I probably shouldn't be starting another story, but I will anyways. Sorry people.
A LOT and I mean A LOT of people have done parody's like this and I really wanted to right my own, PLEASE DONT SUE ME!
Disclaimer: If Wicked were mine I wouldn't be writing FANfiction, for those of you who are confused, I. Do. Not. Own. Wicked. Period.
Ozian #1:(runs out onstage) GOOD NEWS EVERYBODY SHE'S DEAD!
Other Ozians: (burst out of Giant Hat) GOOD NEWS! SHE'S DEAD! THE...umm...
Head Dancer: Who exactly are we singing about again?
Ozian #1: I dunno I forgot...
Head Dancer: Well let's just check this giant stack of papers I found (reading script) Yep...oh...uhuh...OH NO THAT'S AWFUL!
Ozian #1: WHAT HAPPENED!?
Head Dancer: They...FORGOT MY MUSTACHE! I'm supposed to get it in the next scene...but they forgot.
Ozian #1: THAT'S AWFUL! (begins singing) NO ONE MOURNS THE MUSTACHE!
Random Ozian: NO ONE CRIES IT WONT RETURN!
All Ozians: NO ONE LAYS A LILY ON ITS GRAVE
Head Dancer: Lily on its grave? I mean I'm pretty sure the mustache is sitting in my dressing room somewhere under all my, how to _ Pamphlets.
Fan Girl Offstage: LOOK ITS GALINDA
Glinda: (comes down in bubble is stomping foot angrily) WHY DOESNT ANYONE REMEBER MY NAME! It's GLINDA! Say it! GLIN-DA! GLIN-DA!
Fan Girl Offstage: GA-LIN-DA!
Glinda: NO! GLIN-DA GLINDA! THE GA IS SILENT! I changed my name for a reason (sits down and throws tantrum)
Ozian #2: Jeez, no need to get all sad Galinda
Glinda: IT'S GLINDA! GLIN-DA! IT'S NOT THAT HARD MY NAME ONLY HAS TWO SYLABLES.
Authoress: (rolls eyes) I see why they call them brainless...
Glinda to Authoress: WHAT WAS THAT BLONDIE!?
Authoress: Blondie? BLONDIE!? I'm NOT blonde why does everybody always think that! (stomps foot angrily)
Fiyero: HA! IM NOT BRAINLESS! YOUR'RE BRAINLESS! (points at Glinda)
Glinda;...?
Authoress:...?
Head Dancer:...?
Everybody:...?
Fiyero: SEE TOLD YA I'M NOT BRAINLESS!
Ozian #2: Oh yeah! What's seven minus two!?
Fiyero: Seven minus two is...seven minus two is...
Authoress: YOU CANT BE THAT STUPID!
Fiyero: You'd better believe it honey
Authoress: (ignoring Fiyero) Glinda, you were just about to launch in to the story of the Wicked Witch of the West
Ozian #1: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...that's who we're singing about...
Glinda: (ignoring Ozian #1) Right, Fellow Ozians today I'm going to give you the life story of my best friend the Wicked Witch of the West,
Wizard: Wonderful, they call me wonderful
Authoress: (rolls eyes) Hey You!
Glinda: Me?
Authoress: No You!
Ozian #1: Me!?
Authoress: You!
Glinda and Ozians and everybody else: WHO!?
Authoress: HIM!
Everyone: HIM?
Authoress: THAT GUY! (points near the back of the stage)
The lover: What!? What are you all looking at!? Oh I'm sorry do I have something in my teeth!?
Authoress: (muttering) I can see where Elphaba got all the sarcasm from
Wizard: Wonderful they call me wonderful
Fiyero: gasps
authoress:gasps
Glinda: gasps
head dancer; gasps
ozians: gasps
Elphaba who is somewhere offstage: gasps
Wizard: WHAT'S WITH ALL THE GASPING!?
Authoress: (pointing to Wizard) if that's the wizard then who's that? (points to lover)
Everyone turns to stare at The Lover
Wizard:...well this is awkward
The Lover: Jeez, people what's with all the staring!? Cant a man sneak in the governor's mansion to go cheat on his wife in peace!?
Everyone continues to stare at The Lover
Wizard and The Lover: ...I think I'll be going now (both back out of the door laughing manically)
Glinda: Well...
