Part 1
What do I have to do to make you wanna fall in love with me?
The pain is so real at your side. Smiling has a cost. You are obsessed with my body. I just want your love, It doesn´t matter how sick it can be. Kiss me gently just once. Make me feel that famous lie called love.
Why can´t you love me? I have given you everything I had. My body is yours. Can´t you give me your heart in return? Can you remember something about me, besides my body and my moans? I guess not. I´m just a game to you. And you are my obsession. Even more!
Letter 1
Dear Kenny,
Since I met you my life has turned into a hell, with all his high and lows. I can feel the fire of our passion, but I also can feel the burns of the flames. There´s no way I can feel the first one without feeling the last one. I´m totally trap. I´m addicted to your fire, and even to the marks it leaves. I like the pain and how it heals when you kiss my lips. I don´t mind how much it hurts every day. I don´t mind how much it might destroy. If you are with me…
Why do I say this? Why do I keep fooling myself for you? I know I´m an ass for believing in your words, but my heart doesn´t mind about that. I want more… and more… and more… A last kiss is never enough. When do you turned me into this? When do I become your bitch? You fuck me when you want. A simple text is enough. Maybe you kiss to rough, but you know I like rough. But most of all, I like your moans. I like to hear that you like me. I like when you smile me. But, for Fuck Sake, what I definitely love, is to hear you moan my name.
Moan it to my ear.
Moan it against my lips.
Moan it when you come inside me.
That moan… That word… It makes me yours. You had made me weak, a pathetic skinny boy that is desperate for your love. I can´t tell when I became such a lame thing, and that the worst of all. Even twenty cigarettes aren´t enough to stop thinking of you. Even when I get high you are still in my mind. I´m so fucking pathetic! I´m so fucking pathetic for you! And I love it! You heard me?- I mean, "You read it?"- I LOVE TO BE FUCKING PATHETIC FOR YOU!
You are my addiction, worse than the cigarettes. You make me mad, like no one else can. When did I become so pathetic? When did you become my sick obsession?
Craig had met Kenny when they were just kids. But when Craig truly met Kenny, was at a party where he was craving to leave and the blonde offer him to take him to a ride while his parents arrived for him. They were at ninth grade, and Craig barely drank. Smoking was a whole other thing, since Craig smoke since he was twelve and the asshole of Clyde stole some cigarettes from his uncle to try it with him. He got hooked on almost immediately. Maybe Kenny was another kind of cigarettes.
They were driving all over the town for almost two hours and, during that time, they went to buy some cigarettes and a six-pack of Jack Danielle´s. Kenny was the one who went out of the car to buy it, since Craig looked pretty young. It wasn´t that Kenny looked like a grown-up man, but his confidence at buying the stuff was so big that anyone would have had fall for it. Even Craig could swear that he looked like a twenty year-old guy. Later that same year, Craig learned to look that confidence and started buying his own cigarettes with anybody's help.
"Here you have." He had told him. "Who would say that Craig the stoic boy smoked, huh?"
"The same people that would have say that Kenny McCormick is not a slut."
And he laughed.
"Gosh. Is it that obvious?" he asked, but Craig didn´t answer. He only lit his cigarette on and took it to his mouth. "You look kinda sexy with that thing on your mouth."
"And you look kinda dumb with that face on."
"You think I´m dumb?"
"I don´t think you are smart."
"You would be surprised if, y´know? I am pretty smart, in my opinion. Is only that I have another kind of intelligence that you don´t know."
"Sure. But you´re not smart in mine."
"Nobody´s smart in your opinion."
And that was right. Craig was a big asshole when it was about dealing with people. He just thought that everyone that surrounded was a completely retard, even Clyde.
Kenny smiled, finding interesting that Craig didn´t give a fuck about anything.
"Beer?" he offered, holding a beer in his hand, shaking it a bit.
"Why not?" he took the beer and opened it, giving his first drink to some whisky. He had only tasted vodka before and, honestly, it tasted so much better than whisky. Later, Craig would like whisky more than anything because of the burning feeling in his throat. "Yikes." He complained.
"Ja. Is it the first time you drink whisky or what, honey?"
"It burns like fuck. And don´t dare to call me "honey" again, bastard."
The blonde one laughed, giving a big gulp to his beer.
"Can you give me a cigarette, honey?" he said just to bother him. "I bought it to you, so don´t be a bitch, ´kay?" Craig hesitate a bit but, finally, he gave a cigarette to Kenny. "I have never kissed a girl who smokes. I wonder how it would taste." He said, clearly fascinated by the smoke of his own cigarette. Craig learned that when Kenny smoked Tabaco, the alcohol affected him more and quicker.
"It must taste like crap."
"Yeah? Why? It´ll probably taste like this." He lift his cigarette.
"Cigarettes taste like crap, you moron."
"Then why do you smoke, smart-ass?"
"Because I like that it tastes so bad. Is bitter."
"Like you." And he laughed.
