Title: Hero
Rating: T
Summary: Luke hated that word.
A/N: The Light of Lanvaldear award scene, and some thinking, gave me this idea.
"No... I'm no hero." I adore Luke, really. I just happen to love angst too. Read and review, please.
Notes: Game-based. Short drabble(s). Speculations on my part.
Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of the Abyss.
Hero.
Luke was not a hero.
He was an idiot replica that made a stupid mistake that cost thousands their lives, and was too busy scrambling to make up for it to have time to be a hero.
A real hero didn't go looking to be called one, like he did. A hero was someone who helped out others because they had wanted to; not for the title and fame that came with it.
Because heroes didn't mess up like he did. Heroes saved the day, got the main love interest, and rode off into the vivid sunset or some other happy ending that Luke didn't earn.
He didn't like to be called something that he wasn't.
A thief, for one.
A hero, for another.
Apples.
Luke didn't like apples.
He did before he left his manor; he loved them, fruit with skin as red as his hair.
He did before the Outer Lands were lowered; a nice, healthy snack he could munch on as he journeyed.
He did before the miasma returned; quick and easy to get, cheap too.
He didn't after Ion died.
Luke met Ion by an apple. More like Cheagle, or through Engeve, really, but in Luke's mind, he went after the Cheagles because they stole things like apples (and other types of food), and meet Ion during that.
Ion had liked apples, too.
Kill.
Why did everything have to end in death?
Tear and Jade were soldiers, taught how to kill quickly, silently, and be gone by the time someone noticed. Or simply how to turn off their emotions and be done with it. At least, for Tear. Jade had a hard time truly grasping what it meant for people to die; Luke suspected it wasn't much of a hassle for Jade when he was younger.
Guy was too easygoing; he just accepted things, not always giving them deep thought, and went on with his life. Anise was an Oracle Fon Master Guardian, which meant she was to protect the Fon Master at all costs, thusly Luke had no doubt Anise was trained to know how to kill. Natalia drew her resolve from the fact she had a country to protect, and it worked as long as she wasn't fighting any of Kimlasca's soldiers or citizens.
Luke didn't like to kill. He abhorred it. And feared it.
But the unwillingness to take the enemies life proved to be a burden, and Luke couldn't hold the group back. Absolutely could not mess up royally like before. If an enemy isn't finished off there lies a chance they could strike back when you let your guard down, and that once chance could be all an opponent needs to end your life.
Luke couldn't chance his friend's lives over some no-name Oracle soldier (that could be a replica) with as much free-will and brains as there was room in a teaspoon. It wasn't easy to kill, though.
He just had to pretend that there wasn't a face on the inside of that helmet. Pretend that someone didn't raise this person with love and care. Pretend that person was just there, but wasn't actually a person. Had no thoughts of their own, didn't have memories of feelings. That they didn't have much of a future anyways.
It's wasn't right, but it was all Luke could do to prevent himself from not killing, and to actually get some sleep during the night.
It did nothing for the blood that would never wash off his hands - no matter how raw he scrubbed them.
Failure.
Because it wasn't acceptable.
And because of the burning feeling of shame that came with it
Failure, in what they were traveling to accomplish, was out of the question.
It didn't help that usually whatever mission they were sent on was critical to the Eldrant's ensuing peace and livelihood.
Fail, and Luke would probably die. Fail, and Luke's friends would probably die. Fail, and everyone Luke killed would have died for nothing. Fail, and everything they did up to that point would most likely had been for nothing. Fail, and probably whatever they were fighting for doomed.
If Luke failed, he failed his friends. His failure could be their downfall. And Luke was terrified of that.
Sure, there were minor failures that meant little in comparison to their goal. Guy could fumble with a fragile fon-disc. Anise could knock over a crystal vase. Natalia could forget to get food rations. Tear could stumble when hunting and scare away her prey. Jade could cave into any of Peony's ridiculous requests for the sake of salvaging his pride, when Peony starts talking about his rappig Jade.
But Luke made incredibly stupid mistakes when tasked with something important, in his mind.
Therefore, if he somehow got roped into doing something enormously important, he'd stop at nearly nothing to get the job done in order to reach success.
Otherwise, Luke liked to avoid these kind of situations.
Replica.
It could possibly be called self-loathing, but Luke didn't really like replicas. That naturally included himself. But he meant mainly replicas in general, excluding only Ion. Maybe Florian.
Those who were born with a completely empty look in their eyes, the faces of their originals, a blank slate for anyone to write on. So easily manipulated, it disgustingly reminded Luke of himself, when he would do anything for Master Van's praise, and walked right into the event he'd regret for the rest of his life.
"Foolish Replica Luke."
"You're a second-rate copy of me! A mere replica!"
Being told that he was a replica by his brash original was the most devastating thing of his life. While it gave him the opportunity to become a better person, it also swiftly conquered and annihilated the already decimated land that was Luke's World, broken by Van, turned to ashes by Asch. It opened his eyes to the real world, at the cost of much, much pain and a large sum of confidence.
"Call it a will to live that borders on arrogance," Tear said, was something the replicas of Feres Isle had, something he lacked. Arrogance was a bad trait. Something he possessed Before Azkeriuth. He changed, and he wasn't going back. Just because Tear (and everyone else, actually) decided he needed more confidence (at the quantity he could never again obtain), didn't mean he was going to do as she said, because in a way, that would be 'doing things because someone else said to'.
But the fact Tear and Guy scolded him for not having something those replicas — those replicas with hardly any individual minds of their own — had, rubbed him the wrong way. Luke craved praise and love from those two — his two precious people that meant the most to him. Though they meant well, their words clawed another scar to add to his collection of faults and regrets.
Then there was also the fact that Master Van was trying to create a glorious world of replicas, but Luke, the first replica Master had ever made, had no right in that world. Master Van treated Luke worse than the dirt he spit on. Yet for a population of people Van never knew, never met, he would destroy them all and create them anew as replicas. Van was willing to lay down his life for this vision.
But not for Luke.
For unknown replicas.
For Asch.
For Tear.
For Guy.
Never for Luke.
Luke was jealous.
And Luke hated envy as much as he hated being called a hero.