All characters used in this story are owned by Matt Stone and Trey Parker.
I Swear
Chapter 1: Cartman's POV
I hate the world and the people in it, almost all the people in it. I think to myself ways the world could burn, as I slice another scar into my forearm. I think what would happen if there was a huge fire that could destroy everyone, and leave me alone in the world. Because the real I want to destroy is my own. The blood slithers down my scratched up skin running fast like water breaking through a dam, as I ripped open my own flesh with a rusty razor. The song "I Swear" by All 4 One was looping over and over again in the background of my dim lit room. It reaked of stale soda and ciggerette smoke, and it was cluttered with mildew ridden furniture and rotten clothing all over. The only fresh, clean things I had in my room was a bed sheet and pillow, and a drawer of clothes. I had a TV, xbox, and computer at one point, but I had to sell them to pay bills. When I was younger I was a spoiled brat. I was selfish and my mom gave in to every scheme I had planned. She took care of me and loved me, I took that for granted. Now that love is gone, and I regret not cherishing it. I am now taking care of her. She is always drunk, high on the needle, or fucking another guy in her bed. Every night when I come home from work she's passed out on the couch or the floor, whatever comes first. Tonight was the same routine as usual. I came home from work to find she was passed out in the kitchen in her own vomit. Tequila bottles were strewn about, the stench of vomit, alcohol, and rancid dishes was unbearable. I carried her frail body up to the bathroom to clean her up. After wiping her vomit off with a purple washcloth, I took her jewelry off and placed it on the counter. Then I wiped away her heavy makeup before tucking her in in her bed. I shut the door and went into my bedroom. I didn't bother to change my clothes. I walked into my bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I was disgusted with my reflection I was tired, dirty, and working two jobs. I was always a terrible person to everyone especially Kyle. If only he knew what I was going through. When I was younger my mom's "boyfriends" were abusive and nit just interested in my whore of a mother. I don't want to really talk about it, but you got my drift. The blood dried on my skin, and it stained the sleeve of my gray sweat jacket, but no one will notice. I wiped most of the blood with the inside of my sleeve, then threw the razor on the sink and turned off the light. I spit at the mirror before going into my room to sleep on the floor. I started sleeping on the floor after the last guy, I didn't even make the bed. I wrapped my self up in a bedsheet and laid my head on a pile of clothes, and closed my eyes singing, "I swear by the moon and the stars and the sky...I'll be there kyle."
Chapter 2: Kyle's POV
Hey my name is Kyle Brofvloski. I am 17 years old. I go to South Park high school. And I'm in love with Eric Cartman. I must've said these lines to myself a million times until I finally realized what I was saying. I love everything about him, the way he talks, the way he walks, and the face he makes when he is determined or concentrating. He hasn't been himself for a while and I think I'm the only one who's noticed. He's been distant, quiet, and he has been wearing the same clothes for weeks, sometimes they're clean, sometimes they're dirty. Stan doesn't talk fondly of Eric nor does he care about him at all. He stopped interacting with Eric in seventh grade he still hangs out with the four of us and they talk but, it always ends up in an argument. It kind of reminds me of Eric and I when we were younger. We barely argue anymore and hang out usually but never alone. Stan is paranoid that my love for Eric will "overpower" me and Cartman will kill me. He's always trying to convince me that Eric is a neo-Nazi asshole and that me calling him Eric is encouraging his ego. I started calling him Eric when he left his journal on his desk I started reading his passages and never gave it back. Most of the pages were either love song lyrics or how he hated the world full of hippies. It made me laugh until I saw passage written on his birthday.
Passage from notebook:
July 1 Happy birthday asshole you've turned another year old and your so called friend still call you Cartman because you don't deserve to be called Eric. Your mom's a heroin crack drunk or who told you to fuck off and you're living alone. :D
At the bottom of the page was a picture of a fat kid crying and the skinny kid smiling. The fat kids name was Cartman and the skinny kid was named Eric. I never told him why I started calling him Eric and I don't plan to. All I only know is that he seems to appreciate it. I also started to notice he's been distant at lunch so today I'm going to follow him.
