Introduction
More than likely, if you've watched the Pokémon anime series for a while, you've noticed that the plot outlines gets extremely repetitive.
And, if you're a Team Rocket fan, it's also more than likely that you resent how many times Jessie, James, and Meowth have been "blasted off", quite unconditionally by Ash.
So, taking those two things in mind, I decided to do a parody on the cookie-cutter episodes of Pokemon. For the parody part, I made the first chapter in the style of a script; it might make it easier to visualize this on the television then. I hope that's all right...
Also, on a different note, if you have a hard time understanding Meowth, try saying his lines out loud; it sometimes helps.
Now, of course… What good is a parody if there's no slight twist at the end...?
Note: All of the actions used to be in brackets, but I had to change them all to parentheses. Yes, I know it's annoying.
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Pokemon in any way, fashion, or form. I'm just a strange fan.
Chapter One
"Vulpix and Shovels"
(Fade in to Ash, Brock, May, Max, and Pikachu walking down a dirt road in a forest.)
Narrator: As our heroes travel through the deep forest in hopes of reaching the next town in their journey, it appears that all is not as it seems…
(Suddenly, a giant rubber arm on a stick shoots out from the brush and grabs Pikachu, then withdraws to the bushes.)
Pikachu: Pikaaa!
Ash: Ah! Pikachu!
(Cue maniacal laughter from an unknown location.) (Ash and Friends stop and look around for the source.)
(Enter Jessie, James, and Meowth from behind the bushes with Pikachu on the rubber arm.)
Jessie: Ah ha ha ha ha! Prepare for trouble!
James: And make it double!
Jessie: To protect the world from devastation!
Ash: (interrupts them right away) Team Rocket! Give back my Pikachu right now!
May: (points at them) Yeah, you crooks! It's not yours!
Jessie: Ha! I beg to differ!
Meowth: Yeah, dat's right! We're da ones who've got Pikachu now!
Ash: Rrrg… (points finger at Pikachu) Pikachu, use Thunderbolt!
Pikachu: (nods) Pikaa--- (uses Thunderbolt, but the rubber arm absorbs the shock) Chu?
Ash: What? Oh no!
Max: It absorbed the attack!
James: Ha ha! This glove is made from super-insulated materials! Inexpensive too!
Ash: (not really listening) Pikachu, I'll save you! Go, Taillow! (throws Pokeball)
(Taillow appears from the Pokeball)
Taillow: Taaai!
Ash: (in a triangle in the corner of the screen) Taillow, dive and break the arm holding Pikachu!
(Taillow screeches again, follows Ash's instructions, and breaks the arm.) (Pikachu is free, and flies into the air.)
Brock: (in a corner while the middle is still showing Pikachu in the air) All right!
Jessie: (in another corner, looking horrified) Oh no! Our insulated glove!
Pikachu: Pika! (is caught by Ash)
Ash: (laughs) Pikachu! Are you okay, little buddy?
Pikachu: Pika! (jumps down from Ash's arms and onto the ground)
(Team Rocket strikes a frightened pose)
Ash: Okay, Pikachu… Use Thunder!
Pikachu: Pikaaaa…CHUU! (rocks lift as Pikachu sends a powerful bolt of electricity towards Team Rocket)
(Team Rocket scream, and the force of the attack sends them soaring in the air.)
Jessie, James, and Meowth: Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off already! (They disappear in the sky with a bright glint.)
May and Max: Hooray!
(Ash gives Pikachu an affectionate rub on the head.) (All smile)
(Cut to the bushes, where a girl with navy blue hair, magenta eyes, and a red baseball cap and clothes has been watching the battle with her mouth wide open in astonishment.)
(Cut to title screen) (Cue Episode Title Fanfare)
Ash's Voice: (reading the Episode Title aloud) "Vulpix and Shovels"!
(End Title Fanfare)
(Enter Ash and Company in a Pokemon Center)
Ash: Hi, Nurse Joy! Could you give our Pokemon a check-up and make sure they're okay?
Nurse Joy: Sure! I'd be happy to! (smiles and takes all of their Pokemon at once.)
Brock: Oh! (eyes bug out in heart shapes) (He rushes up to Nurse Joy and takes her hands.)
Nurse Joy: Huh?
