Discs.: I don't own CSI Miami nor its characters!
A/N: Okay, so this took AGES! So you better like it! -Just kidding...But still I hope you gonna like the story...It was inspired by a song called "Circle" by Edie Brickell. I actually wanted to put the lyrics into the story as well, but changed my mind because it is already so long without them...
The
Eric watched silently how Calleigh was shooting round after round. It had become routine by now that he headed for the ballistics lab after shift and observed Calleigh.
Sometimes he wondered if she was aware of his presence, but in case that she was, she seemed too focused to show. And apparently she didn't mind him being there - though it would be a completely different tale if he would walk up to her and try talking with her...
He had considered it every now and then, but each time he decided against it, because he knew how she would react...She would do the very same thing as she kept up doing during shift - withdrawing further and further from them, pushing her friends, especially him, away...
Eric sighed softly. Even though Calleigh was standing right in front of him and he saw her everyday at work, he was missing her so incredible much...He missed talking with her, missed spending time with her like they used to...But she refused to even look at him for more than mere seconds.
He kept wondering when it had become that way between them - and his conclusion was always the same...It had been when Speed had died that she had started retreating from him. It had only taken a few months, if not only weeks, before he had started thinking that he hadn't just lost Speed but also Calleigh.
In fact it was easier for him to accept the loss of Speedle than the loss of Cal...
Tim was gone forever - there was nothing more final than death. And with the dead it was easier, you learned to let go...You kept the memories of the good times you had well saved in your mind and heart and eventually you moved on, because you know that it was the only way, because you know that you can't live in the past - and that your beloved ones, who died, would want you to stop grieving...
But Calleigh was still right there, at least physically. It was the link between them that had been cut, the light in her eyes that had died, the special smile, used to be reserved for him and him alone, that had gone without a trace...
Eric kept trying to reach out for her, kept praying that there would be a moment when the invisible wall between them would open, and if only just a bit, so he could make it through to her - or that he could at least catch a glimpse of the Calleigh Duquesne she used to be, so that he would know that there was still hope, that she was still there somehow...
Their friendship had been special in so many ways, their bond had been so tight that he had believed it could never be destroyed, they had used to have a way of communicating without needing words for it, they used to be able to sense what the other one was thinking and feeling with just a look.
But now all of this was gone, in fact they barely talked with each other at all. It felt like ages had passed since their last conversation - yet it had only been three months since she had started avoiding everyone.
And Eric knew damn well who he had to hold responsible for that - John Hagen...
He still couldn't believe what this poor excuse of a man had done to Calleigh - and that even though Hagen had been supposed to do the entire opposite. After all, he had loved Calleigh, yet he had hurt her in the worst way possible.
Eric knew that in case that Hagen wasn't already dead, he would hunt the guy down and make him pay for what he had done to Calleigh.
Not only had this guy committed suicide, which in itself was already terrible enough, but no, this jerk had really gotten the nerve to do this right there, in Calleigh's beloved ballistics lab...This place had used to be her second home, her sanctuary...And Hagen had taken that from her!
Yet Calleigh kept coming for work everyday like nothing had happened, even though there had been a moment when she had considered quitting, but she had changed her mind and stayed...
He knew that Horatio had offered her to give her sometime off, but she had declined.
Now she kept pretending that she wasn't affected by anything that had occurred in the passed one and a half year, kept pushing everything aside that could bother other people, and even break them. But that was how Calleigh handled things, somehow feeling the need to keep standing tall, keep being strong and unaffected...Giving in or backing down was not part of her vocabulary, nor were crying, going weak, bending or breaking down...
But Eric knew better, he knew that she was suffering goddamn much underneath her tough facade...
He took a glance at his watch, 3:10 a.m. it showed and he sighed again, knowing that he should go home. Eric turned around and left the lab, knowing that Calleigh would leave soon as well.
At Eric's place 30 minutes later :
After he had entered his apartment Eric shoved a pizza into the oven, feeling close to starvation. While he waited for his pizza getting ready to be eaten, Eric went to take a shower.
It didn't take long before his mind started wandering. He wondered if Calleigh was already at home - or if she was still in the lab. Eric sighed, trying to stop thinking about her, even though he knew that it was completely impossible for him. It had taken only the first few minutes and he had fallen for her - and that damn hard...
A smile started forming on his lips as he remembered that day...
Flashback :
As Eric entered the locker-room he kept telling himself that his first day on the day-shift of the Miami Dade Crime Lab was going to be great. Still he was feeling slightly nervous. After all, it was going to be a huge change to be a CSI instead of a diver - but that's what he had chosen, right?
He took a deep breath and started searching for his locker. Just as he had found it, the door opened and someone entered. Judging by the sound of the heels and the soft footfall he figured that it had to be a woman.
A moment later he turned around and couldn't help but state, a polite smile on his lips :
"Uhm, sorry, Miss, but this area is restricted to staff only."
The woman smiled softly back, seeming slightly amused, then she replied :
"I know...You must be the new guy..I'm Calleigh..."
"Uh, Eric Delko..." They shook hands.
"So, which is your domain? DNA?"
He heard someone chuckle, so he forced himself to look away from the blond CSI in front of him and saw a dark-haired guy walking up to them. After he had stopped next to Calleigh he stretched his hand out to her and stated :
"I knew it, Cal..."
She rolled with her eyes and handed him a 20-Dollar bill.
"Here you go..."
"Thanks." He kept grinning.
Calleigh's smile returned and she clarified :
"I'm the ballistics expert."
"You're serious?" Eric was sincerely impressed.
The other CSI stretched out his had once more and received another 20 dollars.
"Oh yeah, she is...But don't worry - nobody guesses right when being asked. By the way I'm Tim Speedle, feel free to call me Speed - like everybody else does." The two men shook hands.
Then Speed left and Eric focused his attention back onto the woman in front of him.
"Do you play this little game every time a new CSI starts?"
"Yeah, but we barely get new CSIs, because Horatio is quite picky when it comes down to the staff of the lab."
"However, sorry about your money."
Calleigh grinned.
"That's not necessary, Eric...I will get it back in less than an hour - with making it 80 dollars." She stated after a moment,
"You used to be a diver, right?"
"Yeah...How do you know that?"
"I read your personal file - and that's why Speed will lose the next round."
Eric raised an eyebrow.
"You'll see what I'm talking about..."
Half an hour later :
As the three CSIs entered the autopsy, Alex looked up from a file and watched them walking up. When they had reached her she introduced herself to Eric.
"Well, can we get started?"
After the CSIs had nodded their agreement, she pulled away the sheet which was covering the body. Eric stepped closer toward the body and took a closer look at the guy.
"Blunt head trauma, right? Caused by something like..." He paused taking a close look at the wound on the victims head then he mused,
"A golf-club, maybe..."
"Not bad..." Alex replied.
Speed stared at Calleigh, Alex and Eric, while Calleigh gave Eric an approving glance and a happy smile. A moment later Calleigh stretched out her hand to Speed, a demanding look on her face.
Alex watched for a few sconds, shooking slowly her head, then she stated :
"I thought Horatio talked with the two of you about this..."
"Well, I don't see him around...And furthermore it's not like it interferes with our work, now does it?" Speed countered,
"By the way, don't we deserve having a little fun at work?"
"Just don't overdo it, got it?" Alex said, focusing her attention back onto the body.
A moment later the three CSIs left the autopsy.
"Ok, what did she offer you for this?" Speed asked, looking at Eric.
Eric only smiled while Calleigh hurried to say :
"I didn't offer him anything, did I Eric?"
"Not at all..." He grinned, totally captivated by her smile.
"Then how did you do that, Calleigh?"
"Well, unlike you I do a little researching before making a bet." Came the cryptical response.
"I used to be a diver..." Eric explained.
After shift :
"Hey guys..." Calleigh said cheerful as she entered the locker-room, and saw Eric and Speed packing up their stuff, getting ready to leave.
"What's up?" Speed asked.
"I was just wondering if the two of you would like to head out with me and get dinner, maybe also have some drinks together? After all, you made me 40 dollars richer..."
"Sure, why not..." Speed stated enthusiastically.
"How about you, Eric?" Calleigh wanted to know, looking at him.
"Sounds great." As he saw that incredible smile of hers, which appeared on her face by hearing his answer and lit up her emerald eyes, Eric couldn't help but smile back.
They locked eyes for a few endless seconds, immediately getting caught in the moment. Eric noticed once more how beautiful Calleigh was - long blond hair, porcelain skin, a beautiful, soft drawl and then there were those amazing eyes.
He had never in his life ever seen eyes of a more intense green. While he was captivated by the woman in front of him he forgot completely where he was as well as the fact that Speed was still there as well.
