Author's Note

Ok…first off I will tell you, this story is not your typical LOTR story. It is very AU. Very AU in that it involves connections between our world and Middle Earth(ME). But I'll also tell you what it's not. It's not a Mary Sue. This is no "fall into Middle Earth and into Legolas's arms" story. Our world is maintained throughout and written as is, and ME is maintained throughout and written as is. Both are connected and important in the lives of the characters. This story is huge, epic even, and stretches over about 4 or 5 years in the lives of a few characters in this world and several characters in the other world. At times you will need family trees and written character lists to keep it all straight. Later on, I may provide one. At times this story is not easy to read. It is rated M for a reason. There is very strong language at times, much violence(including murder and torture of children), intense torture scenes, sex(not too graphic), rape(again, not too graphic), incest(same rules apply), drug use(intensive, heroin addict drug use at times), alcoholism, child abuse(sexual and physical but mostly just implied), and basically anything and everything you can think of for which a movie could get an R rating. Why, you may ask? Not just for kicks. Because it is part of the story, and it is necessary to include it ALL to maintain true to the story. Nothing is just stuck in for the heck of it. There is a purpose to everything that happens. But if any of that upsets you, you may not want to read this story. Sorry, but I'm not watering it down. If you can handle all that, by all means please read my story. On this one, to be honest, I'm not expecting many readers. I wish that wasn't the case, but I have to be realistic. But I'm not writing it to attract readers. I am blessed enough to have loyal readers on my other, more mainstream stories. I am writing this for me, and for the people who know the story already. For them, and for me, this is something that needed to be written. It is very important to us because…so much has gone into it. FYI….many characters in this story are VERY closely based on people I know. This story has been written over the course of many, many years. Enough said.

If you are: Kaniie, KWS, Trio, or Gildoleniel; this story is for you. I love you all.

Begin, stranger, but do not expect a fairy tale…not everything goes as planned and not everything ends happily but the journey is always worthwhile…

Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride-Gary Allen

Right so…I don't own LOTR but I love it to death…seriously…more than I can say….and all original characters belong both to me and the people I know that they're based on. And a lot of this story is original characters so really…most of it belongs to me.

My name is Jennifer Harmin. I am 18 years old. Or so this calendar says. It counts in days, months, years that I have walked this earth. I am, and am not, as it says. If you take my soul into account, I am millions of years old. I have lived lives out while this world slept, waiting to be brought to life. I am 18 years old, and I am not. My life has not been what it would seem. In these past 5 years I have had a lifetime, a world inside a world, and I am far older for it. Experience ages everyone. If you will sit down, stranger, and the take the time, I will tell you my tale. It is not an easy one to tell. It is long, and much of it is painful. The joy is often overshadowed by the pain. There will be times it will not be easy to read, but I assure you, my friends, it is much harder for me to tell. This is the story of my life, my lives, and the way they were woven into one. It is a story of a war and the players in it, as war is perhaps the greatest chess game of all. It tells of the history of a world, of the way time is destined to repeat itself. There is love and redemption, anger and hatred, the wisdom of a thousand years and the agony of a single day. I have the time, if you have the time to listen. To begin, I am not who I seem, neither are most of the people I love. I was, I am, Arwen Undomiel, Evenstar of my people. I am Lauriel Feu, unbroken warrior who died a prisoner of war. I am more, whose names have become lost to the sands of time but whose lives, whose hearts, beat inside mine still. I still remember them. I still remember me. If I was to start from my earliest memory, I would tell you of standing on the plains of Mordor, back to back with the one person in this world just like me. But that would be getting ahead of myself, I'm afraid. There will come a time when that tale was a part of the life I've lived now. I start here, in this world, and I give you my word I will tell you everything, just as it has happened to me and to those I love. This is not merely a story I tell you now, this is my life, my blood, poured out in these words. And it all began…oh I suppose when I was born. But for my purposes, it all began on a fall day when I was about 9 years old…


