Author's Note:
So this is my second klainefic I've posted on the internet. My first one is on scarvesandcoffee[.net] under the same penname, DCEverett. But rate, review, and all that jazz.
I obviously don't own any of the characters or Glee, but that would be soooo fucking cool if I did.
WARNINGS: Self-harm, language
"God, go find yourself a new boyfriend, Kurt, I'm fucking out of here." Blaine mumbled angrily and headed for the front door.
"Blaine, I'm not done talking! Blaine!" Kurt yelled. "HEY!"
"YOU'RE DONE TALKING!" Blaine roared, whipping around to face Kurt. "I've had enough! You're sick, thinking that I would actually cheat on you! I fucking gave you my all and what do I get? You in my face yelling about something I didn't do!"
"Oh yeah?" Didn't sound like it coming from Santana's lips!"
"You fucking believe that slut instead of your own damn boyfriend?"
"At least she doesn't lie, Blaine!"
"That was one time? And it didn't even matter!"
"It mattered to me, dumbass!"
"Wow, okay, forget you, Kurt. I can't stand you. You're a fucking selfish bastard, you know that?"
Kurt shook his head, tears running down his cheeks. "Fuck you," he said, his voice trembling. "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on."
Blaine watched the tears he caused fall from Kurt's eyes. He could see all the pain in each tiny drop.
"I love you, Blaine," Kurt choked and tried to smile. "But sometimes I wonder who you are anymore." The corners of his mouth dropped.
Blaine was on the verge of crying. He couldn't stay in the house for another second. Blaine shook his head at Kurt and turned back towards the front door.
"Where are you going?" Kurt asked, following Blaine with little steps.
"Out." Blaine said, a trace of acid still in his voice. He sniffed and opened the door. Blaine looked back at Kurt, who stood frozen in the kitchen doorway. Blaine's hard expression didn't soften. He then shut the door behind himself.
Kurt stood trembling in the kitchen doorway. Finally, he numbly made his way to the couch and allowed himself to collapse onto it. His body racked with sobs as Blaine's last look at him flashed through his mind, haunting him, suffocating him, killing him.
The apartment was still dark when Kurt woke up. He looked up at the analog clock hanging on the wall.
7:22 AM
Kurt sat up on the couch and looked around. Everything looked the same as the night before, except for the pillows beneath him were stained with dried tears.
"Blaine?" Kurt called out.
Silence.
Kurt sighed and weakly got up from the couch. He staggered into the bathroom turned the light on, and looked into the mirror. Terrified at how reed his skin was, he splashed cold water onto his face. He didn't want to look back into the mirror so he turned the light off and left the bathroom.
The apartment was silent as the day dragged on. Kurt was suppose to meet up with his family for dinner at Breadstix, but when the clock his 6 PM, Kurt didn't move from where he was, sitting cross-legged on the couch. He wanted to wait for Blaine.
By 9:30, the fresh tear trails down his cheeks were already drying. Kurt couldn't wait any longer. He found his phone under a couch pillow and dialed Rachel's number.
"Hello?" Rachel answered.
"Rach? Is Kurt."
"Oh, hey! I was just about to call you! Finn said you weren't at dinner—"
"Have you seen or heard from Blaine lately?"
"No… no, I haven't. I thought he was at home with you."
"N-No. We had a big fight last night and he walked out. He hasn't been back since."
"Well, have you tried calling him?"
"No. I was just about to, though. But I'm kind of scared he's not gonna pick up."
"Well do that first, honey, then call me back. Tell me what he says."
"Alright, Rachel."
"Don't forget to call me back, okay?
"I heard you the first time, mother."
"Okay." Kurt heard the smile in Rachel's voice.
"Bye." Rachel said, and then hung up.
Kurt ended the call and got up from the couch. He paced back and forth, too scared to dial Blaine's number.
Blaine already hates me, Kurt thought. What have I got to lose beside him, even though I've already practically lost him? And if he's really mad, he has every right to be.
