Chapter 1: Infinite Regrets
At first, he blamed Anakin.
If the boy had ever listened to his teachers, if he'd thought a bit longer or been a bit wiser. If any of those had happened, the galaxy would be safe. The Empire would be nonexistant. Billions of innocents would be alive.
At first, he hated the boy.
Later, he changed his mind.
Anakin would have grown. Anakin would have learned. If Palpatine hadn't been a Sith, all would have been well. If Palpatine had been killed, if Palpatine had been less charismatic... The Emporer was evil. It was his fault. It was all Palpatine's fault.
He didn't hate Palpatine. He knew too much about the Dark Side to hate him.
Now, he understands.
Anakin? The boy was foolish, but his position was impossible.
Not Palpatine, either. Palpatine was evil, yes, but he could have been stopped.
No, now he knows where the blame truly lies. He knows who holds responsibility, and every day that knowledge kills a bit more of his spirit.
The burden rests on him, and him alone. It's his fault that Anakin is out there still, corrupted and broken. It's his fault Palpatine succeeded in everything. So many things he could have done. So few he can do now.
Some days, he can think of nothing but his mistakes. All the times he let Anakin rush off, lesson unlearned. All the times he stood by and watched as Palpatine slowly twisted his apprentice beyond recognition. All the times he pushed his suspicions to the back of his mind. Some days, the memories overwhelm him.
Other days, he can focus on the present. He can function well enough to fix his vaporators and droids. The regrets don't leave him. They never will.
Occasionally, on the days he goes to the market and sees life continuing as though the galaxy wasn't reworking itself, he comes close to hope. He watches people, old and young, tending to their children and purchasing goods and gossiping. The merchants just want a good price, the farmers just want all the supplies they can get, the children just want to play. None of them pay any attention to the news. None of them will be affected by it.
He comes close to hope, watching them, but he never reaches it. Hope is dead. He killed it.
He is Obi-Wan Kenobi, former Jedi. He is Ben, the hermit. He is the man who created Darth Vader. He is a peculiar, antisocial loner. He is known throughout the galaxy. He speaks to no one.
One of these days, he'll lose his mind.