This is sort of a follow up to Rock bottom of Poison, but it's not essential to have read that before this. Deals with alcohol struggles.
Maggie was gone. Alex had let her go. All for kids that didn't exist yet, and if Alex was honest with herself, she couldn't see herself having them with anyone else. Not right now. But if her and Maggie had continued their game of 'pretend there isn't a massive elephant in the room' day in, day out, then it wouldn't have been fair. At least this way, Alex could give Maggie a shot at happiness with someone else.
As Maggie left, a lot of other things disappeared too. Her clothes, of course, and her food - both very noticable changes which left Alex realising how much she wore of Maggie's clothes and how little she ate of non-vegan food before their relationship had begun. Then there were the smaller things, although they were much bigger in Alex's mind. Waking up in the morning without Maggie within touching distance if not already firmly attached to her side wasn't a new feeling of course, but one that she had left behind, thinking Maggie was one for life. Again, it was Alex's own fault that all these things were sparse in her life now.
The scariest loss of all, not including Maggie herself, was that Alex had been drained of self-belief in any sense of the word. One of the greatest and most dangerous temptations in her life was drinking. Alcohol and Alex had a relationship that one could call somewhat rocky. At first, it was an indulgence, a bit of fun with friends on game night. Then, it was a release and a way to deal with the stressors in her life. That was when Maggie had stepped in and helped Alex get back on track. Just before the break up, Alex was starting to enjoy alcohol again in moderation. A drink over dinner that Maggie had made, then back to non-alcoholic drinks for the rest of the night. Now, Alex had no one to share drinks with, and in her very empty apartment, the urge to forget the break up and numb the pain of it was steadily increasing.
Instead, Alex worked longer hours at the D.E.O and when J'onn decided it was time for her to go home, she hid away in the gym and punched until she was numb as a substitute. On this particular night, the fight was a more tiresome one than other nights as she had crossed paths with Maggie earlier that day.
Those dimples, those expressive eyes and the subtle head tilt were all still engraved into Alex's brain. Her brain wouldn't let her forget for a long time.
A voice penetrated her overactive mind and slowed her punches on the bag, "Alex Danvers. It's only taken me all day to find you."
Lucy Lane stood at the entrance to the gym, arms folded across her chest with an unreadable expression on her face. Alex resumed her quicker strikes and replied breathlessly,
"I've been here all day."
Lucy rolled her eyes and stepped further into the room, "That's the thing - you're down for a day off so I looked just about everywhere else first."
Alex faltered at that. Today must have been the rare day that she booked off to spend time with Maggie, who had done the same with her schedule. It stung to think that they could have had a day of laziness in bed, maybe going to the shop to get some food, or just ordering a mass of greasy junk food. Then after a couple of movies they might have escaped their bubble to go to the bar and then-
"Alex?"
Lucy broke the vision and it was gone. Buried far in the past.
"Is there something you wanted?" Alex questioned as she repositioned herself to continue her onslaught on the punch bag. The fatigue was setting in now, but it was either this or give in to the fear.
"Do I need an excuse to visit a friend?" Lucy asked back. Not waiting for an answer, she carried on, "Although, there is something I wanted to ask. I'm having a night at my place next friday to celebrate nothing in particular. Just a catch up with you guys. There'll be pizza, beer-"
"I don't think I'll be able to make it, sorry." Alex cut in, shortly.
Lucy frowned, "Are you sure? I already asked J'onn and he's in. If he can make it then I'm sure you can…"
"Lucy, please," Alex dropped her fists to rest against the sides of the bag and sighed, "Please just leave it."
The major remained defiant before Alex, allowing her own authoritative role to take over, "No, I don't think so. Something's up. Or maybe someone?" Lucy ducked her head to try and catch Alex's eye as the agent glared at her shoes.
"It's not Maggie. Not exactly. Or maybe it is. Sort of. I don't know…" Alex rambled.
"Okay, Danvers, there's only so many hours in the day," Lucy grabbed Alex's water bottle and bag off the floor and started to head out with hardly a pause as she called out to a bewildered Alex, "Come on, Danvers!"
They arrived at Alex's apartment shortly after, with Lucy demanding Alex take a shower before anything else. As Alex slipped into the bathroom, Lucy looked around.
Everything looked lifeless. The only electricity being used seemed to be for the lights as the TV didn't hum and the kitchen had no food to cook. Lucy would be more concerned if she didn't know that Alex spent more time at Kara's place than her own, but her eye still caught one object that was one for worry.
A single bottle of unopened rum stood on the counter. Lucy picked it up and moved to sit on the couch, waiting for Alex to finish up in the shower.
"So...do you want something to drink…" Alex's question trailed off as she realised what Lucy was holding in her hands. Lucy glanced up at the agent with a small, yet sad, smile.
"I mean, this is great taste Alex, don't get me wrong," she began, "but why is that the only thing in your kitchen?"
Alex swallowed, eyes averted. She blew out a breath as she sank into the cushions beside Lucy.
"You know I've had problems in the past with alcohol, right?" Lucy responded with a quick 'of course', allowing Alex to continue, "Yeah, so, Maggie helped me out a lot with that. I have been staring at that bottle everyday since she left - since I made her leave - and I can't tell myself that I can have one without going too far."
"Oh, Alex…" Lucy sympathised, "You are so much more than a relationship. You're still strong on your own, and that's the thing - you're not alone. You still have Kara, J'onn, me and I believe you made some friends on another earth? Sounds crazy, but even though Maggie helped you so much, you helped yourself even more."
Alex took the bottle from Lucy, observing it's golden contents, "I relied on her so much because I thought we were forever. I told her that."
"I thought James and I were forever, too," Lucy said, "It's hurts like hell, but you do get a second shot eventually."
"I don't know about that…" Alex started. Lucy sighed,
"Alex…"
"...but I will try. Thanks for this chat, by the way."
"Anytime, Danvers," Lucy responded as the bottle was shoved back in her hands, "Woah, what's this for?"
"You have it, I don't think I'll be needing-"
Lucy stopped her with a firm hand on her arm, "No, no, no, how about it's there next friday, at mine, with everyone else and food? Deal?"
Alex groaned but shook her head finally and said, "Deal."
And when that night at Lucy's came round, Alex was surrounded by many faces. Lucy, Vasquez, James, Winn, Lena and J'onn all sat around over a game of scrabble, arguing whether Winn's word 'yeesh' was credible.
"I promise you! It's one of the new ones!"
Alex sat on the couch with Kara by her side, and after having confiding in her sister about her recent struggle, the Kryptonian turned and asked,
"You alright?"
"Yeah, I'm good," Alex nodded, taking in the group around her, "I think I'm going to be just fine."
Thanks for reading!
I love Sanvers but just had to write something like this.
Any feedback?
