A/N: Hey guys! So, here is another DIVERGENT fanfic! Agh! I just LOVE writing these! I don't know what it is! haha! It is just so...mmm!
Okay! So...Yeah! This might be a three-shot! It is uncertain right now! But, it will still be something! Okay! Enjoy!
Nearly Deads
Rated T/Fluff/Depth/
Review me! c:
This is: Stay, Stay, Stay.
CHaptEr 1- States & Minds.
The only fear that I have left...
For me, right about now, the best thing to wake up to was this surreal feeling. Oh yes, surreal. I felt achy and useless, yet, powerful and radiant. Something in me felt like it was going to explode. Like, I was going to walk out of this abandoned home and smile. Yes..I said smile.
This behavior was odd for me. Very, very odd. But, even I knew, that it was caused by only one person.
Him.
Tobias.
Sitting up in the now unmade bed, sheet wrapped around my upper torso-so that only my shoulders were showing- I hugged myself. A warm feeling coming over me. A smile, dazed and tentive playing at my slightly brusied lips.
I actually felt content. I felt like I was actually calm for once.
Just weeks ago, me and Tobias were on the run from the other Factions. After radding us out-Marcus-that him and I were Divergent{The word giving me chills everytime} the rest of them wanted to finish us off. So, we had no choice but to leave. It was the only way to be safe.
"Tris," Tobias had said, his eyes on a small, worn-down home. The blue in his eyes darkening. He breathed. "This is it."
The place had been decent size. -Especially for two at the moment. It was painted a dull yellow outside-probably once a stronger color, but due to absence, had faded.- A broken, picket fence surrounding half of the yard. Inside, there was the walkway to the living room-consisting of a broken television and a beaten down couch.- then the kitchen-food no where in sight but a couple of eggs and soiled orange juice.- and then the stairs to the bedrooms.
Last night, Tobias and I had decided that we could sleep in the old beds. For our time being there, we had reserved spots in the living room. Feeling as if we were intruding in the bedrooms.
"Tobias...I just don't feel comfortable sleeping in someone elses room. It's not like they wanted to desert the place." I had told him just a couple nights ago.
All he had done was nodd and went a long with making his bed on the floor, giving me the couch. But, of course, feeling guilty, I slept on the floor.
That is, until we both decided the bed would be easier for our use. Last night, we had a long talk about our fleeding from the others. Tobias thought that it was instinct. The right thing to do. But for me? I felt like it was just a fear. That we were really running from our problems.
And that was when it happened.
"Running from our problems?" He asked, standing in the kitchen hands pressed to the counter top. I felt a pang in my chest, seeing as though we were possibly fighting. But, I wasn't going to be intimidated by my own fears.
"Yes. I think we should have let them come after us, it would have been the-"
"The stupidest thing to do." He interjected, his gaze turning towards me. It fell quiet, my eyes falling out to the sun set setting in the back yard. Here we go.
Tension.
"If you feel that was a fear, then how come you won't sleep in the bedroom? Huh?"
"I told you why!" I said, angered. He laughed sarcastically, now turning towards me. My fists clenched.
"Are you sure that is why? Are you sure it doesn't have something to do with the fact that you might loose yourself?" I already knew what he was referring to. And, we both knew that me not sleeping with him wasn't the issue. I knew Four had no problem with waiting. It was just the fact that he wanted to be right.
I could tell that once the words left his mouth, he regretted it.
And, no matter how much I just wanted to cry or become upset, I still held my head up. He wasn't going to win this.
So, instead, I bit my tongue and walked into the living room. The fireplace going as I layed in my bed right by it. I layed my head on the couch pillow and watched the flames intently. Maybe, if I slept it off, things would be less tense.
He knew that I was hesitant about sex. He knew that it was on the list of 'things-Tris-is-scared-of' and yet, he still uses it against me.
Closing my eyes, I had tried to fall back asleep, but it didn't work. Instead, I just kept watching the flames. The flames that had always reminded me of Dauntless..
My family...Before they turned against me.
Soon after, I heard Tobias's foot steps walking in. I hadn't even bothered to look back. I didn't want to. Because, I knew that if I did, I'd pour every living emotion out to him. Cry.
That wasn't going to happen. I had to keep my guard up. But, instead, his large hands touched my shoulder. And before I knew it, I was being turned over, caught off guard by his staring.
Shit.
"Tris," He whispered. His eyes sad. "I didn't mean it like that...That was wrong of me."
I sat up, looking at him now. Something I didn't want to do.
"I know. It is ok." Tobias looked at me now, almost like a gaze. I almost died a little inside.
"No, it isn't ok. Me and you are in this together. Ok? You know that. You know that I am in love with you. Right? Right?" Moving closer to him, I nodded, placing a hand on his chest and smiling just a bit.
"Of course. Wouldn't ever think less."
Opening my eyes, I felt tears pricking at the corners. The thought still running through my mind. I hugged myself tighter, remembering where he had touched me. Where his lips had moved on me.
The thought of us moving up to the bedroom still hit me hard{In a good way.}
"I'm ready," I said in between kisses. He stopped, looking at me as if I was crazy.
"What?" He asked gently. I pressed my palm to his cheek and said it again.
"I am ready."
Standing up from the bed, I slid on my underwear and an old T shirt, walking downstairs. My body still aching from the events that had happened last night.
Isn't a fear that had once been on my mind...
Tobias wasn't there when I woke up this morning. He must've been down stairs making his infamous eggs. But, when I had arrived down stairs, there was no fresh smell. No sign that the skillet had been used.
Where was he?
Looking around the corner to the living room, I found him sitting on the floor, facing the plain wall. I lit up, the sight of him thrilling. But, the energy coming off of him was almost miserable. Like something was on his mind.
"Tobias-" His head whipped around, a serious look on his face. He, right about now, had the emotion of a brick.
"Don't." He said, his tone dull and stern. I felt myself flush embarrasingly. "I need to go."
I felt in shock, scared.
"What?" I said, ignoring orders and walked even closer to him. When I went to bend down, he stood. His hands running through his wet hair. He had taken a shower.
"I am leaving...I have to. Us, being with one another...It isn't safe. We need to have our guards up. And this," He made a back and forth motion between us. "This is getting in the way."
"What-Why?" I stopped and gathered up my words. "Tobias, I thought you said that-"
"What I said wasn't a lie." He said finally, bending down quickly to collect his things. "I just...We need to seperate. They won't find us easier." He began walking to the door, my instincts kicking in.
Until now.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried pulling back. Words fleeding from my mouth that I had no control stopping.
"Please," I cried out, my voice weak. I pulled again. "Please don't leave me. Not like everything else that has left me. Please.."
He just stood there, pulling his bag up higher on his shoulder. I could tell he felt regret. But, I couldn't understand why he was doing this. Why he'd go through all of this.
"Tris-"
"Please!" I cried, louder this time. I turned him to me, my hands on both sides of his face. I cried again. "Please don't leave me! Please." With hesitation, Tobias leaned down and kissed my forehead. It felt like fire on my skin. I felt my stomach clench and unclench like a fist.
I felt like I had to puke.
"It's for the best." He said, just before leaving. WHen I went to stop him, yet once again, he had gotten away. And, instantly, I felt like there was nothing left of me.
"I love you..." He had breathed against my right shoulder blade, placing a kiss right after.
The memory brought an unpleasnt feel to me.
And then.
In the blink of an eye...
I felt my own flame go out.
(End of Chapter 1)
A/N: How was that? Don't worry, un answered questions will be answered! Haha! REVIEWS!
ND