[A/N: Hokay, I have gone through and edited this for typos and such. I'm so glad people have enjoyed what I wrote of this story! I did write it about six years ago as of the date I am making this update. I do have plans to write more, and hopefully it'll be every bit as amusing as the first three chapters. :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hamtaro, Invader Zim, or Vegeta (or anything DBZ-related, in fact). I do not own any labels or products, etc. that you know to exist in real life with their own copyrights, I am merely borrowing them for use in this story. I do, however, own Dim, the Bad Hams, and the plot of this story. You figure out the rest.]

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A very high-pitched, constant beeping sound sounded from the dead silence of the early morning, awakening the young hamster from a deep slumber. The ironically cute little fuzz ball (and you'll later know exactly why this is ironic) grumbled as it moved from its soft bed made of chewed cedar shavings and into the vibrantly colored plastic tunnels that connected its bedchamber to its food and water supply area and recreational area.

This hamster was very cute. In fact, that was a dramatic understatement. It was black with white ears and feet and tail and muzzle. Two very brightly glowing blue eyes dwelled amongst the white whiskers that gracefully emerged from its white muzzle. Yet, a bewildering sense of some distant hint of sadistic nature lurked within those ever-so-blue eyes.

The hamster mumbled to itself, "Another day, another scheme to plot."

Its voice was so smooth, so cool, so self-assured that it chilled the immediate area around it to a frigid silence, as if air could possess the human feeling of fear. Its voice, for reference, sounded pretty much like Android Seventeen's, only it had a twist of a Russian accent.

Now, I could go on and on about this magnificent masterpiece of a rodent, but I must introduce our next character. The hamster's owner was in all truth the very opposite of the hamster itself. For simplicity's sake, I'll first-off tell you the person's name. Vegeta. Yes, Vegeta, as in the first half of the word vegetables. Furthermore, to be cruel, his last name was Bles, and he vigorously claimed it to be pronounced "bless" as opposed to "bulls," but don't listen to him, it is indeed pronounced "bulls."

Vegeta Bles was... not attractive-like and stuff. He had cruelly spiked (vertical, completely vertical, and I mean it) black hair that appeared as though he had tried to taste a wall outlet as an infant and the result had been… well, you guess. His eyes had no color; they were simply black. Okay, so he lacks control of his hair and lacks eye color, and his attitude reflection his hideous outward appearance even more.

Vegeta's attitude was a mixture of several things: A PMS'ing female Saiya-jin, a severely constipated and pent-up senile old man, but most of all, like a constantly ticking and rapidly exploding time bomb. Sometimes he could go days without showing much anger at all (aside from the normal asshole routine, that is), but for anyone who knows Vegeta, this was just the calm before the hurricane. It would by only a matter of time before he was set off into a blinding fury of ki beam frenzies, whereupon he'd swear God's name in several alien tongues.

He also liked fuzzy animals and rainbows. It's assumed he liked puppies and hamsters the most, hence why he owned a hamster.

So Vegeta Bles, a hot-tempered, relatively young man with super spiky hair and a face that suggests that he hit every branch on the way down from the ugly tree, awoke to the sound of the earlier mentioned synchronized beeping of an alarm clock.

He grumbled just as the hamster had as he got out of bed, rubbing sleep from his tired eyes. The black and white hamster watched him with his watery blue eyes.

The human awakens, I see. Human? Ha! "Beast" is a more suitable adjective for him. Ugly, stinky like a trash bag, and he gives me the cheap brand of hamster pellets. What a hideous creature. How did I end up in his hands? the hamster thought to himself. It was pretty much the same thing he pondered every morning. This little bugger had a one-track mind that always focused on complaining about everything his little eyes saw.

Vegeta's eyes opened wide and met with those of the hamster. "Hello, Dim. Ready for your morning walk?" he asked.

Dim, huh? Yes, we'll see who's dim in the end, you two watt light bulb. I am surprised that that electricity-induced hair of yours doesn't cause your two watt brain to light up and make it light your eyes like headlights on an automobile. But nah, you aren't bright enough to pull that off, stupid beastly human, the hamster's brain echoed harsh thoughts indeed.

But rather than saying something (sarcastic) in return, Dim just blinked innocently up at his owner with his ever-so-blue blue eyes. Vegeta opened up the cage and reached in and roughly picked up the squirming fuzzwad. The hamster growled.

Gentle, human, gentle! I am not a football, I am a hamster! Dim looked down at the unguarded skin of Vegeta. I should bite you, but I'll just wait for a better opportunity. You're lucky, stupid human.

Vegeta harnessed Dim and led him down the sidewalk on a leash. Many other people who were up early as well were walking their dogs. They just blinked at the odd sight of an ugly man walking a cute, but evil, hamster on a leash. One dog, a huge Rottweiler/German Shepherd mix, was so out of control that it pulled its master behind him as if he was on jet skis. The immense canine stalked up to tiny Dim and barked and snarled viciously at him. Dim just sat there on his haunches, staring.

I hate dogs. Disgusting, smelly wads of flea-infested, disease-carrying fur with teeth and a loud bark. They're too bossy.

