This is my first OTH fanfiction, and also my first time on this network as a whole. So I'm pretty new to this. I have proof-read it about three times, but in case of errors, ignore them, please! Its based of off 07x22; I just thought it would be nice to see how Haley's feelings played out in words. Reviews would be wonderful :)
P.S. The part in italics is all flashbacks, and Haley's own voiceovers.
Disclaimer: Mark Schwan and Co. own it all, even though I wish it were all mine!
One step. Then another. And then there was only coldness, coldness that seeped through every cell of her being, one by one.
She felt her feet touch the floor of the pool and she opened her eyes. Blue.
Nathan. His eyes. Blue.
"..here, its for you. Don't say I never gave you anything…"
She remembered the blue letterman jacket he wore that morning of their first tutoring session. His cocky, arrogant smirk, his raven black hair looking a little brown under the early morning rays of the sun; she remembered it all. And as she did, she felt the first beam of warmth course through her cold, soaked body.
She held her breath, wanting to hold on to the reel of her own past that flashed through her eyes. She could feel the numbness ebbing away as she saw her sixteen-year-old self share her first kiss with the only man she'd ever loved.
"…there's no magic in the world. At least today there isn't…"
The feel of her soaked body, her wet clothes hanging loosely around her in the water brought back another memory – rain. The way he'd kissed her that day, telling her he loved her. She'd felt that kiss right to her very toes. She'd known then, that Nathan Scott was going to own her heart for the rest of her life.
"...You're my family now, Haley. The only true thing I have. I don't ever want to lose you…"
He'd asked her to spend forever with him that night. Never, in a million years, had she imagined someone like Nathan Scott to propose to her when they were sixteen and in high school. But as she'd looked into his marine blue eyes, she'd known he meant every word: he could, and he would, love her forever. Always and forever.
"…when I try to remember what happy felt like, I… I can't. I don't feel joy, I don't feel inspired; I feel numb…"
She then heard Nathan's voice overpowering her own, as if he were trying to prove a point, trying to reach out and tell her that her voice was wrong –
"… someday, this beach might wash away... the oceans may dry, the sun could dim, but on that day I'll still be loving you. Always and forever, I promise you, Haley…"
Transported back into time yet again, back to that beach, to that sound of the waves crashing on the shore, to her wedding day. She'd looked into his eyes that day and she'd seen the 'always and forever' he claimed to spend with her. She didn't remember being happier than she had been on that day. She'd seen it all – their life together, Jamie, the little girl with her eyes that he wanted, that he still wants. She'd seen it all with him. That's what had driven the fear away. The fear of what the world was going to say. The fear of not knowing how their lives were going to change forever. The fear of losing him; that fear had been the strongest. But his firm yet gentle hold on her hands, that complete happiness shining through his blue eyes, his lopsided smile, they all told her it was all going to be okay…
"…everyday, we ignore how truly broken this world is. And we tell ourselves its all going to be okay. But it's not going to be okay; I know that now…"
No. That voice in her head was wrong. Everything is going to be okay. She had Nathan. And she had Jamie.
Jamie.
"…look, its your Daddy. Welcome to the world, James Lucas Scott!"
She'd looked into her son's eyes for the first time – that mirrored his father's – and she'd lost her heart to a Scott yet again. Suddenly, it wasn't just her and Nathan anymore. Her world had gotten much bigger, her heart had gotten much bigger, this time to accommodate another blue-eyed Scott-boy. His eyes, his smirk, his dirty-blonde hair, his innocence, the way he still looked at the world and saw the better version of it.
She felt more warmth seeping through her body, as Jamie's memories flooded her mind. His first word – 'ball', his first steps, his laugh, his tiny hands.
"I love you, Mama!"
She had to get back up. She had to go back to Jamie. She had to go back to Nathan. They needed her, and she needed them. But the more she tried pushing herself out, the more something kept weighing her down.
The feeling of struggle, of helplessness was familiar. The water, the sound of her own voice screaming in her head.
She looked at Nathan with beseeching eyes, as he stood at the bridge, ready to jump in. She had to do something, stop him.
"Nathan, don't!" She pleaded, a sob escaping her throat. He sighed and looked at her, his eyes darker than she'd ever seen them. "I love you." He said. Haley couldn't stop thinking about how much it sounded like a goodbye. But before his goodbye could register in her mind, he'd started sprinting towards the water, "Nathan!" she yelled as he dove into the water.
Terror rocked her body at the memory of her second wedding day. She opened her mouth to scream into the water, call out for her husband.
"NATHAN! NATHAN!" Her frantic screams echoed through the empty bridge but no one came.
"NATHAN!" She called out again, into the silence of the water. She saw huge bubbles of her breath forming and going upwards.
And then, suddenly, out of nowhere, she felt him around her. His arms holding her tight, his chest against her body, heaving with ragged breaths.
The first breath of fresh air caused her to erupt into a series of violent coughs, as she looked at Nathan.
"Oh God!" She heard him whisper, still holding onto her for dear life.
Pulling apart, she looked into his eyes. Blue. Raising her hand to touch his cheek, she let out a slight sob. She knew then – she'd never been so glad to see his eyes, his loving, sweet and caring eyes, as she was at that moment. She felt the familiar stir in her body, the familiar racing of her heart, the warmth: all of it this time, as she was wrapped in his arms.
And as he whispered, "Breathe. Oh God, baby, just breathe!", his own breaths short, ragged and rough, she decided to do just that. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she held onto him, counting her breaths.
She knew this was a start. She was breathing again.