ripping all your floors out
girls like girls like boys do
"Who is he, Riley?" Lucas' eyes blaze with anger and Riley trembles. "Who is it!? You said that there's someone else, I want to know who he is!"
She's quaking slightly, and she's glad she didn't do this while her parents were home. "Lucas, you have to understand..."
He's storming around her, grunting every time he stops. "No! I don't want to understand! I want to kick his ass!"
This was the angriest she had ever seen him. His fists were clenched and the veins in his arms and neck were visible. Lucas' face was turning red and it seemed as if he could't stop yelling at her. Riley tried to let him down as easily as possible, but this wouldn't have been easy anyways. It didn't get any better when he asked why and she made the mistake of telling him there was someone else. This is what set him off into a rage completely, he hadn't broken anything yet, though.
"Doesn't two years mean anything to you, Riley!?" Lucas stops, looking down at her while she sits quietly at the Bay Window.
She doesn't yell back, she keeps her voice even. "I can't love you the way you love me, I can't keep you in this relationship if I'm not in this until the end. And...I can't be in this 'till the end, not with you."
Yet, this fact doesn't seem to get through to Lucas. "But, I chose you, Riley! Two years ago I had a choice and I picked you! Why can't you choose me!?"
"Because this is my decision now, and I choose her." The words slips out of her mouth before she can filter it out and this is when Lucas finally stops, and stares her down. She holds his steely gaze, refusing to relent.
"Her?"
—
"Maya, babe, please, come on." Travis tries, grabbing her hands. Pushing him off, Maya tries her best to look apologetic. "Don't-don't do this."
"I'm sorry, I really am, but you knew this was coming."
She wasn't lying. She hadn't been right with Travis in the beginning, but they stayed together because it was easier than being apart. And, she actually did care for him, but nothing felt okay with him. Kissing him didn't feel okay, holding his hand, nothing felt right. Still, she didn't break up with him until she knew she couldn't stay in the relationship without being lonely or sad. Travis was a good boyfriend and a good person, he just wasn't the right one for her, and nor was she for him.
He pulls her hands to his face, kissing her palms. "What? No, I didn't. Things were fine! We're having fun."
"It's not you, it's me." It tumbles out of her mouth before she can stop to think about. "I didn't mean like that. But, you know that this was never going to work. I don't want to play around like this anymore, Travis. I want a serious relationship now, and I don't think I can have that with you."
"16 months! Maya, it's been 16 months, we are grown up, we are serious!" Travis fires, trying to get her back.
Maya takes her hands away from his face and wraps them around herself. "If it was so serious, then why'd you just call it 'fun'?"
This is when he finally stops fighting for her, and hangs his head in defeat.
"I hope she makes you happy." He kisses her forehead, and walks off, leaving a shocked Maya in the hall.
—
Pacing around the length of her room, Riley sighs. She knows she has to do it, there's no way around it. And what's the worst thing that could happen?
Oh, yeah, she could end up hating her and then her life is ruined for all of eternity and she'll be sad and alone and living with her parents because she'll never be able to get over it.
How are you supposed to get over something that never happened?
Riley doesn't sleep that night, she has nightmares on top of nightmares. And one wakes her screaming, prompting both of her parents to rush into her room. So, she has to tell them first. And it's not easy at all, she stutters the whole time, and cries before she can even get all the words out. She's trembling almost harshly in her mother's arms when she finally says it out loud. It's out there now. It's been spoken in the realm of reality, it's not longer a thought inside her head. It's a real feeling that she can't fight and she can't let go of.
But, they're fine. Cory nods, and kisses her forehead, and Topanga smiles the knowing mom smile, silently telling her she knew all along.
The only person that's left to tell is the one that matters the most.
She's not even sure when it started to happen. She's not sure when she started to look at her like she was the world, and she is her whole world. She's not sure when she heard her laugh and it reminded her of music and warm evenings inside during a blizzard. She's not sure when she became a safe haven in a tornado. Because the truth was, they were both natural disasters, in different ways.
Maybe it was the day that they held each other for the first time. Or maybe it was when she looked into those oceans that she called eyes and saw forever written in her pupils. It could've been the day she saw her cry. Not just cry. But cry, the whimpering, red-eyed kind. The one that makes your heart hurt and leaves you quivering in the aftershocks. The one that makes you feel alive. That had to be it. It couldn't have been any other time.
It's over right there. No matter what the outcome is, she has to tell her. She's going to do it.
—
Tossing over in her bed, Maya throws off her covers. Of course she can't sleep. How does anyone sleep when you're harboring a secret that will alter life as they know it.
Her mind is going too fast to allow her some kind of rest. It's filling her with all the possibilities, all the products of the situation that she's in. And there are a lot, and none of them end up too well.
This is not some nice TV series, nothing will be fine after the commercial break. It's real life and her feelings are real. So, she waits for her mom to come home from the night shift. She climbs into her bed, after she showers, and breaks down. Through her choked sobs, she tells Katy what's going on. She tells her there's nothing she can do, there's no way to hide it, to play it off. She said it. It was actually happening. Katy hushes her and sings into her hair, letting her know that everything will be alright.
She told her mom, but she couldn't tell the one person she needed to tell.
When did all of this happen?
It could've been the first time they held each other. Or it might have been when realized how perfectly her head fit into her neck, like two pieces of a puzzle. There was the time that their fingers interlocked instead of going palm in palm, and she finally felt okay with everything. Not just okay. She felt right, like maybe she was more than hellfire, maybe she didn't burn everything she touched. She felt happy, like this was where she was supposed to be. It's where she wanted to be for the rest of her life. Yes, that was it. That was the exact moment she knew she was falling.