Last night flashed before his eyes.
"You fucking believe that slut instead of your own damn boyfriend?"
"At least she doesn't lie, Blaine!"
"That was one time? And it didn't even matter!"
"It mattered to me, dumbass!"
"Wow, okay, forget you, Kurt. I can't stand you. You're a fucking selfish bastard, you know that?"
"Fuck you. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on."
Kurt's fingernails dug into his arm. He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his teeth, trying to block out the unwanted.
Suck it up, Kurt told himself. Blaine has every right to be mad at you! You fucked up. You didn't trust him. But you're sorry, and you love him. You have to let him get that though his head. He'll soften up sooner or later. And if he doesn't, move on. It's not like Blaine's the only gay guys out there.
Kurt took a really deep breath. Finally, after a few minutes, Kurt dialed Blaine's number with numb fingers. He put the phone to his ears.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Kurt was on the verge of pressing END.
Ring.
Ring.
Ri—
"What the fuck do you want?" Blaine slurred angrily from the other end of the line.
Kurt froze up. He didn't know what to say for a few seconds.
"Fucking hell, Kurt!" Blaine shouted.
Kurt realized something off about the way Blaine was talking.
"Blaine, are… are you drunk?" he asked.
"What's it to you?"
"Blaine, where are you? I'll pick you up."
"I'm not going anywhere with you!"
"Blaine, come back to bed!" A new male voice spoke in the background on Blaine's end of the line.
Kurt froze. "Blaine, where the hell are you?" His voice shook.
"Do you really wanna know?" Blaine asked warily.
"Yes, I do—"
"BLAINE! I'm getting horny, come here!" demanded that same background voice.
Kurt let out a yelp and hung up on Blaine. He dropped his phone like it was burning white hot. He covered his mouth with his hands. His heavy breathing finally turned into heart-breaking sobs.
Rachel paced her room, her phone in her hand. It's been almost an hour since Kurt called, and Rachel was starting to get worried. Rachel didn't think that Kurt would forget to call back. Kurt usually remembers things like this. But this was unusual of Kurt. He would never let anyone wait for him, just like he would never bail on his family, but he did his evening. Kurt was too obsessed with Blaine, Rachel concluded.
Rachel shook her head and dialed Kurt's number. She was prepared to yell at Kurt.
The phone kept ringing. Something Kurt would never let happen. After what seemed like a million rings, Kurt's voicemail started up. Rachel left a message and waited for another 30 minutes to call. Still no answer.
"Kurt, pick up your damn phone!" She cried.
In a frenzied panic, Rachel dialed Blaine's number. IT rang a couple times.
"What?" Blaine answered, who sounded irritated.
"Have you talked to Kurt?" Rachel demanded.
"Yeah, like an hour ago? Two? Fuck, I don't know." Blaine replied.
"Blaine…are you drunk?"
"Who cares if I'm drunk?"
"Blaine, we need to check on Kurt—"
"Blaine, just turn your phone off! I'm tired of your fucking friends interrupting us!" A male voice said in the background on Blaine's end of the line.
Rachel gasped in horror. "BLAINE ANTHONY ANDERSON! What in the hell are you doing?"
"It's none of your business!"
"Look Blaine, I'm not in the mood to fight you right now, but I think you deserve to know that I have lost all respect for you."
"Noted. Can I go now?"
"No! You may not! Look, I told Kurt to call me back two hours ago and he hasn't. I called him twice and he's not answering."
"I don't care."
"You should! Blaine, something is seriously wrong here. I have a seventh sense, you know. My seventh is sensing bad things. My sixth is sensing correct pitch."
"Well you can go by yourself—"
"Blaine, hurry up!" The male voice shouted in the background.
"Shut the fuck up!" Blaine yelled back at the male. He continued his sentence to Rachel. "You can go check on Kurt by yourself, okay?"
"No, Blaine, you have to come with me. Please? I'll come pick you up. Where are you right now?"
