'The Happy Unmarried'
'Love Hina' is by Ken Akamatsu
Writer's notes: New writer for this naughty farce base on original notes.
This tale, based on the last chapter of volume 14 of the manga, tells the story of how one mistake can lead to new opportunities for the ladies of the Hinata. As with all of the stories by the previous writer, I am bringing the timeline forward to the present day.
Chapter 1: The Happy Announcement
Late morning, late November…
A car turns into a long driveway, which leads to the rear lot of the former Hinata Inn.
Seeing other vehicles here, the driver parks in their designated spot.
"We should have a full crowd tonight, sweetie," says the woman with an attempted straight face.
Two people exit the car still laughing their heads off, cross the re-built traditional bridge and walk up to the new deck leading to the closest backdoor of their home.
"I just hope Motoko is unarmed," says the man cringing slightly as the woman giggles.
Entering said backdoor, our couple doffs their coats and shoes before donning house slippers.
Still laughing, the woman attempts to shush the man failing miserably as her giggling continues unabated.
That fails as well…
The man continues to talk away while still chuckling about their circumstances.
"Want to get a drink first," asks the woman as they pass by the full bar.
"I think we had enough last night, sweetie," he says giving her a quick kiss on the lips.
"Spoilsport," she says laughing as he pinches her rear.
Sitting off to the side in the common, or living room, are the now non-paying residents of the former Inn.
They hear their wandering scoundrels, as the pair are hardly quiet.
Opening one of the double-doors, the owners of the manse come stumbling in.
At first, they seem to be oblivious to the assembled group, until one of the group loudly hollers…
"Where the fuck have you two been?"
Seemly, this grabbed the attention of the couple who had been ignoring everything around them, except for each other.
Our couple, still laughing through the rude words, see and turn to face their friends.
Sitting there in descending age are Mutsumi, Kitsune, Motoko, Kanako, Kaolla, Shinobu, Nyamo, Mei, Ema and Sarah.
"Although rude as always," says Kanako giving the blonde American a quick glance, she turns to the miscreant couple and continues, "Sarah-chan has a point though, Onii-chan. You and Naru-san never run off without telling someone first."
Her worry though is for him not her, as she still worships her precious Onii-chan.
Mutsumi and Shinobu are most worried about them and the shape they are in right now.
With the rest, it varies…
Looking at his Imouto, and then at Naru, who is failing quite badly at suppressing her fits of laughter, Keitaro breaks out into another fit of his own.
"Just what in the hell is going on with you two?" asks Kitsune not believing how these two are acting. She has known them for too long…
Everyone seated in the common looks at each other, shrugs and has no clue. Especially since these two have been at an almost 'cold war' stance with each for the past two years.
However, they see the couple standing in the middle of them holding hands and acting all 'lovey-dovey'.
With them even interlacing their fingers no less.
Neither Keitaro nor Naru can stop laughing long enough to give them a coherent explanation. One of them would try to stop for a moment, but one look at the ladies present or each other, would wind them up again.
Releasing Keitaro's hands, Naru shakes hers trying to get her thoughts together as all eyes now turn to her.
"I think we had better sit first," blurts Keitaro taking Naru's hand again while leading them over to an empty love seat, "This is going to be a long one, minna. I just hope you are all seated comfortably."
"I think you'd better tell them, dear," says Naru.
"Shit," he hisses almost underneath his breath.
Before he can say anything, Kitsune says, "Have you two been drinking? Because both of your eyes are a very nice shade of bloodshot."
"She's still a bit hungover," says Keitaro smiling, "I'm fully recovered."
Backhanding his arm slightly through another fit of giggles, she whispers, "Asshole," through her teeth.
Looks of concern from the others, except for Mei and Sarah who laugh at the brunette.
Not willing to give the miscreant couple another millimeter, Mutsumi says, "Well, I'm waiting for an explanation." There is not even a hint of mirth on her face.
Annoyed, Kanako wants to hear their excuse as well.
"Okay, okay," says Keitaro looking at Naru first (who nods) before spanning his gaze over the rest of the room and stopping at the blonde American, "Thanks to a fortuitous fuck up by your Tou-san, it seems that Naru-chan and I were never legally married."
Nothing, as you could hear a pin drop.
Dead silence as the stunned audience looks at their host.
A smile from Keitaro.
A full-blown guffaw from Naru who nearly falls off the loveseat.
