A/N: Ahh boy this is a long one. Um, I just had to type this up to get this off my chest because well, this is based on true life. It didn't happen to me but a friend of mine and after witnessing her situation, this sort of sprang into my head. Been working on it all day and I'm finally done and wanted to post it. Hope you enjoy!
Say
Leading directly from the entrance of the locked bedroom to the foot of the bed was a trail of clothes. A pair of trainers, along with socks, was dumped right by the edge of the door, probably removed before the door was properly closed. A light yellow linen dress lay forgotten nearby, half-covered by a pair of jeans and a yellow sandal, the matching foot strewn somewhere hidden. A once perfectly crisped buttoned shirt was only a few inches away, covering a set of a lacy black bra and matching panties. Next to these was evidence of a pair of boxers, half concealed by the bed, upon which the owners of the garments busied themselves with pleasurable explorations of the human anatomy.
It was not something new. Far from it. They had explored each other before but the familiarity of it all did not take away from the excitement of their love making. For Harry, it was a rush to have Hermione's lips pressed firmly against his skin, teasing and tantalizing. For Hermione, to feel Harry's weight resting comfortably on top of hers, flesh to flesh, was exhilarating. It was enough to drive her to the point where the concept of coherent thought became impossible and the only thing desired was more physical contact.
"I want you, Harry."
"And you'll have me, Hermione. All of me."
And it was promise he was not afraid to keep.
Harry sealed Hermione's lips with his own, engaging her tongue in a fiery display of fervor and lust while his hand slipped along her neck, across her collarbone, around the curve of her breasts and down her abdomen, coming to rest upon her thigh. Raising himself up a bit, he gently parted her legs and then thrust inside of her, earning a gasp of both surprise and pleasure from Hermione.
Pulling away from the kiss, Harry stared down into her smoldering eyes and felt his desire increase from the apex it was already at. The woman drove him crazy and being inside of her made him wild. He raised himself to his knees and brought Hermione's body plush against his, holding her there while he continued to join with her in the most intimate of dances and expressions of passion. It was a perfect quenching of thirsts, the most satisfying pool he could ever drink from.
The grip she had on his shoulders tightened as the moment increased in intensity. They tried desperately to lessen their cries but the exclamations of bodily satisfaction were all but easy to mask. Gasps, moans and shouts escaped their lips before even an ounce of control could be exuded. But they had to do their best. Even with the silencing charm surrounding the room, the sounds seemed loud enough to cross that barrier and draw the attention of the crowd, left to fend for themselves at the celebrations below. If caught, disaster was the only thing that could result, for their actions were forbidden.
Strictly forbidden!
Ron downed his second glass of firewhiskey and turned to face the mass of people piled within the expansive ballroom. There were people from the entire Ministry milling about - conversing, drinking, dancing, and just having fun. There were also past classmates from Hogwarts and childhood friends scattered within the crowd, catching up with people they didn't hold constant contact with and carrying on comfortable conversations with those they saw regularly.
It was the celebration that he, Harry and Hermione threw annually during the Easter Holidays. There was hardly ever a true reason for the event, just a chance for everyone they knew to get together and relax without the worries of work and escape from any harshness of life. Not that one ever really needed an excuse to have a party, anyway. It was just a chance to have a good time. Period.
But Ron was not having such a good time. Usually, he would enjoy himself immensely but this go around, things weren't that grand. He had lost track of his girlfriend, Hermione, an hour ago. He had no idea where she went. One minute she was standing next to him, then the next she was off to the loo. He hadn't heard from her since. It was a bit unnerving, to say the least.
Lately, their relationship was not going so well. They had begun to fight more often and those fights only got worse and worse. She would disappear for hours on end or leave abruptly without any word of where she was going. Ron had started to develop fears that she was seeing someone else but his sister, Ginny, had quickly squashed those thoughts, reminding him that Hermione was never one to be unfaithful. Instead, he had begun to wander if they were just drifting apart. He didn't want that to happen – he loved Hermione too much to just watch her disappear from his life. He wanted to fix whatever was going wrong. But it was hard to do when she was nowhere to be found.
