Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect. If I did, Thane wouldn't have died and we wouldn't get that crappy ending.
Please note that there will be some slight OOC-ness. Do not flame and please leave constructive criticism. This fic is rated M for slight sexual situations. This is after the Collector mission!
She stared herself through the mirror, naked and unfazed.
Cerberus had done a nice job in rebuilding her body, she'd give them that. She never took the time to notice it though.
What'd anyone expect? Commander Shepard, first human Spectre, was too busy running around saving the galaxy to look at imperfections. She looked at the imperfections of her choices, of everyone's choices and well-being. But not hers. She had Chakwas who would worry about her well-being and making sure she was in the best shape before kicking ass on Tuchanka or any other planet.
But what about Thane? He worried about her too, but she always assured him that she was fine. Was she? Here she is, standing naked in front of her mirror and finally noticing that she was…a woman.
When she was younger, she dreamed of being a soldier. Nice big gun, good armor and a ship to command, like her older brother had. But sometimes, she dreamed about a wedding, a family she would make with the love of her life.
She didn't expect to fall in love with a drell, but she definitely didn't mind. And neither did her brother, who laughed and teased her with little jokes like 'Sis, you hallucinating?' or 'Is this what a drell-human baby would look like?' with a terrible drawing of what passed as a baby in his eyes. She smiled at the thought of actually having Thane's child, but she shoved it away. Being pregnant while fighting the Reapers would not be good for anybody.
But once, her brother would pull her aside with a serious look on his face, like the one he gave her when she told him she was in love with Thane.
"Are you all right?"
"Yes, brother."
"You're still a girl, you know. Sometimes you should live like one." She had given him a questioning stare.
"And how would I do that? Two things: The Reapers are still out there and I was practically raised like a man."
"A soldier," he corrected sagely. Then he scratched his head. "I wouldn't know, I'm not a girl. Just remember that you are and don't let this Reaper business get to you." She scoffed.
"I can say the same for you. When you realized we were about to reach the Collector base you checked your gun a kabillion times. I'm fine."
After the base had blown up, she removed her armor in her room and showered off dirt and blood. When she wrapped a towel around herself and walked past her mirror, she suddenly came to the realization that she had curves and breasts.
Even when she made love to Thane that night, her mind was on living and trying to make it count. If they lived, they could continue their relationship. Which they did. And she was happy, so why was she so…insecure? She felt like she was a kid again who discovered she was getting assets. Emphasis on the ass. That was a joke.
When she heard her door open she knew who it was. Even her own brother was locked out because when they were kids he would waltz in and screw up her stuff. Hell, the last time she let him into her cabin he turned over Kaidan's picture and replaced it with his horrible baby drawing.
She quickly grabbed her towel and wrapped it around herself and sat on the bed with her back to her visitor. Her face flamed in embarrassment. How was she going to explain this?
She felt him sit behind her, a scaled hand reaching out and taking her shoulder.
"Siha," said Thane, his deep rumbling voice calming her. Shepard turned and smiled at him.
"Hi, Thane." His deep black eyes blinked at the sight of her face. She was with no doubt tired. But there was more than just fatigue he was seeing.
"Are you all right, siha?" he asked, touching her face gently. She smiled and kissed him with the same gentleness. He relaxed upon her touch and responded by wrapping his arms around her, holding her closer until she was sitting in his lap. To his dismay, she pulled away and grinned when he growled.
"I'm fine, Thane." She was lying to him. He knew it. He wanted no secrets between them and felt hurt that she was hiding her sorrow. If she was suffering, he wanted to help as she did for him.
"Siha, you are lying to me," he replied flatly. Her eyes widened a fraction. She didn't want to tell him since it seemed so petty, but she didn't want to lie either. She tried getting up, but Thane's grip was firm. His eyes were stern like how they were when he punched her desk before reaching the Omega 4 relay.
"You are," he accused. Shepard sighed, wrapping her arms around him and resting her chin on his shoulder, taking in the scent of leather.
"It's complicated…" she whispered. He smiled.
"I have doubt that it is more complicated then killing Reapers," he said jokingly, hoping to ease her tension. That got him a half-laugh.
