The roar of the crowd shreaks as Zayn, Harry, and the other guys from one direction finish their concert and head backstage. Their manager walks up to them and gives them the thumbs up before walking away. The guys are excited and there's adrenaline pumping through their bodies. Girls swarm and this one dude aged 35 with a moustache try to bust through the security guards to get backstage, trying to get backstage to meet their heroes. The boys are pelted with panties and bras and unwanted babies. Harry looks down and picks one of the, now crying and bleeding, babies and looks at it. His smile fades as he comes to the realization that he will never be able to have his own loving family with someone that loves him for him and not for his fame. Zayn sees this and walks over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Harry looks up and stares into Zayn's eyes, feeling a connection he didn't think he'd ever feel with his fellow bandmates. He starts crying tears of both happiness and confusion as he wonders why he's feeling these emotions. He hugs Zayn without saying a word and cries on his shoulder. The other bandmates go out for some tea and crumpets (I think they're british or some shit. Not googling it) while Zayn and Harry go off to the trailer.

"Why do we have a trailer? Aren't we billionaires?" Says Harry, looking into Zayn's eyes while giving him a back massage.

"A better question would be why are you giving me a massage instead of the masssageman."

Replies Zayn. Harry remains silent before turning Zayn onto his back. He lifts up his feet and changes Zayn's diaper.

"Thank you for that. I doody'd half way through the show." says Zayn.

"I know, I could smell it", replies Harry, tying up the diaper and throwing it in the bin. Zayn gets up off the massage table. His towel falls off and Harry blushes as he looks down and looks at Zayn's second towel which is still on him.

"I... I can see your... Towel" Says Harry. Looking away in embarrassment. Zayn looks down and sees that his first towel is down. He pulls it back up really quickly. Like... So fast he puts Sonic to shame.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that" says Zayn.

"It's ok Zayn... You can walk around with just 1 towel around me if you want"

"O-ok" replies Zayn before slowly lowering his first towel, revealing his second towel.

"H-Harry... Can you Styles my hair? I'm thinking of making it into a mohawk." Harry walks out of the trailer.

- Next day -

Harry and Zayn decide to take a day off. They cancel the concert so they can get some Chinese from the local Chinese shop. The fans didn't get a refund. Harry orders a burrito while Zayn orders a few tacos.

"Hey I don't think this is a Chinese restaurant" Says Harry, wondering what's going on.

"What makes you think that?"

"Well the taco dates from the 18th century and the silver mines in Mexico, because in those mines the word "taco" referred to the little charges they would use to excavate the ore. These were pieces of paper that they would wrap around gunpowder and insert into the holes they carved in the rock face. Mexico is on the edge of North America which is on a separate continent to China. So we are not in a Chinese restaurant but instead in a Mexican restaurant. Also the name of the restaurant is "taco bell"." Zayn looks up from his phone after Harry is done giving him a lecture.

"Yeah man that's so cool. Chinese and their tacos man... Hehe" Zayn says.

"Yeah tell me about it." They continue eating their Chinese food before going back to their car and head back home. When they get home, Zayn runs into the bathroom and chucks the biggest shit. It was huge and smelled like roadkill. It quickly fills the entire building, notifying Harry and killing his gerbil. Zayn leaves the bathroom to be confronted by Harry.

"Are you okay, Zayn? I heard screaming and smelled a god awful smell and thought someone murdered you and shit on your bleeding corpse so I came up to check."

"No, I'm ok. The sushi from earlier went through me like an enema except that goes up my butt."

Harry leans in to Zayn's ear and whispers "That's not the only thing that'll go up your butt." Zayn blushes and hugs Harry. They walk towards the bed and Harry takes his shirt off. Zayn pushes him onto the bed and locks the door. He walks back towards him, looking all sexy and British. He kneels down in front of Harry and pulls down his pants, revealing his towel. Before he can do anything R18+, a swat team, nuclear radiation team, and a bomb squad bust into the room.

"We had numerous reports from the next state about terrorists plant- ohhh god. Put a towel on, son and get out" Harry gets up, now crying, and puts a towel over himself. Zayn gets up follows him as he runs out to the court yard. They look back as a fire brigade runs past them to put out the fire.

Harry starts screaming and crying as he watches everything he worked for burn to the ground.

"This is all your fault you dirty dog" Harry tells Zayn. Zayn clutches his chest and looks hurt. He walks over to Harry and hugs him.

"Come with me" he says as he walks to the car. Harry follows him as he has nowhere else to go. Zayn takes him to motel guarded by a black guy, a black girl, a hic, a duck, and a foreign doctor. They pass the motel and go to a hotel. They walk into their room and unpack. Harry jumps onto the single queen sized bed and Zayn walks over to him. He lowers his pants and reveals his towel.

"Are you ready, Harry?" Harry looks surprised and stares at Zayn's towel. His eyes widen and jaw drops as Zayn slowly lowers his towel, revealing his thick long pool noodle.

"Oh my god, it's... It's huge, Zayn"

"I know, it's a pool noodle." Harry puts his hand on Zayns noodle. Zayn grabs Harry and pulls him up.

"Just hold onto the noodle so you don't drown. You can even go to the deep end" Zayn says as he pulls Harry out of the water.

"I'd like you to go to MY deep end" replies Harry all seductively. Zayn pulls down Harry's towel, bends him over, and goes into his deep end. Harry bites the entire bed as Zayn thrusts into him. He keeps thrusting and after a few seconds, the Holy Spirit flies down and enters their bodies.

"What was that?" says Harry, wondering what just happened

"I don't know" replies Zayn. "I think it was a bird or a beetle or something. Any idea, Jesus?"

"Nah man, no idea" says Jesus.