures to a half empty bottle of Vodka at her feet, and as she shakes her head he can see tears in the corners of her eyes. He's not quite sure what he's more shocked by, those or the truth in her words. "This isn't you, Logan." Her heart is in her eyes, and scornfully he wonders if it took her death to get it there.
"Gee, Lil, why couldn't you have been this supportive when you were alive?" She has to laugh at that, and falls back on to the bed, shaking her head at him.
"Because I didn't know everything I know now." She sits up, closer than she's been to him in years, and he wishes, just for a second, that he could touch her. She frowns but doesn't say anything, snuggling down in front of him on the covers, a few scant inches away, and she can feel the warmth radiating off his body. "This is as close as it's gonna get, Echolls." She teases, glancing over her shoulder. His eyes are guarded, and without thinking she reaches her hand up to touch him. "I don't have much time left." She whispers, shuddering as she realizes once again that she can't touch him. He nods, closing his eyes. He's already lost her once. He can do it again.
"I love you, Lilly." He whispers back, his voice hoarse. Guess not. Her laugh shimmers in the air, and his eyes snap open, praying that she's still there.
"There's only one more thing you need to know." Her voice has gotten softer, and she's starting to fade around the edges. "Then you'll be ready, Okay?" She's wiser than he remembered, and even though he's fighting to stay awake, his eyes keep closing. He misses the tears sprinkling out of her eyes. "No matter how much you may have loved me, I'm your past Logan." She leans forward; closing her eyes tight, and presses her lips to the air before his. "Veronica is your future." He opens his eyes at last, but she's already gone, already a whisper on the wind. He glances down. The covers are mussed.
xxxx
"I so do not need this today, Logan. On top of a pop quiz next period in Lit, I have an APUS exam tomorrow and as an added bonus, they've decided to pile on the hours at the Café. Even going to the bathroom is a luxury. So if you need me to hold your hand again while another set of PCHers decides to attack your ass, you're just going to have to wait in line!" Her shoulders slump as she leans against the wall, the cool tile calming her.
"I'm sorry." His words are simple, but they startle her. Her brow furrowing, she glances up at him, her fingers reaching up to play with a loose strand of her hair.
"You're sorry." He nods. He looks about as exhausted as she feels, but there's a certain light in his eyes that wasn't there before. A contentment that she's never seen lifting his features. "For what? It's not like you told me to take APUS, and Murphy's class is never easy. Plus more hours at the Café means more money, and it's for college, so…" She trails off, wondering to herself why she's trying to take the blame off him. After all, life is so much easier when she can blame it all on Logan Echolls.
"I'm sorry for everything that happened. I wish I could go back and fix it." Her jaw drops, and she shakes her head, glancing around the stall in surprise.
"Am I on Candid Camera?" She replies, deadpan. "Is this some sort of joke to humiliate me? Because seriously, I'm not falling for it." She turns to leave, tears of frustration forming in the corners of her eyes, but she stops as she feels his hand on her shoulder. She hates that the merest brush of his fingertips still sends goose bumps up and down her arms.
"I'm an asshole, Veronica. I always have been." She laughs at his admission, already becoming more at ease. "But the way I treated you…after everything…I'm sorry." He nods, and touching her arm once more, heads toward the door.
"Logan, wait!"
Fin.
Author's Note: So yeah. I haven't written fic in a while, but this idea spoke to me. I really really like it. I hope you do too.