Brock: (rosy backdrop appears) Nurse Joy, my life has been like a desolate and barren field without your company! It would give me great honor if you would give my lonesome heart a check-up as well!
Max: (rose backdrop disappears) All right, that's enough there, Brock… (grabs him by the ear and pulls him away from the shocked Joy)
Brock: (in background) Ow, ow, not the ear!
May: Uh… (sweatdrops as Brock is swept away) Well, Nurse Joy, we were wondering how far the next Pokemon Contest is from this town.
Nurse Joy: Oh, it's not too far. In fact, I had another girl ask me the same thing earlier today.
May: Really?
Nurse Joy: Yes. You might be able to find her around here if you look. It's always a good idea to get to know your opponents if you two will be competing against each other.
May: Yeah! We can try to have a chat if we find her.
Nurse Joy: Good. (turns to the computer that's analyzing the Pokeballs) Now, then, I think all your Pokemon are fine. Just be sure to keep them healthy! (smiles and hands them back)
Ash: Great! Thanks, Nurse Joy. (accepts the Pokeballs)
Max: Great! I'm starving! Let's go over to the cafeteria!
(All four enter the Pokemon Center cafeteria.) (Ash, Brock, and Max hurry to the counter to order, but May lags and sees a girl wearing red clothes sitting at a table with a Vulpix. The girl has magenta eyes and is trying to give the Vulpix a spoonful of something.)
Girl: Come on, Vulpix, this'll help ease it… Don't worry about the taste…
May: (to the girl) Um, excuse me… Is your Vulpix okay?
Girl: (jumps out of surprise when she sees May) (Her Vulpix finally swallows the spoonful.) Oh, uh, well, I suppose so. You see, we were planning on entering the next Contest in the next town, but poor Vulpix got a bad cough, and I'm not sure she's up to using a Flamethrower. I think I'll wait for her to get better.
Vulpix: (sounds sort of croaky) Vuuuul… (The girl strokes it.)
May: That's too bad… (looks sorry, but then perks up) You know, I was going to enter in the Contest too. Maybe if your Vulpix gets better soon, we can compete against each other!
Girl: That might be nice, I guess. Oh! I'm sorry; I haven't introduced myself, have I? My name is Caldera.
May: And my name's May! It's good to meet you.
(Ash, Brock, and Max appear behind May with several bags of food.)
Ash: Say, May, who's this?
May: This is Caldera. She was going to enter the Contest too.
Caldera: (smiles politely) Hello.
Ash: Hi! I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town!
Max: I'm Max!
Brock: And I'm Brock. Nice to meet you.
Pikachu: Pika! (smiles and raises an arm in greeting)
Caldera: (is still smiling politely) …It's nice to meet all of you too.
(Cut to later, when Ash, Brock, May, Max, and Caldera are all sitting down at a table together, presumably having finished their meal.)
(Vulpix coughs)
Max: Uhhh, so did Nurse Joy give you that cough syrup for your Vulpix's cough?
Caldera: (nods) Uh-huh. I hope it works, because I don't want her to come down with anything worse…
Brock: I happen to make my own Pokemon food. Do you think it might help, Caldera?
Caldera: Your own Pokemon food?
Brock: (whips out a box of those brown pellets) (extends one to Vulpix) Here, try one! It's not bad, I promise! It might even get rid of your cough!
Vulpix: Vul? (looks curious)
(Caldera is in the background, looking unsure)
Brock: Yeah, it's not bad, Vulpix. It's okay.
(Vulpix sniffs the pellet cautiously, then takes a bite.)
Ash: Did it help?
Brock: Feel any better?
(Vulpix coughs again, this time several times.) (Brock looks disappointed.)
Caldera: Well, thanks for trying, Brock. (takes her Vulpix off the table and puts it in her arms)
May: Maybe if it rests, it'll get better faster.
Caldera: Maybe, but I'm not about to rush recovery. (strokes Vulpix again)
Max: Don't you have another Pokemon that you could enter in the Contest instead?
Caldera: (shakes head) Uh-uh. Vulpix is my only Pokemon.
Max: That's stupid; you should always have lots of— (May elbows her brother.)
May: (laughs to cover up Max's comment) (sweatdrops) Well, we really hope Vulpix gets better!
