Star Wars
Scars
Author's Note: This is a Finrey fic I've come up with while wondering what would and could have happened during the fight with Kylo and whether Finn will ever walk again afterwards. If so, what would it take to get him walking? Was that truly Rey fighting Kylo, or was it just her anger taking over? Would she have killed him had the ground not split open? It was questions like that that have led to this story, so I hope you enjoy. WARNING: Spoilers ahead!
Rey was lying on her bed looking up at the ceiling. It was about six months since she'd fought Kylo Ren on the Starkiller Base, yet flashes of that terrible ordeal played across her vision. She was back with the Resistance for the time being. Luke had refused to train her because of the struggle she was going through, and had told her to come back when she'd straightened everything out for fear that she'd be corrupted by the dark side in her struggle. If that happened, he didn't want her armed with Jedi mastery. She could understand his fear with what happened to Kylo Ren. When he turned to the dark side, he'd killed the latest generation of Jedi. Luke was literally the lifeline for any future Jedi that needed training. So too would she be once she'd been trained. She would need to take a Padawan under her wing, but would she be a good master?
On Starkiller Base, she'd seen horrible things. She'd seen Finn get slashed right up the spinal column for a start. When they'd got him back to the Resistance base, they'd found that his vertebrae had all been melted together. Poe had to drag her to her room and lock her in there to have a meltdown privately while Finn was in surgery for two solid days while medical droids sawed each vertebra apart before reshaping and reconstructing them carefully. He was up and walking now, but it could be up to another year before he'd regain full mobility.
Then there was her fight against Kylo. While he'd been busy cutting down trees, she'd been hacking at him. She'd hit him repeatedly before cutting deep into his left leg. The fact that the event never concluded left her with a sense of self doubt though. Would she have killed him for killing Solo and wounding Finn like he did? She admitted to herself that she probably would have. In that case, was she any better than him? If she just gave in to her anger and hate, what kind of Jedi would she ever be? Could she ever be one?
"What's on your mind, Rey?" Her head snapped up quickly to see Finn standing in the doorway.
"I was just looking at the stars." Rey lied.
"So the force gives you x-ray vision?" Finn asked smugly. "There's a ceiling in between here and the stars, you know." Rey just rested her head in her hands, looking like she wanted to burst into tears.
"Finn, can I ask you something?" she asked.
"Fire away." Finn sat on the edge of her bed. She felt a jolt go through her fingers as he laced his own through them.
"When you were a stormtrooper, did you ever have friends?" Finn visibly flinched.
"I only ever had one friend." Finn replied. "He died when we were trying to capture Poe. Last time I saw him, his fingers were trailing down my helmet leaving bloody smears on it. I'd just cleaned it as well." Rey saw a tear escape Finn's eye.
"I'm so sorry, Finn. I shouldn't have asked." Finn just squeezed her hand tighter.
"What about you then?" he asked. "Did you have any friends on Jakku?"
"You're joking, right?" Rey looked up at him incredulously. "Until BB-8 came along, the closest thing I had to a friend was the desert sand. All my parents ever did for me in life was to abandon me there with that fat creep who would give me the smallest amount of food he could in exchange for what I brought him."
"Your parents did a damn sight more than mine did." Finn muttered. "At least yours named you. I spent my whole life going by FN2187. It was actually Poe who named me Finn. I can tell friends aren't all that's on your mind though. Do you want to talk about it?"
"I just can't stop thinking about what happened on Starkiller Base." Rey confessed. "It just keeps coming back to me. I get flashbacks and nightmares. As creepy as it sounds, I often go to your room and stand in the doorway to make sure you're okay."
"Do you know how normal something like that is?" Finn asked Rey just shook her head. "It sounds like you're just suffering from post-traumatic stress." Finn explained.
"I thought only stormtroopers got that." Rey looked visibly confused. "People on Jakku used to say that 'our best hope if the First Order invades is that the stormtroopers kill so many of us that they become slightly depressed'. Does that mean it can happen to anyone?"
"Yeah, it can happen to anyone." Finn said as he worked his right arm under Rey's back before picking her up and holding her close. "It is true though, the stormtroopers did get it quite often. They deal with it slightly better here though."
"Dare I even ask how they deal with it in the First Order?"
"It was really quite simple." Finn explained. "First, you got put on a short rehab course. If you weren't battle ready in ten days, you were taken out the back and shot. If by some sheer miracle you were battle ready in ten days or less, they would send you straight back in feet-first. If you showed signs of PTSD again, they didn't bother with rehab, they just shot you."
"God, that's awful." Rey muttered. "I'm glad I'm not a stormtrooper."
"I'm glad I'm not a stormtrooper anymore." Finn agreed. Rey gent rested her hand on his left shoulder and pulled downwards. Realising what she wanted, he positioned himself so that they were lying together on her bed. Finn noticed Rey was shivering. Pulling the covers up over her, he hugged her close.