Authoress: Um... Glinda you were telling Elphaba Thropp's life story
Glinda: Oh yes! The Wicked Witch of the West is my best friend!
Random Ozian: Glinda!? It's true you were her friend!
Ozians: (gasp)
Random Ozian Lady: You really need to stop reading ahead in the script, you're not supposed to say that until the next scene
Random Ozian: Really?
Glinda: Yep
Random Ozian Lady: But... I'm supposed to whack you upside the head for saying that (whacks random Ozian upside the head)
Random Ozian: OwwwwwwWWWWwwWWWWWwwwWWwWWWwWWWWWWWWWWWWwWwwwwwwwW WWwwwWwWwwwwwwWWWWWWwwwwWwWwwwW
Glinda: ahem
Random Ozian: OwwwwwwwwwwwWWWWwwwWWWwwwwwWWwwWwwWWWwwWWwwWwwwWwW ...
Authoress: Ahem
Random Ozian:OwwwwwwWWWWwwWWWWWwwwWWwWWWwWWWWWWWWWWWWwWww wwwwwWWWwwwWwWwwwwwwWWWWWWwwwwWwW
Fiyero:Ahem
Random Ozian: OwwwwwwWWWWwwWWWWWwwwWWwWWWwWWWWWWWWWWWWwWwwwwwwwW WWwwwWwWwwwwwwW
Authoress, Glinda, Fiyero and entire company: AHEM!
Random Ozian: WHAAAAAAAAAT!?
Glinda: (clears throat) are you quite finished?
Random Ozian: Yeah, It didn't even hurt anyways
Random Ozian Lady: I can make it hurt (glares)
Random Ozian: Yeah, I'll just be leaving now...(turns around and runs for his sorry life)
Authoress: Tiggular you're not even supposed to be here, so scoot!
Fiyero: Actually I am, I get to spin the bed.
Glinda: THAT'S YOU WHO SPINS THE BED!?
Authoress: Glinda you can't even recognize you're ex fiancé that's sad, especially since you made a big deal out of him leaving you for your best friend.
Fiyero: Well It doesn't really matter anyways, since Elphaba and I faked our deaths and left Oz essentially leaving behind a broken-hearted Glinda but seriously who cares?
Glinda: I CARE! BECAUSE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WITH ME! (pouts)
Fiyero: Jeez, Glinda I thought you got over that a long time ago...
Authoress: How'd you find out about that anyways!?
Fiyero: Oh I read it in this giant pack of paper that I found backstage...duh
Authoress: WHY IS EVERYBODY READING AHEAD IN THE SCIRPT!? Good Grief People!
Elphaba: (comes storming onstage) First of all it's called a script! Say it Sc-ript script! Second of all RUN AWAY WITH A BRAINLESS IDIOT LIKE HIM!? (Gestures to Fiyero) I DONT THINK SO! WHO'S WRITING THIS ANYWAYS!? BECAUSE WHOEVER IS SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO GO TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF COMMON SENSE! I MEAN SERIOUSLY PEOPLE FIYERO AND I!? HAVE YOU PEOPLE LOST YOUR MINDS!?
Fiyero: Calm down sweetie, I know it's a lot to take in, but don't worry we'll end up together in the end. Now I need you to calm down, and try not to loose control of your magice, sweetie.
Elphaba: (sending daggers at Fiyero) I AM NOT YOUR SWEETIE! AND MY MAGIC WILL NOT GET OUT OF CONTROL!
*All the glass in the room breaks*
Fiyero: (smirking)
Elphaba: (storms offstage)
Random Audience Member: Don't worry she'll come around...eventually.
Authoress: ELPHIE AND YERO FOREVER! Since we all know Fiyeraba is just about the best ship ever.
Gelphie Shippers: (leap up from seats in audience) OBJECTION! Glinda and Elphie were meant for each other!
Flinda shipper: (also leaps up from seat) I SECOND THAT! AKA I OBJECT! No Fiyero and Galinda were made for each other! Because she's perfect (points to Glinda) he's perfect (points to Fiyero) they're so perfect together!
Fiyeraba Shippers: OBJECTION! Fae and Yero are MADE FOR EACH OTHER!