Caldera: (appears not to have noticed the comment in the least) Thanks, May. We appreciate it.
Ash: (stands up with his classic determined look and clenched fist) Hey, maybe if you get Vulpix to practice, it won't have to worry about having to use its Flamethrower in the Pokemon Contest!
Brock: Ash, I don't really think that will help…
Ash: Aw, come on! (marches proudly out of the cafeteria) (The others are left blinking at the door where he disappeared.) (Ash's head reappears in the threshold.) Hey, aren't you guys coming?
Brock, Max, and May: (collectively) Uhhhhhhhhhh… (all but Ash sweatdrop)
Caldera: Sorry, Ash… The issue here is whether or not Vulpix is well enough, not if she can.
Ash: But I'm sure that if you work hard, Vulpix'll be fine for the next Contest. All it takes is some practice! Come on, show us your stuff!
Caldera: …Ash, Vulpix and I can be patient… (looks at him meaningfully)
Ash: Oh, fine… I still think it might work, though. (glumly sits backs down)
May: So there's nothing we can do to help?
Caldera: No, I'm afraid not. But thanks for offering anyway…
(Pikachu's ears perk)
Pikachu: Pi?
Ash: Huh? What is it, Pikachu?
Pikachu: (points out the door) Pika pi!
(All poke their heads around the corner to look around the corner.) (A large crowd surrounds a small stand by some woodland on the edge of town.) (Ash, Company, and Caldera step forward to investigate.)
Max: (to a random person in the back of the mob) Hey—what exactly is going on?
Random Person: These guys have come up with a load of Oran Berries—and they're selling them for really cheap too! Listen, if you want some, you'd better hurry before they run out! (turns away from Ash and Co. and back to the crowd)
Brock: (looks thoughtful) Oran Berries? I've heard about those. They restore a Pokemon's health.
May: (to Caldera) Hey, maybe that would help your Vulpix!
Caldera: (slowly) Maybe…
Vulpix: Vuul—(coughs)
(Ash, Brock, May, Max, and Caldera battle their way to the front of the crowd, where three people are handing out Oran Berries to the customers and shouting out marketing slogans.) (All three sellers are wearing brown vest-jackets and brown hats to match. The two taller ones also have glasses.)
Seller #1: (has blue hair sticking out from underneath his hat) That's right, folks, get these berries while they last!
Seller #2: (has a long mass of reddish hair behind her) We only have limited supplies!
Seller #3: (is unusually short, and has obvious whiskers, a fake beard, and a hint of gold below his hat) That's right, that's right! (starts) (quietly to the other two sellers) Oh no! Twoip alert!
Seller #1: (also quietly to the other sellers) What? (sees what the third seller was talking about) Eee!
Seller #2: (openly) Um… Well pardon us, folks, we seem to have run out of berries for the moment! Stay here while we get our backup stash! Please stick around! (pulls down a screen in Ash and Caldera's faces)
(Ash and Friends look taken aback.)
(Cut back inside the stand) (Sellers #1 and #2 crouch down for the shorter #3.)
Seller #3: What're we gonna do? Those twoips are here!
Seller #1: But, Meowth, we're not doing anything wrong. We picked those berries fair and square from a wild tree! We even planted an extra one to be nice.
Seller #2: But we're rarely nice! Huh. But you know them. It probably turns out it was some person's tree and we're selling them wrongly or something.
Seller #3/Meowth: Hmm, but James's got a point, Jess. Dey can't do nuttin' to us 'cause we ain't doin' anyt'ing wrong!
Seller #2/Jessie: (sighs heavily) You'd better be right… We're not making too much selling all this… The Boss won't be too happy when we still can't pay off our debts…
Seller #3/Meowth: Hey! I've got an idea!
(Both Jessie and James turn to look at him.)
Seller #1/James: What sort of idea?
Seller #3/Meowth: Didn't you see dat Vulpix in the crowd?
Seller #2/Jessie: Yeah, so?
Seller #3/Meowth: Well, picture this: (The picture fades into a cartoon-y environment with Giovanni in chibi form.) (Meowth narrates.) The Boss is gettin' up oi-ly in da mornin', see?
(James and Jessie say, "Uh-huh" in the background.)