"Rachel—"
"NO, BLAINE! You are coming with me to check on Kurt. He's your boyfriend! You love him! You need to care about this, c'mon! Kurt would do this if this situation was reversed. And you have to talk to him sooner or later. Just… please. Please come with me."
Blaine didn't want to ask Rachel how she knew about what was going on between him and Kurt, because Kurt probably already told her. He sighed. "Fine." Blaine gave Rachel the address of the house party he was at in Columbus.
As soon as Rachel pulled up to the house and helped Blaine into the car, Rachel gave Blaine the silent treatment the rest to the ride back to Lima. Blaine rolled his eyes at Rachel.
Rachel pulled up into the apartment complex parking lot. They both swiftly got out of the car. Blaine started to grow anxious as he unlocked the front door. They both stepped into the darkness of the sitting room.
"Kurt?" Rachel called.
Silence.
"Kurt!" Blaine shouted. "Kurt, are you here?"
Silence.
"I'll check upstairs." Rachel said quietly and went up the small staircase.
Blaine checked the bathroom and the guest room. He checked the small living room. He was about to turn away until something caught his eye on the floor. Blaine picked it up and flipped on the lights. It was Kurt's phone. Blaine was about to call for Rachel when a loud, high-pitched scream registered from upstairs. Blaine dropped Kurt's phone and sprinted for the stairs. "Rachel?" He cried. "Rachel! What's wrong? Where are you?" Blaine followed the loud sobs until he reached the bedroom he shared with Kurt.
"BLAINE! CALL 911!" Rachel screeched. "Kurt, wake up! Kurt, can you hear me? Wake up!"
Blaine went into the bathroom. Rachel was holding Kurt, unconscious and dangerously pale…in a small pool of blood.
"Blaine, don't just fucking stand there! CALL 911!" Rachel cried. "Kurt!" She shook his limp body in her arms.
Blaine stumbled his way to the phone on the nightstand next to the bed. He dialed 911.
"Hello, 911, what is your emergency?" A smooth female voice answered.
"Hello, 911, I need your help. My—my boyfriend, he's unconscious, there's blood everywhere, and—and… oh God." Blaine choked, putting a hand over his mouth.
"S-sir, I'm gonna have to ask you what happened to your… boyfriend?" The operator asked.
"I don't know, I-I—me and my friend, we just got here, and we found him like this. I don't know what happened."
"Okay, sweetheart, what's your name?"
"B-Blaine. Blaine Anderson."
"Okay, Blaine, I'm gonna have to get your address so we can get an ambulance down there immediately, okay?"
Blaine swallowed down tears. "Yeah, okay." He told the operator the address of his apartment. 2 minutes later, paramedics were knocking on the door. They brought a stretcher into the bathroom and hoisted Kurt into it. Only then Blaine notices the horizontal slits across both his wrists.
Rachel wrapped her arms around Blaine's torso and buried her face into his shoulder. Blaine wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
"Rachel did you see the cuts?" Blaine asked quietly, his voice trembling.
Rachel nodded into his shoulder and let out a sob. "Why would he do this?" She whispered, staining Blaine's shirt with her tears and mascara.
"Shit, what have I done?" Blaine moaned under his breath.
By then the ambulance left. Rachel let go of Blaine and wiped at her face.
"I'm gonna go follow the ambulance to the hospital," she croaked. "Are you coming?"
"Later." Blaine replied, ready to collapse when Rachel left.
She nodded and left the room. As soon as he heard the front door click closed, he threw himself onto the bed, ashamed of himself.
Crackle.
Blaine stopped mid-sob. The tears kept coming, but he lifted his body up. A crinkled piece of paper was lying under his stomach. He slipped it out from under him and unfolded the paper. He wiped at his eyes as he read what was scrawled on the paper.
Blaine—
I don't know how long you're gonna be reading this. Maybe you'll crumple this up in irritation upon realizing that these words were written in my hand. Maybe you'll stick it out to the end. I sure hope that you do the second, because there's something I really want you to know.