Sighing, Ron pushed himself away from the bar table and disappeared into the crowd, making his way towards a familiar head of red hair. Ginny was standing near the kitchen, conversing with one of her fellow colleagues from the Daily Prophet. For the past few years, Ginny had started an advice column in the newspaper, gaining the idea from Hermione who had told her about the popular form that Muggles seemed to enjoy. It had been accepted graciously by the Magical community and Ginny had become quite a household name. Her current conversation companion, Renee Conklin, was an intern in Ginny's office.
Ron stepped up to the pair and cleared his throat, announcing his presence. Ginny spun to face him.
"What's up, Ron?" she asked, stepping back a bit so that she was standing beside Renee.
"Have you seen, Hermione?" he asked, rubbing absentmindedly at his cheek. "I've been looking for her for close to forty-five minutes. I know you and Harry's house is big but I didn't think it was so big that a person could get lost in."
Ginny chuckled. "You'd be surprised. I sometimes get confused and I live here. But no," she added, answering his question, "I haven't seen her."
Ron sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Well, where's Harry?"
"He went to get some more of Madam Rosmerta's mead," she replied, gesturing to an empty box in the kitchen. "Someone broke an entire case and the demand for it is great."
Ron nodded and did a quick glance around the entire room. Where the hell are you, Hermione?
Almost as if it was a summoning charm, Ron's vision was blocked by the sudden appearance of a familiar face. "Hey there."
"Where the hell have you been?" Ron asked, scrunching his eyebrows angrily.
"Er, I'm going to go get something else to drink." Renee announced, glancing worriedly at Ron and Hermione and quickly darting back into the ballroom, disappearing amongst the crowd.
Hermione put her hands on her hips as she stared up at Ron. "I told you that I was going to the bathroom. There was a twenty minute wait and when I got out I ran into one of my co-workers and we got into a discussion about some new cases that just came in," she added before Ron could ask her why it took so long. "I lost track of time and only just got away."
"I was worried sick about you," Ron said, still angry. "I thought something happened to you."
Hermione rolled her eyes, agitated. "I'm a big girl, Ronald. I can take care of myself."
"I know you can, Hermione, but that doesn't change the fact that I still worry about you." Ron tried to grab her hand but she yanked it away. "Bloody hell, Hermione! Is it wrong for your own boyfriend to want to make sure you're ok?"
Hermione heaved an aggravated sigh but didn't say anything. She didn't want to get into this with Ron. It was all they ever did lately. Granted, she pretty much knew why they argued so much lately but that didn't mean she was happy about it.
Ron exhaled and pulled her towards him. He planted a quick kiss on her forehead and wrapped and arm around her waist. "I'm sorry. I just got a little worried."
"It's fine," she said a little unenthusiastically.
Hermione turned her face towards the crowd, her mind still reeling from the true events that had kept her held up for the past hour. She had known saying she was going to the bathroom would have not been a valid excuse but she had said the first thing that came to her mind when she spotted Harry wink at her and disappear up the steps. She had only wanted to get away as quickly as possible so she could meet Harry on the second floor landing, away from prying eyes. A smile graced her face as she brushed the side of her neck, her weak spot that Harry had practically devoured while they were sneaking upstairs.
"Why's everyone so quiet?"
Hermione spun to face the owner of the new voice and had to hide a blush when she saw that it was Harry. He was smiling playfully at their group and held a box in his hands. Hermione's smile only increased when she saw that the box was the proof of his excuse for getting away from Ginny. He had caused a case of Madam Rosmerta's oak mead to break and told Ginny that he would go for more. It was a far better excuse than hers but it had caused their tryst to have to be cut short so that he could Apparate to Hogsmeade and be back before Ginny begun to get suspicious like Ron.
"Ah, Harry," Ginny said, turning to face him. "Finally made it back, I see."
