I do not own Codename: Kids Next Door, but that would be pretty cool.

Operation: N.U.M.B.

Nigel

Underestimates

Most

Bystanders

Nigel was contemplating what cereal to eat for breakfast when he heard the tree house doorbell ring. He ran down the stairs screaming "Coming! Coming!" in an obnoxious British accent. He hurriedly opened the door to find his obese girlfriend grinning widely at him.

"Hi, Nigel!" Lizzie screamed. "My daddy's out of town and I want you to come over to help organize my sea shell collection."

"Not now, Lizzie!" Nigel replied. "I have to deliver a very important speech about the importance of disregarding safety rules adults tell you." He pushed her aside and sprinted across the street after looking one way.

Suddenly a car smashed right into his side, shattering his ribs. "Nigel!" Lizzie screamed. Numbuh 1 got up on his feet. "Shut up Lizzie, I'm fine."

"Holy shit!" screamed the driver while jumping out of his car. "Watch where you're going, you little cunt!"

Nigel turned his head to see Father standing beside the Prius Sedan that hit him. Taken aback by this, he tried to jump into his defense position, but due to his injury, it caused an enormous rupture in his liver. Nigel fell to his knees and began to vomit tampons and Viagra pills, along with his own blood.

Feeling an intense erection in her pants, Lizzie ran to the scene and dropped to her knees, licking the excretions with great speed.

"Oh shit, there's gonna be a hell of a law suit for this!" Father screamed, as he began to project diarrhea from his ass with great speed and distance. The diarrhea covered Lizzie's face, and the noxious fumes caused her to hallucinate.

Among all of this, Hoagie - or Numbuh 2, as he was more commonly known - stood bent over his telescope in the KND tree house. He was vigorously jerking his dick as he watched the scene from above, using his morning oatmeal as a makeshift lubricant. Numbuh 2 was rubbing his dick so hard, in fact, that his penis started blistering, causing puss to spew from it, onto his face. He licked it off, enjoying the savory taste as it entered his mouth. The longer he jerked off, the more damage he was doing. Eventually his dick started to bleed, causing him to pass out from loss of blood.

Numbuh 5 came into the room and proceeded to shit in his mouth. She unzipped his pants, and started to lick the sweet blood, semen, and puss mixture off of his dick.

"Numbuh 5 is diggin' this shit, baby!" she exclaimed. Suddenly, she was cut short, as Nigel's father stepped into the room.

"I brought you children a platter of cookies - WHAT THE DEVIL?" he screamed, as he looked down to see Abigail devouring Numbuh 2's genitalia, with bodily fluids dripping from her mouth.

Without hesitation, the large man ripped off his trousers and promptly sat on her face, pissing into his mouth all the while.

Meanwhile, on ground level, Father proceeded to wipe his ass with sand paper. Lizzie began to envision Satan rising from the ground, asking her to execute the Jews. She promptly responded, "Yes, my good lord and savior," and began sprinting to the senior citizen's home to viciously murder Hoagie's grandmother.

As she ran, she was stopped by Numbuh 3, who was standing in the nude with a large dick hanging between her legs and a car battery clipped to her nipples. She ordered Lizzie to stop. Before Lizzie could answer, Father caught up with the two and immediately sliced open Numbuh 3's stomach with a pocket knife, causing her to scream very loudly. He proceeded to shit into the cavity he created in her corpse and vomited onto the transfixed Lizzie. He then smashed her cranium against the pavement, slurping up the blood and gray matter while he grinded against the ground.

Father looked up and saw the "Delightful Children from Down the Lane" peering down at him, completely mortified.

Father was guilt stricken as he immediately realized what he had done. Clearly, he couldn't let himself have so much fun without including his wonderful children. "Come here, my precious little angels," Father said, "Your virginity shall be mine!" The Delightful Children stared blankly at him, not knowing how to respond.

Nigel bared witness to the evil and debauchery going on around him. This is what has become of all his hard work and sacrifice. Slowly the nausea and pain subsided. His vision faded to blackness. He was... numb.