I love you with all my heart. It was that day on the staircase at Dalton, when I first saw your face when you turned around that I knew that love might be real for people like us. And I'm still handing on to that little inkling—that we could actually make it in this world as a real actual married couple.
For you Blaine, I've always wanted happiness. I didn't really care how you got it. I didn't really care who it was with (although I preferred it was with me), but I guess, the only happiness you can find is somewhere far from me, so I'm sorry I've been holding you back.
I'm sorry for everything, actually. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you, or beautiful enough for you. I'm sorry for being in your life. But now that I'm gone, things will be easier for you. I'm sure of it.
Don't ever forget that most importantly, never forget to be happy, Blaine Anthony Anderson. There's a reason you're here on Earth: to find it.
Never forget.
I love you, Kurt
"FUCK!" Blaine shouted, ripping the letter up and throwing the pieces onto the ground. "Kurt, why?" He pleaded, curling up into a ball on Kurt's side of the bed. He sobbed into Kurt's pillow that he was cradling gently. "I'm so sorry, Kurt," he chanted. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." He hugged Kurt's pillow tighter. He didn't want to let go. "It's all my fault," He whispered. "All my fault."
Kurt's face flashed through Blaine's mind; his happy, rosy, beautiful face. But now… it's gone. He is gone. And it was all Blaine's fault. Well, at least, that was what Blaine thought.
Of course Kurt had the choice not to commit suicide. But what Blaine had done to Kurt was far too hurtful. And Kurt didn't want to live with knowing what Blaine had done to him. It was too much. Too much for him.
Kurt was on his way to the hospital. No breath, no pulse, no hope.
Now Blaine has to live with that.
Kurt wasn't dead—yet.
Mercedes glared at Blaine in the hospital waiting room: Mercedes, Rashel, and the rest of the former members of New Directions. Some of the former members of the Dalton Academy Warblers were there too, but they acted less cold towards Blaine, compared to everyone else. Burt, Carole, and Finn sat with everyone, oblivious to what the real back story was to Kurt's situation. Rachel just told them that she went over to Kurt and Blaine's apartment to check on him, since he skipped dinner, and found Kurt that way on the floor. She never said one thing about Blaine.
Kurt's doctor, Dr, Houghton, walked into the small waiting room. Everyone stood up with anxious faces.
Dr. Houghton sighed…and then smiled. "He's awake." He announced. Sighs of relief collectively hummed though the room.
"Thank you so much, doctor." Carole squeaked through her clasped hands that were partially over her mouth. Tears of joy glittered in both her and Burt's eyes.
"I wanna go first." Rachel said and headed for the door.
"I'll come with you—" Blaine started to stay, but was interrupted by Rachel.
"Alone." She snapped.
Blaine shrank back.
"Hold on," Finn cut in. "Blaine is Kurt's boyfriend"—Blaine flinched at the word "boyfriend", since he didn't really know where he and Kurt stood—"I think he he'd be happy to have Blaine as one of the first people he sees after waking up."
"I need to talk to Kurt alone, sweetheart." Rachel replied.
Finn simply nodded.
Rachel glanced at Blaine before leaving.
Blaine was alone in the waiting room. Everyone except for Rachel had gone home after seeing Kurt.
Rachel entered the room with two water bottles. She handed one to Blaine and he took it with a muttered "Thanks."
"Are you ready?" She asked.
Blaine exhaled a shaky breath. "I'm ready if Kurt is."
Rachel nodded and looked down at the water bottle in her hands. "Well, come on then." She said, looking back up at Blaine. She stood up and tugged on Blaine's wrist.
"Wait, he…he wants to see me?" Blaine asked.
"He's ready to see you, but I don't think he wants to."
Blaine bit his lip and stood up. "O-Okay."
They left the waiting room and walked down the hall. Arriving at Kurt's door, Blaine tried to turn back around.
