Everything I Could Never Tell You
Written by: xobeautifulyou
Summary: there can come a moment in your life when you miss the opportunity to tell the person that you love how you really feel. Time passes and things get worse. You must take a chance and tell that person how you really feel before it's too late. This is that moment. Rated M for language. TxG Christmas oneshot!
Disclaimer: I don't own hsm blah, blah, blah. I only own the plot.
A/N: I'm alive, I swear. You probably don't want to hear apologies from me, but I truly am sorry for not posting anything. School has been my number one priority and lately, I haven't had the inspiration to write. But here's a Christmas oneshot for you all! I'm currently writing another oneshot, and it could possibly stretch out to another short story. I'm rambling, anyway I hope you enjoy and don't forget to review, favourite and add me to your author's alerts and whatnot. :) oh and sorry for the spelling or grammar mistakes, didn't have time to re-read it.
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
"I Never Told You"- Colbie Caillat
"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" A pouting blonde dressed in a white, furry coat, baby pink coloured pants and matching pink and white accessories asked. Her bottom lip jutted out and her light brown eyes widened; her puppy dog face always worked on her daddy. It had to work on her best friend.
"Oh, don't give me that look, Sharpay," the brunette beauty pleaded with a roll of her dark, chocolate brown eyes. She stepped forward and placed her hand on Sharpay's coat-covered shoulder. "I'll be fine here. I promise."
Sharpay Evans crossed her arms over her chest and scowled down at her best friend with a raised eyebrow. "No you won't. I've told you countless times that we have a library in our lodge where you could totally geek out and study for your exams." She countered and she paused, before taking a deep breath before she continued. "I feel like you're not going because... he's going." Sharpay muttered, not daring to meet her best friend's eyes. "I should have never allowed you to invite him!" She snapped at her boyfriend, Chad Danforth beside her, smacking him on his chest and glaring at him.
Gabriella Montez wrapped her arms around herself and slightly shook her head. "He's not." She quickly replied. "I'd just really like to spend a week or two alone... Here. And mom might drop by on Christmas; I'll have some company." She said, trying to make assure her blonde friend that she really was going to be okay. "Now, you two go and have fun." She was finally able to shoo the couple away after an additional ten minutes.
The petite figure leaned against the door of the loft she shared with the couple that had just left. It would certainly be quiet and lonely the next two weeks. But she was used to being alone. This wasn't new to her- being alone now was just something she hasn't experienced in awhile. She hoped that her winter break would go by fast.
Gabriella sat on the king-sized, white canopy bed, re-reading over various different pages in her textbook. She sighed, flipping to the next page. She did not want to be doing this. She wanted to let have fun and let loose with her peers from high school. She just wanted the feeling of loneliness to go away.
Hearing her phone buzz, she shot out of her position and eagerly reached to her bedside table to grab it. She unlocked and smiled at the text message from the perky blonde she had the privilege to call her best friend.
Merry almost Christmas Gabi! Wish u were here :( missed u sooo much i decided to deliver ur Christmas present early ;) thank u for always putting up with my bitchy-self and always being there for me3 I luv u so much, Gabs! Can't wait 2 see u soon.
Much luv, Sharpay
PS. The gang wishes u were here also and they wish u a merry Christmas as well! U can find ur gift in front of ur door, among other gifts from others;)3
A small smile stretched across the excited brunette's coral coloured lips. She threw the items in her hands away and leaped out of her bed and to the foyer. Gabriella frantically whipped her door open, revealing a mountain of presents of all sorts of different shapes and sizes wrapped in elegant paper. She squealed and clapped her hands together, amused by all the gifts in front of her.
Gabriella absolutely loved Christmas. It was her favourite holiday. She loved being surrounded by family and friends in such a warm, jolly environment. Eating homemade meals, giving and receiving presents and singing festive tunes were also other factors she loved.
This Christmas, however, would be different. She wouldn't be surrounded by family and friends in a cheerful scenery. She wouldn't get to feast on good home-made cooking, or sing carols with others. Nothing about this Christmas would be special. It would probably be the worst. No one wants to spend the holidays alone.
About half an hour later, Gabriella sat in the middle of a pile of wrapping paper, cardboard boxes and items from her closest friends. She had one more gift to unwrap and she slowly tore it open. It was a CD with a neon green sticky note on its case.