Seller #3/ Meowth: …And he starts wishin' he had some cooked eggs 'cause he's hungry, but there ain't nuttin' to cook it with. (The cartoon shows Giovanni sulking by his bed.) And den, along comes Vulpix, in all its beauty, with a pan of eggs of its back! The Vulpix uses its Flamethrower to fry da Boss's eggs so he can finally get his breakfast! (Cartoon has Giovanni gulping down the eggs.) That's when he says, (Cartoon shifts back to normal animation and shows Giovanni.) "I must reward Meowth and his friends for bringin' me such a fine Vulpix!"
(Fade back to Jessie, James and Meowth)
(Meowth looks proud, and Jessie and James look immensely pleased with the idea.)
Both: Ahhhhh! Big promotions!
Seller #2/Jessie: Let's go catch ourselves a Vulpix!
All Three: Yeeee-ay!
Seller #1/James: Well, then, let's not leave our customers waiting, shall we?
(The three zip back up and pull up the screen, smiling at the impatient crowd.)
Seller #2/Jessie: Ha ha! Sorry to keep you all waiting, folks! We now have some more berries for you! (holds out a basket of them)
Ash: Great! Let's get some!
Caldera: Uh… (tilts head)
Ash: Okay! (reaches for the basket when he catches James's eye, who shudders when Ash and Pikachu lean closer)
(James recovers quickly.)
Seller #1/James: (In the background, Jessie and Meowth are zipping to and from places, handling the other customers.) Now, young lad, can I interest you in something?
Ash: (still inspecting them) You guys look awfully familiar…
Seller #1/James: (slight sweatdrop) Ah, you must have seen us when we were selling our goods in another town. We travel quite frequently, you know.
Ash: (stops looking over them) Uhh, okay, I guess.
May: (steps forward) Hey, can we buy some Oran Berries, sir?
Seller #1/James: Most certainly, young lady. How many would you like?
(Cut to Meowth)
Seller #3/Meowth: (A little baby in a mother's arms is trying to pull off his fake beard.) Ow, ow, kid, stop it, yer gonna tear off half my faaaaaace! (The baby chuckles innocently.)
(Close up to Meowth's beard) (The false beard rips off, taking his hat along with it, revealing Meowth's entire face.)
Meowth: Uh? (eyes are wide as he blinks and looks uncertain)
(Ash and Friends lean back slightly and gasp) (The rest of the crowd step backward, stunned.)
Max: It's Meowth!
Seller #3/Meowth: Ahh! Oh no! (sweeps up his hat)
(Jessie and James step up onto the counter.)
Seller #2/Jessie: Ha ha! Prepare for trouble; you know that it's us!
Seller #1/James: And make it double, but don't make a fuss.
Seller #2/Jessie: (An action background appears behind them.) To protect the world from devastation!
Seller #1/James: To unite all people within our nation!
Seller #2/Jessie: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
Seller #1/James: To extend our reach to the stars above!
Seller #2/Jessie: Ha ha! (throws off costume to reveal her Team Rocket uniform) Jessie! (background changes to a picture of the galaxy)
Seller #1/James: Ha ha! (reveals his uniform as well) James!
Jessie: Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light! (both Jessie and James stand near a giant red "R")
James: Surrender now, or prepare to fight!
Meowth: (falls from the top of the screen) Meowth, dat's right!
Wobbuffet: (suddenly appears underneath Meowth) Woooooobbuffet! (salutes)
(galaxy background disappears) (Cue Team Rocket's ominous theme)
Ash: (points at them) Team Rocket! I should've known it was you three!
Jessie: Yes, you should have!
Meowth: (suddenly produces the same kind of rubber glove used in the beginning of the episode from behind him and seizes Vulpix out from Caldera's arms)
Vulpix: Vuuul—(coughs)
Caldera: Vulpix!
Max: Oh no!
Ash: We won't let you get away with this! Go, Taillow! (throws a Pokeball, and Taillow emerges) (Ash's face is now shown in the bottom corner.) Taillow, set Vulpix free! (Taillow is about to do so.)
Jessie: Don't think we're falling for that again! Go, Seviper! (also throws a Pokeball and Seviper comes out)
Seviper: Se-viper!
Jessie: Attack with Poison Tail!
(Seviper rushes forward towards Taillow.)
Ash: Dodge it! (Taillow dodges Seviper.)