They didn't return to the party till Kenny was too drunk to keep driving. He had finished the whole six-pack and the half of another that they have bought during the night. Craig only drank to beer and felt dizzy already, but he didn´t say a thing to McCormick, because the bastard would be making fun of that forever.
In the party Craig met when Clyde and Token, and later, when the party was almost over and his mom was about to pick him up, he found Kenny kissing a random chick. He had his tongue inside the girl´s mouth and his hand inside the girl´s blouse.
"What an idiot." He thought. And later, when Kenny´s tongue would be inside his own mouth, he would still think the same.
What an idiot.
"You´re a fucking idiot" he told him, while his back was lying against the wall and his cheeks were burning bright red.
"Why?" he said with a mischievous voice.
Craig was too fucking high to remember why and, instead, he closed his eyes and kissed Kenny again, softly this time.
Kenny chuckle while this kiss, bothering the black-haired.
"Stop laughing at how I kiss. I´m to phockin high."
"I´m laughing because you said that girls that smoked tasted like crap and you don´t taste like crap. You taste good." He kissed him again. "You taste so fucking good."
"I´m high. That´s all."
"Well…" slowly, he took Craig fingers and played with them for a while. "I´m high too."
"Of course you are, you fucking idiot. Your eyes are so phockin red."
"You say "fucking" so funny" he laughed.
Craig lift his middle finger and then went on kissing Kenny again, this time throwing his arms around Kenny´s neck, to pull him against him.
He had never desired someone as much as he did with Kenny.
Kenny always teased him by inviting him to his place to smoke a little bit. It wasn´t the offer that bother him, but the way Kenny said it. He said it with this look and this voice that suggested more. Like if he knew more about Craig´s feelings than Craig himself.
He knew that between and Craig was some kind of attraction hard to ignore. Every time they were left alone, Kenny gave him this look and Craig felt how his skin got hotter and hotter, fearing his had got red. Craig felt like if something was calling to him. Like if Kenny´s body was calling for him. No… Not only his body, but something else. He felt nervous with Kenny, like if he had to do something more than just being an indifferent dude. He couldn´t be indifferent anymore around Kenny. And he knew it. That bastard knew it.
Every time they got high, he felt like if he had to kiss Kenny. Not only kiss, but to touch Kenny and say to him nice things. He wanted Kenny to be high enough to hug him and try to (pathetically) flirt with him. But, like a little whore, the blonde only got near enough to make Craig´s body shiver before a possible kiss; but he never kissed him. He only looked at Craig with a smile that suggests something and when the stoic-boy discovered him, he only laughed and looked into another direction, without wanting to answer to Craig´s question.
"What?"
"Nothing. Nothing"
"Fucking weirdo."
And, even when Craig blushed, hoping he might say something sweet, or even pervert, Kenny didn´t dare to give a clear sign. He only left Craig in the darkness, and he seemed to be enjoying that. How the black-haired boy tried to figured out a way to escape from the darkness.
He was making fall in love with him.
That was the kind of intelligence he was talking about.
When did I start liking you so much? You were everything I hated. You were all the fucking things that my parents warn me about bad influence. But I´m a fucking bad influence by myself. I smoke. I get drugged. I steal. I bully. I´m all those bad things by myself. I´ve got into more fights than you, then yet, you´re still bad for me. How? That I can´t say either.
I can only say how much I cannot think about you. You are in every fucking thought I have! Like the fucking dumb bitch you are! Why am I so stupid? I thought I was better by anyone and… Ja! Look at me. Falling like a dumb white chick who reads "The Fault in Our Stars". I´m just… Who am I to fall for you? I know it´s the worst fucking thing I can do, and yet, I keep going to you. I don´t want it to stop. You´re my fucking obsession and I don´t know what to do. You are my fucking owner. I´m fucking obsessed with you and I don´t know how to escape from that. I don´t know because I don´t want. That's what obsessions are about. You can never get free of them. I can´t get free from you. I´m obsessed with you. I love you.
"Tell me that you love me. Tell me. Tell me how much you love and desire me, Craig."
He was bumping into him, making him unable to talk. But Kenny loved that silence full of means even more than the words he was asking for. He liked to see Craig so vulnerable and weak under him. Hi liked to be the one fucking Craig. It was like taming the beast and making it weak, your mere pet.
"Tell me." He ordered.
"I-! I-!"
"You what? Ah!"
"I-….
"Oh, fuck sake. Say it, Craig! Say it! Say it and I would come."
"I love you."
And Kenny came inside him, making him moan harder than he had ever make him moan. He kissed the tip of Craig´s penis and then lay at one side of him, recovering from that great sex.
"Kenny…" he called him with a childish voice. It was funny how Craig could become a submissive pathetic boy with him.
"What do you want?"
He didn´t even turn to see him.
"Do you love me too? Can you say it?"
"I love you." He said. "Now go to sleep. Don´t bother me."
And Craig did what he was told.
He turned from a dude that could easily intimidate the whole school with one look to the guy he was now, the one that did what he was told by his loved one.
I love you more than I could ever hate you. And I hate myself for that.
~Craig.