Title: This is a very small boat.
Summary: In an alternate post-season 2 Prison Break universe, Mahone never came after Michael and Lincoln, Michael never lost either the Christina Rose or the money, and he and Sara and Linc and LJ are about to sail off happily into the sunset…well, M/S are happy anyway…and they're not afraid to show it…
Genre: Humor, AU
Pairing: M/S
Rating: I'll say PG-13 to be on the safe side, certainly nothing nearly as bad as you see on the show will happen in this. But there will be some sexual activity suggested and mild sexual innuendo.
Author's note: Yet another crackfic from me. If you've read my other Prison Break stuff, you will know that none of my fics are grounded in reality and it's me having silly fun. So keep that in mind when you think "that would never happen!" Heck, most of the stuff on the actual show would never happen! After the pain that was the second season finale, I figured M/S need some happy fun. If you don't like goofy, feel free to go read The Iliad.
Disclaimer: Don't own Prison Break, not making any money here, yada yada.
This is a very small boat
Lincoln was exhausted. He had not been able to sleep in days. And neither had LJ. Because it was a boat, not a yacht, and apparently it was not big enough to house him and LJ and the two horny, crazy lovebirds who had been, er, loving each other constantly since the Christina Rose had first set sail. The sounds of moaning and rattling had been so loud, he could've sworn that had the boat not been brand new, the damn thing was haunted.
Sitting at the breakfast table in the galley, he slammed the box of cornflakes onto the table and sourly poured milk into his cereal when LJ slowly walked into the galley with bleary eyes. From the looks of it, LJ's patience with Mr. and Miss Horny was waning thin, too.
"You heard them, too?" asked Lincoln as he passed the cereal box to LJ.
LJ snorted. "Dad, please. The only people who HAVEN'T been able to hear that must live on Mars!" He sighed disgustedly. "How much longer till we get where we're going? I haven't slept in three days!"
"LJ, please. At least you don't have to watch them make moony eyes and grope each other constantly!"
"Oh, you think you've got it worse than I do? I caught them…doing…I mean having…I mean…" LJ looked flushed. "I, er, I walked in on them the other day!"
Linc choked on his cereal. "You what?! LJ, what we're you doing in their room!"
LJ glared. "They weren't in their room, they were on the deck! At 6 a.m. in the morning! I got up to go to the bathroom and heard…noises…and I went upstairs to see what it was and they were, I mean, they-"
"Yeah, that's fine, you don't have to finish the rest of the sentence," said Linc hastily. Then what his son had just said sank in. "They. Were. Doing. It…on the DECK?!!"
LJ's face turned a deep purple. He grabbed his milk and chugged it down, spilling it all over himself. Perhaps, thought LJ, this was not the best time to mention that he had also walked in on them in the shower, in the utility closet, and in Lincoln's bed. No, that last one wouldn't go over well at all.
Just then, the male half of the Happy Lovepants Duo walked into the kitchen, whistling happily to himself. It was such a beautiful day! "Good morning," said Michael cheerfully as he took the box of cornflakes off the table and poured them into a bowl.
"YOU," snapped Linc "are the most inconsiderate, irritating, unbelievable-"
But Linc never finished the sentence because Miss Happy Lovepants walked in, smiling to herself. "Hi, everyone!" chirped Sara, and walked right up behind Michael and openly pinched his butt.
"Ow!" Michael pretended to be annoyed. "Hey!"
"What?" bantered Sara playfully, as she wrapped her arms around Michael and turned him around to face her. "Did I do something wrong?" she mock-pouted. They started to gaze at each other. LJ openly rolled his eyes and stalked out of the galley. Completely ignoring his brother, Michael leaned in to kiss Sara.
Oh, no. No, that was it. Enough!
"Enough!" yelped Linc, catching both the hornbirds completely off-guard. Michael and Sara looked at Linc as though just realizing he was there.
"Oh, hi Lincoln," said Sara and Michael in unison. Good freaking grief! Could they really not see anyone but each other? Who was Lincoln, the freaking Invisible Woman?
"That's it!" said Lincoln hotly. "You two are NOT going to have sex in this kitchen! And you are never going to do it on this boat again! My son walked in on you, for cripes sake!"
Michael blinked. "He did? Why would he do that?"
"Because this is a very small boat," said Linc through extremely gritted teeth. "And you two have been doing it everywhere! And both my son and me are sick of walking in on you all over the place! I swear, if I wasn't here, you'd probably do it in my bed, too!"
Michael's face turned deep red as he and Sara exchanged guilty looks. And suddenly Lincoln realized that no place on this boat was sacred. Hell, they would do it on top of the sail soon enough.
"Okay, that's it," said Lincoln, attempting to calm down. He had to be calm. "We won't be arriving in Baja for a few days. So we have to figure something you, because you two cannot keep us awake one more night."
Sara, looking guilty, nodded reluctantly. "You're right." She gave Michael a look. "They need their rest."
Michael pouted. "Okay, fine. So what are we going to do?"
Linc glared. "Not we. You. You're both going to have to keep your hands off each other till we get to Baja."
"WHAT?!" exclaimed the oversexed couple simultaneously. Oh good grief, they were talking at the same time now! What next, matching sweaters? Lincoln could just see their futures now: matching his-and-her dentures.
"No way!" said Michael angrily.
"Well, fine then, Mr. Tattoo Horndog, you come up with a solution!" retorted Lincoln. "Because if I hear either of you moaning 'oh, my little cuddlybumpkins!' one more time, I am throwing you both overboard!" Lincoln glared back at Michael. Michael glared back at Lincoln.
Sara realized that she would have to step in. "Guys, calm down. I think I may have a solution…"
2 hours later
"Pass the milk!," snarled Lincoln, his face more sour than ever. He slammed his hand down on the lifeboat in frustration, and accidentally splashed water all over him and his raftmate.
"Hey, watch it!" LJ ducked to one side, barely missing the splash of water. He glared at his father. "I can't believe you! You wanted to play pool with Uncle Mike to decide who would get to stay on the boat? You know Uncle Mike is a genius! He's an engineer! Of course they'll get the boat! You should've asked him to toss a coin!"
"Oh, shut up and pass the milk already," mumbled Linc. "We only have to stay on this raft for 2 more hours, then they'll be, um…done." He snatched the milk out of LJ's hands and chugged it down.
LJ blinked. "2 hours? Is that what he said? Because last night, they were going at it for at least 5 hours!" He snorted. "I can't believe they tricked us into staying on this stupid raft!"
"Just shut up and finish your breakfast," grumbled Linc. He checked his watch. 10 a.m.
"I'm going to catch you sexybear!" Loud giggling followed from the Christina Rose.
"Not if I catch you first!" a sing-songy voice retorted back.
Lincoln decided that it was going to be a very long day.
Author's note: Hope you all enjoyed my silly, fluffy M/S foray. If anyone deserves to have some happy fun, they do. Thanks for reading!