Before he was John Reese, before the CIA, John already made terrible life choices. While he is supposed to be a normal Green Beret doing his thing, the commandant secretly send him to investigate ( because reasons ) in San Francisco, where he meets Claire Grimaldi, lawyer, under the name Tom Kubik. One moment of insanity later, he's married, and ready to have a child... But his mission is about to end, and another terrible life decision from his past no one knows about is waiting to kick him in the face. With her husband accused of first degree murders by the military, Claire decides to go and prove "Tom" innocent... Except he isn't "Tom".
John's POV ( or what he knows, without it being from his POV ) of High Crimes, in a world where even secrets have secrets, and not everything the movie tells us is the whole truth.

So, let's see... Yes, I'm here to complicate John's timeline just a bit more.

This is a crossover with High Crimes, where Caviezel plays Tom Kubik, aka Ron Chapman; these two just became yet other fake identities of John Reese, congrats! The only actual difference with the movie is that Claire and Tom haven't been married for years, to make it fit into John's timeline.

There are a few mentions to the other parts of my headcanon about the Life of John Reese, which is mostly a crossover with Frequency ( both movie and TV show ); if you want details, read the other works in this series (See Missong Books, PoIxFrequencyTV crossover), but it's not overly important, considering we don't actually know much about John's past.

I've cut this story into 24 chapters, more or less ( could change, maybe ).
And no, it's not a happy story. But I'm obsessed with Reese, and I'm making him the most complicated background ever, because reasons. Also, don't ask how in hell John ended up investigating in San Francisco while he was a Green Beret, aside from what's said in this first chapter, because I don't care if it's not plausible; that's why I made it "highly unorthodox" and unofficial.

Chapter 1: Just a face

John was working on a project when Claire entered the garage / workshop. His job as a military consultant might be a cover, but it was a cover he was taking to heart. After all, if he wanted to find anything worth the months he had spent away from his unit, John had to look the part. His job was a cover... but his cover was the key to the end of his mission.

When Wilkes and Greyson had been killed despite wearing their bulletproof vests, the other guys had first thought they both had been unlucky – that they had ended up with defective gear; it happened, and that was unlucky, but it happened. Except it wasn't only one, but two victims there, shot almost through the heart. The vests had been literally useless.

John had said so to Garcia, and apparently his thoughts had gone around to the acting commandant, who had noticed a disturbingly high number of defective bulletproof vests, which weren't that bulletproof, in the gear they had just received.

Commandant Jarosz had him called a morning, to John's surprise. He was, after all, just another Green Beret – a very good one, perhaps, but that was it.

It turned out the commandant was curious about John's thoughts on the matter of the defective vests. He had said the truth – that it seemed unlikely the manufacturers had delivered so many defective products in one group, without knowing about the defaults beforehand.

The commandant had looked at him without saying a word, as he was pointing out several reasons why the situation was suspicious – then the man had pushed a document for him to look at: the exact number of bulletproof vests failures since they had received the new gear.

It had been high. And when the commandant had talked about it – the numbers had unexpectedly changed. The only reason to that he could see, was that the manufacturers had been perfectly aware of the defaults, but hadn't wanted to waste the "perfect" and costly military gear. And now, someone was covering for them, somewhere in between the battlefield and the higher office.

The commandant had then remarked that John seemed very knowledgeable in how certain... things went. A deductive man, really. With just the right skills to investigate the death of his fellow soldiers. Not skills his past explained. "I've dug around your file a bit, Rykes, and strangely enough, the U.S. Marshals Service called, kindly asking me to drop it. Now, I have no idea how a witness under protection managed to enlist, Rykes, but I have a feeling you aren't a stranger to investigating, and I need someone to go back home, get close to these freaking Keller Industries, and get me the evidence I need to make them pay."