Harry nodded and deposited the box by the kitchen door. "I had to wait for Madam Rosmerta to fill another large order. It took a whole lot longer than I expected."
Ginny nodded and Harry wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, planting a kiss onto her lips and then her cheek. "So, what did I miss?"
"Nothing much, really," Ginny replied with a wide grin.
Harry gave her another kiss and playfully tickled her side, a gesture that showed signs of true intimacy. Hermione balled her hand into a fist and dug her nails into her palm in an attempt to stop from screaming. It would raise too many questions if she suddenly grabbed Harry away from Ginny because he was showing her affection. She was his girlfriend after all. But still, she couldn't stop the nagging feeling that had risen inside of her. A feeling she had resentfully acknowledged as being jealousy.
Her and Harry's secret affair had been going on for months and it was actually not supposed to be anything but sex. Still, she found herself growing more and more attached to him, therefore becoming jealous whenever he and Ginny became lovey-dovey in front of her. She knew she had no real rights to him and feared what would happen if anyone knew of her feelings. It was enough that she and Harry were having sex behind their partner's backs, but for actual emotions to become involved, it would be even worse.
"So, how about we go and actually mingle with our guests?" Harry asked, pulling Ginny closer to him.
Hermione looked away and tried to make it seem as though she was looking out into the crowd.
"I guess as hosts we have no choice," Ginny replied, absentmindedly caressing Harry's hand.
The four of them started moving and soon became mixed within the multitude of people all around them. Pretty soon, they were all separated into discussions with other people. Ron stayed close to Hermione and held her hand in his, often rubbing his thumb along hers. She found her annoyance towards him slowly waning because of the love and genuineness behind the gesture. She couldn't deny that she cared about Ron because she really did. What she was doing to him was not fair and she knew it but a part of her could not deny that there was something else she wanted.
Looking up briefly, she saw the object of that want and he winked back at her.
Hermione read over her paragraph one last time before placing her quill down and rubbing at a kink in her neck. She looked around at her home office. Ron had added it to her apartment last year so that she wouldn't have to stay at the Ministry far into the night whenever she had to work overtime. She loved this room. Although it was for work, it gave her a sense of peace and she smiled as she realized that she could really relax now that she was done.
She glanced down at the parchment she had been writing on. It was the completed summary of the case she had been working on for the past two weeks and was finally just about done. As co-head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, she was responsible for keeping track of all legal cases and the easiest way to do so was to have an outline of each case so finding the right folder would be easier. Her current case was one that had been going on for a few months so it was a bit long and, therefore, took quite a while to summarize.
She sighed and closed her eyes, still trying to unknot the stubborn crick. She normally got them whenever she worked for too long, hunched over a piece of parchment for hours on end. Suddenly, she felt a pair of hands slide gently across her shoulders and budge her own hand away. She tilted her head back as the person started to massage her neck and loosen the knot that had settled there.
"Thanks, Ron," she said softly. "I needed that."
Ron smiled. "I thought you'd like a massage." He bent down and kissed the spot on her neck he had been rubbing. "Sometimes you work too hard, Hermione."
She sighed. "Yes, well, it has to be done."
Ron stopped massaging her neck and leaned against the desk to face her. "It doesn't hurt to take a break."
Hermione shrugged and stood up. "I'm done anyway."
"Great. So, how about we have some fun?"
Ron grinned at her and pulled her towards him, immediately planting his lips on her collarbone. Slowly, he inched up to her neck, towards the spot he knew was sensitive above everything else. He nibbled it and felt an overwhelming sense of arousal and satisfaction when she moaned and exhaled, her breath brushing against his skin.
Then, he moved his lips to capture hers, kissing her gently at first and then eagerly. She responded by wrapping her arms around his neck. He gripped her by her waist and lifted her up, turning around to place her on top of the desk, brushing away the parchment and quill she had been using. Standing between her legs, he began to unbutton her shirt, making lazy circles on her bare skin once the shirt was off. She did the same to him and then slipped her hands down his jeans. He reeled from the contact against his growing erection and felt a hunger rise within him.