After that, she looked at her like she was her future. Like the words 'don't ever leave me' were tattooed on her face. She was forever bottled up in a person, and together they had so many years together in their hands. They were like warm coffee on a cold Saturday mornings, and staying in until two in the afternoon because neither wanted to get out of bed yet. It was like they were everything they needed.
She has to do it. It doesn't matter what happens in the end. She has to give it a shot. Hopefully, she has good aim.
—
Maya ran all the way up the fire escapes, figuring that would be the fastest way to get to Riley. Bursting through her window, she sees a frantic Riley sitting at the bay window. "Riles! What's up? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Taking in Riley's appearance, she notices her frizzy hair and the dark circles under her eyes. Her clothes were matted and wrinkled and her hands were shaking slightly. "Riley, what's wrong?"
Inhaling roughly, Riley looks at Maya with her red-rimmed eyes. "If I tell you something, will you promise not to hate me?" She looked nervous and it began to worry Maya. There was nothing that Riley could do to make her hate her.
"There is not a thing on Earth that could make me love you any less than I do now." Maya assures, taking Riley's fidgeting hands in her own.
Riley worried her bottom lip with her teeth and hiccuped a bit. "Just promise me Maya, please. Promise me you won't hate me after I say this."
Nodding eagerly, Maya squeezes Riley's hands. "I promise Riley."
"Okay...so like have you ever had this feeling about like...something or maybe some person...and you're not kind of sure what you're so supposed to do about it?" Smooth, Riley. Really, smooth. "Well, wait, um, maybe it's not a feeling, like a thought, um, not it's bigger than that. It's, yeah, it's a really strong feeling, I guess that's what you could call it."
"Really strong?"
"Extremely."
"Well, Riles, I think...you should probably tell the thing...? Or the person? If it's extremely strong."
Crossing her legs at the ankles, she tries to stop the shudder that passes through her body. "Even if it might ruin life as I know it?"
"Even if the world explodes because you say it." Maya chuckles, chewing on her lip.
Riley whispers, "Even if they cancel Grey's Anatomy because of it?"
"Wait, it's that serious?"
"It is...because..." Swallowing the lump forming in her throat, Riley feels tears piling up behind her eyes again. "I-I-I like you, Maya."
"Yeah, I know that you like me, Riles, I'm your best friend. I like you too." Maya answers, looking confused.
Bounding up, Riley runs her hand through her hair, frustrated. She had gotten this far and there was no way she could turn back now. The thought of this moment has kept her up for days on end, she had to keep going. Gathering up more of her strength, she forces herself to go on. "No, Maya! I like you. Not like my best friend, like more than that. In a different way."
Releasing a slow breath, Maya looks down at her hands. "In a 'I'll hold your hand, I'll kiss your forehead, I'll stroke your hair, I'll call you at two in the morning to hear your voice' kind of different way?" Maya asks, standing up to take her place beside Riley.
Riley exhales slowly, looking down at Maya. Licking her lips, she smiles. "In a 'I want you to hold me, I'll kiss you every second of the day, we'll cuddle like all the time' kind of way." Relief is displayed on every inch of her body when she understands Maya's accepting eyes. "Is that okay?" Her voice breaks on the last word, and she's close to tears again.
"It's perfect." Maya smiles, taking Riley's hands in hers. A moment of complete peace passes between them, "Can I kiss you?"
"Please." Riley replies. Leaning down, she lets Maya slide one hand behind her neck, while the other settles on her waist. Tilting her face upwards, Maya presses her lips against Riley's, holding her place. Riley's smiling so hard that she can't kiss her properly, but neither one minds. Pulling back a little, Maya rests her forehead against Riley. "Thank you for not hating me."
"I told you. There's not a thing on Earth that could make me love you any less." Maya repeats. They take a seat on the edge of Riley's bed, both breathing easily now. "So, we're like—girlfriend and girlfriend now?" She's a bit hesitant, but she has to say it out loud. She has to make it real.
Riley nods, laying her head in Maya's lap. "Yeah, I'd like that." Sniffling a bit, she relaxes as Maya strokes her hair. "I was so scared. I didn't know if you liked me that way and I was just...I feel better now."
"Do your," Maya clears her throat. "Do your parents know?"
"Yeah, well, after freaking out for a few days and not sleeping, I had to tell them." Riley shudders a bit. "I think that they knew all along, probably before I did, it's Cory and Topanga." Chuckling Maya, agrees with her.
"I told my mom, too. But, I'm starting to think that she knew already."
"Can we stay like this for a while?"
"Anything you want, princess."
The names comes easily, it rolls off her tongue like the most natural thing in the world. Because to Maya, they are the most natural thing in the world. It was simple like breathing and eating, it's just happening.
—
"I like kissing you." Maya breathes as they pull apart for the second time that afternoon. They've been sitting on the floor of the Bay Window for almost an hour, simply kissing. She tucks a hair behind Riley's ear and listens.
"Kissing you..." She thinks for a second and then Riley smiles and continues. "It's like having your first kiss and doing it right. Like all the kisses and people and everything before it doesn't matter. Because it's like we're always moving in perfect synch and it's not slobbery or awkward. And it's soft and slow, but not like boring slow, like pretty slow. I really like kissing you, Maya."
—
They stood outside their school, staring at the doors.
"This isn't a big deal, right Peaches?" Riley ask, fidgeting with a loose thread on her shirt. "People start dating every day. We aren't any different."
Maya grabs her hand, interlocking their fingers. "Yeah, we're just two juniors in high school, who started dating on Saturday, and now we're here on Monday. It's not like anybody cares. The world does not revolve around us, princess." Swiping her tongue over her bottom lip, Maya looks over at Riley. "Ready?"
"If you're with me, then, yes."