Dear Brie,
I know it's been quite awhile since we've last talked to each other. Last time we spoke, things didn't end the way we expected. We mutually decided to stay friends and I felt that so many things were left unsaid... I made you this CD and it contains everything I could never man up to tell you. Please listen to it.
Forever Yours, Troy
Gabriella's pearly white teeth dug into her bottom lip so deep, it almost drew blood. She debated whether or not she should listen to his CD. She hesitantly stood up with the CD in her hands and walked back to her bedroom. She grabbed her laptop and sat down on her bed, leaning against the white, wooden headboard. Gabriella inserted the disc into her laptop and pressed play.
Gabriella sat anxiously in the cab with her hands folded in her lap, inhaling and exhaling deeply. She closed her eyes and squeezed them shut, pressing her lips together in a hard line as well. The butterflies in her stomach almost made her nauseous. She was incredibly nervous, as if it wasn't obvious in her actions. This confrontation could go in so many different ways. She prayed that everything would go well.
"Excuse me, Miss. We're here." The taxi driver informed her, the car coming to a complete stop in front of Sharpay's grand lodge in Colorado.
She opened her eyes once again and fished her wallet out of her navy blue and white duffel bag. After quickly paying the driver, she exited the vehicle and headed to the front door. Her bag slung over her shoulder and she strutted in her worn-out black winter boots. Her chin was held high, although she was feeling like a little girl heading to the principal's office.
Gabriella reached out and pressed a mitten-covered on the elaborately decorated doorbell. From where she was standing, she could hear the sounds of laughter, the fire crackling and Sharpay's obnoxiously high-pitched voice. She smiled sadly, missing the company of all her friends from high school. But that would instantly change in a couple seconds.
The door opened, revealing a confused African American boy with an afro. His dark eyebrows pulled together and the young woman offered a brief hello and pushed passed him.
"Where's Troy?" She demanded, her boot impatiently tapping on the dark hardwood flooring. Her arms folded over her chest as she nervously chewed on her lower lip.
Chad looked at Gabriella, staring at her as if she were from another universe. He was holding a cup of eggnog and a red and white, fluffy Santa Clause hat sat atop of his puffy hair. His head was cocked to the side and he was just so darn confused. What the hell was Gabriella doing here?
"Chad, please, I don't have all day." Gabriella snapped, bringing the dumbfounded man in front of her out of his thoughts.
"Main floor, east wing, third door to your left; the library." Chad blurted out with his deep brown eyes as large as two moons.
She marched and headed for the east wing. When she got into a spacious hallway, she headed to the large, glass double doors and pushed them open. From where she was standing, she saw a sandy hair coloured boy standing near the fireplace, in front of the ceiling high windows, gazing at the mountains that laid in front of him.
It's now or never, Gabi.
"Nice view, huh?" Gabriella squeaked out, taking a single step toward him. She swallowed nervously and cleared her voice with a cough. She saw his entire frame stiffen and his sulking figure immediately straightened.
Troy knew who it was even before Gabriella had spoken. He felt her presence surround him when the double doors of the library opened. He also had this feeling deep inside him, informing him that it was her.
He wasn't sure how to feel. He was overwhelmed. This was all happening so fast. Too fast.
Gabriella ran a hand through her hair and swallowed harshly at his quietness. He stood there, frozen. "I... um..." Gabriella started to say, although she had no idea where to begin. There was just so much to say.
"What are you doing here?" Troy said in a sharp whisper. His dark eyebrows creased together and Gabriella could see the confusion and anger in his cerulean eyes.
The brunette female felt herself grow smaller in an instant. His sharp, venomous tone shocked her. He had never used such a voice with her. "I got your CD, Troy." She replied in a soft murmur. Gabriella suddenly felt like she was unwanted but she didn't quite understand... Why would he make a CD about his feelings toward her and sound so rude now?
Gabriella flinched and her chocolate brown eyes widened as he hissed a curse word.
She wanted to get away from here. She wondered why she decided to come to Colorado. She had a perfectly good frozen Christmas dinner waiting for her in her freezer back at home. She didn't need to be at this grand lodge, she could have been happy at her loft back in New York. She didn't need the comfort from her friends. She didn't need him.