He pulled away from the kiss and cupped her face in his hands. "You don't know how badly I want you right now, Hermione."
"How bad do you want me, Ron?" she asked, running her tongue over his lips.
"Reaaaal bad," he replied, pulling her closer to his body and pressing himself against her. "I want all of you."
The words halted Hermione's actions and she slowly pulled away. Ron looked at her quizzically but she only pushed him back and hoped off the desk.
"What's wrong?"
She couldn't say. How could she explain that she didn't want to continue because his words only reminded her of Harry, which made her only want Harry! How could she make love to Ron when her mind was swimming with thoughts of another man? Her boyfriend's best friend, no less!
"I'm tired, Ron," she said after a few quiet moments, feigning a yawn for proof.
"What?" Ron spat angrily. "Tired? You didn't seem tired just now when you're hands were down my pants!"
"I, er…"
Ron slammed his fists on the table. "Dammit! What the fuck is wrong with you, Hermione?"
Hermione blinked at him. "Nothing's wrong with me, Ron."
"Don't…don't lie to me." He stepped from behind the desk and exhaled deeply. "You've been acting…real strange these past couple months. Pulling away from me, disappearing without a word." He paused and stared pointedly at her. "Are you fucking around on me?"
She jumped as though he had slapped her. "Wh-what? No, Ron. No. I'm not fucking around on you!" The lie came a little too easily and she wasn't sure how she felt about.
Ron shook his head. "Hermione, when you feel that you really want to be with me, let me know."
Hermione avoided his gaze as he left her office and exited the apartment. She placed her head in her hands and tried to erase the image of Ron's eyes, so full of pain. How could she be so cruel towards him?
It was at that moment that guilt started to rake at her, and she did not like the feeling one bit.
"So, Gin, do you have any time for lunch today?" Hermione asked, walking into her friend's office.
Ginny was seated behind her large desk. She was running her hand through the loose edges of her ponytail and swiveling in her chair, halfway through reading one of her letters. She glanced up briefly at Hermione and then shifted her gaze back down before answering.
"Not really. I have a billion letters to answer," she said with a sigh. "I've been so swamped I haven't even managed to talk to Harry all day and I doubt I'll be able to." She looked up at Hermione. "But I do need at least a half-hour break. I didn't have breakfast so I'm practically starving."
"Why didn't you have breakfast?" Hermione plunked down into one of the comfortable chairs in front of Ginny's desk and crossed her legs.
Ginny smiled. "Had a late night," she replied, glancing up at Hermione with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "Harry was quite the animal and I was so tired that I slept in."
"Oh," Hermione answered simply, wishing she hadn't asked.
The thought of Harry having sex with someone else other than her caused that ugly jealousy monster to surface. Granted, Ginny was Harry's girlfriend so he had ever right to sleep with her. Still, it didn't make it any less disturbing. It made her feel even worse that she had been holding out on Ron ever since she and Harry had started sleeping together. Even worse, she still felt bad about what had happened between her and Ron two days ago. They hadn't talked since and the guilt had settled to an almost unbearable level. She had to do something about it and she knew exactly what. It was just something she didn't want to do.
Suddenly, a paperweight landed in Hermione's lap and she jumped, glancing up at Ginny.
"What?" she asked, picking up the heavy but small replica of a phoenix.
"I asked if you're alright," Ginny said, sitting up straight. "You seemed distracted."
"Oh, er, I'm fine." Hermione placed the paperweight back on the desk. "Just was thinking about something."
"Care to share?"
'Hell no!' she thought, remembering that no one knew about her and Ron's fight. But, instead she replied with a lazy, "Maybe later."
Ginny nodded and picked up the letter she had been reading. "Good, because I wanted to tell you about this letter I got from one of my readers. It irritated the hell out of me."
"What's it about?"
"This girl whose boyfriend was cheating on her with a friend of hers."
Hermione's eyes widened and she started coughing. Fear swept over her. Did Ginny know? Had she found about her and Harry and was testing her? Hermione looked up and noticed that Ginny was staring at her expectantly. Stay cool, she told herself. Stay calm.