Rachel got a firm grip on his wrist. "No, no, no, don't chicken out."
"Rachel, this… this isn't a good idea. I did this to him, Rach. I made him do this to himself. I can't—I can't go in there, I just can't." Blaine turned away again
Rachel lightly slapped Blaine's face. "You still love him, don't you?" She asked.
Blaine nodded.
Rachel let go of his wrist and took his hands in hers. "Tell me again how he signed that note to you."
A huge lump formed in his throat and he tried to swallow it down. On the verge of crying, Blaine replied "He—he wrote 'I love you'."
"So if he still loves you, he's gonna listen to you."
Blaine sighed. "Did…did he say anything about me when you saw him, or…?"
"I think that's for you to find out on your own." Rachel dropped Blaine's hands and gestured to Kurt's door.
Blaine eyed the door. "Are you sure…?"
"Just go in there!" Rachel shoved him towards the door.
He exhaled slowly, his hand hesitating over the door handle. He finally laid a shaky hand on it and turned it slowly. It opened.
Kurt—who was impossibly pale—was staring down at his bandaged arms, picking at the edge of the tape. Blaine shut the door slowly and quietly. Without moving his head, Kurt glanced up at Blaine from under his eyelashes and then back down at his arms. Blaine sat in one of the bedside chairs. It was silent for a few seconds.
"I—I don't even know what to say," Blaine said, eyes on the edge of the bed.
Kurt looked up at Blaine in annoyance. Blaine glanced up at Kurt's face.
That's when he broke down.
Blaine slumped forward and sobbed into one of his hands. His free hand found Kurt's. Kurt tried to yank his hand away, but Blaine held on tight.
"Kurt, no. Don't let go, please?" Blaine pleased, looking up at Kurt's face. "Please?"
Kurt's hand relaxed after a few seconds and laid limp in Blaine's.
"Listen to me, alright?" Blaine demanded. "Look at me, please?"
Reluctantly, Kurt settled his eyes on Blaine's eyebrows. He wasn't ready to look into his eyes yet.
"Kurt, I know I'm stupid, I know I'm a fucking douche bag, but do you really think I would cheat on you? Well, before we fought? Kurt, I would never. There's a reason why I say 'I love you' to you. It's because I really do. I love you so much, every time I'm home alone, all I so is look through photo albums of you, hoping it would ease the ache in my heart while I wait for you to come home. That's why the scrapbook of us when we use to go to Dalton together was under one of the couch cushions,"
Kurt remembered when he sat on the unusually stiff couch cushion and found the scrapbook. He later questioned Blaine about it when they were getting ready for bed that night. Blaine denied ever even touching it.
"I was so stupid for going for going to that party," Blaine continued. "Puck said that it was gonna be nothing. He just wanted to help me feel better. He never told me it was a frat house where half the brothers were gay." Blaine swallowed and winced at the memories from that night that he'd rather forget.
Kurt had a poker face on. He usually wore it when he was disappointed, annoyed, or waiting for something. Kurt arched an eyebrow.
Keep going.
Blaine took a deep breath and reluctantly continued.
"P-Puck promised me nothing was gonna happen," Blaine's face started to wrinkle up the way it did when he was about to cry. "And I was stupid enough to believe him."
Blaine started to cry then. He bent his head over his and Kurt's hands. Kurt felt Blaine's warm tears on his skin. His heart started to ache. He hated seeing Blaine like this. But he was still hesitant of Blaine and his intentions. After what he's been through, there's nothing left of his trust in people. Blaine was the last person he risked himself with. Now, everything was gone for Kurt. He couldn't feel anything. Kurt still loved Blaine, but did he love him enough to risk himself again?
Blaine kissed Kurt's knuckled. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, looking up. "I'm so sorry, I—I realized what I've done, what kind of damage I've caused. But I'm willing to fix it, to fix everything. I'll do anything for you, I swear," Blaine held Kurt's hand tighter. "Please, give me a chance, I swear. I love you, Kurt, I love you so much. Don't let me go, please—"
"Get out."