"Kyle come on!" "Wha-?" I yelped. I looked at Stan who made me lose my train of thought, he was wearing a brown baseball, jeans, and a brown Carhart jacket with books in hand. "Come on we're going to be late for class." "Oh yea, sorry." We walked to school every morning because I didn't have a car and Stan didn't like driving. "So dude, did you do your math homework? I got to caught up with the game last night." "Yea, I'll give you the answers in homeroom." "Hey Kyle are you okay?" "Yeah why?" "Because you're going the wrong way." "Oh sorry I didn't get much sleep last night." Which was true, but still a lie. I was too busy thinking about later during lunch. What will happen if Eric sees that I'm stalking him? What if I'm just overreacting? I need to calm down just don't think about it. "Hey Kyle!" "Oh, Butters you scared me." I laughed a little until Kenny put his hand on my shoulder with concern. When did he get here? Before I knew it we were at our lockers. "dude are you sure you're okay? You've been jumpy all morning." Stan asked. "I'm fine I'm just tired I studied a lot last night." "More like a spaz, you like someone." Kenny sing-songed. I started to blush, I tried to hide it but Kenny saw a glimpse of it. Dammit! "Ooh, so who is it does he go here?" "Kenny lean off will ya?" Thank you Stan. I told them both I was gay and eighth-grade but I only told I can stand about Eric. It's not that I don't trust Kenny it's just that he would hint at it to the point where it was obvious. Ring! "I'll see you guys later." I said before heading to first period. The first two periods went by slow and now I had history and Eric was in my class. "Alright class have a seat today we're going to learn about Oskar Schindler can anyone tell me who he was?" Mrs. Evergreen was a tall and woman with a blond ponytail and thick rimmed glasses. As she was correcting someone about Oskar Schindler I realized Eric was writing in another journal, a red spiral one with a piece of duct taped on the front. I didn't know what he was writing but he seemed to be concentrating, something I don't see very often. He seems to not care much anymore. After watching a broad boy with a gray sweatshirt jacket, jeans, and Converse and messy brown hair for an hour the bell rang for lunch. "Hey Kyle!" Stan greeted. "Hey! Where's Kenny?" "He fell out of his desk, hit his head and died he'll be back tomorrow, so lunch?" "Actually Stan, I need to study for math test today. Tomorrow?" "Oh okay that's fine see you later." "Bye." I felt terrible having to lie to Stan, but while we were talking I saw Eric grab his lunch and leave for the right hallway. I trailed Eric all the way up to the abandoned music room, maybe this is where he skips class. The door was an old wooden door with a long glass window in the middle. I peeked through with curiosity. The room was full of dust and no light except for a lamp in the corner of the room sitting beside a beautiful grand piano. The piano seem to be free of dust and well taken care of. Eric through his trash out in an old overflowing trashcan full of uneaten lunches. He walked over to the piano, slowly caressing her body as if the piano was hope. He sat down and began to play a beautiful song, I had never heard such a graceful sound.
"Every time I see you..."
What?! He can sing! I know he sang as a kid but this time it's different, he's really good.
"I start to break..."
I couldn't hold it in I just wanted to be with him at this moment more than ever.
"There's a gaping hole in my heart, that you have made..."
My mind was messing with me trying to make me believe he was singing about me. Of course he's not.
"When you speak to me, I have to lie when you look at me, I want to cry..."
I'm going to tell him even if it kills me. No one's here and I'm going to attack him if I don't.