*Fiyeraba, Flinda, and Gelphie Shippers all go in to an intense stare down*
Elphaba Fiyero and Glinda: Gel-what!? and the Fiyera-thingy!? WHAT IN OZ DOES THAT MEAN!?
Authoress: We'll explain later, just hurry up and finish the scene, you've already managed to stretch this 5 minutes scene in to a 10 minute one.
Glinda: And like every family they had their secrets
Ozian #1: Wow, that was random...
Authoress: Well! I had to keep Glinda on track!
Frex: Well, I'm off to the assembly dear.
Melena: Okay I'll just stay here and raise the fating of this production to all ages 8 and up. Because there are SO many teenagers with messed up minds out there, who totally assume the worst when I come out on the bed.
Frex: Errr...right...bye
Melena: BUT WE DIDNT FINISH OUR SONG! (pouts)
Frex: Right, How I hate to go and leave you lonely
Melena: That's alright it's only just one night
Frex: But know I am here in your heart while I'm out of your sight...
Fiyero: Woah high note!
Glinda: (scoffs) that was NOT high! You wanna see high I'll show you high (sings Cheno Note)
Fiyero: Woah, REALLY HIGH!
Glinda: (smugly) I try.
Authoress: Ahem
Glinda and Fiyero: Sorry...
Fiyero;...not
Authoress: What was that Tiggular!
Fiyero: Nothing...(dashes offstage)
Melena: (tapping foot impatiently) Where is the Lover!? I've been waiting here for like 30 seconds!
*5 minutes later*
Melena: HURRY UP LOVER!
*10 minutes later*
Melena: I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER DOWN HERE!
*15 minutes later*
Melena: HE'S ONLY IN LIKE TWO SCENES! WHY IS IT TAKING HIM SO LONG!?
*20 minutes later*
Melena: THAT'S IT! TIMES UP! (stalks offstage)
Authoress:(muttering)...I KNEW I should've written a Harry Potter fic, but NO I just HAD to do Wicked!
Melena: (comes back onstage, can be seen dragging lover on by the collar of his shirt) WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!? (Whacks The Lover upside the head)
The Lover: Well...I sort of...lost the Green Elixer...
Glinda: Oh! I know where that is it's under Elphie's pillow!
The Lover: (Whining) But that's all the way in another set
Melena: (sarcastically) Here's an idea, stop whining, AND GO GET IT!
The Lover: Of course...sweetie...(walks offstage, drags feet)
*items can be heard falling and breaking*
The Lover: I FOUND IT!
Melena: YAY! Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimme da bottle!
The Lover: Are you sure that's a good idea? It looks like you're becoming seriously addicted, and it's bad for the-
Melena: (reaches over and grabs bottle out of The Lover's hand) YAY! (drinks it all in one gulp)
Fiyero: Woah!
Glinda: Woah!
Elphaba from somewhere off stage: Woah!
Random Ozian: Woah!
Random Ozian Lady: Woah!
The Wizard: Woah!
All Ozians: Woah!
Authoress: Woah! Well...In Melena's defense is was a small bottle...
Melena: Now leave me!
The Lover: YES I'M FREE! (runs offstage)
Authoress: Errrr...switch scenes...
Melena: ITS COMING!
Frex: WHAT!? THE MAIL! (runs over to door and proceeds to stick hand in and out of the mail box over and over agian) WHERE IS IT!? WHERE'S MY MALIBU BARBIE DOLL!?
Authoress: You play with barbies?
Frex: Nooooooo...(shifty eyes)
Melena: NO THE BABY! THE BABY'S COMING!
Frex: Oh...welll, its no Malibu Barbie Doll, but a baby's cool too...i guess...
Melena: If I weren't going in to labor right now I'd whack you upside the head! NOW COME HELP ME!
*15 minutes later*
Midwife: I see a nose
Frex: I see a curl
Both: It's a healthy perfect lovely little-
Frex: (lets out high pitched scream) AHHHHHH!
Melena: WHAT IS IT!?
Frex: THE BABY IS-
Melena: NO NOT THE BABY! WHAT IN OZ ARE YOU DOING TO MAKE YOUR VOICE SO HIGH PITCHED!? First, we sing a song and you end on a note that is WAY to high for you, if anything I'd expect Fiyero to be parading around in those hideodious tight white pants and singing that note-
Fiyero: HEY! I LIKE THOSE PANTS! BESIDES I LOOK GOOD IN THEM!