"WHAT!" comes the expected response after everyone's wits returns.
"The fuck you say," says Kitsune first to recover. A possible opportunity has just dropped into her lap and she will refuse to step aside this time.
"Hey, dork," says an indignant Sarah looking at the man she has lately come to actually like, "How is Papa at fault here?"
Keitaro gives the room some time to settle down, and his never wife a chance to regain her composure, before giving them an explanation.
Mutsumi seems somewhat put off by the news.
Kanako looks happy, as does Motoko who is still very much in love with him. As is Shinobu…
Nevertheless, no one knows what is going through his or Naru's minds as he has just made this startling announcement.
"Settle down so Kei-kun can speak," says Kitsune looking at Keitaro, "I want to hear this, so you had better make it good."
No longer laughing, or even smiling, Keitaro stands and goes to the middle of the room.
The room quiets as all eyes fix on him.
"This may be a bit long, so I hope you are all comfortable," he opines opening his monologue.
"Get to it, dork!" hollers an impatient Sarah.
It gets quiet once more.
"Yesterday morning while you were all out, Naru-chan and I had a pretty heated argument over an issue that has plagued us for the past couple of years."
She nods in agreement and interjects, "He wanted to start a family and I didn't want too. Mainly because I had just received a big promotion at work."
Keitaro nods smiling at his never wife and carries on, "Knowing her temper the way I do and not wanting a trip across the Prefecture…"
"I haven't hit you once since finding out I was your 'promise girl'," hisses Naru turning red-faced and feeling slightly embarrassed.
"…I stepped out of our bedroom and went down to my office over in the Annex here," he says pointing in its direction only after a slight pause and not missing a beat, "Sitting at my desk, I had opened the top drawer where I keep my more important hardcopy files. Perusing through one, I come across the original copy of our marriage certificate (looks at Naru). Going over the document, I noticed a discrepancy that had slipped by me before yesterday. Sarah-chan, this is where your Tou-san's part comes in. (Sarah looks intently at him) It seems that he was never a licensed Justice-of-the-Peace in Kanagawa Prefecture. I saw my signature and Hanko, Naru's signature and Hanko but there was no legal Hanko next to Noriyasu's."
"That sounds like Papa," quips the blonde beauty.
"Nevertheless, I saw this as an opportunity and ran upstairs to show Naru-chan."
Cutting in once again, Naru says, "Excitedly, he hands me this document and starts talking about it. I immediately saw the same thing as him and knew right then that it could give us a solution to our dilemma without having things turn into a huge mess."
Jumping back in, Keitaro states, "Not wanting to waste another moment arguing about it, we both ran downstairs with the document, grabbed our coats and shoes, hopped in my car and headed to the main Prefecture license bureau in downtown Yokohama."
"You drove like a fucking maniac too, dear," mutters Naru to her never husband under her breath.
"We made it there in one piece, Naru-chan," he replies sheepishly looking at his never wife again while scratching the back of his head.
She smiles at him anyway.
A pause to let the snickering die down.
"To make a long story short," says Keitaro starting in once again, "We waited in line after finding the right office. When the official called us to the counter, I showed the person there the incomplete document and asked if they had another copy. Pulling up our certificate on their computer screen, they saw the same discrepancy as in our original and concluded that we were not legally married. Seeing this as a way out for us, I almost panicked when they were about to call down a legal Justice. We both screamed "NO!" loud enough so that everyone there could hear us."
He pauses.
Naru giggles and nods.
The others lean in, as they fully comprehend what this could mean going forward for them.
Smiles all around the room.
Naru then says, "After they tore up the document, Kei-kun and I celebrated at a very fancy restaurant. We drank too much, so instead of driving home, we went to a regular hotel and spent the night fucking our brains' out."
"You mean after the way you two have been fighting the last two years you're not giving him up," inquires Kitsune with a non-standard question.
The others also wonder why the brunette would continue to have sex with Keitaro after ragging on him all that time.
"I can answer that quite simply for you, Kit," says Naru looking over at the Fox, "I still love him very much, although we best get along in the bedroom and on dates. Besides, he has ruined me for other men."
"How is that, Naru?" asks Sarah genuinely wanting to know.
Taking Keitaro's hand and standing next to her never husband, with him giving her a grin, she responds, "Because he has a 32-centimeter cock."
The room explodes…
End of Chapter