The young girl darted through the leaves chasing her dog, running with the abandon only a child can. The black lab looked back, panted, then ran back to her, running right up to her, nuzzling her hand happily. "Duchess!" she was laughing, not really scolding. They were having a blast. It was mid-September, her forth grade year, and nothing was hard or even difficult. There was only school during the day, and Duchess in the afternoons. And a whole backyard full of woods to give them everything in the world to do. It was her world, and her paradise. It was sudden, the shift in the wind, and as young as she was she wouldn't have noticed it had her dog not tensed, cut her eyes sharply in the direction of the woods. But there he was. The wind picked up, cold and chill, and there, back behind her fence, a snow white dog threaded his way through the trees. He ran, not as Duchess had, but with determination, as if the very hounds of hell were on his heels. As if he had a message, and on pain of death it could not be late. Then as soon as he had appeared, he was gone. Not away, just gone. Into nothing, perhaps into the fall air. The girl's hand slid to the black lab's velvet soft ear, rubbing it absently. She may have been young, but that wasn't normal and she knew it. "That was weird, girl, huh? Wonder who he was? What do you think?" Duchess looked up at her, panted, brown eyes sparkling. She didn't care. And for the moment, neither did Jennifer. Shrugging, she grabbed Duchess around the neck for a hug, then ran off into the leaves, the incident forgotten. If she had only known what that dog, that moment, meant for her life, even at her age she might have cared just a little bit more.

It had been about 3 years, maybe a little more. The dog, his presence, all but forgotten. Sometimes it nagged on the corner of her mind as she grew older, the insistent question of exactly what she had seen, but it was nothing more than a specter in her mind and she never paid it much attention. Until the day she saw the tree. It was just like any other day, taking a walk in her beloved woods. But something drew her eyes to that corner, the corner that had always felt wrong for as long as she could remember being alive. And there it was, a tree, some sort of pine, and it was black as night. She looked away, looked back, and the color was gone. Must have been a trick of the light. All the same, the tree unnerved her and she was bored. Bored, and ready to test the limits of her strength. She had always feared this part of the woods, and there was logically no reason for it. Gathering her courage and calling for her Duchess, she headed down into the woods. On reaching the corner she reached out, hesitantly, took the tree by the top and shoved it backwards. It fell to the ground, rolled a little ways. There. That would be the end of that. Proud of herself she rubbed Duchess head, kissed her just above her smiling eyes. "See, girl? Momma took care of that. Let's go." And she really thought she had, taken care of it, ended it. Ended something that was nothing. Instead something that would be everything was just beginning.

The next day there it was, and this time the chill in her bones stopped her dead. There it was. The tree, standing against the fence in defiance to her actions from the day before. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She had no idea, not the faintest, of what it meant but she would not give in this easy. Her mind ran over everything, anything from which she could draw strength, and it settled on Han Solo. Just like she had expected. Her favorite, her idol, and she heard his words in her head as she stepped down into the woods. This time the silence struck her. Oppressive. No birds were singing. One twist of her hand and the tree was gone, toppling once again. As she turned her back to it this time, heading back up to her house, she couldn't help but feel that she was being watched.

It was back. This time, she wasn't going in alone. This time, she was calling in the cavalry. She pulled the phone out from beside her bed, pressing 2 on the speed dial. It was answered on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Nikkey. It's me. Get up here. Right now. Ok? I've…got something to show you."

Two houses down the street, across the way, and they were almost constant companions. Her Nikkey, her sister. They had even passed for twins, once. She was moving, in the summer, to Lexington, Kentucky. Not something Jennifer ever liked to think about for very long. But for now she was here, and she was the first one to go to with this information. They were both blonde, both in 7th grade and thinking much more of that than they really should. Nikkey was tall, insanely tall for her age and with blue green eyes that never could make up their mind from day to day. She was funny, quirky, and you could never predict just what she would do or say next. She was a basketball player, a smart person who never put her heart into her school work. She was imaginative, hyper and bubbly, but if you woke her up too early you'd better be ready for a fight. Jennifer was shorter, more average. Glasses and too shy for her own good. Nikkey knew the real her, though, as just a few people did. An animal lover who had a devil of a temper, and someone who loved to talk and be absolutely crazy…but you'd never see that until you got a chance to know her. They met on the hill, right at the edge of Jennifer's driveway. Nikkey cocked her head at her, smiling. "So…what's up?"