"Should I have killed him?" Rey asked; her voice little more than a whisper.
"Killed who?" Finn replied, resting one hand on the side of her face.
"Should I have killed Kylo when I fought him?" Rey asked. "I had the chance, but the ground split open and cut me off from him."
"I don't think you should have." Finn said confidently. "If anything, I'm glad you didn't. If you had a chance but didn't take it, then you've spared his life whether you wanted to or not. I guarantee that that'll eat away at his mind just as much as nearly killing him is eating away at you."
"I'll be honest: I had one hell of a meltdown when he hurt you." Rey muttered, nuzzling into Finn's neck.
"I don't blame you." Finn replied. "We both know how fabulous I am." Rey smacked him hard on the arm. "Seriously though, I don't blame you." Finn continued, ignoring it. "It must have been hard to watch." Rey only nodded.
"Your back literally burst into flames." Rey told him.
"I'm not surprised." Finn muttered. Suddenly, he was cut off by Rey's lips on his. The kiss was warm but brief. When they parted, Rey instantly realised what she'd done.
"Sorry!" she muttered urgently but sheepishly.
"What the hell for?" Finn was clearly confused. "I'll be honest: I enjoyed that much more than that time on Jakku."
"You mean when we first met?" Rey turned red remembering that moment.
"I have to say, I'd never been straddled by a girl before; and if that time was anything to go by then I never want it to happen again." Finn's cheeks were also flushed at the memory.
"I'd never straddled anyone before, but I know you don't usually do it pointing a weapon their face." Rey moved to get closer to him. "If you want, I can show you what it's really like."
"I really wouldn't do that." Finn warned. "My back feels like it's going to break whenever I lie on it alone. If I have anything on top of me as well, it might spontaneously combust."
"That's a fair point." Rey moved back a bit, feeling embarrassed about forgetting. "So, where do we stand now?"
"We'll figure that out." Finn said reassuringly. "I don't know if Leia will be too happy about us being together. You should see her without Solo now. If you'd really moved in the last six months other than showering and eating, you'd know that she'd become a grumpy old cow. I can't say I blame her either. She lost her husband thanks to her son and her brother cast himself into exile when the Jedi were slaughtered a second time. If I were in her shoes, I don't think I'd be much happier either."
"At least we have something to be happy about right now." Rey whispered seductively. Quickly, she pulled Finn towards her again and wrapped her arms around him as they kissed. They held each other well into the night, with Rey's problems slowly becoming forgotten. Eventually, they fell asleep in each other's embrace.
Line Break!
They weren't sure if it was the alarms or Leia on the PA that woke them, but the flashing lights were what disoriented them as soon as they opened their eyes. The entire base was shaking.
'Another wave of First Order bombers is on approach! I want all available AA guns online and ready!' Leia's voice barked over the intercom.
"Come on, Rey!" Finn got up as quickly as he could, his back audibly protesting to the sudden movement. He looked back to see Rey curling up on her bed, tears streaming down her face.
"God, I can't do this!" she sobbed. "I can't go taking another life!"
"Rey, I swear to god, if you don't get up right now, we're all as good as dead!" Finn snapped, striding back over to the bed and holding her so she was looking directly into his eyes. "Rey, I love you and I need you now. I don't care about before, okay? Maybe you should have killed Kylo, maybe you shouldn't. You didn't do it; so you have to deal with that. It's in the past! It doesn't change who you are as a person or a Jedi. I don't give a crap about the past or what you did before; I just care about what you do now!" Rey knew it was true. She'd told it to herself so many times. She was still the same person. She had survived too much to curl up and die now. But something about Finn saying it just made it all that little bit more meaningful. Planting a kiss on his lips, Rey stood up.
"You're right, Finn. I can't let this hold me back!" she muttered sharply. Finn took her hand and they made their way out into the hall. They headed towards the Anti-Air batteries only for Rey to trip over something with a metallic clang.
"Oh R2, please be careful." A droid said as Rey looked down at the small blue astromech droid she'd just tripped over. Just then, the droid with it recognised Rey. "Greetings, mistress Rey; it's certainly good to see you. In case you've forgotten having not seen me for six months, I am C3PO, human-cyborg relations."
"I know who you are, 3PO, but we'll catch up later. We have to defend the base now." Rey and Finn ran onwards as fast as they could towards the gun turrets. Finn couldn't run very fast because of his back, but they got there just as the base shook under another salvo of plasma bombs.
'Those bombers are equipped with high-velocity plasma shells! I want them gone!' Leia shouted over the base's speakers. Rey and Finn jumped into two AA turrets that were right next to each other and flicked a couple of switched to enable the targeting computers. While the turrets came online, the sky turned black as another wave of First Order heavy bombers swooped in on an attack run.
