I remember it all. In the dark nights filled with the howling of the wolves. But even they dare not approach my home. And it is painful when the memories come. I try to force them back to the distant corners of my mind. I scream my allegiance to Melkor as loud as I can. But still the memories keep coming. The starlight beside Cuiviénen. The sound of laughter in the night. We awoke to a new world then. We feared nothing. I remember the wonder of my friends when we first gazed upon the stars. They were so beautiful. Never has my life been hapy as then. Singing, exploring, dancing. But my lack of fear proved to be my undoing. One night i wandered to far away. I was taken by a shadowy rider and noone heard my screams. He carried me into the pits of Utumno. I care not to remember what happened next. The maiming, the pain. When it ended

i was no longer what i was. I became a diminished creature, all fangs and blackened skin. My mind was twisted and corrupted. My master, the same one that brought me there in the first place, whispered words of poison into my ears. And i heard them.

I served my new master with loyalty. His power was the greatest in the world. I remember my former elvish brethren flee before the might of his armies. Not that i thought of them as my brothers anymore. I killed, rapped , pillaged. I remember fighting against strange elves, with silver hair, dressed in gray. The mere look of them made me shiver. Starlight was in their eyes, their swords and blades were long and strong. But even they could not oppose my lord. Skirmish after skirmish, battle after battle, they were pushed back. Their lord i remember. His face caused my memories to awake, for i remembered him from the shores of Cuiviénen. I can not remember his name anymore, but even he was no match for the might of Melkor! My new brethren believed that there is nothing in the world that can stand against him and survive. But then, they came. From the west a majestic fire blazed in the night. Gleaming warriors, dressed in gold in silver came against us. There were mere hundreds of them.

And they slaughtered thousands of us. The Balrog fled, and Melkor was taken. But they were careless, for they did not delve into the hundreds of fissures of his fortress. And in one such cave, me and what remained of my brethren shivered in the darkness. The days that came after were filled with desperation. We were leaderless. Gorthaur attempted to keep us together, he moved us to a new fortress, but he had not the authority of our taken lord. Balrogs defied him, and we were mere pawns in their games of power. But then, one evening we heard a scream. And he returned. Our master came back to us, and brought with him three crystals whoose light stirred in me ancient memories of starlight. But his enemies came after him. Once more, an army marched out of Angband . We multiplied in the darkness, and our spears were beyond counting. We moved against the elves. They were outnumbered, and when we ambushed them they panicked for a moment. But the tide of battle changed. They were deadly as the Sindar, but in them there was a light that made even the most hardened of us shiver in fear. This is the battle in which i died, impaled on the sword of an elf with jet black hair and fire in his eyes.

And in the moment i died, i felt a strange urge, a call to my spirit. It was coming from the west. But i was so afraid. I was afraid of punishment, pain. I remembered that from the west came the victors over my master. Surely they will torture me. So i ignored the call and fled far to the east. I wandered, a disembodied spirit creeping in the night. But away from the cruelty of my master, my spirit started healing. I was content, for the land was green, the stars beautiful as in the times of old, and the wind whispered comfort to me in the night. Days passed into centuries, centuries into millennia. I witnessed many events. The coming of men. The war betwen the elves and Gorthaur.

The founding of a new kingdom in the lands i wandered. A kingdom of strange men, with black hair, and grey eyes that had the look of the sea in them. I saw them battling a Foe that had the feeling of a familiar darkness in him. Thousands of them fell in battle. Then a plague came that killed even more people then the battles. And in these times, i felt a call again. It was not the gentle call of the west, but the seductive whispers of power, of a new body, if only i would turn to the darkness again and serve a new master. I defied the call at first, but it soon became unbearable. It spoke to the dark corners of my soul. Promises of power, pleasure, even release. So i came forth and gave my fealty to the Foe of the men of Arnor.

The Witch king of Angmar. He was only a man, but the darkness that surrounded him was much older. The shadow of Gorthaur, and Melkor before him. I was not alone in this act. Many of my former brethren from Cuiviénen came to him. But he tricked us. Using dark sorcery he trapped us in the tombs of Arnor. The barrow-downs. He ordered us to kill and drive away all that dare to come close to our new homes. I did it because i had to. The compulsion on my spirit was to much to bear. Some of us did it for pleasure. I did it because i had to. But it seemed our task was completed after a couple of decades. Our new master vanished from the North. We know not why or how, but we felt it as a person would notice a missing tooth.

He left us. He betrayed us. We screamed our anger in the ancient tombs, but there was no answer. A whole millenia and more passed before he returned. He summoned us again and set us to work on our task of old. I was tired of evil, but again i had no choice. Travelers came near our tombs, of a strange race i saw before. I captured them with ease when they wandered to close, and prepared to murder them. But one of them awoke. With courage he didn't know he possesed, he cleaved a hand of the body i used. I admired his act for in all my years in the barrow, never have i seen such bravery in the face of the shadow of death itself. But admiration soon turned to fear. He started a song which brought a strange being made out of light and life itself into my tomb. I could not resist his power and i was banished into the clear sunlight. I felt again the call of the west. This time i did not resist.

I spent a thousand of years in that place. But it was no place of punishment. I healed, my broken mind and will were replenished. I realised that most of what I did was not my fault. And so they let me go. I awoke to clear sunlight. I am lying in the soft and green grass. Near me there is a stream. The face I see in it is not the face of an orc. The eyes watching me have the look of starlight.