After a while Eric was brought back to reality as Speed cleared his throat.
"You already have an idea where to go, Cal?" Speed asked.
"Of course...How about Rosa's? We can still decide where to get drinks afterwards later..."
"Alright. So, I'll meet you there..." Speed grabbed his bag and left.
After the door had closed Calleigh and Eric exchanged a glance, then she asked :
"You know where Rosa's is?"
"Yeah..." Eric replied, smiling at her.
At a bar, around 2:05 a.m. :
"I'm outta here..." Speed said, getting up.
"Guess I'll see ya tomorrow..." Calleigh replied.
"Bye..." Eric stated as Speed left.
"So, Eric...What do you think about your first day at the lab?" Calleigh asked, with that wonderful smile of hers on the lips.
"Well, it was most definitely quite interesting and, uhm, surprising..." Eric answered, smiling as well as he thought about the passed day.
"Great to hear that...So you like it?"
"Most definitely yeah." By hearing that Calleigh's smile widened.
"You're not regretting your transfer?"
"Not at all."
"May I ask why you asked for a transfer away from the divers?"
"Sure Calleigh..." He started, but was interrupted by Calleigh saying :
"You can call me also Cal if you want."
"Okay, Cal...I think I just felt like I needed some kind of change..." He stated, hoping it was enough of an answer, because he was not exactly sure what the actual reason had been.
Not much later Calleigh said :
"Well, I guess it's getting time to call it a day..."
"You're probably right..." Eric agreed even though he wished they could spend some more time with each other - well, of course he would see her the next day at work, but still...
Calleigh pulled out her wallet and went to pay the drinks, but Eric made her stop as he stated :
"Why don't you let me pay?"
She only looked surprised at him. After all, she had already said at Rosa's that she was going to pay. Eric was aware of the fact that it must seem pretty odd to her that he wanted to pay, after all, they had just met that very day. But nonetheless he insisted on paying, so she gave in and let him do what he asked for. A moment later they got up and left.
Outside the bar :
As they stepped out of the building Calleigh said :
"Give me your keys, Eric."
"What?"
"I'm going to drive you home." Calleigh replied in a matter-of-factly way.
"I can drive on my own, Cal." Eric looked at her.
"No, you can't...You're drunk, so I will drive you home." She countered.
Only now he got aware of the fact that she had mainly drunken water during the evening. 'Probably she doesn't want to risk having a hangover tomorrow.' He thought to himself.
"I'm not drunk, Calleigh...Well, at least not too drunk to drive."
"Eric, don't be ridiculous! You drank almost twice as much as Speed...There's no way I'll let you drive right now!" Calleigh kept insisting.
"Well, lets pretend for a moment that I agree...How do you get home yourself?"
"I'm going to take a cab back here and drive home with my car." Came immediately her response.
"You know what, Cal? That's ridiculous...Why do you want to do this? I mean, I'm just a new colleague, we just met this day..." Eric said.
"Eric, first of all I let you pay the drinks, even though I had..."
"I also drank the most, Calleigh..." He interrupted her.
"And that's why I'm going to bring you home...I don't want you to get involved in an accident. I won't be able to forgive myself if something happens to you just because I let you drive home on your own." Calleigh almost pleaded.
By hearing these words from the blond CSI Eric couldn't help but feeling truly touched by her concern, and he accepted her offer. Calleigh smiled grateful at him as he handed her his keys.
A few moments later they got into his car and drove off. After he had told her his address they remained silent and he wondered why she cared so much for him. 'She just doesn't want to feel guilty if something happens to me - she said it herself...' Eric told himself. But then again it was probably part of her personality to care so much...
At Eric's place :
As they arrived at his place, they remained silent for a while, just looking at each other. Then Eric asked, slightly hesitant :
"Hey Cal, would you like to come in for a while? I mean, you don't have to wait outside for your cab, and I believe that you could use some coffee..."
They locked eyes for a moment then Calleigh smiled and nodded.
After they had entered the apartment Eric asked :
"Why don't you take a seat, while I make coffee?"
"Okay..."
He watched ho Calleigh sat down on his couch, then he turned and went to the kitchen to make coffee.
As he returned several minutes later he found Calleigh standing in front of one of the bookshelves, examing something with great interest. So he went to put the two cups down on the coffee-table before approaching her to see what had captured her attention.
"Who is that?" She asked when she noticed him standing next to her,
He took a look at the picture, smiling.
"That's Marisol..."
"Your girlfriend?"
Eric chuckled then he replied :
"Uh, no she's one of my older sisters..."
"Oh..." Calleigh blushed slightly, looking down.
"Well, coffee is ready...Hope it's not too intense..."
They both took a seat on the couch and Calleigh took one of the mugs into her hands, inhaling the aroma of the freshly brewed coffee.
"It smells good that's for sure..." She paused to take a sip of the dark liquid, then she added,
"Also tastes great...What sort is this?"
"A Cuban one...Glad you like it..."
They shared a smile. As Calleigh tried to stifle a yawn Eric stated :
"Listen Calleigh, why don't you stay here...I mean, you seem quite tired and therefore it might not be wise if you drive...And I have a guestroom you could use..."
They locked eyes and after a moment Calleigh replied quietly :
"You're sure...I mean..."
"Yeah I am sure, Cal..." He smiled at her.
A few minutes later he got up to get everything ready. He put one of his old shirts and a pair of sweat pants in the guestroom.
End flashback
He and Calleigh had kept talking for a while then they had went to get some sleep. The next morning they had breakfast together, before she had left.
They had never talked about it, simply because there had nothing happened between them.
When he had asked her to stay he had actually been slightly worried about what she might think...
Eric smiled and left the bathroom to get his pizza out of the oven, before it got inedible.
While he was eating he started thinking about Speed and how much his death had hurt Calleigh.
His mind went back to the evening after the funeral...
Flashback :
He unlocked the front-door of his apartment and slammed it shut only seconds later. Eric had just taken a seat and was about to open the bottle of whiskey he had just bought, when a knock against his front-door interrupted his thoughts.
After a moment he got unwillingly up and went to find out who had the nerve to keep him from getting lost in his sorrows.
As he opened the door his anger vanished by the sight of his visitor.
"Can I come in?"
"Sure Cal...What are you doing here?" Eric stepped aside, letting her in, while taking a closer look at the beautiful blond, who he saw everyday at work - and who captivated his mind like no-one else ever could.
She was still wearing the same clothes she had worn at the funeral, just like him. When he had closed the door behind her, she finally replied :
"Well, I thought you could need some company..."
They locked eyes and shared something that resembled somewhat a really small smile, or at least something slightly close to that. Then they sat down on the couch on the couch and Eric went to finally open the bottle.
But Calleigh got a hold of his arm. She was only holding his wrist in a soft kind of way, yet the soft contact of her hand on his arm was enough to make him freeze. A moment later she took the bottle from his hand and told him :
"Drowning your pain and sorrows in alcohol is not going to help you getting over it at all."
They locked eyes once more and Eric watched how she got up and went to the kitchen, bottle in hands.
He couldn't help but stare in the direction where she had gone. When she sat back down next to him, he let his head drop.
"Eric?" Calleigh said questioning.
"I'm sorry..." He mumbled, head still down.
He knew better, knew Calleigh good enough to know how she was thinking about drinking. Especially when it came down to drinking in order to forget...Because of her dad, maybe also because they were seeing often enough how much damage drinking can cause...
"Eric, look at me.." Calleigh stated softly,
"Please?"
After a moment of hesitation Eric did what he had been told. When he looked at her, he saw a soft smile on Calleigh's lips and he knew that she understood. She just understood that he was hurting, grieving, after all, he hadn't just lost a colleague - he had lost his best friend.
Eric was damn grateful that Calleigh was there, he knew that she was feeling terrible as well. He knew that she was feeling responsible for Speed's death. She had known that he hadn't taken as much care of his gun as he should have. Well, they had all known that Speed was hating guns, if not to say that he was afraid of firearms...
"How are you doing?" Eric asked, breaking the silence.
"I'm okay, Eric...I'm here because I'm worried about you."
"That's not necessary. I'll be alright."
"Oh really, you're okay? Then why did you want to drink all the whiskey? It's no solution to empty a bottle of whiskey to get over something...It's not going to make Speed alive again!" Calleigh yelled.
"Don't go there, Cal..." Eric let his head hang.
"Eric...Please talk to me...Yell at me if it helps you..." She almost pleaded.
"Why should I yell at you? Calleigh, why are you so mad at yourself...It's not like you to be so emotional." He observed his friend closely.
She wasn't someone who lost control over her emotions, Calleigh was always rational. She was in fact the most rational person he knew.
