"What the fuck is wrong with you dude?" The ginger says angrily over the phone. Cartman can feel his only friend left in South Park exhaling, pacing, and rubbing his fingers to his forehead like a mad man. "I'm your only friend left. What are you? 23? And you have thinned out from when we were in 4th grade. You can't go out to a bar tonight? Just one night. It will be fun, I swear." Cartman banged his forehead against the wall making the wall of his crappy apartment shake.
"Kyle," he said firmly unlike his younger years when this would've been a whiny sounding "Kaaaaaaaaaaahl." Cartman had to go to speech training when he was 16 because his mom was so fed up with his whiney tones throughout his childhood and needed him to stop talking back, which evoled into tons of lessons and camps. He was sent to about 6 fat camps to get him skinny and to have him listen to the coaches and trainers. He then went to repeated lessons for his manners, which actually unlike the other training, was quite cimple when Cartman got the hang of it. "You better make this fucking fun or I will punch you in the face, I still have it from 4th grade ya'know?" He heard Kyle scream an overjoyed, "YES!" on the otherline. "See you at 8:00pm tonight at the bar." He then closed his flip phone with a clap.
"What am I doing...what am I doing? Ughhhhhh." Cartman layed down on his new couch he got from Lazy Boy a month ago on sale stroking his fingers through his medium length hair. He has 2 hours to get ready for his first night out in about a month and a half. Cartman, even though now skinny and more confident, hated most people and hated meeting new friends. All his old friends left South Park to do better things, so did Kyle. Kyle came back because his mom and dad needed help at home. Cartman regrets being an asshole to everyone for most of his life. "Fuck," he mutters under his breath. The brown haired man makes a plan to get ready in this order: shower, dry hair, choose clothes, gel hair, final check, deep breaths, car keys, more deep breaths, car. Cartman's shower is one of those combos with the bath. It has old pastel pink tile which consist of many small cracks and chips. Cartman digged his fingers and rubbed his scalp with the bottoms of his thumbs. "Ngh..." He muttered, still annoyed that Kyle made him leave his house tonight. Cartman was planning to do what he did every night, sit on his couch and order some pizza or Chinese food or Thai food or whatever he felt like that night while watching some Colbert or Stewart and later lifting some weights before heading to bed annnd maybe jacking off.
Cartman chose and set on his bed some dark jeans, not too tight or too loose and simple J-Crew white shirt with no colar and short sleeves. Standing in his striped boxer breifs and a wife-beater tank, he put on some Old Spice, he always thought it was the dumbest deodorant, but he still liked the smell. He put on and latched a black leather belt again from J-Crew. He went to the bathroom to check his face and to brush his teeth. He brushes his teeth with a battery opperated blue tooth brush and some Crest tooth paste. He then gurggles some blue Listerine and spits it into the sink. He then wipes his mouth and looks back up at his old mirrior. "Shit, need to shave." He gasped while tussing his hair up and staring at his face. "Shave, shave, shaving, shave, shaaaaave." Cartman sang badly in a low tone while applying the soft cream to his face, "Shaaaving, shave, shave" Cartman laughed at himself now a bit higher pitched. Muttering, "You're the lamest person on this entire planet Earth." He did it the same way again but this time applying the 5 bladed razor to his face. Done. He wiped his face with a towel and checked the time his digital Spiderman wall clock, which read 7:05pm. 'Ok, dressing time.' He put on the clothes that he set on his bed earlier and sat on the edge of his bed when he was done. His shoes were on the ground kicked off from earlier today in front of his bed from when he came home from work. He worked as an assistant at a small lawfirm where he had to where a suit everyday. The only reason why he got the job is because the man he works for is his mom's new spouse and still wonders why he got it because he had no law experience before that. Cartman hated that man with ever fiber of his being and everyday had to kiss his ass. Cartman put on thick white socks that went right over his ankles and the shoes. The shoes were black leather that his mom splurged on for him when he started the job a few months ago and no matter what his mom does and who she dates, he will always love her. He smiles thinking about how much he loves his mom and about how he knows how much someone cares for him now that his friends were gone, it didn't help that he was the youngest guy in his workplace.
He gets up and walks to the small wooden table next to his doorway which above has a small mirror that he checks himself in. "Deep breaths...deep breaths" he states peacefully while inhaling and exhaling through his mouth. He grabs his car keys and heads downstares to his grey Mazda parked outside, clicks the key button, opens his door, and gets in the drivers seat. He strokes his hair, gently pulling it. "Cartman, you can do this. You still got it" He smiles on ones side and goes "Tsktsk I'm Eric fucking Cartman." He checks his rear view mirror and turns on his engine and is off to the bar. There is only one good bar in South Park, he remembers it when he was a kid beinged own by Stan's uncle or some crap. Now it got re-done this awesome stone fire place and a super hip garden with a fountain and different Japanese plants. It was done by some hip designer who for reason moved to this hick town because his gay ass thought he could make it "hip." The bar is called "The Place" and it's a pretty stupid fucking name.
