Hey everybody!

So the thing is I was just about to make a fanfic about some celebrity (okay, a hint: plays Loki) and when I browsed on the Internet about the lawsuit regarding including real people in your stories, it said that is better not to use real names, even though I see many stories including real names. I decided to switch names (I hope that helps) so instead of that celebrity, I'm gonna put this name Tim Huttington (I know it's really lame and pathetic, but still. I hope you'll manage to imagine). I hope don't appear lame because of that. Maybe I'll change it if I see that it's actually quite normal to add real names into your story, but I'll see if there's even any feedback. Which I'd really appreciate :)
Anyway, the whole story is mine. I made up all the characters, except I'll try to put some traits from the real celebrity into mine. That's my first fanfiction in English so I'd suggest some patience if there are some mistakes or bad expressions :)

So that's kinda it about the disclaimer part I guess, but I also have to warn you that the first or maybe first two chapters are gonna be focused on Julia Grady, my protagonist. She'll be kinda talkative about her past and a little bit about her future as well. She kinda has an intense past. I'm testing myself on the writing area itself as well, not only the 'juicy' part, although I've never done anything like that either. It's funny, how I came up with actually writing on here. I read so many superb fanfics (which I cannot even compare to) and I really got inspired. I had several dreams about Tom and some girl, just some basic, ordinary story, but I felt like I need to add something to it.

Okay, enough with the boring stuff. I just hope you'll enjoy my story (I don't really know yet how many chapters it will contain), try to equate with the character and post some reviews, any kind of feedback is welcome, really :)

Now, without further ado ...

It was probably around two AM in the morning when I woke up. The sky was still covered in complete darkness. The white sheets were drenched and my body was sweaty. I could feel the shirt stick to my back. "It was only a bad dream, Julia," I thought, trying to put myself to sleep again, but I knew I wouldn't be able to do that. Thoughts were getting out of hand and taking control of my mind, even though I resisted. Just these past few months really shook me up. I felt dizziness even though I was in bed. I felt sick. I immediately stood up and ran to the bathroom across the hallway. I felt like my stomach came out of my mouth. It didn't stop for another five minutes and when it finally did, I collapsed next to the toilet.

The memories rushed back up and I tried to hold them back, stuck them in the back of my mind where they're supposed to be. I already felt those big, rough hands sliding over my hips and I flinched as they were here again. I tried to push them away and was actually surprised when all I grabbed was plain air. I closed my eyes, trying not to feel a thing. I've successfully forced myself to be this distanced from my feelings for quite some time now, after the … Incident. No one could reach so deep inside my soul ever again and I was okay with that. I made a decision that I knew was only good for my sake. I started to feel my body ache due to very uncomfortable position I was in. I gathered the courage and strength to pick myself up, supporting my suddenly enormous weight on the toilet seat lid. I walked slowly to my bedroom in the darkness that embraced my flat. After all these months, I was still checking after corners in my own flat if there was anybody on the lookout. I guess some things can change you forever, even if you forbid yourself to be affected in any way. Even if you restrain from any kind of feeling, knowing, it'll only make you feel weak again. An easy prey. A piece of meat in someone's eyes. I couldn't let that happen again.

My alarm clock woke me up at six in the morning. Again, I awoke with such terrible headache I felt every pulse my body made. Each time I felt like my head is going to explode. I went to the doctors several times about the pounding in my head, but they assured me it's due to the injuries I suffered when being attacked. Attacked. I hated that word. I was humiliated, my world shattered into pieces of shame. But I understood. They just didn't wanted to say it out loud. They were afraid I was going to suffer another break down if they would. I confess it is an ugly word. Rape. Being that humiliated does leave a mark on you, and not only a physical one. The physical one makes you feel embarrassed in front of others, but the one creeping inside you makes you feel embarrassed in front of yourself. You can get the first one fixed any time. But to actually accept the one within you; that's true courage I have yet not been able to achieve.

I won't go through that again. Not today. For today is my day. I've been preparing for today for a very long time, to be honest since the day I first got the job. I still remember my first day like it was yesterday. The joy that overcame me when I got the news I'm hired. Getting the job I've always wanted to do – a journalist. And not the one that is writing boring columns in boring magazines. Oh no, I was going for more. I'm an actual journalist that travels around the world and is so lucky to experience all these new things. Each time I fly away to another country, an old piece of me dies and another one is born. And I'm both happy and a bit sad when leaving my home. But mostly, ready to explore new places, meet new people and get to know other cultures. I haven't been that much abroad since I've only been working in The Weekly Traveller for a few months. I haven't been expecting much of that either, actually all I really wanted was to settle down and do my job in peace. Didn't want to be an outcast that everybody would point at. But that was pretty much all that was happening at my work place after what happened to me. Only my closest friend Sarah Crawley stayed beside me when my world seemed to be falling apart. She belongs to that type of friends that you just find by coincidence and once you do, you realize what a blessing they are. You don't need to lose them before you realize how much they mean to you.