"Because I can never have you-"
Before he could finish that line I sort of ran in. Crack! Eric jumped up knocking over the bench. "Wha-what are you doing in here?!" Eric was frantic and anxious, I wanted to calm him down but instead, "Can you play that again?" "What?" He seemed confused but, excited? No surprised. "Can you play that again? That song I mean." "Oh wel-well umm okay." He seemed to setback but he recovered. He looked cute with this messy brown hair and confused expression, he seemed shy. He stood up the bench again sat down and began to play again. I walked over with anticipation and anxiety. I know I'm going to die. I just hope it's worth it. He seemed to calm down when he was playing so I thought it was safe to go near him without him questioning me. I cautiously trailed behind him and was reading his lyrics. I wasn't paying attention when I realized he was having a hard time breathing. My chest was pressed against his back and I could feel his racing heart and shortness of breath but he still played. I needed to do this. I laid my hand over his and pulled them into his chest. He didn't fight at all so I took my right hand and turned his face towards mine gently by his chin. When he turned he seemed confused and worried, until I spoke. "You are going to hate me for this." Before he could respond I smashed our lips together, when I was going to pull out he took his hand and held the back of my neck, deepening the kiss. His breath was twisting with mind and his tongue slipped between my lips. Our tongues were wrestling then he pulled away from the match. He grabbed a hold of my lower back and pulled me in a hug. A sweet embrace of him resting his head on my stomach. He wrapped his arms and began crying into my sweatshirt. I'm confused why is he crying? Did I make him upset? I pulled his arms off me and looked into his waterpark of eyes. "What's the matter?" He seem to hesitate at first but he looked up and whispered "I love you" he began to cry again. My heart was caught in my throat. I couldn't breathe 'I love you' rang through my head like a bell. "So why are you crying? Eric?" "Nobody loves me" Those words hit me like a bullet and I was trying hard not to tear up. I looked down and noticed blood on his sweatshirt. I reach for his arm and slowly started to push up his sleeve, when he grabbed my hand after a flinch. "You don't want to see you will hate me." I kissed him on the forehead. "No I won't" I gently pulled up his sleeve and I was hit with fear. I was terrified of the sight of thousands of scars, scratches, cuts, and dried blood everywhere. "Eric..." "I want to die Kyle." I pulled to sleep higher lean down and kiss his arm I looked up to see him scared and confused. I put his sleeve down. I swung my leg over him inside on his lap I whispered in his ear, "I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky..." I started singing and he sang too "I'll be there like the shadow that's by your side I'll be there..." he closed his eyes still singing. I placed my finger on his lips and said "I love you" "You do?" "I swear." Then out of nowhere Eric pushed me onto the piano and made the keys smack down and attacked my lips. The warm sensation of his kiss ran through me like electricity, warming me up. I ran my hands through his hair and wrapped my legs around his back feeling his and my erection growing. He ran his hands up and down my chest then started to unbutton my jeans. He broke the kiss and begin nibbling my earlobe. Then he slowly kissed his way to slightly biting my neck and collarbone. The sensation was unbearable. I was going to explode. I started to trail my hands down to unbutton his pants. Slam! The door slammed open and a blond haired girl stood there in shock and ran off it was Bebe. Bebe, one of the biggest idol gossipers in the town. This wasn't going to go well. Eric jumped off me buttoned his pants, grabbed his things, and went out the exit door crying. After I got my pants on I ran after him, he wasn't physically fit but he was fast. I couldn't catch up or find him. I hope he's okay.