"I should have insisted on checking his gun from time to time...But I didn't - and now he's dead..." Calleigh had gotten up and was now pacing around in the living-room.
Eric got up as well and stepped into her path, making her stop moving. He got a hold of her arms and made her look at him.
"Calleigh, it's not your fault...Really Cal...Don't feel responsible for what happened. Speed knew that it could cost him his life to not take care of his gun." They locked eyes.
Calleigh rested her hands on his chest and he drew her closer.
"Then why do I feel so guilty?"
"I don't know...But your empathy is one of the things that people like so much about you - what I like about you..."
Calleigh leaned her head against his chest and he embraced her tightly. But only a second later she stepped back, only merely an inch, so she was able to look him into the eyes.
"Thank you, Eric." She smiled at him,
"You know, I came here to be there for you and not to..."
"I know...Well, how about we order some take-out or a pizza, get some pop-corn and watch a movie?"
"Sounds good..." Calleigh showed a small smile.
"Great, I order a pizza and you choose a movie, alright?"
"Sure..." They smiled at each other.
As Eric re-entered the room, Calleigh was still searching for a DVD to watch.
"Pizza will be here in like twenty...You think you will have found a movie to watch 'til then?"
"Very funny, Eric...But actually I just found something..." She turned toward him, a smile on her lips.
"Okay, so what are we going to watch?"
"That's gonna be a surprise..." Calleigh smirked at him and he just smiled back.
"Alright, I'll go and make some pop-corn." Calleigh's smile widened and she looked at him, one eye-brow raised in amusement.
"You think I can't manage that?"
"Can you?" Calleigh couldn't stop a few chuckles to escape her mouth.
"Oh yeah, I can also cook - not as good as you, but it's enough to keep myself from starvation."
"Okay, if you say so..."
"I see, guess I have to invite you for dinner soon, to show you..."
"Listen Eric, I believe you...Really, I was just teasing..."
They both started laughing. A moment later Eric finally turned around and went to the kitchen. Only a few minutes passed before they heard tthe door-bell ring and he said :
"Hey Cal, can you open the door? The money is on the table in the hall..."
"Sure..." Came Calleigh's short reply.
When Eric came back with a bowl of pop-corn in his hands, Calleigh was sitting on the couch, ready to start the movie. Eric sat down next to her, putting the pop-corn onto the coffee-table, next to the pizza.
Only a few seconds later Calleigh reached for the bowl and got a good handful of the still warm, slightly salted pop-corn. She chewed for some time while Eric was watching her, a smile on his lips.
"And?" Eric asked a moment later.
"Not bad...Not bad at all..." Calleigh smiled at him.
"That's what I told ya, right?" Eric's smile widened.
"Yeah, you did..." Calleigh replied and snuggled closer to him, leaning her head against his shoulder and Eric put his arm around her slender form, drawing her closer.
An half hour later :
A smile appeared on Eric's face when he felt Calleigh relax in his arms. He turned carefully toward her and simply watched her sleep for a while. After a few minutes he got slowly up, trying not to wake her up.
Normally he would have simply sleep on the couch, not willing to risk waking her up, but tonight he figured she could really use some good-night-sleep. So he picked her up and brought her to the bedroom.
When he had reached his bedroom Eric walked up to the bed and rested Calleigh carefully on top of it, then he covered her with the blanket. He kept standing right in that place for a while, just watching Calleigh, before he turned around to leave.
But before he had the chance to get to the door he heard Calleigh's sleepy voice saying :
"You don't have to leave..."
Eric turned back around and looked at her, while she went on, a smile on her lips,
"I mean, it's your home after all...You shouldn't have to sleep on the couch because of me..."
They locked eyes then Eric replied, knowing that she expected him to say something :
"Okay..." He paused for a moment, wondering if it was a wise idea to stay instead of taking the couch, before he added :
"I'll be right back."
Then he left to change clothes. Five minutes later he returned and laid down next to her. There had been something in Calleigh's eyes, which had made it impossible for him to not do what she had asked for.
It was out of question that she wanted him to stay - otherwise she would have have simply said 'good-night' or would have remained silent when he had been about to leave.
After a moment Calleigh turned toward him, snuggling closer, and he put his arm around her. When she leaned her forehead against his chest he rested his chin on the top of her head.
He noticed in that moment once more how well their bodies were fitting to each other - as if they were made for each other...
Eric tried to stop his thoughts from taking that path, but he just couldn't help it...With Calleigh so close it was simply almost impossible not to think about her...
End flashback
It had taken him unusually long to fall asleep that night...
Too many thoughts had been racing through his mind. Thoughts about Calleigh, him and Calleigh, but also thoughts about his best friend, who he had just lost.
But even though Calleigh had been lying right next to him, in his arms and in his bed, and even though they had both had a tough time since Speed's death, nothing had happened between them.
It had been after that night that they had started to drift apart and Eric suspected that it was exactly because nothing had happened...
They had just watched the beginning of the first part of 'The Pirates of Carebean' and then slept next to each other in his bed...
They hadn't talked about what had bothered both of them - Speed's death...
Normally they had always talked about everything, but since that night that had changed. It was like there was an invisible wall between them, which made it impossible for them to be as close as they used to be, even though they were able to see each other - even able to touch each other...
And that fact hurt more than anything else, more than he would have thought - especially considering that nothing had happened that night.
Even though it seemed on the outside like Calleigh was dealing with the loss of Speed much better than he did, Eric knew that it was in fact the other way 'round. Maybe that was one of the reasons, that he knew her too good...
Calleigh was someone who didn't what to lose control, who wanted to show everyone how tough she was - that she was able to handle everything on her own - but he knew that even she was just as breakable as everyone else...
He let out a desperate sigh, then he got up and went to get finally to bed.
The next morning :
Eric let out a frustrated sigh as the ringing of his cell phone woke him up. Why had this damn thing always to wake him from the most wonderful dreams?
Nonetheless he went to answer the call. A look onto the display was enough to know that there was a new case.
"Hey H, what's up?" Eric said as a greeting.
"We have a dead lawyer...I need you at the scene as soon as possible."
While listening to the details, he got up to get ready for work. Eric hurried to get some coffee and headed out to the scene.
At the scene :
Just as he got out of his car Eric saw Calleigh arriving. He decided to wait for her and go inside together with her.
Eric noticed right away how tired she was and once again he wondered if she was actually getting any sleep at night.
"Hey Calleigh..." He stated lamely as she reached him at the front-door.
"Hey." Came the short reply, then Calleigh said :
"I guess we should get inside and start collecting the evidence. By the way, are we the only ones here?"
"Dunno, but I assume that we're about to find it out...Though I'm most certain that Alex is still there.
"Probably..." With that Calleigh walked into the house, and a second later Eric followed her.
As they reached the living-room they saw Alex leaning over the body, busy with a first examination of the victim.
"What do you have for us?" Calleigh asked.
"He was shot into the abdomen, probably died because of the blood-loss. But I guess the autopsy will bring more clarity." Alex answered.
"How about the TOD?" Eric spoke up.
"Well, he died in the early morning hours. I guess, somewhere between 3 and 5:30 am."
A moment later she got up and went outside. Another few minutes later two guys of the coroner's office came in and brought the body outside to get it to the autopsy.
In that moment Horatio joined them, coming from an adjoining room.
"Good morning, H." Eric greeted their boss.
"You too." He took a look around then he went on,
"Given the fact that Mr Sanchez was shot, we might be lucky and find the gun somewhere around here."
"Who called it in?"
"The maid...She's pretty shaken about it so she's not able to answer any questions at the moment."
"Alright, what can we do?"
"I want you to search the house - prints, DNA, everything...Try also to figure out if there was anything stolen and keep your eyes open for the gun."
"Got it."
"I'll take the second floor." Calleigh stated, already heading for the stairs.
"Okay..." Eric watched how she went upstairs and disappeared in one of the rooms.
"Alright, Mr Delko, Ryan is searching the backyard so you should take care of the first floor." Horatio said, then he turned and followed Calleigh.
But only a few minutes later he came back and went to help Eric.
45 minutes later :
"Any luck?" Calleigh asked as she joined Eric and Horatio in the kitchen.
"Yeah, we found lots of prints as well as signs of a struggle and we found out how the killer got in." Eric replied, pointing at a shattered window.
"How 'bout you, Calleigh, you found something?" Horatio wanted to know.
"Well, I found some prints...Apparently the killer has searched for something. Unfortunately I couldn't find the gun."
"That's really not good...It would help a lot if we had the murder-weapon." Horatio stated.
"I'll go and help Ryan a bit." Calleigh turned around to get to the backyard.
After a while Horatio left the kitchen as well. Eric shook his head for a moment, finishing to collect evidence. When he was done he went to follow Horatio.