John had given the commandant that special smile of his, the one he always used when he was definitely out of context, and didn't know what to answer, except something witty. He didn't think it was a normal mission for a soldier, and he knew he was right about that, but... The offer was tempting, he had to admit. The commandant had assured him that, should the unofficial mission be successful, no one would ever officially know he hadn't been with his unit for a time. Of course, the other guys would know, it wasn't as if they'd be blind to his absence – they just wouldn't know the real reason for his absence... and the paperwork would disappear in an administrative black hole.

This was highly unorthodox, of course, but John couldn't pretend he had always lived by the rules.

And so here he was, seven months later, living in Marin City, working in San Franscisco as a military consultant for Keller Industries. He had almost everything he needed to bring them down. Before long, he'd be back with his unit – medical leave, they thought.

Except...

Except John had made a mistake, and before he knew it, he had been married for four months, under a name that wasn't his – not that it changed much of anything, considering Rykes wasn't his birth name either, thanks to WITSEC. Tom Kubik – not John, this time, and perhaps that hurt more than his fake family name – had met Claire Grimaldi, attorney at law for a large law firm, only one week after coming into existence. They had flirted a bit – he was still trying to forget Jessica, and Claire was helping him with that; of course, she didn't know the whole story. Then they had started dating, and John – Tom – had never thought things would go so far, but after three months, he had just gone insane – that had to be it, because, really? – and asked Claire to marry him one morning.

It wouldn't have been such a problem if they had taken their time, like everyone else – John'd have ended it, broken both their hearts, after a day or two, realizing the mistake he was making. But he had been way too aware that he'd change his mind, too unwilling to end it, and Claire had been too much in love to question his proposition, not to agree with it: they had driven all the way to Las Vegas, and gotten married the very same night.

The next morning, John knew he had made the worst choice of his life – including enlisting again and telling Jessica not to wait for him. In fact, it was probably because of the choice he had made concerning Jessica, that he had allowed himself to be so reckless with Claire. He... hadn't wanted it to happen again, he guessed.

Needless to say his contact hadn't been overjoyed with the news – and John had been ashamed of himself; of what he was going to do to Claire, with his rash decision, his unthought desire to have a family, a normal life.

He'd finish the mission, and he'd go back to his unit, that he had sworn. Then, once his tour of duty is finished, he'd see... If Claire still wanted him, he'd come back – he'd come clean before leaving of course. If she wanted to be Claire Rykes, despite everything, despite having been led to believe she was now Clair Kubik, then they'd live together again.

If she didn't...

Then he'd disappear from her life.

It was John's decision – he didn't know why, but he hadn't been able to stop himself from proposing to her, and soon he'd have to pay the price, that much was certain. Perhaps he was too much in love.

That was probably the safest answer to that question.

Except, he was going to make another bad decision, and he still couldn't stop himself from dismissing the unwanted statement every time it reminded him of it.

When Claire came into the workshop, all happy and full of life, ready to go to the courthouse, that morning, as John – Tom Kubik – was working on a project for Keller Industries, she had a really tempting, very distracting offer for him.

She wanted a child, and he knew it. He wanted one too – a girl, a boy, he didn't care, he'd love them anyway. They had talked about it – each conversation on the subject had him forget everything about his soon-to-come departure.

They had talked about it even before getting married.

It had to say something about John, that despite everything that should have convinced him not to propose, that despite the fact that if Claire got pregnant he'd have to leave her and he knew it, that he couldn't get himself away from her.

It had to say something about him, and he was pretty sure it wasn't a good comment.

He had still done it – and every time he was with Claire, his guilt was pushed away, forgotten, in front of whatever it was that was possessing him.

John was all too aware of his failure on that matter, as soon as he was alone again. He couldn't do a thing about it for all that. Whatever was possessing him – he hoped it was love, and not only a desperate need for normalcy. If it was love, at least it'd mean he was being honest with Claire on one point.

If it wasn't...

The thoughts disappeared from his mind, as always, as his wife told him it was the day. As they started loving each other more deeply, if only for a few minutes, if only for an instant. As their skin touched the other's, in a moment of love and bliss.

