Personal Reflections
Today was the same. The same thing as every other day. It is right after lunch and I am here in the boy's bathroom vomiting up the salad and diet soda that I had for lunch. I do this every day and I have been since I began going to school here about a year ago, and what amazes me about the whole thing is, no one has ever caught me in the act. Joey slams into the bathroom and I have to stop what I am doing. I am just about finished, so I can leave. I ignore Joey as I was my hands and leave the bathroom. I thank God every day that he is too stupid to ask questions. I don't know why, I have this logging to be perfect…I just cannot understand it.
Caught up in my thoughts I walk into Yugi who is standing in the hallway with his locker open. "Sorry." I mumble as I walk away. Yugi turns to me. "Kaiba, are you ok? You don't look good. Are you sick or something?" He gets closer to me. I push him away from me; having Yugi know about my issues is the last thing that I want. "I am fine, Yugi. It is none of your concern anyway." I continue down the hall leaving Yugi to gaze after me.
"I just hope that Kaiba is ok." Yugi turned and went back to his locker. Realizing that he was going to be late for study hall he ran to his next classroom. When he walked into the classroom he saw Yami sitting there reading a book and he came in and sat down next to him. Seto was not in study hall and I was a little worried. 'What if he is sick?' The thought crossed through my mind. I was going to talk to Yami about it, but he has just asked to go the bathroom and was leaving. 'Damn. I will just have to talk to him about it when he gets back'.
Yami headed down to the boy's bathroom. When he arrived in there he heard the sound of retching and coughing. He remained quiet so he could find out what was going on in there and who was involved. He didn't want to get anyone in trouble, he just wanted to see if he could help the person in there. The sour smell of vomit caught him off guard and he knew that someone was sick.
'What should I do? Should I go and get a teacher or something…no. I'll just see what I can do first.' I knock on the stall door and I get no response. "I am going to come in now." I say, just to give him fair warning. There was still no reaction.
Seto was still in the stall wiping the vomit from his lips. That voice…that sounded like Yami. 'Shit. If he finds out then everyone will know. Then no one will leave me alone and I won't be able to reach my goal weight. Damn everything is going to be ruined.' I think to myself. I need to stop him from opening the stall door, but I can't tell him not to, then he will know that it was me and that I was throwing up. Before I can do anything, Yami opens the stall door and catches me.
Yami looks at me and kneels down on the floor next to me. "Kaiba are you okay?" His voice is soft and low…and full of concern. I feel so light headed that I cannot answer him. I fall back a little and lean on the side of the stall. Yami becomes a fuzzy outline and his voice is all wonky. I can't understand a word that he is saying. Is he speaking English? I black out with Yami leaning over me.
When I wake up I have no idea where I am. My stomach hurts and so does my head. I look around to see nothing but white. 'Where the hell am I? This is not the bathroom or the nurse's office at school. And this is defiantly not my fuckin' house.' I look to my left to see Yami there reading a book by my side. Ryou is standing there too. Yami catches me awake and looking around. He puts his bookmark in and turns to face me.
"Are you feeling better? You really scared me a little while ago. I thought that you had died or something."
"I…I…where am I?" I ask him, too tired to even sit up.
"You are in the hospital. After I saw you pass out I picked you up and I was carrying you to the nurse's office to get you some help. I was really worried that you were real sick and that you were dying…Just by the way that you looked. You felt kinda limp when I picked you up off the bathroom floor."
"And he ran into me. I was on my way to my locker when I spotted Yami carrying you. I offered to help him bring you down to the nurse's office. There she called am ambulance and we rode with you here to make sure that you would be okay when you woke up."
Yami and Ryou looked at me with curious eyes. They looked as if they wanted me to tell them the reason that I was 'sick'. Confusion clouds my mind. 'Why are they here? Why did they want to save me? And how in the name of Jesus did Yami pick me up and carry me? He is like a third of my size!'
"Thanks. I just was not feeling good lately. I think that Mokuba brought something home from school and I caught it. Don't worry I will be fine. I will be back in school at no time." I put on a fake smile. I glance at the feeding tube that I have stuck in me and I want to rip it out. The two say that they have to get home, but they promise to come back tomorrow with the rest of the gang. I mentally roll my eyes. 'Goddamn. That is just what I want.' As soon as they leave I cannot help but wonder why Yami looked at me the way he did when I said that I had not been feeling good lately. Does he know that I was forcing myself to vomit? I just hope not. I am tired again so I close my eyes and fall asleep. I will worry about the feeding tube in the morning; but for now all I have to do is rest.
Walking home I feel like I am in daze. Ryou has to tell me twice that he will see me tomorrow in school. I nod and continue on my way to the game shop. Something was telling me that Kaiba was not sick, that he was forcing himself to do that. He has been rather pale lately and I have not seen him at lunch at all. What really shocked me was the scars on Ryou's wrist. I saw them when he helped me bring Kaiba down to the nurse. The sleeve of his school uniform pushed up when he dragged Kaiba up a little bit. I acted like I didn't notice anything at all. There were new wounds there too. Some looked only a few hours old. What is going on? I think that Ryou and Kaiba are hiding something from us. I want to find out what it is before it is too late for both of them.
Back in Ryou's apartment he set his bag on the floor and slumped down on the sofa. He felt so emotionally drained after what he had found out about Kaiba. He had thought about the possibility that Kaiba was anorexic or bulimic, but he never thought that it would turn out to be true. He seemed really upset when he saw Yami and me there. I know that I would be upset if someone found out about what I do to myself. I pushed the sleeves up on my uniform and looked at my mutilated wrists. I really should put some new bandages on them…they were showing today. Yami was kinda quite when we reached the nurse. Had he seem the cuts and scars? No. If he did he would have said something to me or to the nurse.
I finish putting the bandages over both of my wrists just in time. I hear the door slam open telling me that Bakura was home and he had not had a good day. I change out of my uniform into pj bottoms and a long sleeve shirt and head downstairs to see what the issue at hand was today.