When the countries die, they are always reborn. Well, a better term for it would be to say that they are resurrected. Their bodies start to heal, their heart beat resumes, they wake up, and their memories are wiped of what happened to them while they were still healing. From their viewpoint they die, then they awaken. They never know what their after life is like.
However, when their bodies are still healing and they still aren't alive quite yet, they are still very much aware of themselves.
Mathew had just died.
He guessed that he was what would be considered a ghost as he could feel his body still lying on the floor of his house and yet he was also here, crying to himself. His family still haven't even noticed that he has died, even though all the other Nations can feel it when a fellow Nation dies. They hadn't noticed when he had though. They were still there, smiling and laughing together, without him. They hadn't noticed.
"I'd rather die than be reborn." He hisses to himself as he feels the last bit of his injuries heal up and felt his soul being pulled back to his body.
Despite the Nations forgetting their thoughts, memories, and feelings from after they die, somehow Canada's emotions stay with him. When he wakes up on his bedroom floor he still feels depressed. It's stayed with him.
Without even knowing why he was doing it, he picked up a knife that was lying on the ground next to him.
He was a ghost again, staring down at himself. His blood has turned his carpet red. His gaze goes towards his wrists, slashed. Slashed so many times that there is nowhere on the skin that has been left unmarred. It was completely covered in red lines.
Somehow, it was just a feeling he had but, Canada knew that whenever he had killed himself, it had been done with a single slash to one of his wrists every single time.
"How long has this been going on for?"
His family still had not noticed.
He doubted that they ever would.