Each time they were together, John could almost imagine he was Tom Kubik – that he had a future here, with this woman. That once he'd be done with Keller Industries, he would still be able to live with her – even if it took a bit more time away, with his unit, before it could happen. That she'd understand, that she'd wait for him. That, in the end, even if she didn't know it yet, it wasn't Tom Kubik she loved, but John Rykes.

Something he had thought about Jessica too, and see how that had ended...

He had left Jessica for her own sake – after having done everything to stay with her, after having left the army – when he had realized he couldn't go away from the battlefield yet, not after September 11th. He didn't want her to wait for him, when he didn't even think he'd come back. He had quit, because he had been worried she wouldn't wait for him...

And then he had gone back anyway, and told her to move on.

John wanted to believe it would be different with Claire – even if Jessica still ached in his heart – but he had to admit, things weren't looking that great. To begin with, he was doing the exact same thing he had done with Jessica, but worse: he had married her right away, instead of waiting for the end of his tour of duty, because he was afraid she wouldn't wait for him.

...And now he was worried that he'd leave her too, for her own sake, in the end.

These thoughts, they existed even as they were together, Claire and him – Claire and Tom Kubik, not Claire and John Rykes. They were hidden, drowned by the happiness, by the love – but sometimes, they appeared to him in flashes, even when they were together.

Then John was almost desperate not to let her go – not that it showed. He was too good at hiding these kind of things

When Claire left, to go to the courtroom, to do her lawyer thing, John was left alone in the workshop – the shame, the unease, the disgust with himself all came back at once.

He sat on the bench, under the window, and held his head in his hands.

What was he doing?

He knew it all too well, and at the same time he had no idea. He knew what, he knew why, he knew how... He just couldn't explain.

He walked to the bathroom, at the back of the garage, and went to stand before the sink. Water poured from the tap and onto his hands. It was cold, harsh – punishing. He passed his hands over his face, water rolling, freezing, onto, into his face; liquid blades tearing his skin open.

When John opened his eyes again, the face in the mirror was still the same – no smile, not ever again, not when Claire wasn't present, not when he wasn't supposed to play the part of Tom Kubik for Keller Industries. Just a face – a handsome face, some had said, but just a face nonetheless; without a smile.

The smile normal people could have on their face, even when they are alone, just because they are happy in their life... John was able to smile, even genuinely, but never alone; not anymore. He had lost that smile a long time ago.

Samantha had been able to bring it back, but it hadn't lasted – he had gone into WITSEC only one month after they had met, and he wasn't going to ask her to abandon her life to come with him. Jessica too – but he had destroyed that chance too. And now, Claire.

But John wasn't able to smile genuinely when he was alone anymore, not even with Jessica or Claire in his life. He smiled with his friends, with the woman he loved, and it was genuine.

But a lonely smile... It didn't exist for him anymore.

Not since his father's death, when he was eight years old. Not after his mother's murder, when he was thirteen. Not after what had happened in El Salvador. Not after a serial killer he had been tracking, the one who had murdered his mother, had broken into his apartment and attacked him – only earning a slit throat for his efforts, which had somehow landed John in WITSEC. Not after what he had seen as a soldier.

John wasn't even John anymore. Sure, he could say John really was his name – after all, his mother had named him so – and it wouldn't be a lie. But "John Rykes" wasn't his birth name, even if, today, it was officially his name. And "Tom Kubik" wasn't his name either, not even officially – but it was the name his wife was married to.

Sometimes, John wondered who he was.

He had had so many names, and some were more real than some others – John Rykes, for example, was real to him, even if it wasn't his birth name – but he wasn't someone who hid under others identities. In a way, he was John Rykes, and he was Tom Kubik – he had birth certificates to go with the claim, and the two identities weren't constructs; they were him, down to a T.

The question wasn't who John wasn't... But who was he?

He was all these people at the same time, because they were the same person – not only faces, not lies. The problem didn't lie with who he wasn't. The problem was, he wasn't sure he still had a name to describe all these people into one.

And perhaps that was the reason he couldn't be true to Claire; because she only knew one of him.