Chapter 3: Cartman's POV
I ran. I ran and ran as far as my legs could take me. I had managed to run all the way to Stark's Pond. I dropped all my things and fell to my knees in front of the frozen water. I cried until the sun went down. I forgot about work and thought about mom, Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and the boyfriends, everyone. My mom hates me. Stan hates me. Kenny hates me. Kyle hates me. I was remembering what happened in the music room. How I ran out and left Kyle there with Bebe. He hates me, I know he does. I wanted to die. I wanted to fall in the ice and freeze. I'm done with this world. I just want to die, and I will tomorrow I'm going to die. I ran home burst through the door and locked myself in my bathroom every night's routine excluding my mom, she wouldn't care. The next day I was tired, I didn't sleep. I was busying myself by counting the bullets I had for my .375 Eagle even though I only needed one. I was observing my disgusting room and staring at the mirror above my dresser with hatred. I punched the mirror and cut my knuckles on the shattered glass. At lunch I talked to no one as usual. I was heading for the door when I heard the word' faggot'. Bebe stood there smirking, she had told everyone. No wonder everyone has been acting weird. Kyle stood from his table with confusion as Eric calmly told her to leave him alone, and Bebe said "Awww, are you going to cry some more? Do you need some tissues?" "What's going on?" "Oh look his boyfriend came to save you." Kyle was blushing furiously. "Back off Bebe." "So it is true, so what I saw in the music room, hmm no wonder" "Listen here bitch I don't know what you saw but you need to back the fuck up." Kyle was furious now, thaen he looked at my arm and began to soften. Dammit! I forgot to use a different sweat jacket. Last night I got my sleeve soaked in blood and didn't care at all. I thought no one would notice considering that no one else talks to me. "Eric what is that?" Everyone was staring. I tried to turn and walk away when Kyle spun me around pulled my sleeve up and jumped back. I started to panic. Everyone was seeing the lines, everyone was watching me cry. I dropped the tray pulled down my sleeve, ran out the door, and sprinted home. The wind was so cold it felt like needles digging into my face and my tears made it worse. I ran to my room grabbed a pen and paper and started writing.
To whom it may concern,
If you find me know that I have escaped. You're probably laughing but it doesn't matter, because I'm dead. Eric is dead.
-Cartman
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think straight. I grabbed the gun loaded one bullet and put it against my temple. Slam! I jumped, Kyle and Kenny were rushing in my room. Kenny pulled away the gun. He grabbed my way out, then I looked on my dresser the glass. I grabbed the shard and dug it deep into my arm. "What are you doing?!" Kyle was crying. Kenny was yelling at me. I didn't want to be here. I just wanted to die. Why won't they let me die? "Don't take it away! Let me die! Dammit, I said let me die!" I kicked and screamed but Kenny had the gun and shard. Kyle was holding me tight as everything went fuzzy. I felt warm and safe arms wrapping around me, so I closed my eyes.
Chapter 3: Kyle's POV
How could he do that?! Why would he do that?! Why would he just throw his life away?! Doesn't he know I love him? He's an idiot. How could he do that?! I held him tight and cried until the ambulance Kenny called arrived. I held his hand in the ambulance, the entire way to the hospital. The clean shaved paramedic was driving an IV needle in his arm, while another guy, an older man was checking his vitals. He was barely breathing and there was so much blood. When we arrived Eric was put into a room. We had to wait outside. Kenny called Stan up and told him what had happened, from what I heard he's on his way here now, that's surprises me. Stan hates him, so why would he be speeding here? I'm freaking out. Is he going to be okay? Will he need a therapist? I need to calm down, I'm sure he's fine. "Eric Cartman?" A bald, short doctor stood in front of Kenny and I. "How is he?" Kenny has always been the first to speak and I'm glad he did. "Well he is going to be okay. However when we were cleaning him up, we found more...scars." "More?" Kenny seemed shocked but continued to listen. "Yes it appears that he's been carving words and lines on his stomach, thighs, and arms. He has also carved three phrases though, odd." "What did he write?" As soon as he said phrases, I looked up from my moping position and listened closley. I was scared. What did he write? "He carved 'happy birthday' on his left thigh. Do you know why he'd write that?" "I have no idea." Kenny looked at me for confirmation. I shook my head no, but he knew that I was hiding something. "Then he has an old carving saying 'I'm sorry' on his