It was a frosty day, and not the best for doing prefect duty at all. Patrolling the grounds as snow started to fall? No, thanks. Exploring the grounds at night with three of your best friends was fine, it was fun, it was great! But not this. With a perfect stranger? When he could have been curled up in an armchair by the fire laughing at Sirius's and James's antics? Why him?
It sometimes made Remus miserable, being the only prefect from his group of friends. He was pleased he'd earned Dumbledore's trust, but, all the same… It would have been nice if he'd just given him a certificate or something.
He was patrolling the grounds with a prefect from Ravenclaw today. And there he was, standing by the lake, waiting for him. Remus recognised him, though he'd only been formally introduced once, on the train to Hogwarts that year. The boy was hard to miss. He was the one everyone laughed about when he wasn't there, who wandered around the school in a dreamlike sort of trance, and Remus found it hard to imagine him in a position of power. Though who was he to judge, being what he was? He trusted Dumbledore, and if Dumbledore thought the boy would make a good prefect, he wasn't going to argue.
What was his name again? It was something nice, and fluffy. Lighthart? Goodlight? Lovegood? Lovegood. That was it.
"Hello," Remus greeted him upon approach. Lovegood nodded, the lower half of his face buried in his blue scarf, one pale silvery eye looking straight into Remus's with a strange gaze that made him uncomfortable, the other lazier, looking more in the direction of Remus's ear. His tangled blonde hair, so pale it was almost white, came down to his elbows. There was something about him that made Remus uncomfortable, but he didn't know exactly what. "Shall we go?"
Lovegood nodded again. The two started on the path they'd been shown. They'd have to make a lap around the main area of the ground before lunch was over. Only a handful of students were outside, the younger ones trying to scoop up the few flakes of snow in order to make snowballs.
"I must say," said Lovegood suddenly, so suddenly that Remus almost jumped. He wasn't used to Lovegood speaking, having only heard his voice once before, and that was in conversation with someone else. It was soft, with a slight Irish lilt, and had a dreamy quality to it. "I'm sorry, I startled you, didn't I? I'll start again."
Remus gave a small smile. "It's perfectly alright. I just wasn't expecting it."
"I must say," continued Lovegood, "I've been hoping to get the chance to talk to you on your own for quite some time now."
"Oh, really? Why is that?"
"You fascinate me, Remus Lupin."
"Oh… Is that so?" said Remus nervously. Who used people's full names when talking to them? That was just creepy.
"Yes," said Lovegood, and then didn't say anything more on the matter. They simply walked in silence, Remus expectantly, a couple of snowflakes nestling in Lovegood's hair, until Remus realised he wasn't planning to say anything more, and said, "And… and why is it that I fascinate you… if you don't mind my asking?" The last bit was supposed to be sarcastic; implicitly, it demanded and apology for freaking him out, but Lovegood didn't seem to realise this.
"You're a very interesting fellow. I wrote a poem about you."
"Oh. Oh, you did, did you?" said Remus. A poem? That made him feel very uncomfortable.
"Well, no. It wasn't about you, exactly, it was about people in your situation."
"My— my situation?"
"Yes. I know what you are, you see."
"Ah." Remus frowned. He couldn't know. He couldn't possibly know.
"You're the ancient tree spirit, Nogrok, with an assumed human form."
"Oh… am I? Yes, I— I suppose I must be," Remus agreed with relief. That Lovegood boy was weird.
"No, you're not," he said placidly. "That was just a little joke. People think I'm mad, you see, they think I believe things like that. But of course I don't. The Ancient Nogrok would never assume a human form. You're a werewolf. I saw you last night, with your friends."
"My— my friends?" Remus swallowed. If he'd seen them, he'd know. He'd know everything. How could they have been so careless?
"Yes. The one who looks like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards with that hairstyle, and the one who should have been in Slytherin, and the little one. They didn't look like themselves, but I knew it was them, because it looked like them, do you see?"
"No," said Remus, on the verge of tears, feeling thoroughly miserable.
"You needn't look so upset. And you shouldn't be upset about your condition, either. It's truly fascinating."
"Fascinating? It is a curse."
"A fascinating curse, all the same. Are you sad because you're different? You shouldn't be. There's nothing wrong with being different. It just takes bravery. But you're in Gryffindor, sure you should know all about that."
Remus stopped walking. He was breathing heavily. "This isn't about being different. You're different. Good for you. I'm an outsider. I am shunned by the entire community. I will never be accepted, no matter how I try, only feared, and hated, because of the curse I carry with me every day."
"Mm. But you have friends who don't shun you. Here you have me, a perfectly sane, reasonable human being, talking to you like an equal… I don't fear you." Remus highly doubted the first part of that sentence, but he had to believe the second. He didn't know what to say. What he wanted to do was scream at Lovegood that he didn't know how it felt, he didn't know the pain required to go through that transformation, the growing tension every month, the never-ending pain, but he couldn't. He just clenched his fists and jaw, breathing hard through his nose.
"It's the people without friends, I suppose," continued Lovegood, as though he didn't notice Remus any more, as though he was performing some sort of soliloquy, "who suffer the most. They're the ones who people think insane. The ones labelled monsters. Not you," he added turning back to Remus. "We all deserve a little love. You shouldn't be scared of that."
But scared he was. That was why the Boggart turned into the full moon when it saw him. He was afraid of losing his control, as he did every month. Of hurting someone he loved. And he was afraid to love. It was as simple as that.
"You don't—you don't—" he spluttered, but Lovegood was looking away from him now, into the Forbidden Forest, humming a song about Blibbering Humdingers. Remus licked his lips and clenched his teeth, and remained silent the whole way back to the castle. The Lovegood boy was a freak, but what he said made sense. It scared Remus that the stranger knew him so well.
When they reached the castle, Lovegood bade him farewell, and told him he'd enjoyed their conversation. He told him it had been like having a friend, and reminded him that everyone needed those. Remus nodded. He could see why Lovegood had been made a prefect now. For all his madcap theories, he gave good advice. Except for the last piece he gave Remus, which was, "You should probably invest in a pair of Spectrespecs. I think you've got Wrackspurts in your ears," which confused him greatly.