Fan Girls: Yes! He does! -swoons-
Melena: (ignoring Fan Girls and Fiyero) But I never expected YOU to be singing that high! THEN while I'm giving birth you let out a high pitched scream that sounds like it's coming from a seven year old. So I ask again HOW ARE YOU GETTING YOUR VOICE SO HIGH!?
Frex: (looking embarrassed) ummm...my voice is naturally that way...
Authoress: Ouch. Poor Frex. That must be embarrassing...
Frex: Yeah...
*awkward silence*
Authoress: Errrr...the scene!
Frex: Right!
Midwife: How can it be!
Frex: What does it mean!
Midwife: It's atrocious!
Frex: It's obsceeeeene!
Elphaba: (can be heard from offstage) Gee, thanks for saying all those wonderful things about me Frex!
Wizard: Wondeful they call me wonderful!
Authoress: Note. Your. Song. Get. Out.
Wizard:Awwww...but I don't get to come on until the END of Act II
Authoress: Well Deal with it!
Wizard: But that's not fair!
Authoress: Life's not fair! Now Scoot!
Wizard: !? $%?! Fine... (stomps offstage)
Authoress: (gestures to Frex, and Midwife) continue
Frex and Midwife: Like a Froggy, ferny cabbage the baby is unnaturally...GREEN!
Melena: Well duh
Frex: YOU KNEW OUR BABY WAS GOING TO BE GREEN AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME! HOW'D YOU FIND OUT ANYWAYS!?
Melena: Oh I read it in this giant pack of paper backstage!
Elphaba: (can be heard from offstage) Sweet Oz! It's called a script!
Authoress: WHY IS EVERYONE READING AHEAD IN THE SCRIPT!? (throws tantrum)
Frex: Take it away!
Melena: No! Leave her here! She's kinda cute...
Elphaba from somewhere offstage: WHAT!? I AM NOT CUTE!
*awkward silence*
Glinda: So you see it couldn't have been easy!
Ozian #1: Once again Glinda VERY RANDOM!
Authoress: Goodbye! (pushes Ozian #1 in to orchestra pit)
Ozian #1: Okay, I'll just wait down here...hello...anyone there...I'm still getting my paycheck...right?
Authoress: SHUT UP! Ahem...
Ozians: Oh yeah...NO ONE MOURNS THE MUSTACHE! TOO BAD IT'S LOST AND GONE! NOW THERE'S NO JOY THROUGHT THE LAND!
Glinda:AND IIIIIIIIIIII KNOW THE MUSTACHE'S LIVES ARE LONELY!
Authoress: STOP! THOSE ARE NOT THE LYRICS! I do like this song...so please, sing it with the RIGHT lyrics!
Glinda: Of course...NO ONE MOURNS THE PIIIIIIIIIINK!
Authoress: ...Pink?
Glinda: Yeah, well after I go to work for the Wizard I don't get to wear anymore pink. The least we could do is sing a song about it.
Authoress:...fair enough...
Everybody: NO ONE MOURNS THE PINK! PIIIIIINK! PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!
Fiyero: O.o high note
Authoress: SHUT IT TIGGULAR!
Fiyero: (clearly ignoring Authoress) Seven Minus Two Is...
Authoress: Tiggular are you ignoring me!
Fiyero:Seven Minus Two is...
Authoress: Tiggular...
Fiyero: Seven Minus Two is...
Authoress: If I tell you, will you shut up?
Fiyero: Seven minus two is...
Authoress: Try Five!
Fiyero: Take Five! YAY! EVERYBODY BREAKTIME!
Everybody: YAY! (everybody runs offstage_
Authoress: (facepalm) TIGGULAR GET BACK HERE! (stalks offstage cursing Fiyero under her breath)
Glinda: HEY WHAT ABOUT ME!? I'M STILL STUCK IN THIS BUBBLE! HELLOOOOOO...ANYBODY?
*lights go off*
Glinda:(whispers) I'm afraid of the dark...
Fiyero: (can be heard from offstage) And Scene!
Authoress: Tiggular!
Fiyero: O.o (runs away from angry Authoress)
So did you love it? LIke it? Hate it? Want to hit me for writing this? Just review and tell me what you think!