The fact is that loosing a child is like loosing your world eventhough I had never seen him alive it still hurt to see him stone still.
It takes skill to hold back tears but after a while it's near enough to impossible. It's not because I'm weak, it's because I've been strong for too long.
I come out of my daze and back in to reality. Anakin's soft hands run down my tatty hair. I could see him trying to hold back tears as the nurses take the still-born out of the room.
"You can cry you know." I say, my voice wobbling. "Just because you're a man it doesn't mean your weak if you cry." He doesn't say a word or even look at me, he just stairs at the bright white wall as if it will solve our problems.
I hear a Ahsoka's soft voice, hushing Alex as she pops her head around the door with Alex's hand in hers. She sighs and sits beside me.
"How are you" she whispers. I gaze in to her deep blue eyes.
"I'm ok" I lie. She picks up Alex and sits her on her knee.
"Shall we make mummy feel better?" Ahsoka says. Alex nods, her brown eyes stare in to mine.
"It will be ok mummy!" She exclaims hugging me. Although Alex is only four she is already one of the kindest people in the galaxy. She is near enough irrasitable, perfect in every way shape and form.
Her hair was a blue black that ran down her back like a river. She always wore it up in a single pony tail at the back, carefully tied in a bright red ribbon at the back, it brings out the colours well.
Her eyes are the deepest brown that could lure even the cuitest of boys. She was so kind and bubbly. I stroke her hair, not saying a word to her.
"Mummy, when can we go home" She asked. I look at Anakin and sigh.
"Now I guess" Ahsoka picks up my bag as I pick up Alex she wraps my arms around my neck and rests her head on my sholder.
"Come on Ani" He looks at me and then to the marble floor. Then reluctantly drags his feet on the floor too the door. Then opens it letting us threw. "Don't be sad daddy, it will be ok" Alex says grinning at Anakin. He smiles back at her.
"I know baby" Alex pulls a satifactary smile and then puts her head back on my sholder.
As we walk home Alex's hair tickles my bony back. As we enter the house I pass Alex to Ahsoka and run in. "Are you alright" She asks, cuddling Alex. I nod and run upstairs. I run in to the room and bury my head in the the covers and cry. When I sit up the tears are still running down my face. I go in to the nusery and scan it. Looking at every objet that would of been him.
"Come back" I wimper as I run my finger across the White fence of the crib. I look at everything, until I get angry. I get so angry that i pick up a creamy coloured bear with a yellow ribbon around it's neck. I rip it off, tearing the stiches away and throw it across the room.
I destroy all of the toys and bears. Till there's only the crib left. I go to pick it up but calm down first. I fall to the floor laying on all the brocken glass and plasic. It cuts in to my scin as I lay on the floor, my eyes are steaming with tears. I hear footsteps in the doorway.
"Mummy?" Alex exclaims, shocked.