Sixth year, Post OOTP.
PARODY. This is not a shipper for ANY pairing.
"All da homies dey know what I mean! Baby lemme show you how I lean…LIKE A CHOLO!" Harry snaked his body in a rather suggestive manner as he recited this mantra, dancing down the Hogwarts hallway. Hermione and Ron walked behind him, hiding their faces in shame. First year Ravenclaws were staring.
"He's been at it all morning," Hermione desperately tried to explain.
"Mate" said Ron, obviously mortified, as they headed their way down to the dungeons, "why are you doing this?"
"Lean back, bounce in da club" Harry leaned back, bouncing on his feet, wiggling his eyebrows at Ron, "when we do dance yea we do it like whaaat?!!" He inclined towards Hermione with one hand cupping his right ear.
She shrank back and answered in a rather frightened tone, "Like a cholo?"
Harry beamed.
"What in the bloody hell is a Cholo??" Ron questioned.
Hermione shrugged. "No idea."
The trio approached the potions classroom, and Harry continued, "All up in da club damn beat," he chanted, "lookin for some highness, we on da tree…" Harry pinched his thumb and forefinger together near his lips, pretending to inhale.
"What kind of performance is this supposed to be, Potter?" Malfoy questioned snarkily.
Harry danced up to Malfoy, and began to grind up against him. "I neeeed a bad one, a real freak," Harry winked at Draco, and then in one gesture reached around and squeezed his bottom, "Find dem at the dance floor, so don't sleep." He shook his head, and danced away from Draco, who was in a state of shock.
Ron and Hermione looked horrified. Students were filing into the potions classroom, but staring at the site before them in awe. Harry started at Hermione, who scurried away into the classroom, Harry chasing/dancing after her. He finally grabbed Hermione's shoulder, and started to dance behind her.
"Damn, I like you, I like you, but I really want her," he rapped, pointing at Ginny, and slithered his way over to her.
"Shes that type," then turning to Snape, who had just entered the room, "I can tell. Let me get into beat, get her back to tha hotelll."
"What is the meaning of this, Potter?" Snape snarled.
He danced away from Ginny, "But right now I'm on the move. Show this little momma how a gangsta groove." He stopped in his tracks, turned his head back towards Ginny, wiggled his bottom, and winked.
Ginny shrieked, diving into Dean Thomas' arms.
"Stop this instant, Potter!!!" Snape growled.
"I don't do a whole lot, just enough," he said, making his way towards Snape, passion burning in his eyes, "at least I decide to keep my elbows up, like dis, and like dat…"
He stuck out his elbows, leaning to the left, and to the right, obviously trying to impress Snape.
"OMG!" Draco explained, "I never realized how incredibly hot Potter is!!!" He began to mimic Harry's dance movements. But Harry had only one interest: Snape.
"NINETY-SEVEN-HUNDRED POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!!!" Snape boomed, his tone betraying his fear and rage. Once Harry's body was about a foot from Snapes, he turned around quickly and began,
"All da girls know where da real G's at" he said, pointing to various females in the classroom; Pansy Parkinson, Padma and Parvati Patil, Hermione, Ginny….
"He is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo hot," Hermione echoed Draco's desires, and began to roll her body, much to Ron's horror.
"You can find us way up in da back," he gestured towards himself, Snape, and Draco, who had 'leaned' all the way up to front of the classroom, "watching that ass bounce like a low low," he pointed towards an outraged Snape's rear, "I lean like a…"
He pointed to Ron, who squeaked out, "Cholo?"
"Side to side" he instructed Draco and Hermione, and now Shamus Finnigan, "elbows up, side to side. Elbows up, side to side. Elbows up, side to side."
Snape, in a desperate attempt to control his class, grabbed the back of Draco and Harry's collars. "Stop leaning!!!!! Like….like…."
"CHOLOS!!!" the entire class screamed excitedly.
"Damn Professor," Draco whispered sexily in Snape's ear, "I'd tap dat ass."
Snape dropped him. "No, Mr. Malfoy," he said, rather defeated, "you will not 'tap' dis' ass."
"Like a cholo," Harry continued, "I'm brown, I get down"
"Hey!" Dean Thomas said, crossing his arms across his chest, though his feet moving beyond his own free will.
"The girls love how I lean" Harry smiled at Ginny, who did crotch thrusts in his direction, "Like a G to the beat, doing why MJ's on my feet."
"MJ!!" Snape, who had remained stone-faced, exclaimed excitedly, "my twin brother!!"
"I'm lookin real good, I'm so hood, try to stay clean if you know what I mean."
"No, Mr. POTTER!!! I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!" he had gotten over his momentary excitement.
"Pockets full of feria," Harry gestured toward his trouser pockets, "mucho dinero look me in the eye tell me Papi te quiero."
By this point, most of the class had gotten over the momentary dancing delirium. Only Draco Malfoy remained entranced by the music and exclaimed, "Papi, Te Quiero!"
"What's he speaking?" whispered a Slytherin.
"Must be parseltongue…." Replied a Gryffindor.
"Let me do my dance, you do yours," he pointed at Draco, dancing away from his potions master and arch enemy, "shakin what you got till your sweatin out your pores."
"What on earth is going on in here?!" came the high-pitched shriek of Professor McGonagall. She stood in Snape's classroom doorway, hands at her hips, enraged. Harry was not phased by this, however.
"Just like dat, yea I like dat," he leaned from side to side, gesturing to Professor McGonagall to follow his lead.
"Wha-Why? SEVERUS!!!" she screamed.
"Ima perro tryin to chase that cat," Harry chanted, slowly closing in on the older Professor.
"It's useless, Minerva. He won't stop. He'll never stop."
"Ey DJ won't you play dat same track" he clapped his hands together, and in one spinning motion, ended up chest to chest with McGonagall. A shiver of excitement ran through him. (A/N: ewww, what the hell is wrong with me?)
"Wind it back. I can lean to dat"
"What on earth are you talking about, Potter?!" McGonagall screamed, shoving the boy backwards.
He turned to class, and pointing to the Transfiguration teacher, he began, "Now she, wants me. And I aint goin home solo, cuz I lean like a…"
He spun round, his finger pointing at Snape, who moaned loudly. "Cholo" he spat hatefully.
The two teachers and whole class found themselves moving again as Harry gave dance movements once again, "I lean like a Cholo. Elbows up. Side to side. Elbows up. Side to side. Elbows up. Side to side. Like a what??"
"LIKE A CHOLO!" everyone exclaimed, as they all, in fact, leaned like Cholos. Everyone looked up to Harry excitedly, but once they realized he had no more, they all stopped dancing.
Snape was furious.
"POTTER! COME UP HERE THIS INSTANT!!!" Harry strolled casually to Snape's desk.
"I have a confession to make, Professor," he said, very secretly.
"Wh-what?" Snape spluttered, "Go on then, you idiot child."
"I like big butts, and I cannot lie."
Then Snape killed himself.