Leading the way, Maya opens the door, and steps inside with Riley. At first, they're pretty sure that nobody cares, but as they get to their lockers, heads start turning and people start whispering. Riley stiffens when it picks up, but Maya squeezes her hand, silently telling her to ignore them. Once they reach Riley's locker, everyone's talking.
Zay makes his way over with Lucas, Farkle and Smackle in tow. "Hey guys, what's up?" He looks down at their interlocked fingers and Maya's love-struck face, and gives a knowing grins. "Well, finally. It only took you guys almost all of high school."
Riley gasps. "You knew?" When her friends begin nodding, and laughing, she gasps again. "You all knew?"
Farkle chuckles, jamming his hands into his pockets. "Of course, we all knew, Riley. I guess you two were the only ones who didn't know."
Even Smackle nods at this, making Maya laugh. "I calculated the amount of time you guys have been friends and was able to successfully predict the time in which you two would finally commence your relationship."
"Well, geez, a text would've been nice, don't you think?" Maya quips, running her hand through her hair.
When Riley looks around, she notices people from their classes looking at them. "Why are they staring at us Maya?"
"Because we look so damn good together." She answers, kissing the back of Riley's hand.
—
"I like how your hand fits in mine." Riley smiles as Maya grabs her hand when she exits class.
Grinning, Maya kisses Riley's cheek. "They're like two pieces of a puzzle, princess."
—
"Hey, Riley!" Her name is called from all the way down the hallway. Turning her head up, she sees Adrian, walking up to her. Groaning internally she, braces herself for the conversation. Continuing to stuff books in her locker, Riley tries to go faster. "Hey there."
"Hi Adrian." He leans against the locker next to hers, and puts on a stupid pouty face and immediately Riley knows what's going to happen. So she decides to extract herself from the situation as quickly as possible. "Bye, Adrian."
She's walking off already but he follows her. "So, when are we going a date, gorgeous?"
"Okay, Adrian, I'm usually never this rude, but it would take Satan himself, coming up from hell with the official weather report that it has frozen over down there for me to even consider possibly dating you, I'm already with someone, alright? And, don't call me 'gorgeous'." Doing her best to shut down that portion of the conversation, she tries to walk faster, going to meet up with Maya for lunch.
But, Adrian steps in front of her, smirking. "But, you're gorgeous, and I believe in making sure that you know that."
Rolling her eyes, Riley scoffs. "Thank you very much for the compliment, but I don't need you to tell me that." She steps to the side, and Adrian steps with her. "Could you, like, move?"
"Listen, babe, I think you like me—"
Raising her hand, Riley stops him. "Okay, first of all the only person who calls me 'babe', is my girlfriend. And second, if you think I like you, you should probably stop thinking altogether because it doesn't seem to be working out for you." Pushing past him, Riley walks forward, making her way to the cafeteria.
—
"Are you nervous?" Zay asks, sitting on Maya's bed, picking at her comforter. "You look nervous."
"No, of course not." Maya holds her straightener and curler in each hand, standing in the doorway. "Straight or curly?" She calls to him.
Zay shrugs. "Curly." Dropping her straightening iron, Maya plugs in her curler and touches up her makeup for the second time in the bathroom mirror. "It's fine, Maya, I'm pretty sure Riley likes your hair how it is."
Maya groans. "I know, but I want to look good Zay. This is our first real date, we're going to do something real couples do."
"And you're nervous." He states, chuckling when he hears Maya curses when burns herself with her iron for the second time. "Maya, chill out."
Jumping as the iron touches her shoulder blade, she cries out in frustration. "Zay. I know I shouldn't be acting like this, but this isn't a date with just anyone. This is Riley. This is the girl that makes my palms sweat, she makes me stutter, I want to hold her every time I see her. I used to be okay with the fact that I would end up alone for the rest of my life. But, Riley makes me wonder why I ever thought I'd be better off by myself. I want this date to be amazing, because she's amazing." Dropping her curling iron, she groans, and rests her head in her hands.
Getting up off Maya's bed, Zay walks into the bathroom and takes up her curling iron. "Maya, in the most platonic way possible, you are insanely remarkable. You are amazing, and anyone, would be lucky to go on a date with you. You are a phenomenal person, okay?" He's curling her hair for her now. "And even if this turns out terrible, like makeup-ruining, dog-chasing, dress-tearing, slobber-raccon-crying terrible, I doubt it'll change how Riley feels about you."
He finishes hair, and she turns and smiles. "Thank you, Isaiah."
"Knock 'em dead." He jokes, patting her on the back.
—
"Riley, you look nervous." Farkle's scrolling through his phone from his seat at Riley's desk. "Are you nervous?"
"What? No. Why would I be nervous on my first official date with my girlfriend?" Opening the bathroom door, she steps into her room and twirls around. "Okay, what about this one?"
Farkle nods and gives a thumbs up. "It looks great, Riley. Just like the last 4 outfits you showed me."
"Well you keep saying they all look great! It's not really helping." Grabbing another outfit off her bed, Riley steps into the bathroom again, leaving the door slightly ajar. "I have to look amazing, not great."
He rolls his eyes. "I'm sure Maya will think you look amazing, if you came in a gorilla costume."
"Farkle, this is Maya, and this is our first official date. Tonight, we become a real couple." Riley answers, pulling her skirt down.
"So, you are nervous." He repeats, when he sees a huge flurry of hair pass through the crack of the door. "Riley, calm down."
