Casey curls her fingers around her cup of tea as she sits on the ZBZ porch. It is well past midnight at this point and she knows that she should probably at least try to get some sleep. Sighing, she brings the cup to her lips and takes a small sip of the still too hot liquid. She had attempted to sleep earlier that night, but after all that had happened she should have known better. She had tossed and turned for close to thirty minutes before she had come up with the brilliant idea to make a cup of tea. In truth, it had simply been an excuse to get out of the confinement of her bed. She takes another sip and enjoys the cool night air wash over her. She closes her eyes for a minute and when she opens them a figure is walking toward the porch. She squints and immediately recognizes Cappie.
"Hey, Case," he says and sits down in the chair next to hers. She thinks that she should probably find it odd that Cappie is sitting on her sorority's porch with her in the middle of the night, but strangely she does not. For a moment she thinks it is probably because of the day they have both had, but then she reconsiders. The confusion and difficulty of the day would make it even more unlikely for him to be sitting next to her. Then she remembers who lives in the house. She almost laughs over having thought that Cappie's visit wasn't connected to Rebecca.
"Rebecca's asleep and I wouldn't encourage waking her. I don't think she's had a good night sleep in a couple days," Casey explains. She doubts that Rebecca has told Cappie about their talk yet and it is only fair that he hears it from her. She picks her tea up again and takes a sip. It had been Cappie that had encouraged her to talk to Rebecca, but she knows that it isn't her place to tell him that she had spent two hours convincing his girlfriend that she did in fact have people who cared for her. The fact that Rebecca had actually listened to her and finally agreed to truly be a part of the sorority was something she was still in shock over. She had initially scoffed at Cappie's suggestion that she could help his girlfriend through her seemingly never-ending rage over her father's lies. However, she had agreed that she would try, although her agreement had mostly come from how much Rebecca's behavior was affecting Zeta Beta. Yet, somehow, she had been able to get through to her and now Casey was facing a reality where she and Rebecca actually got along and put the sorority first. The idea of this still seemed impossible to her and that was part of the reason she was out on the porch instead of in her bed. She glances over at Cappie and readies herself for his questions.
"I know. She came by after you two talked. I was the one who ordered her to go to sleep actually," Cappie replies.
"Oh," is the only thing that she can think to say. She hadn't realized that Rebecca had been able to speak to him. It had seemed like only a few minutes between her and Rebecca talking and the girl quietly making her way up the stairs to her bedroom.
"I need to thank you. She didn't say much, but it was clear that she had finally realized that she needed to grow up. I really appreciate whatever it was that you said to her. I know you didn't want to talk to her and it means a lot that you did," he says and the sincerity in his tone bothers her. She has always had trouble dealing with sincere Cappie. She has mastered drunk Cappie, sarcastic Cappie, scheming Cappie, and several other versions of the man in front of her, but she has always had problems with sincere Cappie. Sincere Cappie messes with her head and makes her knees feel weak. It was the worst when they were dating. There were times when he would just look at her and tell her how much he loved her and she would lose all train of thought. She feels a flutter of irritation that Rebecca is able to bring out this side of him, but she quickly squashes it. As long as he is happy nothing else matters.
"It's my job," she says with a small smile and then the need to change the subject immediately washes over her. "So what are you doing out here at this hour?" she asks and Cappie chuckles.
"I was just taking a walk and I saw you up here. Thought I'd say hello."
"How'd you know it was me?" she asks and is answered by another chuckle.
"I saw you with the mug," he replies. "You're the only person I know who drinks tea in warm weather."
"Right," she mutters, remembering the spring of her freshman year and the endless amounts of teasing he would bestow on her for drinking the hot beverage in the heat.
"What about you? What brings you out on the porch?"
"Couldn't sleep. Figured tea might help and I just wanted to be in the fresh air for a while. Clear my head."
"Clearing the head is good. I'm a big fan," he replies with a smile and Casey laughs. They fall into silence and it's then that Casey realizes that they haven't been alone together since spring break. It's not as if they haven't seen each other since the night they kissed, it's just that they've continually been surrounded by people. The constant presence of their friends and house members, as well as their hectic schedules had barely allowed any time for them to talk about what had happened and it had given Casey the much-needed distraction from thinking about the kiss. Now that they were alone together she suddenly feels extremely uncomfortable. Grabbing her mug, she stands up.
"Well, I should probably be going up," she says, winding her fingers around the cup of tea. It was almost all gone at this point. She makes a move to walk toward the door, but Cappie stands up to block her.
"Casey, are we going to talk about it?" he asks and she drops her eyes and takes a step back.
"We don't need to talk about it," she says and grips the cup a little bit harder.
"I never meant for it to happen." he says and Casey raises her eyes to look at him. He looks extremely uncomfortable.
"I didn't mean for it to happen either."
"I know that. I just wanted to make sure that we were okay."
"We're fine," Casey says and she suddenly has an intense desire to be in her bed and away from Cappie. She really does not want to have this conversation.
"Good, that's great. Thanks," he says and a smile breaks over his face. Casey knows that her face does not represent the same happiness or relief. She just hopes that it doesn't show how much she wants to get away.