The dog drooled all over the hamster, covering him in the appalling saliva.

You'll be the first one to die, you salivating beast. Your only reason for existing is for me to kill you.

Dim glared at the dog, a disturbing glare, an unnerving glare. So unnerving was this glare that the dog went from rabid to tame in a moment. The once-snarling dog backed away whimpering, tail between its legs in submission. And when Dim took one step in the dog's direction, the beast did a complete 180, darted between its master's legs, twisting him up in the leash even more, and took off, dragging its master on the concrete behind it.

That's right, doggy, run; run as far away from me as you can. Although no distance is far enough, Dim sneered after the dog.

Soon after the dog ran off, all the other dogs in the area became submissive as well. Dim just sat there and smiled a sadistic little smile. Vegeta Bles was confused, but he shrugged and went on anyway.

Once home again, Dim was placed back into his cage, rather roughly I might add. He snarled at Vegeta as he left the room.

"The dog will die second. You will die first!!" Dim hissed to himself.

The cold-hearted little rodent made off for his bedchamber. He burrowed in the cedar shavings and surfaced moments later holding a pair of wire-cutters . Holding them in his mouth, Dim ran back through the labyrinth of tunnels and into the food and recreational area once again.

"And now for my grand escape! Ha ha ha!!" Dim cackled and cut the wire on the door that had been preventing him from getting out. He had attempted to escape earlier the same year just by lifting up the caged door, and Vegeta had tied a hard metal wire around several bars that connected the door to the cage bars.

Snip, snip, snip, snnnnip.

The metal wires fell apart loosely. With a satisfied grin, Dim lifted up the cage door with ease and slipped through the opening. The hamster was so quiet as he darted around the room that the moon slipping through the night sky made more noise than he did.

On his way under the bedroom door, he heard a very loud, very off-pitch noise. It was someone singing… Vegeta singing!!

"I can fly higher than an eagle!!! You are the wind beneath my… WIIIINNNGGSSSS!!" the coarse voice rang throughout the house, filling every crevice with the shrill anti-harmonious noise.

Eck, is that even considered singing, or the slaughtering of a pig? It's nauseating!! Dim gagged as the "singing" continued.

The black hamster squeezed under the door. And just as he was about to make it under, the door flew open, and someone stormed in. Luckily, for him, he had ducked just in time to avoid being thrown up against the wall and crushed by the door.

Phew! I'm a lucky little nocturnal creature, no? He looked up at who had thrown the door open with such force. Uh oh… the beastly human is in for it!!

Dim scurried away in fear.

There was but one creature ever born in the universe that Dim (and even Vegeta) feared...

Koya, Vegeta's wife, was a demanding, brutal woman. Either Vegeta did as she ordered of him or he'd go to bed without dinner. Of course Vegeta took this as an insulting threat, but what could he do about it? HE was only a man, after all.

Dim was afraid of Koya because the demonic woman held and petted him too roughly. Sure, she thought he was the cutest, fuzziest little thing, but his vital organs could only withstand so much pressure. It didn't matter how many times he bit her, she never stopped crushing him.

Dim hid in a shoe that was lying out in the middle of the hallway.

"Vegeta Bles!!" the woman screeched as she pounded on the bathroom door. "Are you drowning in the toilet again?!?!??!?!"

"No, woman!!" he yelled back.

"My name's Koya, you dolt! And stop singing, it sounds like the cat got caught in the dryer again!!"

Before Vegeta could reply, the psycho woman hurricaned back out of the room, slamming the door behind her. The house shuddered; so did poor little Dim. When Satan returned to the living room, leaving Dim all alone in the hallway, Dim peeped out from the shoe and peered around timidly.

Coast is clear.

And he was off!! Dim scurried down the hallway. He saw freedom up ahead, and then two large hands swooped down from above and swept him off his feet.

Eeeep! Busted! Dim's brain echoed in alarm.

"What're you doin' outta yer cage, Dimmy?" Koya said in a cutesy voice that made Dim cringe and nearly soil himself.

Trying to escape this purgatory! he almost thought aloud, but kept his mouth shut.

"You bad little Ham Ham!" Koya scolded.

And the treacherous squeezing began. Dim's blue eyes bugged out of his skull.

Koya took her index finger and tapped him on the nose a couple of times. "Naughty Dim! Bad Dim! Bad, naughty, evil Dim!"

Finally, Dim couldn't take it anymore.

"Yes, evil is the perfect adjective for a mastermind such as myself," he said in an evil tone.

Koya stared at the little hamster as if he were possessed. She began to tremble in utter disbelief. "You... you can t-talk?" she stammered.

Dim quirked a brow. "Are humans that dense? Tell me, do I appear as though I have nothing to say?" Koya could do nothing but nod. "Then you are a foolish swine. Humans, the mildew of this planet, I will mop you all up like a... a... a mop!! A really big, powerful mop that… can mop things, and… Put me down already!" he snapped.

Koya instinctively obeyed without hesitation, still wide-eyed. Dim crawled out of her slightly trembling hands.