Just as he stepped outside he heard Horatio ask :
"Hey Calleigh, you're okay? You seem unconcentrated..."
"I'm alright, and most definitely not unconcentrated!" Calleigh replied firmly, it was obvious that Horatio's question had upset her.
After a moment Eric walked up to them and wanted to know :
"Did Ryan find something?"
"Yeah, he found some footprints and already headed back to the lab...I guess we should do the same." Horatio stated,
"I'll see ya at the lab."
With that he left. Eric kept watching Calleigh, she really seemed very tired and on edge. He just couldn't help but feeling worried about her...
A few seconds passed then Calleigh went to leave and he did the same, seeing no point in staying at the scene any longer.
Later that day :
"Hey Cal, you got the test-results of the bullet from the body?" Eric asked as he entered the ballistics lab.
"It's on the desk..." Calleigh replied without looking at him.
"You found a match in the data-base?"
"Yeah, but why don't ya see it for yourself?" She stepped aside so he could take a closer look at the screen.
"You're right - that's a definite match. Now all we need to do is finding the gun - and the shooter."
"Exactly...Only problem - this gun shouldn't exist anymore..."
"What do you mean?" Eric looked surprised at her.
"It was part of a gun-repurchase-programme of the MDPD almost five years ago." Calleigh turned toward him and for a few seconds they locked eyes.
"But shouldn't there be a way to figure out what happened with it after that?"
"Of course there is, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it will help us finding the shooter..."
"So our only real lead might turn out to be dead end?"
"Unfortunately yes..."
"You already told Horatio?"
"I was on my way to do that when you came in."
"Well, I won't keep you from that." Eric smiled at her.
"What do you got for me?" The voice of there supervisor was heard from behind.
"I found our murder-weapon, it's a Glock-35, so much about the good news. The bad news would be that this gun was handed over to the MDPD as part of a gun-repurchase-programme five years ago."
"So we gotta figure out who is responsible for the gun being sold again..."
"But shouldn't it have been destroyed? After all that's the entire point of these programmes, right?" Eric asked.
"Exactly, Mr Delko...And that's why the two of you will go through the files about the programme and try to find out which cop had received the gun - and when you're done with that, please try to figure out if this was only an onetime-thing or if there are more firearms out of the programme which found their way back to the public."
"Alright H...We're gonna keep ya posted..." Eric stated.
"Thanks." Horatio turned and left.
"So, where do we start, Cal?"
"Getting the files and check who had access to the gun after it was handed over to the PD."
"How are these programmes actually working in the first place?"
"Well, you can drop off your gun at several police stations, often also at youth and community centers, etc...In return you get money...Or at least that's how it's supposed to work..."
"Guess it's gonna be a long day..." Eric mused.
Around 12:30 pm :
Unfortunately it had been a waste of time. The cop who had received the gun had died three years ago and nobody seemed to know what had happened with the gun...
"You know what the problem is?" Calleigh said, starting to get frustrated.
"Uh, what is it?" Eric replied, too exhausted to figure out what she meant. He saw quite a few problems...
"Even if Detective Ramos was still alive he could probably not help us finding the shooter..."
"So, what are we going to do now?"
"I guess, we have to tell Horatio that the gun is a dead end."
"Seems that way..." Eric sighed,
"Wait a sec...What would be if we had the gun itself?"
"Well, things would be way easier that way - but how do we get it? So far we do not even have a suspect..."
"For a start we could search the scene and adjoining area for it."
"We already did that this morning, remember?"
"Yeah, but back then we didn't know what kind of gun we're searching..." Eric pointed out,
"And it would be at least worth a try, don't ya think?"
"You got a point..."
"I'll go and tell H that we're going to head back to the scene."
"Alright, I might you outside."
"Got it." With that they parted.
At the victim's house :
They were already searching the scene for almost two hours when Calleigh exclaimed triumphantly :
"I found it!"
"Really?" Eric called from the living-room.
"Yeah..."
Eric heard Calleigh coming down the stairs and decided to meet her halfway.
"Where was it hidden?" Eric couldn't help his curiosity.
"In the vent."
"But didn't we search there this morning?"
"Positive. In fact it was me who search there..."
Eric frowned.
"Then how did it get there? After all, it wasn't there when you searched the vent the first time, right?"
"Exactly...Big question is how did the killer get in to dispose it after we left the scene?"
"Do you remember if the seal on the door had been untouched when we got here?"
"I think so, but it was you who opened the door, so...I'm really not sure..."
"Neither am I...Anyways, we should get back to the lab and find out if this is the murder-weapon and if it can lead us to any suspects..."
"Okay..." Calleigh agreed.
Back at the lab :
Eric sat in the break-room enjoying a cup of Coffee Cubano, when Calleigh entered the room.
"Hey Cal...You're done with the gun?"
"Yeah, it is the murder-weapon...Natalia is currently checking it for prints and DNA."
"That sounds pretty good - now we can only hope that she finds something..."
"And that it won't be a dead end."
"I heard you found the gun?"
They turned around and Horatio walked up to them.
"Yeah, it was really in the victim's house." Eric replied.
"But didn't we search the entire place and area pretty thoroughly?"
"Apparently not good enough - or the killer managed to dispose the gun there after we left." Eric explained.
"Seems that way, doesn't it?" Horatio agreed.
"Is there a problem, H?"
"Maybe, though I don't hope so..." Horatio trailed off as his cell phone started ringing and he left to answer the call.
Only a few minutes passed before Natalia entered the break-room a bright smile plastered on her lips and a file in her hands.
"I've been searching for the two of you."
"You found something on the gun?" Calleigh wanted to know.
"Yeah, prints and DNA..." Her smile widened,
"And I found a match in AFIS."
"Seems like we hit the jack-pot...Apparently it was a pretty good idea to search the scene once more for the gun." Calleigh stated, giving Eric an approving look.
"So, who is it?" Eric asked,smiling by hearing the compliment from Calleigh's lips.
"A guy called Joshua Cellar, has a record for..."
"Armed robbery, drug possession with intend and attempted murder." Calleigh interrupted.
"How do you know that?" Natalia looked surprised at Calleigh, who just shrugged, then she added,
"But by the way you forgot mentioning that he also attacked two officers of the MDPD when he was arrested."
"To answer your question, he was proven guilty in one of our old cases - he should in fact still be in jail." Calleigh stated bluntly.
"Well, he was released a half year ago as part of a new rehabilitation-programme which is currently tested here in Miami."
Calleigh just shook her head in disbelief by hearing that.
"Apparently some people should stay behind bars forever - without the chance of getting probation." Eric mused.
"Anyways, I called Tripp. Cellar is gonna be brought here for an interrogation in the next half hour."
"That's good to hear." Calleigh said, an unreadable expression on her face.
Interrogation-room, 40 minutes later :
As Eric and Horatio entered the room, Cellar was already sitting at the table, a bored smirk on his face.
"Oh Lieutenant Caine, it's nice to meet you again..." He waited for an answer, but there came none, so he went on,
"So, why am I here...I'm rehabilitated in case you don't know..." Cellar emphasized each syllable of the word,
"And it kinda doesn't look good to my new boss that I was arrested at work."
"Well, I'm sorry for that Mr Cellar, but you should have thought about consequences like that before committing homocide."
"That's ridiculous! I'm on probation - why would I risk losing my new life?"
"Why don't you tell us? It's really a shame that you didn't take the chance to change your life...After all, you were released only six months ago - and now you're already main suspect in a homocide case." Eric stated now.
"I'm not a killer!" Cellar shouted.
"Too bad for you that we got your fingerprints and DNA on the murder-weapon." Eric countered.
"I want a lawyer..." Cellar demanded.
"That's probably a wise decision.
25 minutes later :
"Finally!" Cellar exclaimed annoyed as the door opened and his lawyer entered the interrogation-room.
"Sorry for letting you wait..." The man sat down next to his client and added,
"I heard you're accusing Mr Cellar of murder, is that correct?"
"Exactly, we have hard evidence that he killed Mr Enrique Sanchez around 4 am last night."
"Evidence of what kind?"
"His prints and DNA on the murder-weapon, plus he has no alibi for the time of the crime." Horatio replied unaffected by the accusing tone in the lawyer's voice.
"I don't even own a gun! Never did - not to mention that I would have to go back to jail if I possessed one..."
Eric couldn't help but grin by hearing that.
"What's so goddamn funny, you..." Cellar started but was stopped by his lawyer, who was apparently worried that his client was about saying something he would regret later.
"Well, it's great that you're sticking so well to the conditions on which you got probation...But unfortunately for you it was never mentioned that the murder-weapon was in fact a gun." Horatio stated,
"There was always only used the term of 'murder-weapon' - we never specified it in any kind of way, now did we?"
