Got this idea from a newly released Chinese MV I saw called 'Never Learn' and its lyrics. The style is different from what I normally write and is more or less experimental in many areas, including the point of view. I tried my best anyhow. There was no beta involved, just a helpful encouragement from a fellow Mitsu writer. I hope it is to your liking. This was going to be just one chapter but when I saw how long it was getting, I figured it would be better to break it into parts. Mostly because I wanted each scene to leave a lasting impression on the mind. I ended up being quite depressed while writing the first half of this story as I got too engrossed with Ritsu's feelings. The song I was playing as I wrote didn't help either. It's called 'Moment of Decision,' from the game Katawa Shoujo. It got to the point where I had to watch a cheerful anime to snap me out of it for two hours. It's quite scary what writing and music can do to a person when used together. I suggest listening to the song as you read it because it truly fits the mood. Here's the ending url for it on youtube.- watch?v=rPakd1q3Q8Y&hd=1
Anyways, I hope you enjoy the story. Reviews are appreciated. Thank you.
Disclaimer: I do not own K-ON! or the music involved in making this story nor the lyrics.
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One fight, one knot in the heart, accumulates into change
The distance between us is drawn farther apart
I've yet to learn, to reveal the hurt and exhaustion I feel
Even if it hurts to death
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"Ritsu, you never learn, do you?" Mio said angrily as she stormed out of the clubroom, slamming the door as she left.
"Wait!" Ritsu said as she rushed to the door. She reached to turn the knob, only to freeze when she noticed that Mio was holding it on the other side.
"Dammit Mio! Open the door!" Ritsu bang on the door ruthlessly, not caring that her knuckles were starting to bleed.
"Don't follow me!"
"Fine!"
Ritsu pulled away from the door and kicked it as hard as she could. She heard a gasp from the other side.
"I hate you!"
"Good! I hate you too! I never want to see you again!"
Ritsu realized too late in her outburst what she said and immediately tried to apologize.
"Wait, Mio, I didn't mean-!" Ritsu struggled to speak but the sudden silence from the other side of the door told her she was not about to get reprieved for her words.
She heard a muffled sob of frustration, then the sound of shoes running down the hallway and fading. Ritsu stared at the door with a pained smile on her face, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks as she laughed.
"All this pain in the end…was it worth it, Ritsu?" Ritsu went to the desk where she and the other band members normally had tea.
She traced the edges of the desk Mio used and slammed her fists into it. She winced at the pain that ran through her hands, and for the first time saw how raw and bloody they were. She laughed again. Ritsu slowly went toward the ground and went into a hunched position. She threw her arms around her head as if hiding from someone, letting tears rain down her face. Up until this point she had managed to ignore the growing tightness in her chest, using jokes or playing the drums as a cushion against what her heart was revealing to her. It had frightened her when she realized what it meant and so she suppressed it, despite the pain in doing so. But now it was more agonizing than anything she had ever experienced and thus forced to reevaluate her feelings for Mio. She now fully understood why she wasn't as outgoing or honest with Mio as she used to be. This fight between them made her mind realize what her heart had already known for a long time. The events of weeks prior to this moment began to unfold in Ritsu's mind.
How she teased Mio endlessly throughout the days, despite the constant protests she stop. The few times she indulged in what Mio wanted, only to twist things around again to her own amusement. But each time this happened, she was always forgiven. And there were even days where she honestly and happily did whatever Mio desired, because it made her happy to for once to see Mio give a smile she thought no one else ever saw. And then they moved on. But when she had seen how happy Mio was at the mention of Nodoka, was when things changed permanently between them. And Ritsu knew it was her fault. Even after they made up from that fight, Ritsu began to feel jealous or anxious when Mio seemed to spend time with other people or doing things that Ritsu could not follow along with. Lately all the teachers talked about was Mio going away on a recommendation to a university, a university which Ritsu knew she could only dream of attending. And Ritsu knew she it would be impossible for her to follow her there if Mio chose to go. Up until today, Mio had not mentioned the recommendation, so Ritsu forgot about it. But when Mio casually mentioned after practice how she looked forward to making her place in the world at the university, Ritsu lost it. All at once, the fear and growing pain in her chest overpowered her.
At first she just started teasing Mio, wondering how she could hope to survive school without anyone familiar around. Mio simply said that she'd rather focus on her studies and that she was sure she could find time to hang out with the other band members, herself included. Messaging and calling were also options. But Ritsu would not stop there. She began to inquire as to what if they were a time when no one would answer her calls, what would Mio do then? The question didn't seem to faze Mio, who coolly replied that she was capable of making new friends, and didn't need Ritsu to help her anymore.
Mio standing up to her and taking everything in stride caught Ritsu by surprise. It was at that moment Ritsu realized that Mio no longer needed her to guide her along, to protect and help her with anything that she couldn't handle. Mio was able to stand alone. Ritsu didn't know what to make of this Mio. A Mio who made it seem like she was the one who needed her. Ritsu felt as if her pride in always being there for Mio was being crushed, and as a result, began taunting Mio. Saying how she must think she was better than everyone. How special she was. How Mio must so happy to not have to deal with her anymore. Throughout her barrage of hurtful words, Mio said nothing. So she continued, knowing that it was too late to rewind and take back her words, yet feverishly hoping that Mio knew her well enough that she did not really mean what she said and would find some way to stop her. And then be able to come up with a solution where she would be forgiven and she could forget the ache in her chest once more. But instead, all she got where words that both baffled and hurt her beyond anything before.
"Ritsu, you never learn, do you?" Ritsu whispered, trembling. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Perhaps it means it's time to stop playing around, don't you think, Ricchan?" A voice came out from the club room's entrance.