After a 15 minute drive blasting some stuff off the new Drake album, he pulls up behind the building covered in big slate tiles and parks his car. He looks at the valet which is "$15" and laughs at the idiotic price that he people pay. He turns off the engine and takes another deep breath before exiting his car. Eric gets there at 7:45 and after walking around the corner to the front he sees Kyle standing the against the slate wall taking a drag at a cigarette and winks at Cartman. "You're here early, Jew." They both laugh and bump eachother nuckles together before releasing them and pretending for there to be a bomb and Kyle exclaims, "Pow!" They then high five before Kyle asks, "Haven't seen you this whole month? Where have you been? And don't get mad at me for making you go out of that cramped apartment of yours!" Kyle laughed to himself and put his cig to his lips and inhaled. Cartman remembered Kyle started smoking after Stan broke up with him in 11th grade for that Mormon kid, Gary. "You have to stop smoking, man" Cartman said as he leaned against the wall. "And I've been at work kissing that lawyer guy's ass."
"Oh right, forgot about you and your assistant job." Cartman looks over at Cartman and put his arm on ginger's shoulders. "Let's go inside." Kyle nods, drops his cigarette on the ground and stomps on it, taking away the small yellow embers at the end of the white stick. Cartman pushes the door open. They both forgot how loud this place was, "Gah!" They both said at the same time while walking to the bar. "2 beers, please" Kyle said to the bartender who kind of looked like a very hip version of Craig from high school. They both sat down on the leather bar stools and looked around at the place. It had light paint and a stone fire place, furniture that looked like it must of cost thousands. "I'm going to go to the bathroom while you wait for the beers." Kyle patted his friend on the back as he said that louder than anyone ever would due to the loud as fuck music that was playing in the background. Cartman finally in the light noticed what Kyle was wearing which was a blue short sleeved with skinny white stripes and some good jeans. Kyle was wearing grey no lace Converse like usually and his ginger hair looked freshly cut, so his lame almost Jew-fro wasn't visible.
When the beers came, Cartman grabbed one and turned around to observe the people sitting at the bar and took a drink. "Hey!" he heard as a yell, it was Kyle back already. "That was quick." Cartman said as he cheered his glass beer bottle with his friend's. "Eh, no line! For the first time in my life there is no bathroom line." The two twenty or so year olds chat for aroun 45 minutes and order another round of beers as the snack on the salty potato chips and nuts the bar gives them in small white bowls. They aren't paying attention to who leaves, who enters, and who is sitting in the bar with them and suddenly Kyle's eyes widen and almost spits out his beer, instead he swallows it harshly. "Dude...Wendy Testaburger is over there." Still holding his almost finished second beer he points to her in the corner of the bar. She is sitting with a few girls both of boys have never seen before. The raven haired colored girl is wearing some business-like black skirt and a lavender colored sweater top with a slight v-neck. She has a perfect smile and perfect teeth. He make-up is extremely well done and her hair looks perfectly flat ironed with no even a dead hair. Cartman can't help but think that she does infact look attractive.
"Fuck." Cartman says to himself and burrows his face in his 2 hands and rubs his face up and down. "I'm not going to talk to that bitch, we beat each other in 4th grade over what? Like breast cancer or some crap? Dude, she dated your ex-boyfriend and best friend for years before you." Kyle sighs, "It's been years, I'm going over there and saying hi. I don't give a shit." Kyle gets up with his beer as Cartman turns back around to face the bar and starts small chat with the hipster bartender cleaning glasses. After a while of Kyle sitting with Wendy he feels another tap on his back this time for a more slender hand, 'Shit' he thinks quickly as he turns around.
"Uh, wow I didn't reconize you. You're Cartman right? This would be really awkward if it wasn't." She seemed nice, maybe Wendy isn't as bad as he thought she was. She stood there with beautiful black hair and bangs she's always had if he can remember. Even though she has well done make-up and not to much like a lady should have, he can't help but notice that she looks tired. "Yeah, it's me. Kind of slimmed down after graduation." She laughs and sits down where Kyle was sitting before.
"And your tone is different...you're just so...different Cartman. I mean are you really the same asshole who I beat up from elementry and then through out high school?" Cartman put his beer to his lips and takes a drink. "I guess. How have you been doing?" He smiles, she smiles back. Cartman always had a thing for nice teeth and he thank god he never had to have crappy braces. She put a long section of hair behind her ear. "Well, I've been doing pretty good." She yawns and takes a sip out of her champagne glass that's almost empty. "I work at a nice shop in," she stops and yawns covering her mouth with danty hands. Cartman notices her nails are painted a dark people as she strokes her hair after yawning. "Hey dude, I mean Wendy...I spend most f my time with guys. So pardon if I call you dude." She laughs and Cartman smiles with his white teeth, "It's fine and did you just say pardon? My, my you are defiantly not Eric, you must be an imposter."
He shrugs, "It's me. And what I was going to say is that why don't we go to my place to catch up. In my opinion, I don't really like the loud music." Wendy smiled and agreed, "I hate talking louder than usually and the drinks are over priced here. Do you have drinks at home?" Cartman nodded, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I do." Cartman took out a $20 dollar bill handed it to the bartender and asked for his change. Eric looked back at Kyle who was chatting away with Wendy's friends and looked up. Kyle raised his left eye brow and hel up a thumbs up, laughing. The red haired boy mouthed at Eric, "Holy shit dude!" and Cartman returned it with a swift and straight hand moving across his neck. "I'm going to kill you." Cartman mouthed back as he exited the bar with Wendy assuming she alreay paid, which she did.
"My car is in the parking lot around the corner." He said as they walked out of the hectic bar and into the moonlight. Cartman checked his watch which now read 9:03. "It's weird thinking back about how much I hated you and now I'm going to apartment to catch up. Time's have really changed." She looked up at him and smiled. Cartman is almost six feet and Wendy seems to be about five feet, three inches. "Yeah," he exhaled.