Troy finally turned around, seeing Gabriella clutching the CD close to her. Her teeth dug into her bottom lip, while her eyes were staring down at the chestnut coloured hardwood flooring. He almost caved into her pained expression on her face and wanted to scoop her up into his arms and repeatedly apologize and whisper sweet nothings into her ear.
But in reality, he knew it wouldn't be that easy. Why should it be?
This was the first time they had spoken and seen each other in almost a year. This wasn't how either of them imagined it would be. Neither of them ever knew there would even be a reunion between them.
"I came here to see you."
Her words caused Troy's head to snap up.
Blue met brown and they both felt their heart skip a beat.
He was speechless and he still couldn't believe that she was here. In flesh. Was she just a figment of his imagination?
Oh, fantastic, he thought. Not only is my life fucked up, but I'm going crazy too.
A slightly irritated sigh brought him out of his train of thought. Troy's eyes trailed down to Gabriella, who was without a doubt frustrated. Her plump lips were pressed into a thin line, while her nose was scrunched up and her sun-kissed skin turning red as her anger increased as time passed. And yet, Troy still found her to look adorable.
"I don't understand, Troy..." Gabriella started to say. Her dark, shaped eyebrows creased together as she shook her head in confusion. "How can you tell me all of your true feelings through a damn CD and not be able to speak to me in real life? Were they just a bunch of empty words? Did you actually mean what you sa-" She began to ramble, throwing her hands up in the air but Troy interrupted her.
"Of course I meant them," he snapped, running a hand through his sandy brown locks. "You should already know that I mean everything word I said on that CD."
Gabriella's hip jutted out and she placed a hand on her hip. "But you haven't given me a reason to believe everything you said." She hissed venomously, the rage obvious in her tone and on her lovely face. "You were the one whoinsisted on us staying friends. You were the one who suddenly discarded me after we discussed our relationship. I was the one who wanted to become more than friends- to finally begin a chapter in our lives together. I was the one who kept calling, texting and emailing you countless times..." She stopped, taking a deep breath and shutting her eyes, trying to keep her tears from escaping. "You stopped caring." She choked out.
Troy immediately felt as if someone ripped his heart out from his chest and started to squeeze it as hard as they could. His eyes didn't dare meet Gabriella's. Did he really do every one of those things she listed? Did he really stop caring?
"You and I both know that I never stopped caring about you," he murmured, his eyes still not leaving the floor. "I needed time to think about what I wanted… I just needed time." He said, emphasizing each word. "And trust me when I say this, Brie, I wish that I knew whatever the hell I wanted. That way, I wouldn't be hurting you. I wish for a lot of things but I can't bring myself to choose."
A stray tear trickled down Gabriella's rosy cheek. "I can't keep doing this, Troy…" She whispered back. "I'm tired of your games. I'm done with you playing with my feelings. Just save me some trouble and decide whether or not you want me in your life. I'm not going to wait around for you any longer." She shoved the CD back into his hands and re-adjusted her duffel bag on her shoulder.
"I can't keep putting you before my happiness."
Gabriella walked out of the library with her head held high and tear stained cheeks. She kept her eyes fixed on the intricate design of the dark burgundy rug beneath her. Being the usual clumsy girl that she is, she bumped into another petite figure. Her head shot up in fright, meeting the light brown eyes of her blonde friend.
"H-Hi, Sharpay… Um, is that you room offered me still available?" She asked in a raspy tone. Tears pricked in her eyes but she held them back.
As much as she wanted to physically hurt Troy, she knew that getting Sharpay involved would be a stupid and reckless decision. She would definitely not tell her overly protective friend about her most recent encounter with a certain blue eyed male. The night would obviously end with two or three people being driven to the nearest hospital via ambulance.
Sharpay's full pink lips stretched into a sincere smile as she nodded. "Of course it is, Gabi."
Troy stood alone in the library, dumbfounded. All you could hear was the sounds of the fire crackling, distant laughs and cheers and his heavy breathing. As the seconds ticked away, his anger began to increase.
None of this was supposed to happen.
She wasn't supposed to fly all the way out here and confront him. She wasn't even supposed to listen to the CD. He thought she would send it back, break it or shove it into a random drawer and forget that it even existed. Her coming here to see him wasn't in the plan.
And now she was making him choose whether or not he wanted her in his life?
