A/N: This is what happens when I indulge in maple syrup and Coke at family brunch and get the urge to write. Enjoy it. Oh, and I own neither Bleach nor Family Guy.
Sosuke Aizen was walking through the hallways of Fifth Division looking rather worse for wear. Scratch that, he was white as a sheet.
He happened upon Third Seat Gin Ichimaru and Kaname Tosen, Ninth Division's Fifth Seat, presumably there to deliver paperwork for Captain Hirako.
"Lieutenant Aizen, you look horrible!" Gin exclaimed, showing the smallest bit of concern for his superior officer. "What happened?"
Sosuke was silent for a moment. Finally, he whispered, "I was raped."
"What?!" Kaname exclaimed.
"Captain Unohana," Sosuke choked out. "She did things to my bottom… unspeakable things. She called it a "prostate exam," but all I know is, she took my innocence!" Sosuke wailed this last part.
"Good Lord," Kaname breathed.
No one said a word for the next minute. Finally, Gin spoke. "Have you reported this to the Head Captain?" he asked.
"Yes," said Aizen. "He took Unohana's side… him and the other Captains… even Captain Hirako betrayed me!"
Kaname embraced Sosuke in a hug. "It's okay," he said in a soothing whisper.
"It's NOT okay!" Sosuke bellowed. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be violated sexually?!"
"Yes." Both Fifth Division Soul Reapers went silent at these words. "I too have felt the cold finger of injustice on my insidey parts." This time, it was Sosuke who hugged Kaname.
"You're a brave man, Kaname," said Sosuke. "Not many would have the courage to admit something as terrible as this." He broke the hug and straightened himself up.
"Gentlemen," he said. "This I vow. We shall have our revenge. Not only on Retsu Unohana, but on the entire Soul Society! I will not turn a brown eye to the indignities we have suffered! Fourth Division, and all who support them, will pay out the ass, no ifs, ands, or buts! Mark my words gentlemen: I WILL be as anal as possible about this!"
"Sphincter!" Gin chirped. The two other Soul Reapers looked at him oddly. Well, Sosuke did, since Kaname was blind, but he turned his head in Gin's direction, so that has to count for something.
"And our plan begins with removing the barrier between Hollows and Soul Reapers…" Sosuke trailed off.