Giving a small squeal of annoyance when her dress get caught in her hair. "Farks. I know it doesn't make any sense to act this way, but this isn't just pizza and a movie with Maya. It's a date. With my girlfriend. This the person who knows how to hold me so I don't get scared. The one who makes my heart beat faster than ever. All my life, I thought I'd meet a guy on the train or in class or something, we'd fall in love, and the end, you know? Happily ever after. But, she made me question that, she made me wonder why I ever looked farther than her. She was always right there. This date has to be incredible. Because Maya is an incredible person." Grunting, she gives up.
Rising up off of the desk chair, Farkle knocks on the bathroom door. "Permission to enter?" Riley whimpers her approval. "Riley, listen to me. Platonically speaking, you are an extraordinary girl. You're smart, and beautiful, and one of the most exceptional people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting." He's untangled her hair from her dress now, and buttons up the back. "And even if this turns out, horrible, like of cosmic proportions, like galaxy destroying, reversing the Earth's rotation horrible, I don't believe Maya's feelings about you will change."
Spinning around when he buttons the last one, Riley grins. "Thanks, Farkle."
"Anytime." Farkle squeezes her shoulder for comfort. "How can you two date for almost three months and not go on a real date?'
"Shut up."
—
"You look..."
"Hot." Maya finishes for her as she drinks in the sight of her girlfriend.
Riley blushes deeply, right up to the tips of her ears.
—
Maya sighs as they reach Riley's door. "Was that kind of like the worst date ever?
"No." Riley shakes her head, turning to face Maya. "That was the worst date ever." Laughing, Maya runs a hand through her hair. "But, it was with you, so I enjoyed every second of it."
"Even when it started raining on our walk?"
"Even when that stray dog started chasing us." Riley replies. "I enjoy every second I spend with you, Peaches."
Maya rolls her eyes. "Goodness princess, you really are the product of Corpanga, huh?"
Pushing a hair out of Maya's face, Riley smiles. Stepping closer and sucking in a breath, Maya cups the back of Riley's neck. They move slower now, like time is going to stop for that moment. Maya presses her lips to Riley's, pulling her body into hers.
But, Riley responds eagerly, sliding her tongue along Maya's bottom lip. Opening her mouth, their tongues begin a languid dance, lead by Maya. Riley allows Maya to push her back against the wall, crushing their bodies together again. Exclaiming quietly as she hits the wall, Riley sighs as Maya kisses along her jaw.
It's a while before they decide to pull apart, both gasping for air.
"This was kind of like the best date ever." Maya chuckles.
—
"Why are you so mad at me?" Maya asks Riley. Slamming her locker shut, Riley ignores Maya. "Riley!" Grabbing her wrist, she spins Riley around to face her. "What did I do? Please, talk to me."
Maya's pleading tone breaks Riley's heart and she gives in. "I saw you yesterday."
Furrowing her eyebrows, Maya nods. "Yeah, I saw you too. We were together like the whole day."
"No, Maya I saw you yesterday," Riley clarifies. "I saw you talking to Karen outside of the girl's locker room."
Karen Browning was easily the nicest girl in their junior class, and she shared a love of art with Maya. She and Karen had been friends for a while, so it wasn't unnatural to see them hanging out. Outside of school they hadn't spent a lot time together, but they shared a few classes so they talked often. They had been talking outside the locker room when Maya came to walk Riley from gym.
"Oh, yeah." Maya acknowledges.
Riley's mouth drops open. "That's all you have to say for yourself? I can't believe you." Huffing, she crosses her arms over her chest. As a look confusion spreads over her face, Riley continues. "I saw you talking, and then you said something, and then you grabbed her hand and then you hugged her!"
"Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute!" Maya sets her hands on her hips. "Do you think I was like, cheating on you or something?" When Riley doesn't respond, Maya rolls her eyes. "I can't believe you!" Maya fires back. "You actually think that I would even consider looking at someone else like that!"
"You held her hand and then you hugged her! Am I just supposed to believe that was entirely platonic?" Riley spits, anger brewing over in her voice.
Maya throws her hands up. "Yes! You're supposed to trust me, I'm your girlfriend!"
"Then what were you two talking about?"
This is when Maya clams up a bit. "I...I can't really tell you."
"And now you're keeping secrets and you expect me to trust you?" They're getting louder now, and it's their first argument.
"I just can't tell you, Riley! But that doesn't mean anything, you know how I feel about you, and you know that I would never do anything to jeopardize this relationship." Maya says, hurt dripping into her words. Riley's silent again, and Maya scoffs. "You're unbelievable."
Storming off, Maya pushes her way through the crowd of people that gathered around them, and Riley turns in the other direction.
—
"I'm not wrong, Farkle!" Riley paces angrily around her room, skin hot with anger. "I'm not wrong, right?"
"Well..." His voice pitches, and Riley spins on her heel, eyes flaring. She hasn't talked to Maya in almost two days and she needs someone on her side.
"Farkle!"
The boy sighs, wiping his palms on his jeans. "Look, Riley, isn't it a possibility that you're jumping to conclusions?"
"No!" When he gives her a knowing look, Riley shrugs. "Maybe..."
Standing up in front of her, Farkle plays with the strings of his jacket. "You're a very intelligent girl, Riley. So, let's look at this logically." He sits her down at the Bay Window, and lays out the situation. Riley stares at him as he talks, and sighs when he finishes. "Finally, you have to ask yourself this: Would Maya ever purposely hurt you?"
Groaning, Riley drops her head in her hands. "Okay, you know what? I hate it when you make sense!"
—
Katy's on her way out as Riley comes in. Inhaling deeply, Riley knocks on Maya's door. Opening the door, she gestures for Riley to come in. They're both silent for a while as Riley stares at Maya. There's no anger, not even a hint of it in Maya's eyes. She still looks at Riley with complete adoration, like she put the stars in the sky herself, but she's still guarded.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have accused you of cheating, it was stupid to even think that you would even consider doing something like that. I know—I just sometimes..." Riley twirls a piece of hair through her fingers. Maya keeps looking at her, so she keeps talking. "I get worried that you'll find someone better. And I know it's dumb to think, but it's a very real fear for me. I have something really freaking great here, and I get scared that someone might take it away from me. You've got to understand, that I've never felt like this before, not even about Lucas."