Who the fuck does she think she is? Waltzing in like she runs shit… Fuck her!
He cursed loudly and punched the wall beside him. His fist met the wall and he screeched out in pain, hissing loudly.
"Mother fu-" He immediately cut himself off, not wanting to be heard. He didn't want any of his nosy friends getting involved in his love life. The first time they interfered, Gabriella didn't speak to him for days. He would not let a single word about his Brie slip out of his lips.
His teeth dug into his lips as he jumped up and down, clutching his fist as if it would make the pain go away. He kept as quiet as he could, but he heard a flutter of gasps and footsteps getting louder and louder.
Oh, shit, he thought.
The double doors slammed open. Troy's head snapped up and groaned, seeing the sight of his high school gang staring at him with wide eyes.
"Troy! Are you alright?"
"What the hell happened?"
"Bolton," Sharpay spat out with a roll of her eyes. "Did you have to go suicidal on Christmas Eve?"
Gabriella walked out of the bathroom, which was connected to her bedroom. She was dressed in red and green polka dotted boy shorts along with a plain white camisole. She gathered her curly tresses into a messy bun and secured it with a black hair tie. Just as she was about to slip into bed, she heard a man curse, followed by a loud noise and a painful yelp. She nearly jumped two feet in the air.
She quickly threw on her old, worn out East High sweatshirt and went to see what the ruckus was all about. As she practically ran down to the main floor, she stopped abruptly as she hit the foyer. She headed to the east wing, where all the commotion was taking place.
"You idiot! Those carvings on the wall cost more than your entire life!" Sharpay screeched, bellowing in the blue eyed male's ear. His poor ears are probably ringing.
Troy laid on the dark brown leather couch. He was clutching one of his hands to his chest and he swung up his free hand and slammed it over his eyes. "Shut up." He pleaded in an annoyed moan. "Forget about your stupid wall that can easily be replaceable and get me ice for my hand- which isn't very replaceable."
With a roll of her eyes, Sharpay turned to the small crowd that gathered near the two. "What the hell are you all staring at?" She asked with both hands on each side of her hips. "Someone go get him ice!" She demanded shooing some of her peers away as they fleeted to fetch some ice.
Gabriella poked her head inside the library after a majority of the people left. "Is everything alright in here?" She questioned in a soft whisper. Her hands dug deep in the pockets of her baggy red and white sweater.
Chad's, Sharpay's and Troy's head all shot up at the sound of her hesitant voice.
Gabriella's eyes widened and swayed back on the balls of her feet. "I um… heard… things and I… wanted to you know… check up on you guys." She mumbled incoherently, keeping her eyes fixed on the floor beneath her.
Sharpay smirked at the small, nervous brunette beauty. "That was very nice of you to do, Gabs." She replied in an overly sweet but sarcastic tone as she batted her eyelashes. "Wasn't it, Troy?" She turned and faced the man laying down, glaring at him to answer her.
"Mhmmm…"
Gabriella bit her lip and walked closer to the trio, wanting to get a closer look at Troy's injury. "What happened?"
"I just hit my hand. It's nothing to worry about," Troy answered with a bitter flare to his tone. He didn't even bother to look at her. He looked straight ahead, as if she wasn't even in the room.
"I can bandage it." Gabriella suddenly offered after moments of an awkward silence. "I mean; that is if you want me to." She added promptly. She wrapped her a strand of her hair around her index finger, while she bit her bottom lip; an action she did when she was apprehensive. Her stomach churned, waiting for his answer.
Sharpay clapped her hands happily, jumping up and down as she did so. "Oh, that would be perfect, Gabriella! We'll go and get the first aid kit." She gestured to her and Chad. She tugged on the curly haired man beside her and guided him out of the library.
Just as the couple were about to exit the room, Kelsi appeared in front of the door way. In her hands were a Ziploc bag full of ice and a first aid kit.
"I brought a first aid kit just in case you needed it." Kelsi handed the items to Chad and scurried off.
"Fabulous." The blonde cheered as she watched Chad handing the items to an anxious Gabriella. The duo finally left the room, leaving Troy and Gabriella by themselves.