"Tell that despicable husband of yours that doom is coming his way," Dim warned, turned tail, and crawled through an opening (that he had chewed out earlier) in the screen door. Koya remained behind, still staring.

Once out of the house, and not on a leash, Dim ran around freely and energetically, like every hamster should. He darted down the street and into a yard about six houses down from Purgatory. He ran into a burrow that was next to the base of the largest tree in the backyard.

Wait for me guys, just wait for ol' Dim!!

Finally, he reached the end of all the twisting and turning tunnels and nearly fell down hyperventilating.

"Hey, Dim! There you are, o fearless leader!" one of the other hamsters greeted.

"Did the master give you a spot of trouble, 'ey Dim?" another one said.

"I can handle that stupid twit of a human, it's that hideous wife of his I have trouble with," he replied, finally catching his breath. "And Evil is not called Dimmy!!"

The Bad Hams. That's their cult name. I'll now briefly identify the Bad Hams. First, of course, there's Dim, but you already have an intimate understanding of this disturbed hamster, so we'll move right along. And right now I'm too lazy to describe the rest of them, so I'll just list their names: Red, Aech, Feco, Starre, Jenga, Mange, Joe-Joe, and Nil.

Nil is a special enough hamster to be thoroughly described. She was Dim's girlfriend. Nil was a white fuzzy hamster with black ears, tail, muzzle, and paws. She was just as disturbed as her boyfriend (if not, more) Dim. Nil liked to torture creatures smaller and more helpless than herself, sometimes (quite often) even larger ones. She feared no man, woman, child, creature, beast, plant, or situation. She was an inconceivably fearless, unwavering, aggressive hamster. Thus, Nil was the perfect... soul mate, match made in heaven (in this case, hell), or whatever for Dim.

So that's pretty much all you need to know about the Bad Hams, for now. Nil came up to Dim, her cold yellow eyes reflecting distant evil in them, the same as Dim's eyes. She smiled widely yet chaotically.

"So, did you kill that wretched owner of yours yet?" she asked.

"Unfortunately, no. But I desperately await the day I can chew the eyes out of that Neanderthal's thick, dense skull," Dim hissed.

"Hey, Pops!!" a teenage male hamster greeted, coming up from behind the other Bad Hams.

"Ahh, Kal, my son. Come hither," Dim motioned for his teenage son to come over to him.

Kal was a slender, but well-built, fellow. He was a peppery gray colored kid with glowing green eyes and a punk-style hair cut: his fur on his head was spiked up in a most unruly manner, and was furthermore dyed an obnoxious hue of green. He was a major chick-magnet and was charming to a fault. Girl hamsters (and sometimes gerbils) would not leave him alone.

Batteries. Toilet. Bloop!!!

"Kal, Kal, Kal, Mr. Popular With The Girls, how are things?" Dim asked Kal.

Kal grinned. "Just rad, Dad. So, you still takin' me with you? Y'know, when you go to take over the world?"

"Yep." Dim put an arm around his son and ruffled up his hair a bit.

"All right, let me go now, man, you're embarrassing me!" Kal growled and pulled away.

Dim smirked. Hmm... I think the time has come for us Bad Hams to act. Operation Battery Acid shall commence!!

He cackled maniacally. Kal joined him. And soon, Nil did as well, followed by the rest of the Bad Hams.

(Commercial break!)

Coming soon!! Dozens of Batteries arise spontaneously from the depths of toilets and begin revolting against mankind!! Join the thrilling, mischievous chase in "Bloop! the Rebellious Battery!"

(And now back to "Invader DIM", and pals!)

"Question, Dad. What exactly is the operation?" Kal curiously questioned, blinking his emerald green eyes in inquiry.

"Son, I thought I already told you. Weren't you not listening to me?" Dim glared sternly at his only son. A sweatdrop formed on the back of Kal's fuzzy head.

"N-n-not really."

Dim folded his stubby arms. "And why not?"

A few more sweatdrops formed. "I was sleepy and the lesson was so—"

"Don't you dare say boring! If you say boring, your skateboard is sawdust!!"

"—Daydream-inducing," Kal finished.

Dim lifted a brow and glared scathingly at his teenage son, who was shifting uncomfortably under the gaze of his father.

"The operation, young man, is called Operation Battery Acid," Red said in his deep, rumbling voice.

"We're gonna pour butt-loads of potent battery acid in reservoirs, water filtration systems, and desalinization plants," Mange added.

"Ohhhh, cool," Kal awed.

"Right. Now that we're all on the same page, it's time to write a new chapter in hamster history!" Dim said, standing up tall and proud for a dramatic effect.

"But Dad, I don't like writing. It's—"

"It was a metaphor, you freak son of mine!!" Dim yelled, agitated to a near bitter insanity.

"All right, all right!!" Kal huffed and folded his arms, like an obstinate child throwing a fit.

That boy is too stubborn and rebellious. He will ruin my whole plan if I don't watch him closely. Dim narrowed his eyes at his son in a suspicious glare. Hmm…