Blaine froze. "W-What?"
"Get out," Kurt repeated hoarsely. "Let go of my hand and get out."
Blaine trembled at Kurt's words. He laid Kurt's hand gently on the bed and left the room with tears rolling down his cheeks.
Kurt was coming home. His parents convinced Kurt's doctor to not admit Kurt to the psych ward, but agreed to take him in for therapy once a week.
Blaine cleaned out the room he used to share with Kurt of his belongings. The room was now "Kurt's room", not "Kurt and Blaine's room". He carried the last of his things down the short stairs.
Everything in the house reminded him of Kurt. Kurt had decorated every inch of the house. He chose what color he wanted for the walls. He would cook breakfast every morning in the quaint little beige kitchen. Blaine was gonna miss everything. But if it meant that his moving out was gonna keep Kurt happy, then so be it. Kurt came first in everything, no matter what.
Blaine carried a box fullf his shoes out the front door and almost dropped in the floor. There, leaning against his car, was Kurt: his rosy cheeks restored, his skin glowing again, the long absent pink back in his lips… he was back. Even in the dark Ohio overcast of the afternoon, his eyes were bright from where Blaine stood.
Blaine caught himself and ducked his head. He slowly stepped off the porch and headed to the open trunk of his car.
Kurt crossed his arms. "What are you doing?"
"I'm moving back to my parent's place," Blaine said quietly. "I just thought that you would want the house so I'm taking my things."
"But why would you be going back to your parent's house? They're the reason you moved out in the first place."
"I took care of everything," Blaine stuffed the box into the trunk and turned to Kurt, but didn't really look at his face. "If you don't want the photo albums, you can send them to me, o-or burn them, whatever you want."
Blaine stepped around Kurt to go back up the house to get the rest of the boxes, but Kurt caught his hand and turned Blaine to face him. "Blaine, why are you moving out?" Kurt asked.
"Isn't that what you wanted? I-I thought you didn't love me anymore."
"Sorry, I should have had Rachel tell you that I'm irritable when I'm hopped up on medication. Kurt said.
"I don't understand, Kurt," Blaine whispered, taking Kurt's hands. "Why would you ever think so lowly of yourself? Just because-hey, look at me," Kurt had looked away from Blaine. Blaine put his hand on Kurt's cheek and made him look back at Blaine. "Just because I was off being stupid doesn't mean that everything about you changed. You are the most talented, most amazing, most beautiful person I have ever met in my entire life. I don't deserve you, and I don't think I can ever forgive myself for what I did."
Kurt smiled a small smile and looked down at their hands intertwined together. He leaned his face into the hand Blaine still had on his cheek.
"And don't you ever think that your being in my life is making everything worst for me." Blaine growled.
Kurt's little smile disappeared.
"You jump, I jump, and that how it's always been and will always be, okay?"
"Always and forever." Kurt whispered and pressed his lips to Blaine's.
It was like lighting match. Like sparks. Electricity. Warmth spread through both their bodies as they wrapped their arms around each other. They loved the feeling of each other's lips because it was familiar and new at the same time. The love was there, making itself alive pronounce for it had been dormant since Blaine stormed out that door on the night that seemed like forever ago. Almost like… a distant life. A distant nightmare. But it was all over, and they were together again, the way it always will be.
Kurt pulled back and leaned his forehead against Blaine's. "I love you, Blaine."
Blaine chuckled softly. "I love you, Kurt."
Kurt kissed Blaine's forehead and let go of him. "C'mon. Lets get the boxes out of your car and unpack them before it starts raining." They both looked up at the dark clouds above them.
"I wish you would have told me you loved me sooner so I wouldn't have packed up everything. Do you know how long unpacking every piece of shit that I own will take us?" Blaine laughed.
Kurt smiled and pressed his lips to Blaine's once more.