And she's about to keep talking when Maya does that thing, where she slides her hands behind Riley's neck, and she forgets how to function properly. "And I-I-I, well, the, uhm, it's—can you please kiss me now so I can stop talking?"
Pulling her down slightly, Maya locks their lips, trapping Riley's bottom lip between hers. Then she kisses her cheeks, and her nose.
"I'm not going anywhere, you get that princess?" Maya smiles, moving her hands into Riley's hair. "I'm not leaving, I'm not cheating, I'm looking at anyone else. I'm not doing any of that because I love you."
"I love you too."
They're kissing again and stumbling backwards towards Maya's bed.
—
"Her dad left her." Maya breathes, as Riley listens to her heart pound in her chest. "He packed up his stuff one morning and left her and her mom. She came to me because she knew I understood. It doesn't matter how old you are, it all hurts the same. I was just comforting her."
Riley kisses Maya's collarbone, telling her she understands. "Your dad was fool, and he missed out, big time."
—
Sobbing harshly into Maya's shirt, Riley can't even whisper an apology for ruining her clothes. Maya just sits quietly, stroking her hair, allowing her the moment.
"I just can't believe she's gone, I barely-I didn't even-she never—" Riley's cut off by the fresh flow of tears, streaming down her face. "I didn't even know she felt like that." She hiccups through one sentence, grabbing Maya even tighter. And in response, Maya pulls her even closer, though they were as close two people could possibly. "How could she not say anything!?" This wasn't much better than twenty minutes earlier when Riley was angry and throwing things around in her room. Now, they were on the floor, Maya leaning against the edge of Riley's bed, while Riley leaned on her.
"I could've helped...she could've talked to me...I wanted to...I should've..." She trails off, unsure of how to finish the thought with something that actually made sense.
"There's not a thing you could have done, Riley. She was a lot worse than anybody knew." Maya assures her. "You couldn't have stopped her."
"Yes, I could! I'm supposed to help people, what the fuck does any of it matter if I can't even save the people that I care about!?" Riley's voice breaks as she curses, helpless to the circumstances.
"God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts..." Maya begins singing as Riley cries even harder, breaking into little girl sized pieces.
She sings until Riley's crying ceases, and then keeps singing until she falls asleep.
—
"One year."
"Insane, right?"
"It's been a year of us."
"It's been the best year of my life."
"We're graduating in a few months."
"Don't think about that princess."
"We're growing up, we're going to different colleges, we're moving on."
"We are growing up."
"I'm going to NYU, you're going to Berkeley."
"It's only a few hours away by plane."
"We can do that, right?"
"Of course, we can."
"I love you, peaches."
"I love you, princess."
—
"And as we continue on, we must remember that this isn't the end, but it's not the beginning either. It's simply the middle, a continuation to the next part of our lives. We move into the world of adulthood and actual responsibilities. It's a lot. So if you ever feel yourself drowning in car payments and electric bills, stop, and find the people that have been by your side when you were floating." Farkle smiles looking around the crowd of seniors sitting before him.
"And if you look around and find yourself alone, then start treading water, because you have to survive it. You have to survive for the people who don't want you to. You have to survive for the people who do want you to. You have to survive for you. Right now, you have a 100% survival rate. You're doing pretty damn good." Isadora continues, grinning so hard it looked like her face might split.
Everyone in the audience smiles, silently congratulating themselves.
"Lastly, quoting the of course, so exquisite Meredith Grey," Farkle nods at Maya and Riley who scream and clap, alone. "'Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it. But every now and then look around. Drink it in. 'Cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.'"
Maya turns back to look at Riley, who grins with her.
Chaos erupts as their entire senior class throw up their caps, cheering and yelling.
—
Hurrying up the stairs, Maya bursts through the Matthew's front door. "Princess!"
Cory and Topanga smile from their position in the kitchen, and Auggie from the table.
"Peaches!" Running from her old room, Riley trips on the step and gets up again. Sprinting into Maya's open arms, she wraps her legs around Maya's waist. Oddly enough, the blonde hit somewhat of growth spurt after graduation, it was only a few inches, but paired with her boots it was enough to put her near Riley's height. "I missed you so much." Riley sniffles into her shoulder.
"I missed you more."
She holds her up for a few minutes, their position unchanging. Finally, Cory clears his throat. Releasing Riley, Maya grins. It's the first time she's seen her in almost 4 months. The last time they were together was July, then Maya had to stay in California for a work function during Thanksgiving. It was nearing the middle of her sophomore year of college and she was lucky to have a steady job that she liked at all. So, any chance she had to get ahead at work, she took it. Riley was particularly unhappy that she couldn't see her, but it faded away (or at least, that's what it looked like) when Maya said she'd be around for Christmas.
Riley peels herself away, saying she had to talk to her grandparents for a minute.
Josh walks over from his spot by the window, it's the first time he's seen Maya since her high school graduation, he's surprised at how different she looks. "Hey, Maya. It's been a long time."
"Joshua." She dips her head in greeting. "That it has. How's life been treating you?"
"It's good, can't complain." Josh chuckles, stuffing his hands in his back back pockets. He was oddly nervous in her presence while she remained completely relaxed in front of him. "Time's done you well...you dyed your hair."
Maya reflexively fiddled with platinum blonde locks. "An artist's decision." She explains, shrugging.
He scratches the back of his neck. "It looks gorgeous."