"R-really?" she stammered, straightening her blouse. "How interesting."
"Interesting? It's straight bullocks!" Ginny exclaimed, putting the letter down and standing up. "How men can be so callous, I don't know! And this friend of hers. What a complete slut! I mean, how can you go behind someone's back like that? It's just downright wrong! Plain and utterly disgusting!"
Hermionefound herself growing steadily uncomfortable with the conversation. It was too close to home and she had no clue how to respond, especially because she herself was one of these 'sluts' Ginny was currently ranting on about.
"Maybe there are just some situations where things can't be any other way."
Her friend looked scandalized. "Please! There is no excuse for that type of behaviour. Most of the times the man actually has feelings for his girlfriend, yet he goes behind her back."
"You think so?" Hermione asked, suddenly thinking about Harry and Ginny's relationship.
"Hell yes!" Ginny replied without hesitation. "Personally, if I ever found myself in a situation where the man I was having a steady relationship with was going behind my back and sleeping with someone else, I would severe all ties with him and go after the little wench. It's just too much hassle and half the time you only end up getting hurt."
"Yeah," Hermione said softly.
Ginny sighed. "Anyway, I know Harry would never do that to me so it doesn't matter."
Hermione looked down as Ginny gathered up her things. Guilt was racking at her and she couldn't fight it or swat it away. She was not the only one who was hurting. If the truth ever came out, both Ginny and Ron would be heartbroken and her relationship – or whatever it was – with Harry would not necessarily develop into anything. It was all so bloody complicated and, as Ginny said, downright wrong.
"So, where do you want to eat?"
Hermione glanced back up and noticed that Ginny was waiting by the door, her purse in her hand and a friendly smile on her face. Unable to say anything, she shook her head and walked out of the room. Exiting the building, Hermione realized that she had a decision to make. One that was going to be far from easy.
It was one of those nights when the sky acted in such a way that one would think it was seeking vengeance upon the earth for some past misdeed. Thunder clapped loudly, disturbing the silence that usually accompanied the nights. Lightning broke through the dense darkness, taking away the power that the night held. Rain pelted so heavily that it furthered disturbed the tranquility.
But one girl found it hard to relax, even if the night had been calm. Hermione's mind was in a tizzy of its own, emotions reeling as she mulled over her realizations from that day. She had spent her lunch with her best friend. They usually had easy-going lunches, talking about any and everything. Today, though, they had ended up having an unwanted discussion and she had come to accept something she never wanted to.
Hermione had walked away from that conversation with an overwhelming sense of regret and shame swelling inside of her. Although she would never admit it to anyone else, she could not deny that she had become one of those women her friend had been talking about. She was one of those 'other women' who impose themselves onto someone else's man and, unfortunately, emotions had become involved.
Before she had chance to further contemplate her mistake, the shocking sound of thunder clapped loudly and she jumped from under the sheets. She held her hand to her chest as her heart-rate started to calm and her breathing settled. She had always hated thunderstorms; when she was a little girl, one of her older cousins would purposefully scream at her every time it thundered. Although he wasn't there doing that now, the sound of him yelling, 'boo', could not be shaken from her subconscious and she exited the bed, eager to get some tea, chocolate or whatever comforting food she had in her kitchen.
Just as she reached for the knob of her bedroom door, another loud sound vibrated through her home and she froze. It didn't sound like the thunder but she had no idea what else it could possibly be. Listening more closely, she was able to discern that it was someone knocking…no banging at her front door. Frantically exiting her room, she rushed towards the front door and peered through the peep hole.
Her eyes met a pair of emerald-green ones and she felt her heart skip a beat but just as quickly she calmed herself. It was far too coincidental that the same person who had haunted her thoughts all day would show up at her doorstep. Maybe it was fate telling her that the decision she had been mulling over all day had to happen and now was the best time. Sighing to herself, she unlocked and opened the door.
