"Run!"
Dipper and Mabel Pines crash through underbrush, opening cuts and tearing their clothes. They run through thorn bushes and streams, not stopping to look back. Dipper tries to take out a notepad and write in it, but Mabel scolds him. "Dipper! Stop that! Now is not the time for research!" Dipper sullenly puts the pad back in his vest and continues to run.
"You cannot escape!" a Bear pounds through the forest after them, with cats, dogs, owls, and other animals following it. Only, the animals aren't quite right. Each animal's body is normal, but instead of normal heads, each of the animals has a human face. The bear's is a gruff, thick jawed man with a heavy beard. He shouts again. "You have interrupted a sacred rite! You will be sacrificed to the gods for this sacrilege!"
"How were we supposed to know that we were spying on a sacred rite?" Mabel pants.
"Look Mabel!" Dipper shouts. "A freeway!" There is indeed a freeway 300 yards away, spanning through the Californian forest.
"What do we do?" Mabel asks.
"We run across it!" Dipper says confidently.
"What?!"
"Trust me, I have a plan!" Dipper reassures Mabel.
"Does that plan involve us becoming roadkill? I plan to die many years from now in a water bed, surrounded by stuffed animals and glitter!" Mabel shouts and skids to a stop on the edge of the freeway.
"That is strangely specific. But never mind that. When I say run, we've got to sprint across the freeway. Got it?" Dipper says calmly.
"What?!" Mabel says. "No way!"
"Kill them!" The Bear is now only 100 yards away and getting closer.
"Now!" Dipper shouts as he grabs Mabel's hand and pulls her onto the freeway.
"Wait, Dipper!" Mabel shouts as she sprints across the freeway after her twin.
"After them!" (The, the, the . . . What is that species called? Okay, just the bear) the Bear yells. He and the rest of the animals stampede after the siblings onto the freeway. Dipper and Mabel make it safely to the other side and Dipper drops to his knees and lets out a cry of relief.
"What did this do Dipper?" Mabel asks. "They're still coming after us."
"Just wait." Dipper says.
The army of animals is two fourths of the way through the freeway when a freighter truck thunders down the lane towards them. The driver slams on the brakes, make the truck slide sideways, with a terrible screeching sound and the smell of burning tires accompanying it.
Both Dipper and Mabel grimace and cover their ears. The animals stand stock still as the driver tries to slow down. But the forward momentum is too much, and the truck runs straight into the Bear before toppling over and spilling hundreds of boxes of Pitt Cola all over the freeway.
"The leader has fallen!" a dog with a small, scrunched face calls out. "Return to the commune! But beware humans, we will bestow a curse upon you, and you will rue the day when you crossed the, the, the . . . Anybody know what we're called?" No response is given and the dog sighs. "Never mind. You'll regret this!" All the animals race back into the forest, aimless without someone to direct them.
"Yes!" Mabel shouts, and high fives Dipper.
"I knew something was kidnapping pets!" Dipper says. "I just didn't know that it was other pets, but with human faces, giving those pets human faces, so that they could worship their human headed animal gods. Wow, I just realized how confusing that was."
"C'mon Dipper, let's go home." Mabel laughs.