"Thanks, Riley was surprised, but she liked it too." Maya smiles. He doesn't respond, instead stares at her blankly until she waves a hand in front of her face. "Are you alright, Joshua?"
Josh coughs, then rocks back and forth on his heels. "I'm sorry, you're just so...different now."
"Well, it has been almost 3 years, it'd be kind of sad if I was still the same person I was in high school." She chuckles, examining her white nails quickly.
"I just can't stop seeing you as the 15-year-old girl with a huge crush on me."
Maya's cheeks don't even flush at the mention of her former feelings for Riley's uncle. "Yeah, I know. Now, you can think of me as the 20-year-old woman who's dating your niece." She pats him on the shoulder as she walks past, going to greet Cory and Topanga.
Wrapping her arms around her pseudo-daughter Topanga's whispers, "He's out of your dungeon?" When Maya nods proudly, Topanga chuckles. "You are truly fierce."
—
"It's been hard, going places without you, peaches." Riley sighs into the valley of Maya's chest. They were currently basking in the afterglow of their night together and Maya was stroking her hair absently, but Riley couldn't seem to quiet down. "I miss you so much it hurts." Nodding, even though Riley couldn't see, Maya agrees. "I go to the places that we used to hang out and it just reminds me of how much I miss having you around."
"Everything's just so different now."
"That's life for ya, princess."
There's a few beats of comfortable silence, and Riley soon fills it.
"Do you ever," she pauses, trying to find the right words. "Do you ever feel like...taking a break? You know, like, maybe just putting 'us' on pause for a little while."
Maya's heart loses it's easy, steady pace, and speeds up. "What? No. Of course not! Do you?" It only takes Riley's hesitation for Maya to understand. Pulling away from Riley, she rolls off the bed, and starts searching for her clothes.
"Wait, Maya! Don't do that!" She sounds incredibly vulnerable, and it takes a shot at Maya's heart. Looking up, she sees Riley pulling her blanket around her chest. "Please. Just listen to me."
Slipping on her bra and panties, Maya stops. "I'm listening."
"Sometimes, I miss you and it's more than I can bear! Knowing that my girlfriend is two thousand miles away isn't easy for me, Maya." Riley defends, trying to diffuse the quickly building situation. "We go days without talking, sometimes weeks! I miss the sound of your voice. It's not easy when you're not right down the hall, or in the dorm next to mine, or a few blocks away. It hurts me, Maya. We only see each other a few times a year, and now you have a job, we'll see each other even less."
Maya rolls her eyes and chews on her tongue before answering. "What about me, Riley? What about how I feel? Knowing that you're always going to be two thousand miles away isn't exactly the best thing ever for me either. You're not the only person in this, I'm here too!" She's topless, but has no interest in finding her shirt at the moment.
"But, I'm the one putting in all the effort! I'm calling and texting and trying!" Riley pulls her bra off the floor and clips it on, and finds her panties near by. "You don't even care anymore! Every time I try to arrange something, you're always busy, always working! I can't even get five minutes with my girlfriend on a good day."
Scoffing, Maya runs a hand through her hair. "No! You don't get to use my job against me, you encouraged me to apply for a job at that gallery, I waited for months to get that interview, and then to get hired. You will not use my job against me!"
"That doesn't change the fact that we never see each other, before you even got that job!" Riley continues, standing in front of Maya with her hands on her hips. "You're with your friends at some bar or underground painting scene or concert or whatever it is! You blow off our phone dates, and don't answer me for days!"
"So, what am I supposed to do? Sit by the phone or the door, like a bitch waiting for her owner to come home and say she has time for her again? You get busy too, you have friends, you have a life! You don't call me back for days, either!" Maya throws her dress on over her head, and locates her boots by the Bay Window.
"But, at least I try, Maya." Riley grabs a scrunchie off of her desk and ties her hair up, a sign that she was truly fed up. After a few minutes of silent, Riley sighs,"What is this?" Stepping into her skirt, Riley sighs, and grabs her sweater from the corner.
"This is life, Riley. This isn't high school anymore, things can't be solved by lunchtime. This is is what real life is now! Now you have to make a real life decision: We could just give it all up or we could try and save what's left of us? I want to save this, Riley."
Sitting back on her bed, Riley drops her face in her hands. Pulling her hands over her face, Riley looks up at Maya with tired eyes. "We're in my old bedroom, screaming at each other on Christmas Eve. Is there even anything left to save?"
Riley slips out her door wordlessly and Maya watches as she leaves.
—
"She really said that?"
"Yes, Zay! I feel like I can't even breathe right now."
"Maya, that's terrible. You two can't be done."
"It's over Isaiah, we're actually over."
"Maya, I'm coming up."
"Zay, don't do that."
"I'm only a few hours away."
"Be careful."
"When am I not?"
—
[12:49 A.M.] - Peaches, hey, can I call you?
[12:52 A.M.] - Please, can we just talk about this?
[12:56 A.M.] - Maya, I miss you so much, I miss your voice, I miss your smile. I just need to talk to you.
[1:02 A.M.] - I want you back, Maya. I need you back.
[10:19 A.M.] - I'm going to call you during your lunch break today.
[2:33 P.M.] - Maya, I just want to talk to you. We can talk this out. I know we can.
[7:25 P.M.] - Don't ignore me, Maya please...
—
"Okay, Maya, this is seriously the best piece I've seen you do in a really long time! There's so much emotion in this, my goodness. Who broke your heart?" Her roommate, Ivabeth, whom Maya calls Ivy for obvious reasons, smiled at the painting she was holding. They had become pretty close since Maya's last roommate got expelled. Everyone made up stories as to what happened to get her expelled, but nobody actually knew why. Typing up her paper, Maya ignored the last part and kept working on her English assignment. But, Ivy kept going. "I mean, honestly, they must've crushed you to pieces—"
"Ivy! Can we please not talk about it?" Maya spins around in her seat, staring at her friend.