The man stepped inside hurriedly and turned swiftly to look at her after she had closed the door.
"To what do I owe this visit?" she asked, bolting the dead lock.
"I need to relax a bit."
"Why?" She crinkled her eyebrows. "Did something happen or are you just being overworked?"
He shook his head. "I just have his feeling that I can't shake."
For a second time, her heart skipped a beat. Had he come to confess something to her?
"I'm probably just freaking myself out," he continued, "but I just can't shake this idea that something's happened to Ginny."
The thunder sounded again and there was a bright flash of lightning. It was there that her heart stopped beating altogether and sunk into her stomach instead. He came to her because he was worried about his girlfriend. That was just what she needed: to be reminded that she wasn't the one he really wanted. Perfect.
"How come?" she asked, trying her best to stay calm.
"I haven't heard form her all day," he replied, leaning against the wall. "It's probably nothing but I can't shake the feeling that something happened to her."
"I'm sure Ginny's fine. I saw her earlier today and she barely had time for lunch. She's swamped with letters for the column."
She turned away from him and acted as though it was because she wanted to brush something off her shoulder. In actuality, she didn't want him to see the malice that flashed through her. It hurt her every time she heard him mention Ginny's name or something about her and it never registered to him how uncomfortable it was for her, being his mistress and all, to hear about the main squeeze.
"You're probably right," he finally said after a loud sigh as another bolt of lightning illuminated the quaint room. "I'm probably not going to stop worrying about her until I hear from her, though."
She nodded instead of saying what she was really thinking. In all honesty, she was seething with anger and unwanted jealousy. This man was not hers to be jealous over, yet she couldn't help it.
"Did I wake you?" he asked, suddenly stepping closer to her.
She shook her head. "No. I couldn't sleep."
"Why's that?" he asked, brushing a strand of hair from her face.
"Was busy thinking," she replied, trying to surpress the desire to melt into his arms. "And plus, I don't like thunder storms."
As if to prove her words, a third clap of thunder sounded causing her to jump and let out an involuntary squeal. He smiled and chuckled before pulling her into a hug.
"I forgot how you get when the weather gets like this," he said, brushing his lips against her forehead. "I could make you feel better." He whispered it so soft that she barely heard him.
She knew what was going to happen seconds, maybe even minutes before it did. In fact, if she was completely honest with herself, she knew what was going to happen from the moment she opened the door to let him inside. The feeling of anticipation and the scent of sexual inevitability lingered so strongly and tangibly in the atmosphere that one could reach up and pluck it as though it was a ripe apple waiting to be devoured.
So, when his lips came crashing onto hers, it was no surprise that her mind registered the action immediately and responded accordingly. It was almost a habitual reaction for her hand to slowly snake its way around his waist, holding his body closer to hers and for her lips to tease at his and her tongue to join in a seductive dance that could only lead to disaster. That was, after all, what their 'relationship' was: a complete and utter disaster.
From the moment they had first started there was no denying where it was going to lead: nowhere. The two had silently agreed on venturing into a secret relationship that was made up of sexual gratification and nothing more. At least that's how it was supposed to be. But for her, it became so much more. Their sexual encounters slowly became moments shared with someone she truly treasured. They were memories forever etched in her brain that would bring smiles to her face, flutters to her heart along with a lingering sadness that it could be nothing like how she wanted.
Harry had not seen it as anything else and she knew it, albeit grudgingly. From the moment she accepted her feelings, it became increasingly difficult to be with her official beau, Ron, and watch Harry be with his. Hermione couldn't stand the public displays of affection that she was forbidden to take part in with him. She hated whenever they kissed or tickled each other. It made her want to touch him. But then she thought about the other times when she saw them together, when they were just talking and realized that she was perfectly fine during those times. Why was that? Could her supposed 'love' for Harry be nothing more than physical contentment?
