Dear God, Shoot Me Now

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls.

Summary: Paris has a chocolate craving, an angry streak because Doyle won't call, and decides to terrify Rory by making her realize that Logan is a Tristan rip off. Short fic.

Paris Gellar was depressed. Doyle hadn't called. In fact, Doyle hadn't called for weeks. Plus he'd been avoiding her. She needed to do something, to take her anger out on someone...and Doyle wasn't there for her to take her anger out on. She sighed, turned the television on, and flipped through it, searching for something filled with lots of hatred towards men in it. Perferably a movie where the chick gets revenge on an ex-boyfriend.

"Damn it!Why can't we have good television? There's nothing on," she said and she threw the clicker down on the coffee table, crossing her arms in a huff, like a pouty six year-old who hadn't gotten a piece of candy she'd wanted.

Oh, candy, Paris thought, man, that sounds good right now. Particularly something chocolate. Maybe with caffine.

"Maybe I'll go get a chocolate chip frapachino from Starbucks," she said aloud to herself.

The door to the dorm room opened, and Rory came in, shooting Paris an odd look. Of course she would shoot her an odd look. She was sitting in the room with the television on, and staring at the wall after all. "Uh Paris," she said slowly, as though speaking to a psychopath and wary that any sudden movement might make her end up getting hurt, "are you okay there, buddy?"

"I'm not your buddy," Paris said, "you are a woman who is happy and in love and has a boyfriend who calls her back. Currently you are my enemy, and I hate everything about you."

"Hey, don't blame me because I know how to keep a man happy," Rory said, and although Paris knew she meant it jokingly, something about her comment made Paris want to snap.

"Save it sister," Paris said, glaring at Rory, "you may be able to keep a man happy but that doesn't mean that you're truly happy with him."

Rory looked at Paris like she had grown eight heads. "Paris, what are you talking about? I'm completely happy with Logan. He's different, he challenges me, we've got a good thing going right now."

Paris stood up, looking Rory in the eye. "Oh please," she said, "you know that you're just settling."

"Paris, you know those crazy pills your taking? Yeah, I think you need to stop taking them, just you know...lay off the stuff," said Rory, "get some candy instead. Pixie Stick, anyone?"

"Don't use my want of chocolate to distract me!" She snapped. Argh. She had to get that Chocolate Chip Frapachino soon, otherwise she was going to completely and totally lose it. Maybe she'd already lost it. She didn't know. Man, she needed that Chocolate.

"Huh?" was all Rory could say in response.

Good. She'd stumped the walking Wit. Now she could finally rant and blow off some steam. "Has it ever occurred to you that Logan seems really familiar, like a face from the past? I mean, that's what I thought when I first saw him. That he looked really familiar."

Rory rolled her eyes. "Okay Paris, I'll give in," she said, "what exactly are you getting at?"

"Rory, buddy, pal, I'm going to say something that may disturb you, so don't hate me for it, but you've got to know the truth. You, Rory Gilmore, are settling. Logan Huntzburger is nothing more then a pathetic rip off of Tristan Dugrey. They've got the same blond hair, the same wealth,hell, they've both got the weird last name thing going on too, not to mention that you claimed to despise both of them at one point."

"Okay," said Rory, "so they've got some similarities. What's your point?"

"Your dating a Tristan Dugrey rip off, and you're settling for him when we both know you want the real thing because you missed your chance back when you were a Mary and dating Narcolepsy Boy!" said Paris. "And you need therapy to get over your issues!"

Rory cocked her head to the side, seemingly unfazed by what Paris had just said. "You're wigging," Rory told her and with that she went into her room. Or at least she started to, but then stopped right at the door. She opened her mouth, about to say something, but she closed it before she got it out.

Paris smirked. Ah, triumph. It was a wonderful thing. Paris Gellar was right...again.

Not that Rory was going to admit it, but it was her own mistake.

"Now that was so much better then chocolate!" she said, her smirk widdening, and then she went and sat back on the couch, turning back to the television to find something good on. There was no need to do that though.

Doyle called five seconds later.

All was good.

Although she still really did want something with chocolate.

Rory Gilmore paced back and forth in her room. Paris was acting like a mad woman. Apparently Doyle not calling was really getting to her. She felt bad for her friend, but did she really have to say that thing about Logan and Tristan?

God, now it was bugging her.

"C'mon Gilmore, you can't let her bug you," she told herself, sitting down on her bed and stopping the pacing.

What had possessed Paris to bring Tristan up anyway? They hadn't talked about him in years. In fact, he was something they chose not to talk about. He was off limits. He was forbidden.

Damn it...Logan Huntzburger and Tristan Dugrey had nothing in common...nothing whatsoever. They were as different as night and day. Besides, Rory was happy with Logan. The key word in there being that she was with Logan.

She had never been with Tristan. That was one thing they didn't have in common.

Rory closed her eyes for a minute, trying to clear her mind. Instead all she saw was a blurred image of Tristan and Logans face together, both calling her by the nicknames they had given her.

Suddenly Rory didn't feel all that great, despite having a boyfriend and one that called.

"Oh man...I want chocolate," Rory said, groaning and rolling over in bed. She cursed Paris for bringing this up. Now she was going to have that image of Tristan and Logans faces together for weeks.

And a really bad craving for chocolate.

This is what she got for rooming with a complete and utter psychopath.

Then she realized it. Paris Gellar was right.

Logan was a complete and utter Tristan Dugrey rip off.

Dear god, Rory couldn't help but think, shoot me now.

A/N: Okay, so I know it's short and random, but I got the idea at the gym...and you know how that goes. So just be kind. Gym ideas and Gilmore Girls might not go so well together.