This, my dear readers, was an idea that popped out of absolutely no where. And yes, I realize that a bunch of you HATE, extremely hate, Ashfur, but since he WAS, yes was, one of my favorite characters, I decided that he should have the fanclub. So if you don't like it, then stop reading now, and go do something else.
The El Disclaimer-o: I don't own Warriors. If I did, many, many things would have been different.
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Yo Brotha!
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"Oh, these curtains are lovely!"
"Why thank you! I hand made them!"
A dark ginger tom, who we know as Firestar, jumped up at the voice behind him. "I know you! Your that one cat... whats your name... erhg, I can't think of it... I know this one, ooh don't tell me!" he mewed, banging his head on the ground repeatedly.
"Tigerstar."
Firestar slapped the other cat. "You IDIOT! I told you not to tell me!"
"Sorry. Anyway, I'm giving you these handmade curtains." The dead cat meowed.
"..." Firestar stared. "Why?"
"'Caues it's your birthday, of course!"
The ginger tom blinked. "But you hate me. Why would you make me curtains? For my birthday? How did you even know today was my birthday?"
"WHAT!? What kind of cruel cat do you think I am? How could I just forget my oldest son's birt- I mean, how could I forget my oldest... enemy's birthday? Haha..." Tigerstar meowed, sweating much.
"Yeah... that makes sense... I guess... wait..." The ginger cat pondered what Tigerstar had said. "Oh my StarClan! Your my dad!? I always wondered where my dad went... I know! You sent this dream to tell me this! Oh thank you, thank you so much, now let me wake up so I can yowl with joy to my Clan! Weeeeee!" Firestar meowed, uncaring that his father was an evil murderer, or his former enemy.
And so he woke up.
"OOOOOOOOOngZZZZZ! I'm... AWAKE! YEAH!" Firestar skipped out of his den, forgetting about the ledge, and fell. He landed flat on his face, right in front of the deputies paws.
Brambleclaw blinked at the sight and shook his head. 'Firestar must be on crack again...' he made a mental note to have Stormfur check Firestar's den later. "You okay?"
Firestar hopped back onto his feet and grinnged. "Yo brotha! How is you, my piiiiiiiiiiiiiiimp?"
"Uh... good?" Brambleclaw backed away slightly.
"Awesome. So, brotha... me and you... we should totally... go raid ShadowClan today." Firestar meowed, suddenly wondering what he had done with his crack.
"Um.. Why?" The deputy gave Firestar a very confused look.
His leader rolled his eyes. "For Russetfur's panties, of course!"
Brambleclaw never said a word. He just stood there, very confused, with his mouth open. His moment of blankness was interrupted by a shrill shriek.
"OOOOOOOMMMMMGGGGG! Its Ashfuuuuuur!"
"Ashfur?" "Huh!? Where!?" "ASHFUR!" called many she-cats, some from the other Clans too. Together they all screeched "We love you Ashfur!!!!"
The gray tom seemed to be loving the attention as he gave the she-cats his 'autograph'. "Clam down ladies..." he mewed, showing off his best smile (which only caused the she-cats to shriek again). "I'm not going anywhere."
Meanwhile, randomly back in his den, Firestar rolled in his crack.
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Somewhere, faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away sat Graystripe.
"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo CUCUMBER! HOW I LOOOOOVE THE CUCUMB--
OMG, I DROPPED MY TEEEEACUP!"
He too, is on crack.
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Brambleclaw's blank staring was interuppted by a random attack from his sister.
"Braaaaambleclaw! How goes it?" Tawnypelt asked, wearing a 'I luff Ashfur' shirt.
He shook his head, and blinked. "Erm... okay, I suppose."
"Sista!" Firestar leapt from his den, no traces of crack on him, and danced.
"Brotha!" Tawnypelt meowed, headbutting Firestar. As a result, Firestar had a bleeding head. (He didn't notice)
Thats when Mothwing came in. "Brothas! Sista!" she meowed, tackling the three of them. "Halfs anyway." She smiled widely.
Firestar meowed a loud greeting, then realized something. He turned to Brambleclaw. "You killed mai half-brotha!" he yelled. "My half-brotha! Nuuuuuuuuuu! Even if he did try to kill me... You killed him!" the leader placed his bleeding head on the ground, and cried. Then he realized something else. He quickly got up and ran to Squirrelflight. "You, me. We talk. Now."
Squirrelflight looked at her dad. "OOOOKAY! WAT WE TALK 'BOUT!?"
"First... speak ENGLISH, not RETARD. Second... you can't love Brambleclaw. He is your... Uncle!" Firestar sang some dramatic music.
"Really? Darn... that means... I'mma go love Crowfeather!" With that she ran out of camp.
"OH NO YOU DON'T! HE'S MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!" Leafpool called, chasing after her sister.
Firestar giggled, and looked at his den. Ah, wasn't crack a great thing for Clan cats?
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In RiverClan... they had a crack party. These cats really need to lay off the drugs.
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Brambleclaw blinked again. "What!? I'm not related to Squirrelflight!"
"That's what you think..." Firestar, Tawnypelt and Mothwing all said, rolling their eyes.
"Brotha, you got some problems. You need to see Dr. Longtail sometime. He'll fix you up niiiiiiice." Firestar said, glancing to the den in which the elders slept. Yup, Longtail had solved all his problems. (The source of all the crack in the Warrior Cats world)
The deputy stared blankly. "I don't understand."
Firestar jumped up to Highledge and screeched out his call. "TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! AND TIGERSTAR IS MAI FAAAAATHER! YEAH!"
Everycat cheered.
"AND I LIKE CRACK!"
The cats cheered louder.
He was silent for a moment. "NYAH!"
The cats all screeched with joy, including the ones that were in other Clans. Then they all looked up at him expectantly.
"...LET'S GO TRASH RIVERCLAN'S CRACK PARTY!" All the cats ran off.
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Brambleclaw opening his eyes with a yelp. A cat groaned beside him.
"Geez, Brambleclaw... could you sleep any louder?" Cloudtail meowed.
The deputy wondered how someone could sleep loudly. Then he realized... he was dreaming! The whole thing had been a dream! Squirrelflight wasn't related to him, she wasn't in love with Crowfeather, Firestar wasn't a crackhead, he wasn't going to raid ShadowClan for Russetfur's panties, Ashfur didn't have a fanclub, and RiverClan wasn't having a crack party. He yowled with joy and scrambled out of the den.
Padding slowly before Highledge, a cat fell infront of his paws. He recognized... Firestar. "Oh no..." he meowed, suddenly remembering his dream.
"Y-you okay?" he asked, taking a step back.
Firestar sat up and smiled. "Yo Br-" he was interrupted.
"NO I WILL NOT GO ON A PANTY RAID WITH YOU!!!!!" Brambleclaw screeched, and ran out of camp.
"..." Firestar blinked, wondering why the deputy had interrupted him in the middle of saying 'Brambleclaw' for such a stupid reason. "Geez. I was just gonna ask him if he wanted some crack..."
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The END! I was... overly bored when I wrote this... And I apologize for not updating my other stories. I have no ideas. And I haven't read The Sight yet, but I'm excited to. I get to meet Vicky that day too! Yey!
Also, a note for the children here... Don't do crack. Its not good for you. Its only good for Firestar, Graystripe, and all the other Clan cats. Thank you. (Review Please)