Setting the painting down, Ivy held her hands up in surrender. "Sorry. Alright, I'm heading to the coffee place down the street, I wanna get away from the textbooks. Maggie is performing tonight with Hallie, are you coming?" Maya shakes her head, and Ivy shrugs. "Maya you can't you pull yourself away for a few minutes—" Ivy's cut off by a knock on the door, and looks questioningly at Maya, who shakes her head. Answering it, Ivy calls back that it's for her.
Getting up from her desk, she sees the blur of brunette hair standing in front Ivy.
Taking a few steps forward, Maya's face hardens and Ivy stands defensively at the door. "What are you doing here?"
Riley chuckles, clasping her hands together. "Oh, so, look, I was sitting in this restaurant, out with some of my friends, and we were talking and laughing and making jokes, and my friend invites me to this gallery and then suddenly I can't stop talking about how much my girlfriend would love it there. Then, before I realize it I'm on a plane to California to go see her, because I made a huge mistake and I miss her so much. And, you look so beautiful."
"Riley, I didn't answer your calls or texts or emails or letters because I don't want to talk to you. I guess maybe you can't seem to comprehend that fact, but I'm not joking. I'm not doing this for the dramatics, or for you to come back here and try and fix things. I don't want to talk to you. I don't even want to see you. I don't want to be with you, because I tore myself in half to sustain you, and you couldn't even acknowledge that. You couldn't even see how hard I was trying to make this work because everything had to be about Riley and Riley's feelings. There was more than one person in that relationship, Riley. I was there, too. And I refuse to keep ripping myself apart to keep us together."
—
"She's gone forever, Farkle."
"Riley..."
"I really did it. I told her that we didn't even have a relationship left and she when she walked out, I made the mistake of waiting weeks to go after her."
"It's not over, Riley."
"Yes, I can't-I think-I broke her, Farkle. I don't know what to do."
"Riley, over the years, I've learned a lot. But, one thing I could never understand was how much you and Maya loved each other. Not just as best friends, but as a couple, and I realized it's because you both give yourselves to the people you love. You both give pieces of yourselves to the people you care for. For you two to support each other, you have to exchange the bad pieces and the good pieces."
"Farkle—"
"You know that you love her, and if I know Maya, she's still very much in love with you, Riles."
"I really messed up this time."
—
Walking away from her piece, Maya looks around, in search of her friends. However, instead she bumps into a woman who drops her phone the ground. Apologizing lamely, she stoops down to pick it up and notices the case on her phone. Scooping it up, she instantly knows who it is.
"Why are you here?" She bites out, her posture stiffens.
Easily taking her phone back from Maya, Riley shrugs. "I wanted to talk to you." When Maya's eyes harden, Riley relinquishes. "I want you back."
Maya looks blankly at her, and then grabs her wrist, leading her outside. "When are you going to stop? Leave me alone, Riley. I don't want this anymore, why can you seem to understand that?"
"Because I love you! I love you, Peaches. And I'm not stopping, I'm not giving you up, because frankly, you're not one of the best things that has ever happened to me." Riley sucks in a breath, glancing at the night sky. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I will be this dramatic and I will make speeches and get sky writers and blimps and commercials and everything. I will walk across America everyday, if it means that we'll be together again."
She takes Maya's hand. "Please let me love you again."
"Riley, that night was entirely up to you. You decided that you wanted to stop, you decided to leave. But, you don't get to decide whether I forgive you or not. And, the reason you have to make speeches and be dramatic with sky writers and blimps and commercials, is because you walked away. I wanted to stay, I wanted to try, I wanted us. You wanted to leave. You have to walk across America because you walked out the door. And I refuse to open myself up like that again, not for you. You left, and you didn't even look back. I'm sorry that you came all the way over here for nothing."
Pulling away, Maya walks back inside, fighting back the bile rising in her throat.
—
Groaning and rubbing his eyes, Lucas pads over to his door. "Riley?"
"Were you sleeping, it's like 5 in the afternoon?" Riley's already walking into his room, ignoring the fact he was only wearing his boxers, and takes a seat on his bed.
Picking up his sweats, Lucas steps into them and crosses his arms over chest, leaning against his dresser. "I have to be at the bar in a few hours, I was trying to get some sleep. Why are you here, Riley?"
"Listen, I know this isn't really something that you wanna be in, and you probably won't even care, but you're still my friend, and I wanted to ask you because I don't know what to do, and usually I try not to involve you in this because—"
Lucas rubs his hands over his face and groans for Riley to stop. "What's wrong, Riley?"
"I messed up, with Maya." She finally sighs. "I told her we didn't have a relationship, but I didn't mean that I was just sad and angry and I—I don't know how to fix this." He only stares at her in silence for a while. "And I know that you probably don't even want to be in this, but I'm running out of options, and I can't lose her Lucas." Her voice breaks in the way that makes his heart shift and he nods.
Lucas pulls up a chair across from her, and rests his elbows on his knees. "Did you apologize?" Scoffing, just as she was about to roll her eyes and walk out, he looks at her pointedly. She thinks back to every conversation she's had with Maya since that night, and realizes she never told her she was sorry. "There's not a lot you can achieve if you don't tell her that you're sorry."
—
"Riley, you're at my job, this has to stop. I don't know how many more ways I can tell you to leave me the hell alone." Maya whisper-yells, standing in front of one her favorite paintings. "Stop coming around." She turns to walk away, when Riley calls her back.
