Author's Note: Ok wow I have not written fanfiction in almost 8 years. But recently I fell back down the Addek rabbit hole (and then Kate and Patrick randomly blessed us with the Cigna commercial. Hmmm, I spiral over Addek again and then Kate and Patrick reunite. Coincidence? I think not) and this just came to me. It's a bit of an A/U in which a) Addison moved to LA immediately after the divorce and b) Addison was never pregnant with Mark's baby. I've always felt that storyline was so unrealistic in terms of Addison's character and was only put in to serve the MerDer shippers who still thought of her as Satan and needed their ship to be the oh wowwww epic love story he never loved his wife he only loved Meredith oh wowwww *eye roll*. It just doesn't make sense with how she acted during the "attempted" reconciliation and how she reacted to the possibility of Meredith being pregnant. #NotMyAddison. Also f*** the "he never felt that way about me." They were together for over a decade. That's crap. Sorry this is just a lot of pent up anger coming out. Anyways, this may be a one-shot or may not. I'm not sure yet. Like I said, I haven't written fic in 8 years and the Addek pain just became too much to bear for me to not write this. And who doesn't love a little (or a lot) angst?
Disclaimer: I do not own them. If I did...well I work in television and I don't need to say what I need to say about the writing of both ships in the show. They're all Shonda's.
Last Christmas, he told her he was in love with another woman. This Christmas, he hopes to prove to her that she is, always has been, and always will be the only woman he's in love with.
It's been eight months since their divorce was finalized. And it's been five and a half months since he realized he made the biggest mistake of his life in letting Addison go. As he takes his final steps before reaching the door to her beachfront home, he thinks about turning back. His overnight bag is in his rental car. He can still get a hotel for the night, and fly back in the morning.
He raps lightly on the door and stands with his hands in his pockets. No one answers. She must not be home. But her lights are on and where else would she be on Christmas Eve?
Derek knocks slightly harder this time. He hears footsteps and the creak of the door as it opens. An unfamiliar woman with curly hair stands before him.
"Uh, I'm sorry, I must have the wrong house."
The woman looks at him with a furrowed brow. "Are you here for the party?"
He slowly rubs his palm down his stubbled cheek. He exhales, "Does Addison live here?"
The woman's eyes light up and she nods. "Come on in."
As he enters, he tries his best to examine her new house as the woman guides him to the living room. Her house is decorated for Christmas and that fact brings a smile to his face. Part of him had been worried he may have ruined the holiday for her, but it appears not.
Amongst the guests, Derek only recognizes two faces: Sam and Naomi. He grabs an ice cube from the bucket in the kitchen as he feels his mouth begin to dry up. He sees Naomi hand a baby off to the nice curly-haired woman who had let him in. He has yet to see Addison. Again, he feels like turning back and pretending like he never attempted to make a fool of himself before he can even do so.
Naomi coos at the baby and bounces his hand in hers as the curly-haired woman holds him and laughs. "Henry, can you say Santa?" The baby looks at her with a blank stare.
Derek feels his heart tighten as he looks beyond Naomi at the Christmas tree. Right next to the tree are two stockings, hanging side by side with the names "Addison" and "Henry" stitched on them.
"When we do decide to have kids, what names would you choose?"
He stares at his wife, admiring her jawline, her eyes, the way her red hair falls as she lays on her side facing him. They've been married for just over a year and he would love nothing more than to have children with her. It's still too soon for them, but he cannot wait for the day that it's not soon enough.
"I probably haven't thought about it has hard as you have, Ad."
She reaches her arm across, trying to pull him closer. Her breath is on his face now and he can't believe how lucky he is. "I know, but humor me. I've thought about it a lot. I actually have a small list. It's just silly. For now."
Derek licks his lips and smiles, "If we have a girl, I'd love for her to be your carbon copy. So I'd like your name or middle name to be attached. I like Adrienne."
Addison laughs lightly and caresses the side of his face. "I like that idea. Go on."
"And if we have a boy, I like my middle name as well. Christopher is a good name."
He pecks her lips and puts his hand over hers on his face.
"I like that idea too," she whispers.
His eyes close somewhat involuntarily as he imagines their children. Imagines her stomach swell as she grows the life that they created. Imagines watching their children grow old while they, too, grow old together. Imagines having a family with Addison.
"What's your list?"
She pulls out of his embrace to grab a small notebook out of the top drawer of her nightstand. "It's a small list. I promise I haven't gone crazy."
He loves this about her. He loves that she often gets lost in a dreamland making plans for their future together. He sits up slightly to read better. "Charlotte, Emma, Grace, Beatrice—," he looks up at her, "but you hate your mother."
She glares at him, "I'm aware. Keep reading. I wanna go to sleep. I'm tired."
Derek rolls his eyes and looks back down at the notebook. "If you're so tired, why'd you bring up the topic?"
Addison lays on her back, her head still facing him. "Because I wanted to."
"Fair enough," he grumbles. "Julia, Adrienne. Oh we had the same idea."
"Mhmmm," she hums while nodding. "Now go to the boys."
He flips the page, his eyes scanning the paper. "Christopher," he smiles, "Michael, Henry, Benjamin, Jacob. I like those." He looks over at his wife, whose eyes have closed, and he can tell she'll fall asleep soon.
"Me too. I can't wait to have kids," she mumbles.
But they did wait. They waited and it became too late.
Henry.
She adopted a son and gave him a name from a list she had made for both of them. Suddenly, he truly feels like an intruder. He hasn't even seen her yet and their friends haven't noticed him. He closes his eyes briefly before trying to examine her home again. Derek looks over again at her adopted son. He could have been theirs. This all could have been his.
Addison adopted without him. She had a child without him. She moved on without him. She made a life for herself. Built a home he wasn't welcome in. Started a family that didn't include him.
The ache in his heart becomes too much to bear. He needs to get out of here and quickly. He feels himself losing air and he needs to escape. It's a lost cause at this point and his pounding headache serves as a distraction from his emotional pain. Derek makes his way towards the front door. He hears the creak of the stairs at the same time he hears the creak of the door as he opens it. He stops in his tracks. He hears her.
"Derek, what are you doing here?"