When I was 35 she taught me to love.
I had just come back from an s-class mission. Though many times I had come back from battle battered and broken, I knew this time was different. I barely made it to the front door of my home when I finally collapsed in my doorway, unable to move. I didn't even have the strength to summons Pakkun for help. My chest tightened in the thought that I would never see my friend again.
And then emerald eyes flashed in my mind as I thought of my past student. I wouldn't have a chance to say goodbye.
Suddenly she was here. I could smell her scent of cherry blossoms before I even saw that she was in the room. How she always found me after these missions I would never know. She began working on me, first surveying the damage and then using her powerful chakra to heal the massive amount of injuries I knew had been inflicted. She was controlled, determined, using all of her power to cure. But as I looked up into her face, into those emerald eyes, I saw tears pouring down over her cheeks. I could recognize the worry and despair on her beautiful features, but I thought I saw something more in her eyes- something I hadn't seen before. And then all of a sudden her features changed as hope and relief washed over them. She fell down to me exhausted, her head lay lightly on my chest.
"Kakashi, don't you ever do that to me again." She sobbed. Her words were agonized, the pain and worry still evident.
Then she raised her head and looked me directly in the eyes.
"I love you too much." She whispered. "I don't think I could heal my broken heart if you left. Please, please don't ever leave me." Her emerald eyes burned into me, pleading with me.
As I looked at her, I knew that I never wanted to leave her. I finally realized that she was the one, the one I had been looking for, the one I thought I would never find. At that moment my heart seemed to open up and let her in as I felt emotions that I never felt before. At that moment I knew I loved her.
"I will never leave you." I told her slowly, my voice a hoarse whisper.
And then she kissed me.
When I was 36 she taught me to dance.
"You are crazy!" I told her when she explained her plans for us to dance together.
I had never had much reason to dance. I was a jonin- an elite copy ninja. My life was about honor, duty, death- not about dancing. I was trained for battle. I used my legs for devastating kicks that would send my enemies soaring high in the air, sometimes miles away if I wanted. I had never used those legs for swaying around a dance floor.
When I tried to explain this to her she just shook her head in disgust.
"Couples that dance together stay together." She told me. And she twirled into my arms as if to emphasize her point. Her emerald eyes flashed with a hint of amusement. "Anyway Kakashi, don't you want to dance with your bride at your wedding?' She grinned at me, her eyes twinkling.
I looked deep into those emerald eyes and realized that there was nothing more I wanted to do. So I let her teach me every night for weeks until I got it just right. And on the night of our wedding I didn't even notice the hundreds of spectators as I danced my first dance with my new bride. All I could see were those emerald eyes. All I could feel was her warm body pressed up to mine. And all I could smell was her scent of cherry blossoms. I knew I would never leave, that I would be with her forever.
When I was 37 she taught me about family.
I had lost my parents at a young age, and I still felt the pain of that loss. My parents weren't there for me when I needed them most, but I survived. As a result I didn't believe that family was important. Then she came into my life and I found family again. And the two of us together was all that I needed, but she wanted more. I had never liked children. I remembered the first day I was a sensei for her and her fellow genin and I told them I didn't like them. And though I grew to like my team, even love them, at first my statement was correct- I didn't like them- they were children. Children to me were little pains in the neck, always needing to be coddled and looked after. I had no need for them in my life.
But that all changed.
It changed the first time I looked into the emerald eyes of my newborn son and the onyx eyes of my newborn daughter. And my heart opened up and filled with love for my children, more love than I ever knew I was capable of. And I decided then that there would be no more s-class missions for me, no more a-class if I could help it. My family was what was important, and I would never leave them.
And I was there for them.
There to watch my children learn and grow. There when the first entered the academy. There to break up their sparring and fighting when it had gotten out of hand. There when my children came home one afternoon to tell me what they were taught in their classes that day. They had learned about a great copy ninja, a man who protected their village. A man who was loved and respected by many. I was there to see the pride in my children's eyes as they talked about their father.
And I was there to feel my own pride at my children's accomplishments. I took pleasure in seeing them become chunin and eventually jonin. I was so proud when my son became a sensei like his father and my daughter followed her mother's footsteps as a medic ninja. I saw how my son far exceeded my skills as both a teacher and in battle. I was there to walk my beautiful daughter, the spitting image of her mother but with my dark eyes, down the aisle at her wedding. I felt the joy for her happiness in her new life mixed with the pain I felt for losing her. And I was there to experience my heart open again for my grandchildren.
And through it all she was with me. Every year teaching me something new. Every year loving me unconditionally. I thought how I was her teacher so many years before. I thought that I was teaching her everything she needed to know- battle strategies, teamwork, loyalty. But it was she who taught me about life. It was her gifts that made me live and gave me the strength to always come back to her. I know that if she hadn't been in my life, I would have died young, before my time. I would never have known the love and joy that I was intended.
But now I am dying. At 76 my body is failing. And though I know many people who have lived well past their 70's, it is just not possible for someone who has been in battles like mine. Your body cannot be so battered and broken without it taking its toll.
I do not fear death. Death has always been a part of my life. What I fear is loss. I don't want to lose her. Of all the things she has taught me she has never taught me how to leave her, and now I don't think that I can.
She slips quietly into my room. I smell cherry blossoms, the scent never changing even after all of these years. I hear her crying, but I cannot open my eyes to comfort her. Though she has been trying to heal me for months, she knows my death is inevitable. She walks over to my bed and crawls inside the covers to hold me. I feel her tears saturating my shirt and I hear her light sobs.
"It's ok Kakashi. I know it will be ok."
She whispers softly to me, her voice gently soothing my pain.
"We will be together again. With a love like ours, no one can keep us apart for long."
I can almost hear her smile through her sobs.
"We will be together again and we will have our forever. Thank you for teaching me, and loving me. You gave me a life I never knew was possible."
She holds me tighter as her sobs become louder, more forceful.
"But I know it is time, and I know you have to leave. And some day I will follow you. Because I can never leave you. I love you too much."
I let her words consume me as they give me the strength to open my eyes. When I look at her face I see the same girl, with emerald eyes, the one who had taught me to love all of those years ago.
And now she has given me my final lesson and I know I can leave.
"I love you Sakura."
My voice is barely a whisper and I am unable to say any more than those four words. And even though I cannot tell her all that is in my heart, I hope that something in my voice makes her realize that she gave me a life I never knew was possible. That without her I would have died a lonely, bitter man. She taught me everything that was most important in my life and filled my heart with love.
Then she kisses me. She kisses me and I see that she knows my heart.
I close my eyes, finally at peace. As I fade away I begin to dream. I dream of my life-my life of emeralds and cherry blossoms.