I was headed to the bathroom and took a quick shower. I washed my hair as well. I wanted to look as fresh and prepared as I possibly could for this day. Once the lukewarm water hugged my trembling body, I felt I'm going to rock the office today. I felt nothing could stop me, really. Maybe it didn't suit my shy and innocent nature I seemed to give off. But I felt it in my bones. Today I'm going to be the boss.

I was all done within twenty minutes (which was probably my new record) and decided to eat some light breakfast, just that my stomach won't make weird noises during the interview. It wasn't really an interview though, it was more face to face conversation between my boss and I. I wasn't feeling that nervous at all. I was surprised myself, how I managed to keep my knees steady and my posture straightened all the way to the office. I didn't black out for a moment, like it was in my nature when facing serious things. I just kinda forget all the things I was about to say and, of course, I make a bad impression and the opportunity is lost.

I lived in Bloomsbury, in central London. I've always dreamed of being in the middle of the city throb and everyday rush. I think it's just my kind of thing, like an addiction. I liked observing people, but never like them in any other way, kind of despised them. I lost faith in humanity a while ago, although when I travel, I see so many beautiful things. So many wonderful and thoughtful gestures by ordinary people that brighten my day. Here, in London, I don't get much of that. That's why I want to travel so much. To escape the reality here, although my home really was here and it was always nice to come to a old familiar bed.

I was now passing the Great Russell Street. I always loved crossing that street, just near the museum. The sight of the confused tourist with cameras around their necks made me chuckle each time. But then I realized I'm no different when visiting some other country.

I walked along until I got to the Southampton Row where my office's headquarters were located.I checked my watch and realized I only have ten minutes left. I picked up the speed which was rather difficult thing to do if you wear your best black high heel shoes. I was only a few meters away from the main entrance, when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I was still walking pretty fast, didn't realize I was almost running, whilst checking my phone. The sound of my high heels really irritated me, since I never wear heels. I was trying not to drag too much attention and not only because of my attack, but because I simply don't enjoy being in the centre of attention. Sounds a bit weird for a journalist, but I don't get to interview people here, in London, unless there's some really fascinating Indian or Chinese thing going on in the city. And even then I try to ask them some questions in private or quite the opposite: on a very crowded street. I'm pretty picky when it comes to these things. I like to let myself to my instinct.

Anyway, I was just stepping on the pavement when I heard a noise down the street. I fully replied to an email and then turned my head to the direction of the sound that was drawing nearer very fast. I didn't see anybody coming close, so I continued with my walking rhythm when suddenly I felt something hard bumped directly into my forehead.

"Ouch!" I screamed rather loudly.

And I did that on purpose, since I wanted to make that bastard feel guilty for bumping into me. Or was it me, who came across his way? I wasn't even sure how to address that person I crushed with, but I do assume it was a shoulder or an elbow and I don't think a woman can be either this high (considering I was 179 cm tall plus wearing eight cm tall heels) or having such strong and rough limbs.

I finally turned my angry gaze to the person next to me and was about to set off some juicy words against him, but went completely speechless when I realized who I actually bumped into. It was that actor that filled the papers in every news-stand. It was truly him. I even read about him this morning while I was sipping my freaking orange juice. He was right here, in front of my nose, completely real. I was trying to let out a few words, but my mouth instantly went dry and in a way I was thankful for that, because I was 100% positive I was going to say something completely idiotic. He replaced the awkward silence between us with a slight smile, just for being considerate and polite.

"I'm so very sorry, miss," he finally spoke and his voice was even deeper and charming in person.

He was a lot taller than I expected. Actually, I didn't expect anything since I never, in my wildest dreams, thought of randomly bumping into such celebrity as he is. I didn't know what to think or what do to. All I could think of in that very moment was that I was just about to faint from staring into those gorgeous blue eyes too long.

"I must dash now," he spoke tenderly and grabbed my shoulder gently. "Forgive me again, for crashing into you. Have a lovely day!" he almost yelled as he was already half on the main road.

All I was able to do right then was to watch him disappear into enormous crowd, which was, I must confess, a great cover for a famous actor. Walking alone in a street like he just did is way too risky. I glanced at my watch and noticed I'm already three minutes late. I gulped at the thought of losing this great opportunity. I was still in shock. I mean, who wouldn't be after meeting Tim Huttington himself.

Yeah, I know, I know, it sounds really tacky, soppy and predictable. I was trying to see where this goes and I'll wait a bit before writing the next chapter after I see the feedback, if there's going to be any. So this chapter is a bit short, not including much dialog, but I'll change that soon enough ;)

Till the next time,

xo,

Iza