It was this sharp realization that shot through her mind and seemed to overtake her body which caused her to break away from the kiss, her own actions surprising her. She never pushed him away. Even when she would go to him with the knowledge in her head and the hatred for what they did in her heart, she could never assert herself and simply say no. But, now, after mulling over her the path her life took, she realized that she had to take a stance. If she didn't do it now, there was no telling if she would ever build herself back up.
"What's wrong?"
His voice shook her and she glanced up. His shirt was halfway out of his trousers and his buttons were already undone. She hadn't even registered what she had been doing while her thoughts had whisked her to a state she tried desperately for so long to avoid. Her body had taken over and acted of its own accord.
"This," she said simply. "This is what's wrong."
"Huh?" Harry responded daftly, confusion vivid on his face.
"This is wrong," she repeated, gesturing between them and then folding her arms across her barely clothed form. "We can't do this anymore."
"What are you…?"
"You come in here," she interjected, turning away from him, "and you tell me about your worry for Ginny. You confide in me about how you think something happened to her and then you proceed to try and have sex with me."
His confusion immediately contorted into slight anger. "As far as I could see, you were pretty eager to take my clothes off." He gestured wildly to his tussled shirt and half undone trousers.
He had her there, but then again, she had not even realized she had done it. Lightning struck again and the room became lightened and, almost simultaneously, her mind understood everything.
She looked back at him. "You don't get it do you? It has nothing to do with my actions but everything to do with the irrationality of yours. It doesn't matter that I responded to your advances but the fucked up thing is that there were even advances when you were so overly concerned for your girlfriend a mere two minutes before. Don't you see the injustice in that?"
Harry stayed quiet for a few moments. "I see. So, you're calling me inconsiderate?"
She nodded. "Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying." When he didn't respond, she continued, "We have gone behind our partners' backs for months, which in and of itself is wrong! But what makes it worse is that-" She paused and closed her eyes, gathering herself for what she was about to say "-you actually love Ginny, which is evident by the obvious worry you displayed earlier."
He looked at her softly now, as though he was apologizing for the truth she was revealing to him. The look only broke her heart more.
"I'm right, aren't I?"
Harry nodded. "I…I do love her."
She turned away again so to conceal the onslaught of tears. "I wanted to close my eyes to it but tonight…I just couldn't do it any longer."
"Am I to understand that…you feel the same way about me?"
"I thought I did," she said, still not looking at him. "I truly believed I was falling in love with you but I realize it was all just physical. It pained me to see you with Ginny but only when you two were kissing. Other than that, I had no problem watching you two together. Because of that, I saw that I only wanted you physically, not emotionally. Besides," she added, sudden realization dawning on her again, "I do love Ron and I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have."
She was surprised that she could finally admit her feelings towards Ron. She always knew that she cared for him but pushing Harry away made her realize that her feelings towards him actually encompassed love. She had let her physical attachment to Harry cloud that fact but now that the way was clear, she saw the truth. And the truth was that she did want to be with Ron.
Hermione watched as Harry remained in an eye-lock with her while he made his way towards her and the front door. His eyes were almost pleading yet accepting. His walk, although slow, showed his agreement and, therefore, lacked his strut that suggested he was about to capture her body close to his. As he came closer to her, he looked as though he wanted to say something…anything…but didn't know what.
"There's nothing you can say."
He switched his glance towards the door. "I wish there was." He looked back at her. "Is this really the end?"
She nodded, albeit reluctantly. "Yes."
He nodded in response and exited. For a split second she thought of pulling him back to her and renouncing everything she had said. But she knew that it couldn't nor should it happen. This was how it was supposed to be, no matter what. The door closed with a resounding thud and her world disappeared into a blurry mass of cold trickles that were none too comforting. She had made her choice. She had realized the truth and there was no turning back. There was only one thing left to say.
Hermione clutched her thick jacket closer to her body. She listened to the locks click behind the door, signaling that it was being opened and prayed to keep her nerve. When she had let Harry go, it took her three hours to collect herself and build up the courage to come to see Ron. She knew that, after what she had done to him a few nights ago – in fact, what she had been doing to him these past few months – he deserved every apologetic word she could throw at him. Ron was a good guy and he deserved someone who would treat him right. She realized that she did want to be that girl and hoped that he would forgive her, for everything.