"I just guess, that's all..." Cellar tried to find a way out of the situation he had gotten himself into.
"And how did your prints and DNA get onto it? Or the gun-powder onto your hands?" Eric wanted to know.
"I think it's pretty obvious that you're the killer. There are only two questions left, why did you bring the gun back to the victim's house instead of disposing it far away and how did you get inside the house?" Horatio added.
"What are you talking about? Wouldn't it be quite dumb to leave the gun at the scene - yet alone returning to the scene to dispose it there?" Cellar countered.
"I gotta agree on that one, Mr Cellar, after all if you hadn't brought it back we should never have found it and you could have walked..." Horatio replied.
"I worked all day - you can ask my boss if you want."
"I will..." With that Horatio and Eric left.
"I think I can handle the rest of the interrogation alone."
"Sure H...I'll be in the break-room if ya need me."
"Alright Mr Delko." Horatio stated, pulling out his cell.
Half an hour later, break-room :
"Hey, how did it go with Cellar?" Calleigh asked as she entered.
"Pretty good - well, not if you asked him." Eric smiled at her, but Calleigh kept looking serious.
"But H is still talking with him..." He added.
Calleigh frowned.
"'Bout what?"
"Well, why don't you ask him?" Eric nodded into the direction of the door and Calleigh turned around.
"So, how did it you?" Calleigh repeated her question.
"After a little talk with his lawyer he confessed, I guess he hopes to be able of making a deal with the prosecution. But that doesn't matter to us...The case is solved, that's all that matters, right?" Horatio replied, then he looked away, being apparently deep in thought, and kept quiet for a moment.
A few seconds passed in perfect silence, before he spoke again, still looking into a different direction :
"Uh, Calleigh, can I have a word with you?" He paused again, now looking at the ground, then he added,
"In my office, if you don't mind..."
"Sure..."
While Eric watched his two colleagues leave the break-room, he couldn't help but noticing that Calleigh's walls were up again and once more a little thicker and higher. Eric let out a heavy sigh. He had already hoped that Calleigh might open up a bit to him, but apparently he had been wrong. Another sigh escaped his mouth, then he emptied his cup of coffee and left to get his report done.
Almost 20 minutes later :
While he was getting his paperwork done, Eric wondered what H and Calleigh were talking about. After a while he gave it up.
A moment later he looked at his watch - he had still an hour before the day shift was officially over...The big question was what he should do 'til then. Probably H won't mind if he left earlier today, but then again, he had still some old paperwork to do, so he should probably first take care of that...
Eric decided that some music would help a lot with getting the boring part of the job done. He opened one of the drawers and got his iPod out, put the earpieces into his ears and turned it on, before getting finally back to work.
Another ten minutes later :
Eric turned off the iPod, deciding to let the paperwork rest for a few minutes and his report of the case they had just closed over to Horatio, before continuing.
So he grabbed it and read it once more,scanning it for mistakes of any kind, missing details and such...When he had come to the conclusion that it was alright the way it was, he left his lab and went to his supervisor.
Just as he headed upstairs to Horatio's office the door flew open, revealing a goddamn angry Calleigh - at least Eric came to the conclusion that she was pretty upset. His suspicion was confirmed as Calleigh yelled :
"Fine!"
Then she turned around, slammed the door shut and stormed off, head down, her hair flying in the air behind her. A short moment later she disappeared in the locker-room.
Eric was still standing on the stairs then he turned around and headed back to his lab. After all this didn't seem to be a good moment to talk with Horatio.
When he had reached his destination he dropped his report on the desk and went back to his paperwork.
Of course he would love to talk with Calleigh, trying to find out why she was so mad. But he knew better...He knew that he should let her cool down a bit before even trying to talk with her.
After a moment he turned his iPod back on and focused onto the task at hand...
Only five minutes passed before someone tapped him onto the shoulder. Eric paused the song which was currently played and turned toward the intruder.
'Oh, it's just Ryan...' Eric couldn't help but feeling disappointed.
"What is it?"
"Well, I was just wondering if you feel like grabbing a drink after shift..."
"Not really, I got still some paperwork I should finally get done, why don't you ask Natalia or Calleigh?"
'He probably hasn't the guts for that' Eric grinned at that thought.
"Concerning Natalia - I couldn't find her and, well, Calleigh didn't seem in the mood to get drinks when she stormed into the locker-room not even ten minutes ago..."
Eric frowned, so he hadn't been the only one who had seen her little outburst.
"Well, anyways, I'm outta here now..." Ryan interrupted his thoughts.
"Alright, have fun..."
"I will!"
But Eric wasn't listening any longer, already being lost in his thoughts.
Break-room, a half hour later :
Eric had decided that he needed another caffeine-fix if he wanted to get done with all his paperwork that night. When he walked into the break-room he was too deep in thought as to notice Natalia sitting at the table, nursing a cup of coffee.
He was already pouring some of the freshly brewed, dark liquid into his cup, when Natalia spoke finally up.
"Uh, Eric..."
He almost jumped by the unexpected sound...
"God Natalia...I didn't notice you sitting there as I entered..."
"That's no surprise considering how deep in thought you were. I'm sorry if I scared you..."
Eric chuckled.
"You didn't..."
"You jumped when I said your name." She countered.
Eric only shrugged and said :
"Ryan searched for you earlier..."
"Oh, did he?" Natalia asked, obviously barely listening and absentmindedly playing with a small item in her hands.
Eric nodded.
"Is there something bothering you?" He asked leaning against the counter, observing Natalia closely.
After a moment she got up and walked up to him.
"Well, it's probably none of my business, but..." She started hesitantly, but trailed off.
"Speak your mind Natalia." Eric gave her an encouraging smile.
"To be honest I'm kinda worried about Calleigh..."
By hearing that Eric tensed up.
"Why's that?"
"I went to the locker-room earlier to change clothes...When I entered Calleigh was sitting on the bench, totally lost in her thoughts. She stared at one of the lockers and the moment she noticed me she jumped up and almost ran out of the room..." She paused,
"I might be wrong considering that I didn't see her face, but I'm pretty sure that she was crying..." Natalia trailed off, unsure if she had gone too far, but then she added,
"Oh, and I found that on the floor..." While saying this she showed him the item in her hands.
"I think it's her, though I never saw her wearing it."
Eric took a close look at the petite golden necklace. His eyes got immediately caught by the medallion which was giving the fine golden chain something incredible graceful - there was no other way to put it into words. It was of oval shape, the front was decorated with a floral pattern and small pale pink and soft yellow crystals, as she turned it around and he saw the very elaborated ornament which covered the back he knew two things for sure - first thing was that this necklace was worth a lot of money and he also knew now for sure that it belonged to Calleigh...Well, it kinda figured to him - the entire piece of jewellery was almost shouting her name.
He smiled, wondering why she wasn't wearing it.
"You're right, it's Calleigh's..."
Natalia seemed surprised.
"How do you know that, I mean there's no name or initials engraved on it..."
"I don't need a name..." Eric's smile widened, then he explained,
"You see the flower on the back?"
"Well, it's kinda hard to miss..." Natalia grinned.
"You might not know, but that's a magnolia...And that, Natalia, is Calleigh's absolute favorite flower."
"You know how a magnolia looks?" Natalia asked, an impressed look in her eyes.
Eric chuckled.
"Sure...After all - girls love flowers...Plus magnolias are also the favorite flowers of one of my sisters."
"Okay..." Natalia said, her smile widening,
"You can also open the medallion - not that I did...Even though I have to admit that I'm really curious concerning who had bought this for Calleigh...I mean it looke´s most definitely quite expensive."
"Well, who knows..." Eric smiled and Natalia handed him the necklace.
"Uh, Eric?"
"What is it?"
"Like I already said it might not be my business what is bothering Calleigh, but it's pretty obvious that this case has gotten to her..." She paused, probably debating whether to continue or letting it rest.
Eric simply waited for her to make up her mind, while playing with Calleigh's necklace.
"You remember when I told the two of you the result of the search for prints and DNA?
"Sure...What's about it?"
"You noticed how she reacted when I mentioned Cellar's name?"
Eric nodded, wondering where this was going. Natalia drew in a deep breath and went on,
"Well, I found it odd how much the simple mentioning of his name affected her, so I did a little more researching..."
"And?" Eric and Natalia locked eyes,
"You found something?"
Natalia nodded and replied :
"It seems that one of the cops arresting him was still pretty new on the job. He had apparently been afraid of injuring the suspect, so he made sure that the handcuffs were not too tight, However, Cellar took his chance and knocked the cop out, hid the unconscious man in one corner so he won't get detected. A few minutes later Calleigh went inside to question him..." Natalia trailed off again.