Gabriella hesitantly walked towards the hurt man she loved laying on the couch. Her grasp on the two objects in her hands tightened as he still looked ahead, not even acknowledging her presence. She slowly sat down on the rug in front of him, wanting to maintain some space between them. She gently took his wrist into her small hand and examined his entire hand, trying to spot the actual injury. Her eyebrow rose as she saw four of his knuckles and parts of his fingers black and blue. She shrugged it off and continued to tend to his needs.
As she placed the freezing cold ice pack on the top of his hand, he cursed in pain. Gabriella instantly took the ice pack away and dabbed on his wounds with a cloth, making sure she cleaned each one. She dug around in the first aid kit and pulled out a packet of ointment specially made for bruises, cuts, etc. She placed a small amount of the gooey jell onto her finger and soothingly rubbed it on each little damage. He winced as she applied ointment on his skin.
She gently wrapped his knuckles with gauze and secured it with tape.
"How did this happen?" Gabriella asked abruptly. She completely stopped her actions and gazed at him directly in his gorgeous, cerulean eyes.
"I punched the wall." Troy stated in a 'duh' tone to voice. His eyes still didn't dare to meet hers.
"No, I mean, how did we get ourselves into this mess? How did we go from the intense, lovey dovey stares and the flirtatious gestures to glares of hatred and not even speaking to each other?" She asked, her voice getting louder and more irritated. "When we are speaking, you seem so uninterested- like you have someone better to converse with... If you don't want me here, just say it instead of pretending that I actually matter to you!" Gabriella snapped. Her eyes began to glisten, the tears in her eyes almost falling but she fought them back.
She didn't want to cry in front of him. He wasn't worth her tears.
Gabriella shut her eyes and breathed in and out, wanting to calm down.
"You do matter."
Her eyes opened, finding Troy leaning closer to her. She turned her head on him, refusing to believe his lies. Her teeth dug into her lip once again and opened her mouth to speak as she put away the items in the first aid kit. "Don't get your bandages wet. Either shower with or without them. Clean your scrapes and change your bandages twice a day; once in the morning and once in the night." She said before she closed the kit and made her way out of the room.
She blinked back the tears in eyes and made her way back to the room she was staying in. When she was back into her room, she locked the door and jumped into her bed. Gabriella's face dug deep into one of the fluffy pillows. She silently sobbed into the comfy object and cried herself to sleep.
She missed the way things used to be. She missed the way Troy would tickle her to death. She missed how his eyes lit up the room when he spotted her. She missed his laugh. She missed his tight hugs and cuddles. She missed the way he kissed her so passionately. She missed the desire in his eyes for her. She missed his smell. She missed his silly, yet insanely cute pet names for her. She missed when he whispered sweet nothings into her ear when she couldn't go to sleep or when she needed to be comforted. She missed everything about him.
Gabriella wanted him back more than anything but she knew this time that she was going to have to put herself first and not take anybody's opinion into consideration. This was her life and she couldn't let anyone take advantage of it. She wasn't going to spend the rest of her days chasing someone who didn't want her. She wasn't going to let a man control her life. She was going to be selfish for once.
Half an hour ago, Gabriella woke up and now, she laid wide awake at 3:47 am. She couldn't go back to sleep. He was still on her mind and she mentally slapped herself for that. After some thought, she got out of bed and headed downstairs., taking her blanket with her. Perhaps she would sleep better in a different setting.
She didn't even know where she was walking. Her feet magically led her into the living room. She plopped down on the couch and wrapped the cozy blanket, giving her all the comfort she needed. She turned the TV on and settled on watching A Charlie Brown Christmas, her favourite Christmas special. A smile stretched across her lips and she snuggled back into the couch.
"Can't sleep?" A familiar voice asked.
Gabriella jumped in fright and her head whipped to see Troy dressed in his pajamas. His hand lazily rubbed the back of his neck. She didn't respond to him and kept her eyes glued to the television screen. "Mind if I join you?" He questioned.
She shook her head and made space for him, curling up closer to the armrest of the couch. He sat down beside her and the two watched in silence for a few moments.
"I couldn't sleep either... I heard the TV from my room and knew it was you. No other twenty four year old watches this at almost 4 in the morning." Gabriella heard the smile in his voice but still watched the characters on the screen.
Troy watched as her grip on the blanket tightened. Now it was her turn to ignore him. He felt the sting on both of their hearts. "I'm trying here, Brie. I really am." He said desperately.
"Not good enough."