James: Cacnea, let's go! (Cacnea's Pokeball is thrown)
Cacnea: Cack! (turns around and tries to hugs James with its thorny arms)
James: Augh! No, please, Cacnea, not right now! Use Pin Missile!...
(Meanwhile, Meowth is trying to sneak away with Vulpix.)
Brock: (sees him) Stop right there! Go, Forretress! (Forretress comes out from its Pokeball.) Rapid Spin, now!
Forretress: Foreh-truss! (closes up and starts spinning towards Meowth and the rubber glove-arm) (hits, and Meowth loses his grip on the gadget)
Meowth: Gah! (hits Jessie and James into their battling Pokemon) (All of them are now in a heap.)
(The rubber contraption flies in the air, and Vulpix is freed.)
Caldera: Vulpix!
Max: I can catch it! (rushes forward and catches Vulpix) Yeah! (hands Vulpix back to Caldera)
Caldera: ...Thank you, Max… (strokes Vulpix fondly, but then places her on the ground…)
Ash: Hmm! (turns angrily to Jessie, James, Meowth, and their Pokemon) All right, Team Rocket!
Jessie: Oh dear! (James and Meowth shudder.)
Caldera: (looks rather cross) Ash--! Wait--!
Ash: (doesn't hear her) Now… Pikachu! Let's teach these guys a lesson!
Caldera: (tone rises heatedly) ASH---!
Ash: (still doesn't hear her) (Action background appears and Ash is about to bring his pointed finger downwards to direct Pikachu.) Pikachu, use Thunderbo—
Caldera: (Abruptly runs up in front of Pikachu's sparking cheeks, and in between Ash and Team Rocket, her arms outstretched.) STOOOOOP! (Her face is distorted with fury.)
(Caldera's face is kept in the center of the screen, and all of the other characters' startled expressions are shown one by one in a mosaic around it.)
Ash: Caldera, what are you doing! Get out of the way! You'll get shocked!
Caldera: Ash—Ketchum! (face has turned bright red) What do you think you're doing!
Ash: (lowers his pointed finger and looks confused) …Huh?
Caldera: I said, "What do you think you're doing?"
Ash: (expression changes back to determination/anger) We're getting rid of these troublemakers who stole your Vulpix, that's what!
Max: They deserve it!
Caldera: Really? Listen, no one deserves what you've put them through every time you've met them! I've watched you before! This morning I even saw you "teach them a lesson" by sending thousands of watts of electricity into them and sending them flying miles away! If you think that's what "heroes" do—
Brock: Caldera, hold on! You may not know them very well, but these guys are the bane of every Pokemon trainer alive!
May: Yeah, Caldera, Team Rocket is never up to anything good! The only thing they're good for is making trouble!
Caldera: That doesn't matter! All of you should be ashamed of yourselves; hurting fellow humans and even Pokemon like this! You say I don't know them—but tell me this, guys, do you know them well enough to know that they're completely evil!
(Ash, May, Max, and Brock stop to ponder this, but Caldera goes on, furious.)
Caldera: See? The truth is, you don't! I've watched you do this on the news, and I've even heard Officer Jenny praise you for doing so many "wonderful", "heroic", and "great" jobs for her! Sure, this Team Rocket deserves punishment, but you're going about it the wrong way! These guys are just as human as you are, whether you can see it or not! (waves her right hand erratically behind her, towards the stunned silent Team Rocket)
(Caldera is done ranting angrily, and has turned red from both the effort and the fury.)
Caldera: (sits down on the grass and breathes heavily) (in a quieter, more gentle tone) I'm sorry if I sound bad. But it's just that, this time, I was finally able to step in and stop you from hurting these people any more. (closes eyes in thoughtfulness) You always say they have to be taught a lesson—have they ever learned from your technique?
(Still, no one else can muster the speech to reply.)
(Caldera stands and picks up Vulpix from the ground.) (Camera only views Caldera's arms as she does so.)
Caldera: (Camera only views her arms with Vulpix again.) Someone once said that the most efficient way to destroy an enemy is to make them your friend…
Caldera: (pause) So… Forgive my outburst, forgive my sappiness, forgive me…and forgive each other…please…
(Caldera then disappears into the forest, leaving everyone to stare at the place she had been.)