"What happened?"
Natalia broke eye-contact.
"Well, back then the walls were not made of glass, so the room was only lit by a few lamps at the ceiling...He surprised Calleigh as she entere, after he had somehow managed to get rid of the handcuffs. Then he threatened her with the gun of the cop, who was still out of it and forced her to hand him her gun and to lock the door so nobody could get in."
Natalia and Eric both sat down at the table and took a sip of coffee. Then she continued :
"After she had done what he had demanded he shot at the ceiling, destroying the lights as well as the security-cameras. By now one of your former colleagues had gotten there and informed Horatio about the situation." Another pause, it was obvious that Natalia was feeling uncomfortable, but nonetheless she went on,
"They wanted to in the FBI and HRT - well, Stetler wanted to do so, but Horatio decided against it after Cellar threatened to kill the cop if anyone outside the lab got involved. So they got the entire building evacuated, making it look like some kind of drill, giving everyone the rest of the day off. The only ones who stayed were Stetler, Horatio and Tim Speedle...During the following negotiations Cellar demanded that all charges against him were dropped and to clarify that he wasn't willing to play games he kept hitting Calleigh with one of the guns..."
Eric swallowed hard, not sure if he wanted to hear more.
"Twelve hours later they had still not gotten anywhere near a solution and Stetler lost eventually patience. He told Cellar that the FBI was getting ready to go in there if he won't give himself up in the next 60 minutes. Of course Cellar didn't even consider giving up. Instead he fired another shot and told them that in case his orders were not followed and he couldn't walk in the next half hour as a free man, the next time they would hear a shot the bullet would hit Calleigh..." Natalia had to pause again, her throat hurting from talking this much,
"The following 20 minutes they argued about what to do and eventually Horatio made a decision. He pulled his gun, aimed at haphazard for Cellar and pulled the trigger...The bullet grazed Calleigh's arm and hit Cellar into the shoulder." Natalia looked sadly at Eric and they locked eyes,
"You understand now why I'm worried? Calleigh could have died that day because of this guy...And she already seemed not okay before today - I mean, don't know her as well as you do, but I can tell that there's something bothering her."
"It's been a rough year for her..." Eric mumbled then he got up and turned to leave.
"I guess, it's getting time to leave and head home."
Natalia nodded and got up as well.
Outside the lab :
When Eric got in his car and started the engine he remembered the necklace Natalia had found. He decided that the necklace was the perfect excuse for paying Calleigh a visit, which he had tried to find ever since Hagen's suicide. So he drove into the direction of Bel Harbour, where Calleigh lived.
While he was driving he was wondering how Horatio had been able to stay this calm during the interrogation of Cellar and also once more about what H had wanted to talk about with Calleigh...Well, he would maybe be able to find out the topic of their conversation when he had reached his destination. But whatever it had been it must have been enough to upset Calleigh that much that she had yelled at Horatio. And that was really rare, that Calleigh let her emotions get the better of her - especially in front of Horatio...
Eric was just hoping that she had calmed down a bit by now, because if there was one thing he had learned during the years since he had started working with her it was never to mess with Calleigh Duquesne, especially not in case that she was already angry.
When he had to stop at a red stoplight Eric couldn't fight his curiosity any longer. So he pulled Calleigh's necklace out from one of the pockets of his jeans-jacket. He took another look at the stoplight - it was still red.
'Good,' He thought, 'That should give me enough time to open it, take a look and put it back into my pocket.'
But then he changed his mind once more. After all, he could simply ask her who had given it to her when he had arrived. And he had no right to open it, now did he? No, and normally he won't even consider to infringe Calleigh's privacy like this, but the circumstances were not even close to normal, they were not even in the same universe as 'normal'. Calleigh had kept withdrawing from him for more than a year, so it was a pretty ave assumption to doubt that she would simply tell him if he asked, right?
Eric let out a frustrated sigh. Why couldn't things be the way they used to be? He remembered what Natalia had told him about what had occurred in the locker-room. She had seemed to be pretty sure when she had told him that she believed that Calleigh had been crying. Another reason why he should open the medallion before arriving at her place...He could tell that this necklace had a huge significance to her, otherwise she won't have kept it at the lab - after all he had never seen her wearing it, ever...And apparently the person who had given it to her had cared a lot about her.
By now the stoplight had turned green and he had to focus onto driving again...
At Calleigh's place, around 11:45 :
As Eric parked in front of Calleigh's condo he noticed both relieved and worried that there was still light on. Relieved because it meant that Calleigh was probably still awake, so he didn't need to wake her. And that was also what worried him...
He had noticed how tired Calleigh seemed since Speed had died and it got worse and worse. She might be able to conceal the dark circles under her eyes, but she couldn't cover the lack of sleep - at least not around him. He simply knew her too well.
Eric sighed, then he turned the light inside his car on to take finally a look inside the medallion. He felt his heart beat faster, unsure what he should expect.
After a moment he finally opened it nervously. As he took a look at the two pictures the medallion held inside, he couldn't help but smile softly. They both showed Calleigh - with Speed. On the picture in the left part, Speed embraced Calleigh from behind, on the other one he kissed her onto her right cheek...But both pictures had one thing in common - they both showed Speed and Cal smiling happily.
For a moment Eric felt slightly jealous of his best friend, but then he felt bad for it - after all, Speed had died over a year ago and he still missed him.
However, Eric was not really surprised. Somehow he had always suspected that there had once been more than just friendship between Calleigh and Speedle. There had been simply an intimacy and confidence between them that couldn't be explained otherwise He still remembered a day, like a half year after he had transferred to CSI, when his curiosity had gotten too strong for being fought any longer, so he had asked Speed. But instead of giving an answer Speed had kept quiet, an unreadable grin on his lips.
He had never asked again, simply because it didn't matter to him, even though he had laid eyes on Calleigh the moment he had first met her. Speed had become a too good friend as that something that might have used to be between him and Calleigh could make him destroy this out of jealousy.
Eric looked once more at the two pictures, then he closed the medallion, turned the light off and got out of his car.
While he was walking up to the front-door he wondered what he should say when she opened for him.
After he had rung the door-bell it took only a few seconds before the door was opened and an angry Calleigh stared at him.
"What do you want?" Calleigh asked him annoyed.
"I want to talk with you, Cal..." Eric looked softly at her.
"What if I don't wanna talk with you?"
"Well, then I will wait right here 'til you change your mind. I've let you withdraw for far too long already. But that's over now, Calleigh - after all eventually you'll have to talk with someone about the things which are bothering you..." Eric paused for a moment,
"And it would be nice if you decide to talk with me about it..."
"Don't you have any problems of your own?" Calleigh wanted to know, but nonetheless she stepped aside and let him inside her home.
"Thanks Calleigh." A soft smile appeared on Eric's face,
"To answer your question - I have only one problem and that bothers me now for over a year already..."
"Then why don't you try to solve it before you want to try fixing the lives of others?"Calleigh replied stubborn as always.
You could always count on that, this very stubbornness of her.
"Because my problem is that I'm missing you, Cal..." He paused, trying to lock eyes with her,
"That's why I'm here right now - because I just can't stand seeing you suffering any longer."
Calleigh sat down on her couch and Eric followed a moment later.
"What makes you say that I do?"
"I know you too good as that I could miss the way you changed since..." Only now he noticed her puffy eyes, her red cheeks and the remainings of her mascara below her eyes.
She must have been crying for hours...
"What did Horatio want to talk about with you earlier?" He just couldn't hide his curiosity.
"That's a long story..." Calleigh tried to avoid the topic.
"I've got lots of time." Eric smiled at her,
"Was it because of the gun?"
"Yeah..." An angry expression crossed her face.
"Apparently Cellar has been worked all day so it was impossible for him to go back to the house of the victim for disposing the gun after we had left the scene." Calleigh paused, trying to get into control of her anger,
"Bottom-line was pretty obvious Horatio believes I can't do my job anymore..."
"Calleigh, you know that's not true...He's just worried about you - and after all everyone makes mistakes from time to time...It can happen, Cal..."
"The thing with the gun was just the beginning, Eric..." Calleigh let her head hang.
"On the way to his office Horatio told me that Stetler wanted to question me about how I could have missed the gun when I searched the vent for the first time. When we got there and went inside Stetler was already waiting for us. Before he started the actual questioning he told me that he requested a complete psychological evaluation of me and my ability to keep working for the lab or the MDPD in the first place, furthermore I have to repeat all qualification-tests like some stupid trainee - and I'm suspended 'til he made a decision concerning whether I can come back for work or not..."
"Listen Cal, you know Horatio...He would never let Stetler do this to you..." Eric reached for her left hand and squeezed it softly.