"Light them up!" Rey yelled as she and Finn started firing. The sheer number of fighters made it nearly impossible to miss a target, but it played havoc with the targeting computers. Because there were so many targets, they couldn't lock-on properly. The First Order weren't going for tactical formations; they were going for all-out offensive. Plasma bombs slammed into the base again, causing it to shake violently. One of the turrets exploded as a bomber scored a direct hit.
"They got Nash!" someone yelled. As what was left of those fighters broke off, another wave came in. Just then, Rey took her hands off the turret controls.
"Rey, what's wrong?" Finn called to her.
"Something's different." Rey muttered. "I can feel them." Almost in a trance, Rey lifted her hands. Focusing, she sent out a powerful wave of energy that shattered the windows of her turret and continued on to sweep every TIE bomber out of the air. They smashed into the ground and exploded like someone had carpet bombed the entire battlefield. Exhausted, Rey slumped forwards on the control panel.
"Are you okay?" Finn called.
"I can't do that again." Rey panted. She didn't even have the energy to sit up straight.
"Hold on, I'm coming." Finn's chair ejected backwards out from the turret as he ran round to Rey's. He pulled her chair backwards and lifted her out. Unfortunately, his back couldn't take the weight of carrying someone. He ended up falling backwards onto the floor. He sat up quick and shifted Rey onto his lap.
"I feel like I'm dying." Rey's voice was barely anything more than a whisper.
"No, that's just exhaustion." Finn said, resting one hand on her cheek. "Trust me, I went through Stormtrooper training. I've been there." Rey could only laugh weakly. Just then, Finn heard the dreadful hum of more TIE bombers. He looked around to see that the remnants of the third wave had regrouped with what was left of the first and second waves. Both their turrets were overheated and barely any others were functional. And with Rey too exhausted to do anything, they had barely any defence left. As he was starting to panic, Finn looked over to see a figure in a cloak walking across one of the lower balconies. For a split second, Finn saw her face.
"What's going on?" Rey asked.
"I think Leia's about to do something." Finn replied. As he spoke, Leia extended her arms. In a split second, all the TIE bombers were frozen in place. Leia clapped her hands together, slamming all the bombers into one massive ball of fire. Before each fighter made contact, the screams and begging of the terrified pilots could be heard from the base. Once each fighter had been crushed into the mass, Leia thrust her arms forwards. The backlash of the massive force push nearly threw her off her feet as the black chromed bundle that was once a squadron of TIE bombers was sent flying. It bounced along the ground leaving flaming pieces of metal littering the soil. Having to lean forwards on the front rail for support, Leia put one hand to her earpiece.
"Attention all hands, we are now at condition Yellow. Everyone stand down. I want a full damage report as soon as humanly possible."
"That was amazing." Rey looked like she wanted to try standing up, but she couldn't find the energy.
"Now, how are we going to get you back to your room?" Finn wondered aloud. Normally, he would carry her; but that was out of the question. Just then, a pair of hairy arms gently picked Rey up and started carrying her. "Thanks, Chewie." Finn said, patting the wookie on the back. Chewbacca turned to face him and let out a threatening roar. "Okay, I get it. Don't touch." Finn muttered as he followed him. Chewie carried the now unconscious girl through the base before Leia ran over in the main command centre.
"Is she okay?" she asked.
"She's just exhausted." Finn told her. "How did you do that though? That was amazing!"
"Young man, before I was married, my last name was Skywalker." Leia told him. "It only changed to Solo when I married Han. Tell me: that third wave getting taken out the air was her, wasn't it?"
"Yeah, she did that." Finn nodded.
"I thought someone fired the EMP." Leia laughed. "The EMP would have put all the turrets offline, which is why I went out there."
"I don't think the EMP would have made much difference." Finn said. "We only have about three or four turrets left."
"Thank you for telling me." Leia looked lost in her own thoughts for a second. "If the base is too badly damaged, we may have to abandon it."
"I know." Finn muttered. "Anyway, I need to go and make sure Rey's okay."
"Go on then. She needs her knight in shiny white armour." Leia motioned him through as someone else ran over with the casualty report. Finn followed Chewie through the corridors into Rey's room. They laid Rey down on her bed and Finn pulled the covers over her before getting up to leave.
"Lie with me." Rey mumbled. Barely suppressing an eye-roll, Finn climbed in next to her
"You were amazing out there. You know that, right?" he whispered to her.
"You're always amazing." Rey replied. "You're no good with a lightsaber and you're shaky with a blaster, but you still manage to be amazing. How do you do that?"
"I do it the same way you always manage to be amazing in every way." Reaching up, Finn gently kissed her on the forehead.
"I love you." Rey muttered as she slowly drifted off to sleep.
"I love you too, Rey." Finn pulled her closer and she rested her head on top of his. Finn knew she was right though. He was no good with a lightsaber and without his helmet's built-in targeting system he was pretty bad with a blaster, but he knew there was one thing he could do. As long as he lived, he would forever be there to help heal Rey's deep scars.