abdomen. Also do you two know anybody named Kyle?" I looked up terrified, Kenny turn to me for an answer so I lied. "No doctor we have no idea." The doctor seemed unsure but excepted it. "He has cut his right forearm to say 'I swear Kyle'." I wanted to burst into tears but I held it in, was it that serious? "And unfortunately I have to say that phrase is the only carving on his entire body that has been repeated. That phrase has been burned, cut, and scratched into his arm multiple times on multiple occasions. The phrase is fresh he probably did this last night, again." "Okay, thank you." As soon as the doctor walked away Kenny looked at me with that look that said 'I know you're hiding something spit it out.' "Hey, I'm shocked too, okay. I didn't realize that it was that bad." I seem to be talking to myself more than I was talking to Kenny who was staring at me. "So I can guess who your crush is, and how serious it is." I was angry and confused and I glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?!" "I mean you were acting like it was literally the end of your world and you don't trust me enough to even tell me. I was scared I didn't know how do you react and I just-" "Just what? According to that doctor your name was carved. Carved, into his arm. Is he in the hospital because of you?" "No! I mean I don't know, I mean just yesterday we were-" "You were what?" "We were look it doesn't matter-" "Doesn't matter?! Because of you my best friend is in the hospital prove me wrong!" "Look I don't know alright! I don't know what happened-" "What happened? Everything yesterday, today, and now what happened?" I had gone too far with Kenny if he ever trusted me it was out the window. I needed to be honest and now was the time. We sat down on a wooden bench on the side of the hallway. I told him everything. He was in shock and disbelief but then he eased when I told him about Cartman's reactions, he smiled actually. It was making me angry he was just yelling at me and now he's smiling. "What are you smiling about?" "He finally did it." "Huh?" "Look Kyle, I'm Cartman's best friend. We may not see eye to eye but I know when Cartman cares, he finally told you." I didn't know what to say to him everything just seem to be in a blur for the last few hours. "Are you guys okay?" Stan marsh panting in front of us in a hospital because Cartman was hurt, ironic. "We are fine, what about you?" I seem to catch them offguard because he stuttered quietly, making a barely audible 'not so good' "Is Cartman okay?" "He's fine. Kyle here was worried like the good boyfriend he is though." Kenny grinned that shitface smile, when Stan and I both replied 'boyfriend?' "Yes boyfriend." "Kyle why didn't you tell me?" "Dude I didn't even know that!" Kenny was laughing hysterically when a nurse came up to us to tell us Eric is accepting visitors now. Eric's room was white and smelled like the dentists office after a cleaning. The walls were blank except for a window, and a painting of lilies above his bed. He had a bandage wrapped around his arm tightly, and his hair was so messy it reminded me of the music room. When I looked at is other arm I started to cry, I saw my name engraved in his arm. "Stop crying you stupid Jew."
Chapter 5: Cartman's POV
The light was bright at first but when I opened my eyes I saw Kyle by my side crying. He was holding my hand, clutching it for dear life he needed to stop crying. "Stop crying you stupid Jew." He lunged towards me squeezing the life out of me, I lost my breath but I didn't fight. His embrace was so warm and safe, it felt like the arms I felt when I passed out. After Kyle broke our warm embrace Stan surprised us both by coming over and giving me a light friendly hug. He then backed away and apologized. "What are you apologizing for?" "I'm apologizing for being an asshole like you when you were younger, for the past few years." "Thank you Stan. Thanks Kenny." I did have friends and they did care. I really wanted to talk to Kyle so I asked the other two if they can please leave the room for now. "If you guys are going to fuck at least lock the door." Kyle was blushing ridiculously he looked like a tomato. I looked to Kenny and stared at him with a look that said 'go away or I'm going to kill you again.' Kenny started to laugh I see it headed out. Just Kyle and I in one room alone together, it was that relaxed but tense feeling in the air that lingered in the music room. "I was scared you know." Kyle seemed to be shy, so I held his hand. "I know you were I was to." "Eric can I ask you something personal?" "What is it?" "When did you start cutting?" I knew he was going to ask me at one point so I figured I might as will tell him the truth if I really do care for him. "I started cutting when I was 10 they were little scratches and then as I got older I started leaving scars." "Was it because of your mom or was it because of me?" He