"That was what I thought as well, but Horatio made right away pretty clear that he, for once, agreed entirely with Stetler. But if that alone hadn't been bad enough Horatio just stood there while Stetler 'questioned' me" Calleigh's eyes welled up with tears.
"He brought up each traumatic experience of my life...How I lost my mom, how my dad started drinking..." She trailed off.
"Did he bring up what had happened when Cellar had been arrested for the first time as well?" Eric asked quietly.
Calleigh stared surprised at him.
"How do you know about that?"
"After your odd reaction when she mentioned his name Natalia did some more researching...She told me what he did, that's why I was asking..."
They locked eyes and Calleigh stated :
"Yeah, he did bring that up as well as Speed's death and Hagen's suicide."
"I can't believe that Horatio let him do this to you..." Eric drew Calleigh into an embrace.
"Neither could I if I hadn't been in there...The only thing Horatio did was watching. After Stetler had left he told me that I should use the time away from work to get over what has happened during the passed year. Then he sent me home..."
"I'm so sorry, Calleigh...You didn't deserve that!" Eric took a tissue out of the box on the coffee-table and tried to remove to dark trails under her eyes.
"No, Eric, it's me who needs to apologize..."
"What are you talking about?" Eric let his fingers slide through her hair.
"There's nothing you need to be sorry for..." He smiled softly at her.
"Come on Eric...I treated you like garbage all the time..."
"Listen Calleigh, you had a really crap year...And maybe you should really try to relax a bit while you've got to stay at home..." Eric started, observing her carefully,
"I mean, sure I will miss you at work just like the others will during the next few days...But you're spending more time at the lab than anyone else - I can't even remember when you had your last vacation..." He smirked at her,
"And the less you complain the sooner you're back in your ballistics lab shooting one round after the other."
"That's not the point, Eric..."
"Then what is it?" They locked eyes.
"The point is that even Horatio thinks I'm a burden for the lab."
"You know that's not even close to the truth, I believe he mainly wants to make sure that you're okay..." Eric kept letting his one hand draw soothingly random patterns onto her back,
"After all, we all notice how much you're suffering because of Speed's death..."
He felt her tensing up, retreating back behind her always growing and thickening walls, and he knew that he had pushed her too far, he had pushed her too much - he knew that they had hardly made three steps forward since he had arrived at her place almost an hour ago, and with a single sentence he had spoken without thinking properly he had managed to throw them ten steps back...In the blink of an eye he had destroyed all progress he had made before.
But he couldn't change what happened - if he could they won't need to have this conversation. If he could change the past Speed - and even Hagen - would still be alive and Calleigh won't be the way she had become after hearing that Speed had died...
By now Calleigh had freed herself from his arms and stared at him, her facial expression unreadable to him.
"Calleigh..." He stretched out his right hand to caress her cheek, but she backed away, glaring at him.
"Don't!"
Eric was surprised by the sudden sharpness in her voice.
"Listen Calleigh, I know how much you're hurting, I see it in your eyes, your body-language..."
"Stop it, Eric! I don't want to talk about Tim anymore! He's gone forever - so why can't you just let it rest, why can't you let him rest?!" She yelled.
He had never seen her this way before, she'd never been this emotional ever before...
"Why don't you wanna talk about him? After all, He used to be one of your best friends - you two were even closer than we are..." Eric looked softly at her, wishing she would talk with him, praying she would finally open up to him.
"I lost him as well, and there doesn't pass a day that I'm not thinking about him, missing him..."
"But you're not the person responsible for his death! I knew that he avoided even looking at his gun as much as possible, that he refused cleaning it regularly, so I kept offering him to check it through every now and then. But he always declined assuring me that he would make sure that it was working and I said okay...I let it rest, even though I knew him better than that." She swallowed hard,
"It wasn't his gun that failed him - it was me..."
"Calleigh, look at me..." He paused a moment,
"Speed knew that he was risking his life as well as the lives of his colleagues if he didn't take proper care of his gun to make sure that there won't be any malfunctions. He decided to not take your offer, he decided taking the risk..." He smiled sadly at her,
"You know as well as I do that Speed knew the risks - and even more importantly - he won't want you to beat yourself up about his death like this...You know that, now don't you?"
Calleigh kept refusing to look at him.
"Speed would have wanted you to move on..."
"Why are you doing this? Why do you keep rubbing salt in these wounds?" Calleigh asked, her despair clearly evident in her voice.
"You might not realize it Calleigh, but you mean the world to me - ever since I first met you I can't stop thinking about you...However, I can see how much you're hurting and grieving and I just can't stand this that much longer..." There was no way to keep this bottled up, he had to get it finally out.
"It kills me to have to watch how you're withdrawing more and more, because of Speed's death...I just can't stand feeling like I did not only lose him, but also you along with Speed anymore." He paused, finally succeeding in making eye-contact with her.
"I want to understand why you keep pushing everyone - especially me - away...I want to know why you keep avoiding us..."
"The list of reasons is very long - and you won't understand anyways..." Calleigh stated bluntly.
"Come on, Cal, it's me...We used to talk about all and nothing and honestly that's one of the things I miss the most, just talking with you..." He gave her an encouraging smile,
"Why don't you give it at least a try? After all, I might understand and even if not would at least finally know what is bothering you this much. I mean, Horatio, Alex and even I are able to deal with it much better...I want to know why you're suffering that much, why you can't seem to move on..."
"Do you believe I didn't try? That I haven't tried to get over it?!" She yelled, but Eric didn't mind - after all, she was at least still replying, was still willing to let him stay so close to her, that alone was already a huge success.
"Goddamn it! I tried so hard to accept that he's gone...But it's tough to get over something when everyone around you keeps asking how you're holding up and keeps telling you that they're worried that you can't deal with it!" She paused,
"So, I figured it would be easier if I simply avoid these conversations and it worked. But then Hagen killed himself and everyone started to keep watching me like hawks - as if I could shatter into pieces any moment..."
Eric looked sadly at her while listening. He was once more amazed about how much more evident her usually soft Southern drawl became when she was angry.
"Calleigh, you know that Alex and Horatio as well as I are worried about you like you probably can't even imagine...We're all missing our tough-as-nails bullet girl, who doesn't take crap from anyone." He reached for her cheek once more, and this time she didn't back away,
"But in fact you don't have to be all that strong, that's what a team is there for, you know? You used to brighten up everyone's mood, helping out wherever you could - and right now there's probably nothing we want more than trying to help you getting over it."
"Then why do you keep talking about it - about him with me?" Calleigh stared him right into the eyes.
"Because you have to find a way of moving on without burying the memories..."
"I could never forget Tim! How can you even dare saying something like that?!" While she yelled those words at him she got up from the couch and started pacing through the living-room.
"That wasn't what I meant, okay? What I was trying to say to say was that talking about him and what happened to him could help you finding closure..." Eric let out a frustrated sigh, this was going to be a very long night...But at least they were finally talking.
After a while of silence he decided to slightly change the topic of their conversation to get it onto safer ground, giving Calleigh the chance to cool down a bit - and still keep up the talking.
"Why do you stay everyday 'til the early morning hours in the ballistics lab, firing dozens of rounds instead of heading home and getting some sleep?"
"Well, if you wanna go there I can also ask you, why you stay at the lab every night as well, coming to the ballistics lab, entering and then observing me wordlessly..." Calleigh countered nonchalantly, smirking challenging at him.
Eric chuckled for a moment, knowing that Calleigh had a point there.
"So you noticed..."
Calleigh nodded and pointed out :
"I might not be very talkative and tend to avoid each and every one, but nonetheless I'm pretty aware of what happens around me..." She trailed off, then she added,
"But that didn't answer my question."
And Eric explained :
"It's the only way to be around without you running. If I would say something while watching you, you would probably pack up your stuff and leave, won't you?"
"Probably..." Calleigh admitted, walking back toward the couch again and sitting down next to him.
"Your turn - why do you stay at the lab almost all night? I mean, it's pretty obvious that you're not getting enough sleep - already the huge amount of coffee you drink is hitting there..." They locked eyes.
While he was trying to determine how far he could go without making her withdraw again, Calleigh took the chance to figure out how to answer his question.
"Honestly, it doesn't make a difference if I'm at the lab or here, trying to find sleep...Because in case that I really fall asleep I awake not much later because of another nightmare..." She trailed off, looking away, getting lost in thought.
"Why don't you tell me about your nightmares?" Eric asked softly, looking worried at her.
"I don't know if that's a good idea..." Calleigh frowned.
"It might help to talk about what you dream, maybe you can get it out of your system that way..."
Eric tried to encourage her.
