Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray Man, if I did Allen would have killed the Earl already and be the new Earl.
PAIN
All I feel sometimes, It defined me.
When sitting in my room and how I think of the past.
Some memories good like hanging out with Lenelee and Lavi, how me and Lavi would prank Kanda and then being chased like chickens with their heads cut off from a pissed off she man with long hair out to slaughter them for replacing his wardrobe with pink tutus.
No, but sometimes my mind drifts off to a place no one should venture, where evil lives and thrives off of fear that I feel coursing through me all the time, Mostly mental pain there. Sometimes I feel myself losing and me slipping off into the unknown and falling into darkness never to awaken then a bright spot would appear and I would wake up with Lavi standing over me with food.
But what will happen when I don't wake up? What will become of me, I have no idea but sometimes when I'm alone sitting on my bed with Timcanpy and I would slightly hear a laugh from far off increasing in volume like creeping closer and it's going to suffocate me. It's not the light hearted laugh from Lenalee or the raspy laugh the Lavi gives when talking of a certain Panda.
No, this laugh is cold yet warming, it's like my heart is freezing and warming at the same time battling each other for dominance, mostly the warmth wins over and I fall asleep peacefully but sometime soon the cold ice will take over and it will not be pleasing in the least.