A/N Hey, this is a one-shot set around the time that Michael visited Neela (for the first time) in Season 12 I think. I'm sorry if I haven't got the details of that episode right, but it was ages ago! It's from Ray's POV, and is sort of based on (well inspired by) certain lyrics from the Killers' song, "Mr Brightside". Of course I don't own it, but I do have it on cd... lol! Not all of the words are relevant, so I'm only going to include the ones that are.
Hope you like! This was just a time killer before I go out today, and an idea I had yesterday.
Mr Brightside
"It
started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was
only a kiss
It was only a kiss"
I stood in the hall. I didn't want to go in there. I had to go in there, I needed to eat, take a shower, sleep. But I couldn't; they were in there. Why didn't I just ask Luka if I could stay at his? Because I didn't want to seem as though it bothered me, my mind replied.
Neela had called me at work and told me he was back. He'd love to see you, she'd said. Yeah right. All he wanted to do was spend time with his girlfriend. His girlfriend aka Neela aka my Roomie aka the girl who'd been haunting my dreams... shit. Her boyfriend had been in Iraq, it was easy to forget about him. I always caught myself almost flirting with her. Almost, then I'd remember. She wasn't free, she was his.
I wasn't sure when exactly I'd realised I liked Neela. At first she'd just been someone to help me with the rent. Then she became my friend. And now... now all I wanted to do was be with her. God, it drove me crazy sometimes, hanging out with her. But I couldn't say no when she asked to watch something with me or something -that was as close as I could ever be with her, and I'd take anything I could. I was so sad, I tried to move on, forget about her. There were plenty of willing girls. No matter how much I'd thought I moved on though, whenever I slept she was there, in my dreams.
She'd kissed me on the cheek one time, and my knees had gone weak, that's when I'd realised.
I let myself in, finally. It was cold in the hallway. I had to go in. I heard the t.v and went to the lounge. Neela looked up at me and smiled, she looked so happy. Why wasn't she happy because of me? Fuck this, I thought, get over her, she's not that special. She's not even my type. She's too tidy, a control freak, she's too short, I prefer blondes, she's too clever, she's a doctor, she works with me.
"Hey Ray," she got up and gave me a hug, and all my defences went crashing down. All the cons I'd just listed turned to pro's. She was the perfect height for me to hold her against my chest, her black hair framed her face and shone like ebony, she was intelligent, neat... all the things I'd never be, all the things I'd tried to be since she'd moved in.
Then he came in, from the kitchen. I would never say his name. That would be admitting he was a person. All I wanted to do was despise him. And it hurt even more because he was perfect for Neela. He was handsome, a good doctor, shy like her, sweet, kind, intelligent, and yeah he was probably tidy too. He wasn't a wannabe punk rocker, with stupid hair, who painted his nails and stole her eye-liner, he wasn't on his final warning at the hospital, he wasn't a clumsy idiot who treated her like crap.
She went to him, of course she would. I nodded then mumbled something about the shower. He bent down and kissed the top of her head. She was practically glowing with happiness. "I think we're going to get an early night, ok?" She said.
I bet you are, I thought to myself. I'd never leave the bedroom if I had her. I nodded and went to the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror. Girls always said I was hot, but that meant nothing unless Neela thought it too. I'd always been cocky, but with her all I had was self-doubt. I got in the shower and tried not to think about them. In her bedroom.
"Now they're going to bed,
And my stomach is sick,
And it's all in my head,
But she's touching his chest now,
He takes off her dress now,
Let me go,
And I just can't look it's killing me,
And taking control."
Later that night, although I guess it probably counted as early morning I went to the kitchen to grab myself another beer. I'd already had a few, so of course I stumbled against the door. Neela looked up surprised, she had a glass of water and was wearing only a big, black t-shirt. It was my shirt.
"Hi," she said, giving me a smile. Then she looked at me with raised eyebrows, "Are you ok."
"Yes," I muttered. "Fine."
"Ok well..."
"Is that my shirt?"
She looked down, "Oh yeah, sorry. I just pulled it off the laundry pile."
"'S fine," I said. Damn me for having so much beer, I was slurring now. Really smooth Barnett.
"Thanks, well, night," she smiled once more and came towards me. No, she was going to the door. Idiot.
"Night."
As she passed me she went on tip toes and kissed my cheek. "Don't drink too much," she whispered in my ear before going back to her room. Back to him.
"But it's just the price I pay,
Destiny is calling me,
Open up my eager eyes,
'Cos I'm Mr Brightside."
I opened my eyes and breathed in the trail of her perfume. I forgot the beer and went to bed. I had a shift tomorrow, Weaver would kill me if I was late. So would Neela, since I was on with her. I just couldn't help it, I felt elated at the thought of being with her, in whatever manner. Yes, I was a sad, stupid idiot. But she was Neela, and I couldn't do anything else.
A/N I hope you liked this, and I hope it made sense and stuff... Please review!