"Girl problems are way more complicated. I'm used to being a soldier, not a girl." Thane stroked her dark hair.
"Perhaps I can be of some assistance? Problems are problems, more opinions generate more solutions."
"Like any mission?" she quipped dryly. "Okay, I'll tell you." She tried moving away, but he still held her in place. He smiled pleasantly.
"So I have to do it on your terms?" she asked, staring at the drell blankly.
"If you would be so kind." He was messing around with her. The assassin who could snap her neck when they first met was actually making jokes and poking fun at her. She faked a heavy sigh.
"Okay fine…." How could she say this without looking dumb? The whole problem was.
"I was taking a shower and when I walked out, I past the mirror. That's when I noticed that…I'm a woman. Hear me out," she added when he looked like he would interrupt. Thane couldn't help but wonder what she meant.
"I assure you, siha, you are very much a woman." She smiled and pecked him on the cheek.
"Aren't you just cute? But…I never saw myself as one. I mean, I have so much going on, I forget what I am. I forget that I'm human and a girl and my brother told me that I should just take a break for myself. He should do the same for himself. I see him all tired and stressed out, why should I relax if my own brother can't?" Thane sighed quietly.
"Siha, your brother didn't die and resurrect. He is simply protective of you because he wasn't there the first time. He is reminding you of what you are. You are his family." Shepard looked away. She felt guilt and emptiness in her stomach. He was looking out for her. She remembered when he stormed into the Normandy a little after Horizon.
Shepard had jumped at the sight of her brother, who looked like he had seen a ghost. For a few minutes, they said nothing as he caught his breath, then raced towards each other at mach speed. The Shepard siblings embraced and she had cried plenty into the armor so familiar to her. She vaguely remembered him saying how sorry he was and voiced his dislike for Kaidan after she told him what he had said. He had called Kaidan a bastard, a traitor, and much more.
She thought about the whole Lazarus Project. She remembered the logs about her procedure, citing the money spent and the complications faced for the whole two years she was dead. How much of her was left when they first began?
"Thane, I'm a Cerberus experiment. Four billion credits worth of fancy tech and a hot body. Maybe I'm a VI who thinks she's Commander Shepard. Maybe I'm not my brother's little sister he lost. The real sister is probably with Kalahira." She started to tear up. God, she was a woman. Thane tilted her face up and she saw the happiness and love in his eyes.
"You are you. You are my siha." He leaned her onto the bed and grabbed the top of her towel. It was gone in an instant and cool air tickled her now naked body. Thane dropped the towel and stared into her eyes.
"This is all you." His hand caressed her bare shoulders, down to her breasts, then rested warmly on her stomach. She shivered at his touch, closing her eyes in pleasure.
"Thane," she whispered. He leaned down, lips near hers so she could feel them barely touching.
"I love you, siha." She smirked suddenly.
"I love you too." Her arms snaked around and brought their lips together in a passionate kiss.
For tonight, she felt good. As a woman, as Commander Shepard. She could stop thinking about the theories of what she was because she now had someone who loved her more than she felt like she deserved.
As he pressed his body against hers, she felt alive.
Her brother remained in the mess hall with a cup of coffee and Gardner as company.
"You look tense," the chef commented. He seemed to just notice Gardner.
"What? I'm not. Just thinking." Gardner offered more coffee.
"About your sister? You usually have that look on your face when she's injured. She has Thane to take care of her, no offense. And she can care for herself." Her brother sipped the coffee.
"You're right. She may be a woman, but she's still a Shepard." He thought about Thane, smirking in approval at his sister's choice. It was damn better than Alenko. She deserved more than she thought she did.
He smirked again, but for a different reason. He asked for a paper and colored pens from Gardner, then got to work on a project.
Several hours later, a picture of a drell-human baby was taped to the fridge. This time it was perfectly drawn and life-like. Her face was red when she snatched the drawing off, Thane chuckling quietly with mild embarrassment.
"BROTHER!"
Mass Effect oneshot ftw! I might do some more, but this one just popped up in my head!
-winternightlullaby out