Jennifer shook her head, far more serious, muttering. "Just come and see." Her eyes were worried, and Nikkey could hear the fear in her voice as she dropped it to a whisper. "It's so weird, Nikkey. There's this tree…back in the corner, outside the fence. And the first time I looked at the other day I swear it looked black but I've pushed it down about 3 times now and it always keeps coming back."

"Huh." Nikkey looked puzzled, almost angry, but Jennifer knew her well enough to know that's just how she looked when she was thinking. They slipped inside the fence, Nikkey taking the time to rub Duchess' head and hold her hand out to protect her legs from the dog's wildly wagging otter tail. "Oh I see it…down there."

Jennifer nodded. "That's it."

"Well you know…." Nikkey was moving around, looking at it from every angle. "You know, there's always been something about that corner down there…"

Jennifer nodded. "I know."

"It does….look a little evil. Doesn't it?"

She smiled at Nikkey, relieved. She knew she'd understand. "Yes. See? Feels…wrong, doesn't it?"

"Why don't we…go get a cross. Go down there. See if it feels any different. I'll push it down myself. Then tomorrow…we'll see."

It proceeded just as they had planned, down to the letter. But within two days, the tree was back. Three more times of pushing it down…then one day it strangely disappeared. Jennifer was not sorry to see it go. Summer came, Nikkey moved, and in that tragedy the tree was forgotten. 8th grade came, alone, and with it a host of new emotions strong enough to force back the memory of the bizarre occurrence that Jennifer was at a loss to explain. But she had to remember when, that December, the tree came back again. It was the same tree, undeniably, and this time….this time there was no denying it was black. But not all the time. Black in the shadows, or sometimes black in the light. It wasn't a trick of the lighting, but it would last only a second before it was over. She had e-mailed Nikkey, told her, but she had no advice. She had told Katelyn. Katelyn, her best friend since before they were even in school, her chosen sister, the girl she had known all her life…well, since she was three years old. No one had any answers, but the anticipation was building. She was starting to think…to know…that this was something big. The day before she had seen him. Seen the dog. He ran to her through the trees, barking, urgent. Then he had disappeared. She was sliding on her shoes now, ready to head out into the back, into her new world. She was ready. The walk to the back was easy, now. She had learned to conquer her fears. But there was the tree, and with a smile she determinedly twisted it back to the ground. Duchess wagged her tail. Taking a step back, Jennifer tripped on a stick that she normally would not have given a second thought to…but looking down at her heart pounded in her chest. It was black. Not charred black, not rot black, just…black. And the marks in it were those of precision, those made by a sword. Lifting it, slowly she looked at it carefully. From it she felt a darkness, a coldness that seemed to clutch at her soul. There was something very, very wrong with it. The bark behind her almost made her jump out of her skin. She heard him, heard him coming, but when she looked back there was nothing there. Nothing, then a flash of white, then nothing again. The wind picked up. "Come on…come on Duch let's move." She had learned a lot, but she wasn't ready for any more today. Stick in hand, she walked back up to the house, laying it on the low brick wall beside the deck. Tomorrow, she'd go back out again after she had had time to make a couple of phone calls and clear her thoughts. Maybe tomorrow, something would come together.

4…3…maybe an 8…and some things that looked suspiciously like runes that she couldn't read. They had filled the woods around her. In the trees, carved into sticks, and more of those suspiciously black sticks…not to mention, dead trees were cropping up everywhere. At 13, almost 14, she knew enough to know that dead trees didn't just grow up out of the ground. Not in any world she had ever heard of at least. Nor should there have been a platform with steps that seemed to never make up their mind which side they were going to be on that day. She was going out again today, going to look for more sticks, more carvings. Maybe there'd be something that made sense. Down in the woods today, no birds were singing. Not a one. Pushing the tree down now was a daily occurrence. It had ceased to be strange. But today felt different….perhaps it was something on the wind. She heard the barks and her eyes snapped up, looking for him. He was a common sight now, too. Then the barking stopped. It was cut short, almost. Silence. Then she heard it, heard it start in the distance. It was slow and steady, regular as a heartbeat. And it was coming closer. The sound of drums. The fear was on her before she had time to react, and she made a decision that would plague her for months. She ran.