threw me off guard. "Why would I cut because of you?" He tilted his head looking at my other arm and then when I looked I was shocked. Oh God he can see it and I tried to hide my arm under the blankets. "The doctor says that phrase has been cut into your arm and burned into your arm repeatedly. Is that true?" I bent my head down in shame. I never wanted him to know about this. I never wanted anybody to know about this. I thought it was all going to end. "I thought you would never be with me because I'm me I did this to my arm, to my legs, to my stomach because I don't deserve a life with you. I don't deserve a life of happiness at all. I did many horrible things to you Kyle, many horrible things I wish I could take back. But I was going through a rough time and I took it out on you." He seemed like he was about to cry, but then he sat on my lap and took my hands into his lap and said, "It's okay you can tell me, what happened? Tell me, I'll forgive you" I didn't want anybody to know but I felt like I could trust him so I told him everything. I told him about my moms boyfriends and I told him about the bruises I would get when I came to school. I told him when I had tourettes and I said 'I cry at night because I don't have a dad' that's not the case, I cried at night because I didn't have a dad to protect me. I told him about how it is now, how I take care of my mother when she's passed out on the floor. I told him of how I'm taking care of myself and working two jobs. I told him why I never want people to hang out at my house anymore. I told him everything and every thought. I even told him of why I don't like to be called Cartman and he seemed to understand. We talked and talked and talked. Kyle eventually went out into the hallway and told the two that I was okay but he needed to get rest. And that he was going to stay for a while and the two left. Kyle came back in and we talked some more. "Why don't we locked the door and finish what we started in the music room?" Kyle had never appeared so sexy with that lust in his eyes. His lips appeared hungry for me. He was sitting on my lap like a little puppy dog and I couldn't resist. "Sounds like a plan." He went over and locked the door and slowly walked his way towards my bed. He ripped off his hat and unzipped his jacket and let it slip off his pale arms. I sat up with a little too much excitement. Then he crawled onto the bed and hovered over me with hunger. I pulled him in smashing our lips together once again and wrestling with our tongues. Kyle sat up and took his shirt off while I slipped off my hospital gown. He dove in again for another match, pulled away and started biting my neck filling me with excitement and arousal. I started to unbuttoned his pants once again while Kyle trailed his hands down to my waist. Kyle gripped my erection and began to pump it. Before I could kiss him again, he hopped off the bed and ran into the bathroom. He had scared me did I do something wrong? He came out of the bathroom wearing absolutely nothing and had a bottle of moisturizer in his hands. I know what he was thinking. When he said on top of me again I couldn't take him I just wanted to take him. "Fuck me fuck me Eric." He whispered in my year seductively. I must of been a little too excited because when I jumped up he almost fell off the bed. When he got himself on the bed again, we flipped over so his back was on the bed and I was on top of him. I lubricated one of my fingers with the lotion that he grabbed out of the bathroom and I had circled it around his entrance. He was squirming with impatience, but as soon as I had pushed it inside him he moaned. I pumped my digit inside and out of him until I added a second then a third than with four fingers I was scissoring him. He grabbed my shoulder and pulled my head so that my ear was in front of his mouth and he said 'fuck me'. He then grabbed the bottle and started to pump my arousal with the moisturizer until it was soaked. When he was done I put the head against his entrance and slowly entered inside him. He had the reaction of him smiling like a maniac and panting, pulling me against him. I started to hump him slowly, the faster, and then faster. Before I knew it we were fucking on the hospital bed in my room. Kyle pulled me and then joined our lips together once again. As I was about to cum myself Kyle started to arch his back and ejaculated all over my stomach, moaning my name. As his muscles squeezed against mine I ejaculated inside of him. And I was done I pulled out and laid on top of him. Then he started to cry. I was worried and concerned, why was he crying? "What's the matter Kyle?" he looked at me smiling with tears in his eyes and told me, "I swear by the moon and the stars and the sky..." He began to sing. I joined in with the next verse. I stopped him so I can whisper in his ear. "I love you" "You do?" "I swear Kyle." I swear.