After a moment of silence Calleigh shrugged and started :
"It's mainly the very same dream over and over again, only small details are changing from time to time, like the clothes and stuff like that - but the events stay the same..." She took a deep breath, then she pulled her legs up, wrapping her arms tightly around them and resting her chin upon her knees.
"It starts always with a normal working-day, then Horatio and Speed head out - nothing out of the ordinary...But somehow I always end up calling him, like I'm sensing that something bad is about to happen...He always answers before the third ring. He greets me as cheerful as always..." Calleigh swallowed hard.
"And then I hear shots and screaming - him screaming for endless seconds before the connection breaks...I run out of the building, get in my car and drive to the jeweler's shop where the two had headed...I drive as fast as possible, still it seems to me like I'm barely moving. When I finally arrive there are numerous police-cars parking around the shop as well as several ambulances, but I barely acknowledge my surroundings, all I'm able to think is that I have to get inside the store and so I run toward the entrance, but someone grabs me from behind." Her voice broke, but she continued nonetheless - even though Eric could see that she was fighting with tears.
"I try to free myself from the tight grip on my arms, I hear the sound of a heart-monitor, in that moment Alex comes out shaking her head and the only thing I can hear from that moment on are my own screams, suddenly you're there as well and I realize that the person who still kept me outside the store has to be Horatio. A moment later they bring Speedle outside and I can't help but scream even louder, unable to believe that he's dead..." Calleigh trailed off, looking at him.
"And that's when I wake up screaming, covered in sweat...Barely able to breathe..."
"God Calleigh..." Eric whispered, trying to imagine how that must be for her.
He stroked softly her back in an attempt of soothing her pain, but knowing that this alone was a mere comfort for Calleigh. He wished he could do something to make her pain disappear - but there was apparently nothing...
"And that's why I prefer to stay at the lab, shooting round after round instead of going home at night. If I keep myself occupied I can push all of it simply aside."
"I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this, Cal..."
They shared a small smile.
"Listen Eric, I'm really sorry for how I treated you recently..."
"It's okay, Cal...Believe me it doesn't matter anymore..." Eric assured then he added, remembering the item in his pocket,
"By the way, there's something I wanted to give you..."
He reached into his jacket and pulled out the necklace.
"Where did you find it?" Calleigh asked surprised after he had handed it over to her.
"Actually it wasn't me, it was Natalia who found it in the locker-room."
"Oh...I guess I dropped it when I left..."
"May I ask why you never wear it? I mean, Speed must have put a lot of thinking into choosing this one..."
"So you opened it?" Eric couldn't tell if she sounded upset or just taken by surprise.
"Well, yeah...I mean, we had no idea who it belongs to..."
"Natalia looked at it as well?" Calleigh tensed up, it was obvious that she didn't like the thought of Natalia seeing the pictures of her and Speed.
"Uh no...She gave it to me, thinking I might know who the owner is...I opened it..." Eric stated.
Calleigh only nodded and they went silent again. While he watched her, Eric's mind went back to the day when he had asked Speedle if there had been something between him and Calleigh...
Flashback :
As Eric entered the locker-room at the end of the day-shift he saw how Calleigh and Speed were talking. He couldn't make out what they were saying given the distance between them, but it seemed not to be work-related.
Somehow he couldn't help but feeling like an intruder while he was standing there, watching his two colleagues and friends. Eric noticed the look in their eyes, the soft smiles on their lips, and felt a flash of jealousy rushing through him.
While he was still wondering where this sudden emotion came from Calleigh gave Speed a hug, she grabbed her purse and jacket and turned to leave.
When she passed him by she gave him that special smile for which he loved her, and he smiled back.
After the door had closed behind her he walked up to Speedle and wanted to know :
"What was that all about?"
"Nothing in particular..." Came the cryptic reply.
They kept looking at each other for a moment then Eric turned toward his locker and opened it. While he was getting ready for leaving he felt that Speed was observing him, so he turned around and asked :
"What?"
"If you got a question, Eric, go ahead and just ask..." Speed stated.
Eric thought for a few minutes then he asked hesitantly :
"Has there ever been something between you and, uh, Calleigh?" Eric trailed off, not sure if he really wanted to know the answer.
But instead of replying, Speed was just grinning. After a moment Eric said :
"You know what, Speed, never mind..."
"Okay..."
Eric grabbed his bag and left the lab, knowing that if there had been something between Speed and Calleigh, he won't tell - and in fact it did not really matter that much. They were both good friends of his by now and therefore he didn't really care - even though he had to admit that he had already fallen for Calleigh.
Eric shook slightly his head, doubting that he would ever have the chance to show Calleigh how he was feeling about her. He simply doubted that he was her type. In her eyes he was probably just the new guy, maybe a really good friend - if he was lucky...
End flashback
He had been right, they had been seeing each other - and he had probably really not a chance to ever be with Calleigh...But he won't give up hoping...
"So, you and Speed used to be a couple?" Eric asked, finally breaking the silence which had built up between them.
"Yeah..." Calleigh smiled softly at him.
"Is that way his death getting this much to you? I mean, judging by those pictures you must have been really happy..."
They locked eyes.
"Maybe...But yeah, we were happy." Calleigh's smile widened.
"Then why did you break up?"
"We figured that our friendship meant too much to both of us as that we could risk losing that..." A sad expression crossed her face.
"How did it start?" Eric couldn't help but keep asking her about it even though he knew that the memories probably hurt her, given the fact that Speed was dead.
"That day when Cellar took me and that cop hostage in the interrogation-room...Well, my arm was grazed by a bullet, so Horatio sent me to the hospital...Speed waited for me and brought me home." Calleigh paused,
"I asked him to stay and somehow..." She trailed off again.
"However we decided to give it a try and kept seeing each other for a couple of months."
"Do Alex and Horatio know?"
"Yeah..."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Honestly I don't know...But after all it was already over several months before you joined CSI..."
"Oh..."
Eric looked at Calleigh, he lifted a hand and brushed a strand of hair out of her face, before starting to caress softly her cheek. He was just incapable of fighting the temptation back, he had missed her so much during the passed year...
After a moment he leaned closer to give her a soft kiss onto her forehead, intending on showing her much he cared about her. But she shied away, whispering silently :
"Please don't, Eric..."
Eric stopped and stated just as softly :
"Sorry, Cal..."
Yet he couldn't help feeling hurt by her rejection, he felt like he had just slapped straight into his face. Still he kept looking at her, while she let her head hang.
"Listen Calleigh, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to..."
"It's okay, Eric, really..." Her voice was shaking and so was her entire body.
As she finally looked up, he could see tears streaming down her face and he heard her mumble :
"God, I miss him so much..."
And Eric drew her closer to him.
"That Tim is gone is also the main reason why I tried avoiding everyone ever since - especially you...You're my best friend and I already lost enough people who meant something to me - I just couldn't stand losing anyone else...It just hurts too goddamn much!"
"God Calleigh, I'm sorry..." Eric stated softly.
"You don't have to be..." Calleigh assured him, leaning closer again.
And he embraced her in his strong arms, hoping to be able to comfort her like this.
Several minutes later :
By now a comfortable silence had formed between them which was only interrupted by Calleigh's sobs, and he kept holding Calleigh in a tight embrace, while she clung to him as if her life depended on it, on being as close to him as possible.
He had never seen her cry - ever, she had never let anyone see how something affected her like this...But right now she seemed to want nothing more than being able to finally let go of her pain.
It was obvious that he hadn't known at all how much she was really grieving, how much her heart was really bleeding...Actually he had wanted to take the evening for telling her about his feelings for her, making sure that she knew how much really meant to him...
Now he was glad that he hadn't - it would have probably only made things worse, would have made it more complicated...
Right now all Calleigh needed was her best friend - not a guy being in love with her - and he was just too willing to be just her friend if it meant that she would finally become again the Calleigh he knew.
Eric felt nonetheless sad, he hated seeing Calleigh suffering like this but he knew that the tears running over her face, the sobs which made her whole body shake at the moment, were the first step to getting things back to how they were supposed to be.
They only thing he was surprised by was how deep her feelings for Speed had been running...He had to admit that it was hurting him slightly to know that Calleigh had been so deep in love with Speed - and that she was grieving like this, but he knew that Calleigh and Speed must have been very happy together...
Eric just hoped that he could make her this happy as well one day. Till then he would simplyy enjoy the pleasure of being her friend, the person she came to when something was bothering her.
He knew that it would probably take a long time before she was able to let someone into her heart again, letting herself becoming this vulnerable again - and he knew that he could wait forever for her.
After all he was right now closer to her than in the entire passed year...He was able to hold her in his arms, stroking her back whispering soothing words to her. And that was still the best way to be...
Now wasn't it?
End
A/N: I hope there were not too many errors in this...Please take the time to review!