Back in the house she sat down on the edge of her bed, breathing hard. She had run as if her life depended on it. For all she knew, it did. She could still hear the drums in her head, echoing. Like drums of war. She didn't know what to think anymore, but she was starting to feel she was in over her head. Curling up on the bed, she fell asleep and dreamed….

Dreamed that she was in a white room, facing her hero. Her Han Solo. He was looking at her, sitting in the chair he was always in when they had these meetings in her mind. And he wasn't pleased. "Kid…you let me down."

She was crestfallen, but she had already known it. "I…I know…I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "You're supposed to follow me, copy me, everyone knows that about you…how's it gonna look if they all find out you're a coward?"

Her eyes blazed. "I'm not-"

He waved his hand. "And I know that better than anyone. But you can't run anymore. This is something you have to do. Just do it. Make me proud. Get back out there. You can do it."

"Al…alright, Han. Alright. I'll make you proud. I'm sorry."

He hugged her. "Yeah, kid. I know."

She woke with a start and sat up, shaking her head. She hadn't dreamt of Han that way in years…not since he had comforted her in her dreams when her Mamaw had died. They were crazy, those dreams, but when she was little they had always made her smile….and though she knew they weren't real there was more than a little truth in her words. The vision of Han was like a conversation with the part of her that had become most like him…and it told the truth. She had let herself down. She had to put the little girl away, become someone who was not afraid. And she had to do it now. Getting up from her nap, stretching, she pulled her shoes back on. It was time to test her new resolve. Sink or swim.

It was getting dark, and the January air was cold. She wrapped her coat tight around her against the chill. The leaves crunched under her feet and she winced at the sound. It was just too loud. She reached the fence, easily, and just stood there and looked….let her eyes travel over the woods, over the trench at the bottom of the hill. She stood like that it seemed an age….her eyes were sliding out of focus and out of attention…then she saw it. A flash of black. She perked up, eyes focusing on what she had seen. She watched intently, waited, still as a wolf on the scent of prey. There it was again, this time for sure. He was tall, in black, and he moved with the speed of a cheetah. He was running, hiding, in the trench down below. A shiver went up her spine. So here it was…an actual sighting of someone…likely the one making the marks on the sticks. It was a first. A fascinating first. A frightening first, because she had no idea who or what he may be. She turned to walk away, silent, and the scream hit her…piercing and otherworldly, pouring ice into her veins. She first thought she had never heard such a sound, but her mind was nagging at her, telling her she had but she couldn't quite place where…brushing it off, she kept walking forward, not looking back. It no longer bothered her to present them with her back. She was learning.

Nikkey was in town, just for the weekend, and theywere going to have some fun. She had it all planned out, her and Nikkey and that new movie her dad had taken her to over Christmas, Lord of the Rings. Then a few days before, she had struck up conversation with an old friend from 7th grade, Lyndsey. They had talked, e-mailed, and she found herself getting along with her again, remembering that they used to have fun together. On an impulse, she asked her along. The three of them, and Lord of the Rings. It'd be fun, and it'd be a welcome break. Her brain was starting to fry trying to find meanings for everything. Nikkey had taken on the task of helping her, but they still didn't really know where to start. "Hey, ready to go?" Her dad had stuck his head in the door and was looking at her and Nikkey, sitting on Nikkey's sleeping bag and pulling on watches and bracelets.

"Yeah, dad, we'll be right there."

"Are we picking up Lyndsey? I don't think I know where she lives…" His voice came from down the hall, probably pulling a cd from the case in his computer room.

"No. We're meeting her there."

Jennifer jumped up and headed for the door, Nikkey following close behind. Nikkey slid a hand to her shoulder and held her back, whispering. "Does she know?"

Jennifer shook her head. "No. And let's keep it that way. I don't know if I can trust her."