The door finally opened to reveal a bleary-eyed Ron. He was dressed in just a pair of long pajama pants and nothing else. He looked at her and then glanced at his watch, shocked to see that it was almost four o'clock in the morning.
"Hermione, what are you doing here?"
Hermione shivered. It had stopped raining but the dampness still lingered. "C-can I come in?"
Ron looked at her for a few seconds and then stepped aside, giving her room to walk inside. He closed the door behind her and watched as she shed her jacket, grateful for the warmth she encountered when she had walked inside the dark house, another sign that Ron had been asleep when she had knocked.
"Did something happen?"
Hermione turned to face him as he leaned against the door, his arms folded across his bare chest. "No," she said, shaking her head. "I just wanted to talk to you."
"Talk to me about what?"
"About what you told me the other night," she said. "To let you know when I was ready to be with you."
Ron dropped his hands to his side. "And…"
"First, I wanted to apologize for being so distant lately. You didn't deserve it," she added, "any of it."
"Herm-"
She put up her hands to stop him. "Just let me finish." She took a deep breath. "You were right. I was pulling away from you. We were growing distant because of me." She paused and looked away. "Because I had been…fuckin' around on you."
She didn't have to glance up to know that Ron was shocked at her confession. She could see out of the corner of her eye that his fists had clenched and he had let out a hard breath. Before he could say anything, she continued.
"It was a stupid, idiotic, downright callous thing to do and I would completely understand if you don't forgive me." She finally looked up at him and the cold stare he was giving her caused her to step back a bit, but she quickly reclaimed the step and held her stance.
"Who was it?"
"No one important," she whispered.
"Had to be," Ron spat angrily, "if you could go behind my back and sleep with him but not me."
"I don't even know why I did it anymore," she said, fighting back tears. "I thought it was because I was falling for him but I know now that I wasn't. I was in love with you the whole time and was just scared and searching for physical acceptance because I was afraid that emotional attachement was not enough security." She took a step towards him. "I love you, Ron, and I am so completely sorry for everything I've done."
Ron avoided her gaze and she saw that he was clenching and unclenching his fist. His breathing was deep and heavy. He was obviously fighting to keep his anger in check.
"I had inkling that you were seeing someone else," he finally said, still looking away. "I wasn't completely sure because there were never any solid hints. I told myself that if I ever found out that you were indeed cheating on me that I would end things, walk away and never look back."
She hung her head and brushed a stray strand behind her ear. "I understand," she whispered. "I guess this is goodbye."
She started to walk towards the door, thinking that Ron would step aside and let her disappear. Instead, he kept his ground. She glanced up at him and saw that his coldness had wavered. He was looking at her with obvious hurt in his eyes and it made her look back down.
"Now that I'm in this position, I'm not entirely sure I could handle you walking out of my life." His voice had softened and he reached for her chin, pulling her face up to look at him. "You're right. I shouldn't forgive you because what you did was unjustifiable." He sighed and dropped his hand. "But the thing with love is that you tend to make decisions that don't make any logical sense."
"What are you saying?" she asked, scrunching her eyebrows together.
In response, Ron bent down and lightly kissed her lips, lingering for a few seconds before pulling back.
"I love you, Hermione," he said. "I have for a very long time and, although it may be a while before I can fully forgive you and trust you again, I'm not letting you go. I want you. I want us to work. We can fix this. But I want you to know that if anything like this is to happen again," he added, "I may not be as lenient."
"I completely understand, Ron." She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him into a tight, apologetic and grateful hug. "I love you so much."
He sighed. "I love you, too."
He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her, returning the embrace. She knew that their relationship was far from being solid again. They had a long, long way to go before things were back on track. But, she had no one to blame but herself. As of right now, though, she was just glad that it was all settled, that she had realized the truth behind her actions and that she had say what she needed to say. Hopefully, the rest worked itself out.