His father's words repeated in his head, like a mantra, "You're not that special."
Nick sighed; reaching to his pocket to pull out a cigarette, but quickly put it away when he arrived to Jesus's home. He didn't want to disappoint the woman who carried his heart.
Chuckling to himself, he tossed them to the back seat and walked off his car and to the house. Immediately seeing a familiar face, nick put his arm around his best friend's shoulders and apologized for being late. All he could hear was the crunching sound of Jesus eating his cereal, "She's out back."
He smiled like he always did when he thought about seeing her, and as he walked off to the backyard, he wished he hadn't. He stood there, staring at the window, seeing Mariana – as beautiful as she was. Just as he was about to approach the door, he saw a man kiss her lips (the lips that swore to him she'd never hurt him).
It was Matt. Of course, it was Matt. How stupid of him to think that someone like her could be interested in a guy like him. It all makes sense. Mariana's distaste over his advances, how she never could give him a concrete answer, and the looks she would give him throughout their rehearsals.
"She's smart," he thought, walking away, wanting to drown in the nicotine he tossed away.
.
Nick arrived at the warehouse where hours ago, his father told him he was worthless. And here he was, agreeing with him. He walked around, picturing her with him on the stage they performed. Never would he have stood there and allow the words his father spoke to deem true. He tried to shake the thoughts away, but he couldn't stop picturing his father's rage and how it could never be him. He was not worthy of his father's love, nor was he worthy of Mariana's.
It could never have been him.
He reached to his pocket to unveil the letter that Mariana never received.
"I still love you," it read. Nick's fingers stroked the indents the pen left, feeling it transfer to his skin, poisoning him. He felt a wetness fall onto his cheek, trying to wipe the tears away, but he couldn't.
Nick's laugh turned into sobs as he lit a match. How could he have believe the lies he told himself?
It was never him.