The movie was amazing, just as it had been, just as she'd known it would be. But the shock when she heard the nazgul scream was enough to chill her blood. It was so similar. So real. She cut her eyes over at Nikkey, trying her best to communicate to her "That…that's what I heard…" But sometimes Nikkey wasn't so big on subtle and Jennifer wasn't sure she got the hint. Ah well. She could tell her later. They got along so well, the three of them, and Jennifer couldn't help but love having two of her friends with her, so Lyndsey tagged along back to the house, and the natural thing to do was take a walk…

Jennifer was talking and laughing with them, but she was on edge. Watchful. Wary. This ground, this place…it was not safe anymore. Especially not for someone who knew nothing about what was going on. They were chatting, absently, until Lyndsey picked up a stick….dark, but from the angle Jennifer couldn't tell if it was black. She decided, in a split second to err on the side of caution. It was a moment that would change everything. "I'm not…sure if you should touch that."

Lyndsey dropped the stick instantly. "Why?"

Jennifer didn't answer, picked it up and Nikkey stepped up beside her. They both examined it, Jennifer turning it over in her hands. It wasn't black, just dark, and no runes marked its surface. Jennifer held it out. "I think it's ok…you can touch this one."

"What…why? What's wrong with the stick?"

"There's nothing wrong with that one."

"What could have been wrong with it? Why won't you tell me?"

"Because!" she was infuriatingly curious. Just like Jennifer knew she would have been, had their roles been reversed.

Taking the stick in her hands Lyndsey pointed it at her, driving her back against the nearest oak. "I wanna know what's going on! Why shouldn't I touch this?!"

Jennifer sighed. "Nikkey?"

Nikkey shrugged. "I don't know."

Lyndsey looked utterly confused. Hesitant, Jennifer pushed the stick back. "Just…just a minute. I need to talk to Nikkey for just a minute. Alone." Jennifer walked down the path a ways, Nikkey following, and they stopped when they were a ways from Lyndsey. Far enough that she couldn't hear, not if they talked in whispers. She was watching them, intently curious. Lyndsey was….Lyndsey. A little shorter than Jennifer, though not by much, she was thin but strong and with tan skin, very interesting eyes, and shoulder length brown hair she looked every bit the model. Just like she always had. From a distance she might have seemed unapproachable, but that wasn't her at all. She was funny, fun, and more than anything she had an incredible caring for people that gave her a remarkable ability to talk to anyone about their problems. She always cared. She rode horses, she read books, she played video games. She and Jennifer were a lot alike, but to look at them you would have probably never known it. Jennifer sighed, took her eyes away from Lyndsey and looked to Nikkey, meeting her eyes. "What do we do? I kind of…started this."

Nikkey grinned. "Yeah."

"But…I couldn't just not say anything, let her just touch it. We know….next to nothing about these…people. Things. Whatever. What if it's dangerous?"

"It probably all is. It comes down to…do you trust her?"

Jennifer looked at Lyndsey again. She was still looking at them. "I don't know…I used to…I want to….we haven't talked in awhile."

Nikkey turned more in front of Jennifer, blocking the view. "Well it's up to you. This is your thing, I think, and I think you're gonna have to step up and be the leader here…these decisions need to be yours so…do you want to tell her?"

Jennifer looked away. "I know this may sound stupid but…for some reason….I'll almost feel better if there were nine of us. I don't know what this is…but the Fellowship…"

Nikkey smiled. "You'll have to make your own, whatever this is. And there may not be nine people you can trust with a secret like this. I'm here, but I'm not here all the time and Katelyn's not very involved…maybe you need her."

She looked at Lyndsey again, deciding. Maybe…maybe they could really be friends. Sisters. Together on this. Maybe she did need her. Jennifer sighed. "Alright. I'll tell her. Come on." She took a step back up the path, her mind made up. Now, she just had to figure out what she was going to say…

"Lyndsey? Ok…" Lyndsey was watching her, intent, ready for her to start explaining. It wasn't easy. "There's a…lot of weird stuff going on here. There's this…tree. And no matter how many times you push it away, no matter what you do to it, it comes back, and it lives for months even though it's not at all attached to the ground. And…the sticks…I started finding these sticks out here and there's…something wrong with them. And some of them have been cut. And I've seen…" she took a deep breath. This wasn't easy. It was nerve wracking. "I've seen…something. Down in those woods. In black cloaks and there was a scream…"

"Like Lord of the Rings?" 'Yes,' Jennifer thought, 'that's exactly what we're wondering but I really have no idea yet…' But she didn't say that, only said. "Uh….yeah, a little…I guess….but there's more. There's this platform, and the steps switch sides, like sometimes they're above it which makes NO sense because no one would build something that way, so you couldn't even climb up to it…and there's been carvings in the sticks too and I've written some of them down but I don't know what they are…and...I heard these drums. And I don't know where they came from. It couldn't have been from anywhere around here. And…there's this dog, a white dog, and he disappears…into nothing. Like a ghost, or a spirit or something."