"I should go in," Casey says and gestures to the door.
"Right, yeah. Sorry about that," Cappie says and moves to the side. Casey slips by him toward the door and he makes his way down the stairs. She has her hand on the doorknob when she hears him turn around. "And thank you again for helping with Rebecca," he says and Casey feels herself freeze. She knows that she should go inside and go to bed, but she can't help it. Something is making her turn around to face him again. And then her mouth opens and she asks a question that she knows she shouldn't ask, but at the moment her brain is not processing logic.
"Are you in love with her?" she asks and immediately Cappie's mood changes.
"Case," he whispers. Casey can't believe how stupid she is.
"Forget it. Never mind. Good night," she says and turns toward the door again. She is able to open the door a crack when Cappie speaks again.
"No," he says and the answer causes her to turn around so quickly that she feels dizzy. Cappie looks extremely serious as he stares at her. For a moment she thinks that that is all he is going to say and then he starts talking again. "Not yet anyway. Maybe I could be, one day, I don't know. I do really like her though and she's the first girl that I've really liked since you and that's a big deal. It's a really big deal," Cappie says, his voice dead serious and Casey does not doubt for a moment that he is telling the truth. She wraps her arms around herself, despite the fact that the air is still very warm.
"Okay," she manages to say and she hears Cappie sigh.
"I know she's been horrible and I can't excuse her behavior, but she is a good person," he offers and Casey nods. Cappie takes a few steps toward her so that he is back on the porch. "I know that she's done some really horrible stuff to you…" he starts, but Casey cuts him off.
"You don't have to apologize for her," she says holding up her hand in protest. It's when she holds up her hand that she notices how close they are. Cappie seems to notice it then to, but he doesn't step back.
"I didn't mean for this conversation to go this way," he confesses.
"How did you mean for it to go?" she asks, genuinely curious.
"I just wanted to tell you that I appreciated what you had said for Rebecca and to make sure that we were fine after what happened on spring break."
"We are fine. I didn't mean to ask you something so personal. I'm sorry."
"No, I know how you feel about her and I know you haven't been a big fan of the relationship. I can't really blame you after what's happened between the two of you and it's only natural you would want to know how serious we were," Cappie babbles and for a second Casey feels completely confused. Then it dawns on her that Cappie simply thought she was showing concern and not jealousy. She drops her head in disbelief at the fact that Cappie never seems to see the bad in her.
"Right," Casey says, nodding her head in agreement.
"I do appreciate your concern," he says and Casey keeps nodding. "And I want you to know that what happened over spring break won't happen again. Rebecca isn't going to react to something by dumping me again so you don't have to worry about me." He says this all as a joke and Casey can only nod her head; she doesn't trust herself to speak. They stand there for a minute and then Cappie clears his throat and steps back.
"I guess I should get back," he says. Casey nods again. She's clutching her mug so tightly that she's a little concerned it might shatter in her palm.
"You're sure we're okay?" he asks and once again she nods. Cappie has backed away from her significantly so she should be able to speak again, but for some reason she feels as if her voice has been robbed from her.
"Cause you're not saying anything," he says and without even meaning to Casey nods again. She knows that Cappie is waiting for a reply, but all Casey can manage to do is look at the ground.
"I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm sorry. You know I'm no good in these situations," he says and Casey wants to laugh because Cappie is apologizing for something not even remotely his fault.
"I know we're over, Casey. I do and what I said about not being in love with Rebecca, that doesn't mean that I'm still hung up on you. I know spring break was weird and I kissed you. I know you don't want to get back together, regardless of whether or not I'm with Rebecca. I know that, Casey. I know we're over," he says and Casey's head suddenly snaps up so that she's staring him right in the face. She doesn't understand how Cappie could have thought that the kiss they shared meant so little to her. The idea that he is concerned that she thought that he wanted to get back together with him them to get back together is so ridiculous that she wants to laugh. Had Cappie not seen the way she looked at him after the kiss? Did he not understand that when she kissed him she had finally felt like she was getting something right? She opens her mouth to speak, but the shock is too much and she can't think of anything to say. Then she suddenly remembers something from the start of the year. She swallows and without taking too much time to think she simply asks, "Who says it's over?"
The effect of her question is clear right away and Casey can feel the color run to her cheeks. Cappie is looking at her in shock and she realizes that he has just put it all together. Strangely enough so has she. She had known that the kiss had meant a lot to her and afterwards she had been considering getting back together with him. But now she realizes that it runs much deeper than that because she is still in love with him. The impact of this hits her full force and she feels fear launch itself into her. Cappie is about to speak, but before he even gets one word out she opens the door and disappears into the house. Inside she leans against the shut door and slips down it so that she's sitting. She waits for Cappie to knock, but he never does. So instead she buries her face in her arms and tries to figure out what has just happened. She is in love with Cappie. She never stopped being in love with Cappie. These two thoughts swirl around her head until Casey feels like her brain may explode. It's at that exact moment that she hears someone coming down the stairs. She looks up to find Ashleigh looking at her in confusion.
"Casey, what's going on? Is everything okay?" she asks.
"No, it's not," Casey replies and with that she gets up to go make another cup of tea.