Running Away from the Memories – Chapter 1

Trees...trees...trees...more green trees...when will it stop? When will I find what I'm looking for? What am I looking for?...To tell the truth I really don't know...all I know is that what I am looking for is somewhere in this area with all these trees...I felt like I had to hurry and find this missing thing. I have no idea how long I was wondering around this tree infested area but I finally stopped after what felt like hours. No, more like days. I finally found it. Relief filled my heart. I found him...My love. I smiled as he turned around and I saw his beautiful god like face. His famous heart stopping lopsided smirk was drawing me in, telling me to come closer. I tried to walk towards him but I couldn't. I tried again but I didn't budge.

"Don't follow Me." said the god in front of me

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." he spat out almost irritated. As he said this I felt my heart crumble into a million pieces. My eyes were looking for any sign that he was lying. He wasn't. He was telling the truth.

"None of us want you to follow us Bella, I don't love you I never did." he smirked "It was all a game for me a temporary...distraction" I felt tears stinging in my eyes. No! this has to be a joke but his eyes said otherwise. His normal soft Topaz eyes were now Black and filled with hate. I tried to question him but the words wouldn't come out. Surprising myself I managed to squeak out one word.

"Why?"

"Simple" scoffed the now retreating figure "I played with you and now I'm done. To be honest you weren't even that fun to play with." With that last sentence he walked away into the darkness his figure no longer visible.
Then in one blink of my eye the trees were gone. He was gone. All I saw was darkness, an endless darkness. Then I felt a stabbing pain in my chest like my heart was being ripped out of my chest right then and there. I could feel the beating of my heart as it was growing louder and louder in my ears. It became deafening. My head was throbbing in tempo with my heart…THUMP…THUMP…THUMP. Then I couldn't take it anymore and I did all I could do. I screamed. And screamed and screamed until my throat felt raw.

My eyes then flashed open. I realized that I was screaming out loud and I immediately shut my mouth.
I looked around trying to understand where I was. My heart was still beating so fast that I thought it was going to jump out of my chest. It felt like a heavy stinging pain each time my heart beat. Then the tears were unwillingly coming out. My eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness and I realized that I was in my room. Thank god. It was only a dream but I knew that it was actually a memory. A memory that I had been reliving every night for four months straight. The same dream of when...he...left me. Sometimes it changes like for example tonight I actually asked why instead of thinking it.

I looked over at my alarm clock. 6:47 guess that gives me time to take a long shower to relax my muscles. I took as much time in the shower as I could with some warm water left. I got out around 7:30 and then crawled back into my bed, my hair still wet, and curled up in a ball underneath the covers. I had almost the same exact schedule every day. I want to change I really do. But, then I think about what happened almost exactly four months ago and my brain and body just shut down. I can't help it. They just one day got up and left. They were my world...He was my world. I let the tears fall down my face as I think about him or try not to think about him. It's so confusing sometimes what goes on in my head. None of it makes any sense it's just a bunch of thoughts being whirled around in my head so fast that most of the time I just zone out completely. Although most of the time I know it's about… I'm so pathetic I can't even say his name. I let the last couple tears fall as I get up and look at the clock for the second time this morning. 8:15 school starts in 15 minutes I should probably go down stairs and "eat" my breakfast. I already know I'll throw up if I try to eat something during the morning so now I only each lunch and dinner, sometimes I even skip lunch. I quickly get dressed and throw my damp hair into a messy ponytail then I walk down stairs and prepare my toast. Once my toast was done I sit on a chair across from Charlie and just stare at my toast as if it were poisoned. You could practically hear the clock ticking by how quiet it was. My mind was blank. It was always blank.

"That's it!" Charlie suddenly yelled making me jump a little in my seat.

"I'm sending you to Jacksonville with your mother." Charlie threatened. My eyes grew two times their normal size.

"No Charlie please don't send me there I want to stay here." I said almost crying again. What if they come back I can't miss them if they decide to come back.

"Well, I don't know what to do Bells, You're like a walking dead person...a zombie!" he sighed "Honey I love you and I hate seeing you like this. It really pains me to see you just drag yourself around every day like you despise waking up every morning." said Charlie with worried eyes.

"I promise dad, I'll get better. Just don't make me go with mom." I almost begged.

"I don't know Bells. Maybe a change is good for you." Charlie said scratching his head.

"No...I can't leave dad. I can't just leave you here alone." I said actually thinking about his health since...never mind

"You know what, I need to go to school dad. I'm going to be late." I said as I walked out the door.

I was angry, hurt and irritated all at the same time. I jumped into my old Chevy and decided I wasn't going to go to school today. I decided I was going to go somewhere where I could scream and sob at the top of my lungs and no one would call the cops better known as Charlie's men. This was my first time ditching school. Then again this was my first time feeling something instead of numbness. A rush was running through my body. It felt like I was being electrocuted but 100 times better. I think I was having an adrenaline rush and I loved it. I started to speed my car up to 60 mph as I passed up my usual turn to Forks high. I wanted to go faster. I wanted to feel this rush forever. Then before I could realize what I was doing I was pushing my poor Chevy to go 75. Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Said HIS voice. What the heck is happening? I don't know what's going on my mind's all fuzzy. Before I know it I'm being sucked into the past like in my dreams. Except for this time I'm fully awake.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said. I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before I could identify it, he'd composed his features into the same serene mask.

"Anything," I vowed my voice faintly stronger. As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" I nodded helplessly. His eyes cooled, the distance returned.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself for him. "I nodded again.

"I will," I whispered. He seemed to relax just a little.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away. He smiled gently.

"Don't worry. You're human your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" I asked. It sounded like there was something stuck in my throat, like I was choking.

"Well "he hesitated for a short second "I won't forget. But my kind... we're very easily distracted." He smiled; the smile was tranquil and it did not touch his eyes. He took a step away from me.

"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you ag-HONK HONK HOONNK HONNNK!

I got snapped back to reality by the sound of a horn from a car. I had just enough time to turn my head and see the bright head lights of a huge semi-trunk. Everything went black and at first I felt a stabbing pain in my side but then it quickly faded and I felt more at peace than I have for four months.