"Why can't you believe me when I say I do still care about you and that I am still in love with you?" He asked, staring at the vulnerable female curled up in a ball in the corner of the couch.
"Because you don't." Gabriella countered with a shrug of her shoulders. "Everything you say is a lie."
"You and I both know that every single word that I said on that CD was the truth. You could hear it in my voice. You're in denial and stubborn. For once, just live and listen to what your heart is telling you to do instead of your head. Give me the truth and tell me how you really feel about me." Troy insisted, getting closer to Gabriella. His voice was getting louder and more demanding.
Gabriella shuddered and shut her eyes at the painful memories that flooded her mind. "The last time I did that, you said we should stay friends. Then you ignored me for nine months… I'm not going to let that happen again." She murmured, choking on a sob. "You forgot about me. You forgot that I still existed and that I was a normal human being with feelings. You forgot about us."
The tears Gabriella were holding back finally broke through and her weeps were on full force now. Tears streamed down her rosy cheeks and she bit the blanket, hoping that her loud cries wouldn't wake anybody up. She pushed her knees closer to her chest and curled up into a smaller ball. She gently rocked herself, needing to be comforted.
A hand soothed her back, in hopes that his touch would calm her down the slightest. Unfortunately, it didn't. Troy effortlessly lifted her onto his lap and let her cry into the crook of his neck. She pounded on his chest, demanding to be released.
"Let me go!" She cried as she hit him repeatedly. "I hate you, I hate you! Leave me alone! You stopped caring! You left me! Let go!"
Troy's eyes filled with tears but fought them back. He swayed her small body in his arms and kissed the top of her head dozens of times. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm sorry I did this to you. I'm so sorry." He whispered into her ear.
Troy held her in his arms for the first time in months. He still rocked her in a slow pace and he even whispered sweet nothings in her ear, just like old times. He had never seen Gabriella act this way. She was always so put together and calm. Had he pushed her to her limits? However, hearing her heartbreaking weeps made him feel incredibly guilty for everything he had done to her.
Soon, her sobs faded away and now her breathing was ragged and heavy. His good hand slipped underneath her tank top and drew circles on her bare back. He pressed his lips to her damp cheek before he started to speak again.
"This is my entire fault, Brie. I shouldn't have fought against my feelings for you and just-" Troy began to say, but Gabriella interrupted him.
"I should have fought harder..." She said, realizing that if she had done more and make him realize that they were meant to be together, they wouldn't be in this situation. She sniffled and continued. "We both have our faults in this, Troy. Please don't blame yourself."
Gabriella rested her head on his chest. The steady beat of his heart soothed her and she deeply inhaled his sweet manly scent. She exhaled and smiled to herself and snuggled closer to the warmth of his body. "I missed you," she whisper, her three words barely inaudible.
Her words made him squeeze her small torso harder. "I missed you, too, baby."
"Your heartbeat's pace is incredibly fast." Gabriella stated after minutes of comfortable silence. She pressed her ear right against his heart and giggled at the rhythmic thumping. She took Troy's uninjured hand and pressed his palm against his heart. "Feel."
Troy adoringly gazed down at Gabriella and a big smile appeared on his flawless face. Seeing her like this made the butterflies in his stomach turn. "Only you can do that to me."
Gabriella felt the heat rush up to her cheeks and she laughed nervously. "Geek." She teased, cupping his cheek in her hand and staring deeply into those mesmerizing eyes of his.
"But you love me," he argued, arrogantly, a grin stretching across his lips.
Gabriella lowered her head in embarrassment. "I do." She agreed.
Troy's eyes widened and he stared at her in pure astonishment. "You what?" He said.
She whimpered and dug her face back into the crook of his neck. She refused to meet his eyes. What if he didn't feel the same way?
Good going, Gabriella. Now you're going to scare him away!
"You love me?" Troy cooed, bringing Gabriella's face toward him. She shied away from him once again and mumbled an incoherent 'yes'. She quickly dug back into his neck but he swiftly held her in place. "Aw, baby.. Don't be embarrassed. If it makes you feel any better, I love you too."
"You do?"
"Of course I do. I love you more than-"
"Oh, shut the fuck up and just kiss her." Sharpay grumbled.
A/N: yup. That's it, lol. Hoping you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Stay safe, stay beautiful xo