"Maya Penelope Hart." Riley steps in front of her again, catching her deep blue eyes. "I, Riley Calliope Matthews, am so, truly, deeply, unbelievably, immensely, sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. And I need another chance, because I need you. I don't know how to exist in a reality where you aren't my girlfriend."
There's a deep silence filling the empty air of the gallery before Maya takes a slow breath. "I love you, Riley. But, I need to be able to trust you again. I need to be able to feel like if I get swamped with work, or school, or anything else—I don't want to have to worry about coming home to find that you've packed up all of your stuff and left."
"Your trust is a privilege. Not a right, and I know that. And I will do everything it takes to earn it back."
Another beat passes between them before the tension in Maya's shoulders drop in relief. She grabs Riley's waist grinning hard, and pulls her into a soul-crushing kiss. Sliding her hands up, she finds that spot under Riley's hair just behind her ear, where her hands just seem to fit perfectly.
"I love you, princess."
—
"When do you go back to New York?" She's hesitant to speak, in fear of breaking the spell they've been under since they left the gallery.
"Tomorrow night."
"I'm coming up for your birthday in a few weeks."
"You don't have to Maya."
"I'm coming up for your birthday, princess. I'll ask for the week off."
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For giving us another chance."
—
Adjusting her camera, Riley twirls around. "Okay, what do you think of this one?"
Maya thinks for a few seconds before, shaking her head. "I liked the one before it better, it makes your shoulders look straighter."
Nodding, Riley strips and puts on the outfit she had on before. "I can't believe I'm about to do this, Maya."
"You'll be fine, princess." Maya assures her, smiling a little. "You'll do perfect."
Riley sighs, straightening her blazer. Gelling back her hair, Riley looks back at Maya through her phone. "I wish you were here, this would be so much easier with you by my side."
"I'm always by your side."
Slipping on her sneakers, Riley messes with the laces. "I know you are, I just mean here with me. This rally, is going to be the biggest one yet...I don't know, peaches."
There's a hard rapping on her door that startles Riley. "What the hell?" She mutters under her breath. To Maya, she asks her to wait. Huffing, she exits her bedroom and walks over to the door. Not even bothering to look through the peephole, Riley just unlocks the door and swings it open.
"Princess."
Squealing, Riley yanks Maya into her dorm room, kissing her face. "You're here!" She manages between pecks. "I can't believe you came for me!"
"Of course, I did. I love you." Maya answers like it's just a well-known fact that she would fly across the states for her on a Thursday night. "You're doing something great, and I wanted to see you in action. You're making a huge difference, princess. Don't you ever forget that."
—
"In the movie theater!?" Ivy shrieks, as Maya laughs falling back on her roommate's bed. "Everyone's answers are like, the kitchen, or the shower, or the living room, but in the movie theater!? That only happens in books and smutty fanfiction."
Johnny, Adam, and Krista are staring at her, in complete shock but Maya can't even begin to feel embarrassed. "Yup, premiere weekend of 'The Secret Life of Pets', second to last row, third seat from the right."
"And in a kid's movie!?" Krista follows immediately, her face turning red.
"Have you no shame, woman?" Johnny adds, his mouth open.
Ivy shakes her head in disbelief. "You did not, Maya. Not in a movie theater filled with children!" Maya only smirks at the memory.
"You've never had that before?" She sits up and looks at the rest of her friends who look totally enamored with her confession. "You've never had a relationship with that kind of heat? Where you just need to have someone, right then, in that second, you just can't wait?" Everyone shakes their heads, and Maya raises her eyebrows. "You have no clue what you're missing."
—
"Am I an idiot for doing this Farkle? I mean, it's not a bad time, right? We're almost finished with college."
Farkle's face twists in confusion on the other side of the computers. "Do you want me to be realistic or do you want me to be supportive?"
"Well, what does realistic sound like?" Riley fiddles with the box in her hands, and watches as Farkle writes down more notes in his notebook.
Looking up Farkle's smile drops a bit. "It doesn't sound good," But when Riley signals for him to keep going, Farkle chews on his lip. "Well, statistically, the situation your proposing paired with the outcome you're expecting only happens to about 2 in a million people, considering those two are paired."
Riley's face drops when he finishes, and she opens up the box and closes it again, looking up at her computer screen. "Supportive, now."
"Well, speaking in support, I'd say that you guys are those two in a million."
—
Maya's fingers rest comfortably in Riley's palm as they take the stroll down the street. The sun wasn't hot, considering they were barely out of wintertime, but the grass was green. The air was cool, and her white dress blew slowly in the wind. Her hair, which spilled down to her hips now, surrounded her face like a halo, and—hell—if she didn't look like an angel right then. She was talking about something, but Riley couldn't hear because of the weight in her jacket pocket.
"Are you even listening to me?" She finishes her frozen yogurt and stops Riley on the sidewalk. When Riley shrugs, Maya tilts her head. "Okay, what's the problem, Riley? It's a beautiful day, we graduate in two months, don't you have a million things to say?"
Inhaling deeply, Riley lets go of Maya's hand. "I do, actually, have something to say." Maya makes an 'out with it' gesture, and Riley pushes a few hairs out of her face. "We've been together for a while now, Maya. Like the better part of six years, and I don't know—I don't know if I can keep being your girlfriend anymore."
Maya's face falls dramatically when Riley finishes, and she feels her heart jump in her throat.
Then Riley pulls out the little velvet box, and stoops down on one knee.
—
Should I write a Rilaya wedding or just leave it like it is?
I dunno, I'm gonna proof this in a few days, I just have a bunch of publishing I wanna do before school starts up again next month.
So, tell me what you thought, I didn't know if this qualified as slow-burn or not, so I didn't write it in the summary.
xoxoxo, Minnie !