Lyndsey stood there, and she didn't laugh, and she didn't tell them they were crazy. She just launched immediately, no doubts, into her own interpretation. "Well…it sounds a lot like Lord of the Rings to me. And you know, it could be. He spent like, his whole life writing that book. And there's this theory that people can have past lives…somewhere else or something and then it just comes back to them so strongly and it comes out in their writing but you'd never know it. He could have been like that. That could have been what it was. So it really could be. Or like, there's a theory about holes to other dimensions or something like that and sometimes things can come through or go back, and maybe it's kind of like that to…and" Lyndsey kept talking, rambling, but Jennifer was soaking in every word she was saying. She actually had IDEAS….and she wasn't telling her she was insane…was instead telling her every way that she could be right. After so long of being afraid to tell anyone but Nikkey and Katelyn, it was a welcome relief. Then she was done, and Jennifer and Nikkey were both smiling.

"Good…good ideas. That's…really interesting and you may be right. Maybe…you're right." Lyndsey looked down in the direction of the corner. "Down there, that's where all the stuff is?"

Jennifer nodded. "Yeah…yeah we'll show you. The platform and everything. Come on." They took their time, showed her the platform, the numbers and marks on and in the trees. But it wasn't long before the wind picked up. Jennifer tensed. This had never happened…never happened with anyone else there before. A bark. Nikkey looked at her.

"You hear that?" A slow nod. Then it started, low and in the background, increasing as they grew closer. The unmistakable sound of drums. The turned, as one, and began to make their way pretty quickly back up the hill. Eventually they all broke into a run, then almost to the edge of the woods they slowed and looked back. The sound was gone.

"That was drums. I heard them."

Nikkey nodded at Lyndsey. "Yeah. I heard them too." They wandered back down, heard the drums and came up once more before it was time to head inside. It was late afternoon. As they headed up the yard, coming out of the trees and up the hill Lyndsey lifted her head to look up at the screened porch and saw a tall cloaked figure looking down on them, watching their approach. At the time she said nothing. But she saw him. And she knew.

They were inside, inside and Lyndsey would be leaving soon. They were sitting on the floor, and none of them really had the words to describe what had happened that day. Lyndsey spoke. "When we were coming inside…on your porch…I'm pretty sure I saw him…one of them, the guy in the cloak. I thought it was just your mom standing there at first but I looked and she wasn't there and he was tall and all in black…then he was gone. But I'm sure I saw him."

"Wow. That's…interesting. I'm sure you did. On my porch, though, that's a little…"

"Creepy?" Nikkey finished for her and Jennifer nodded.

"Yeah…yeah it is. Well…we're getting somewhere." Lyndsey's dad drove up. She had to go. They stood, walked her to the door, told her good-bye. There was already a new understanding between them and Jennifer could feel it…they were part of something now. If only she had looked less at what she now knew and more at the fear at Nikkey's eyes, in the days ahead she wouldn't have been so surprised.

The beginning of everything is always filled with nervous excitement, isn't it? It's always so exciting, so thrilling, such a rush, to dive into something you know nothing about, to begin a new life. And with shared experience comes friends that you could find no other way. If I had not told Lyndsey the things I did that day…believe me, my friends, my life would have been a much different one…and not for the better. She is…has always been…one of us. She was meant to be one of us. I just didn't know it yet. Over the years I'd get better at knowing who to trust when, but no one is perfect. Mistakes are inevitable. I thank God he steered me right that first day. If we hadn't had her in the beginning, things may never have gone the way they did. And I may not be here today. My story may begin strangely but…keep listening. It is so…bittersweet to me to look back on these days. Then I was wondering what was happening to me…now, I would love to go back and relive those days when everything was easy…I just didn't know it yet.