Tyra O'hara gave birth to Tammie O'hara Winchester 20th of May.
Tyra and Dean had her for about 14 months before the social services came and took her.
Why? Because Dean and Tyra always fought, loudly, yes in front of the baby, who now could walk and understand.
Once, Dean had actually smacked Tyra across her face, and you might have guess he regretted that one, it was the worst thing he had ever done ever, as he put it. It took Tyra several weeks to forgive him this ruthless action, but when she finally did, she didn't tell him. No, she got her bags and left. Left him with nothing but the rent and an empty baby crib.
He was shattered, didn't know what the hell he was going to do! He wanted to call his dad, but he couldn't. John had cut him off years ago, when he was 22, he had refused too kill a Vampire baby, and his father would not have him disobeying his orders.
And he couldn't just run to his brother, he had problems of his own, he had been fired from his job because he had felt up one of his male co workers at the law firm he used to work at, and like that wasn't bad enough, his car was stolen just a week ago.
Dean was on thin ice, as he had nothing to live for anymore, his baby girl was gone. His ex-fiancé was out in the world, probably screwing around on strangers. He had no longer a father that loved him, or that he loved for that matter. Only one thing kept him alive now at this point, of his miserable life ..Sammy!
He could always rely on Sammy to be there whenever he needed him! This wasn't the first time Dean was unable to do a thing with his life! He could always rely on Sam! But he didn't want to bother his little brother when he was in deep shit himself.
Dean had now made it through the weekend without doing any harm himself. But he wanted to. Every moment of every day he wanted to die. He would sit down next to the empty crib and cry, clenching to a picture of Tammie, Tyra and himself..
He was officially a mess, no where to go, nothing to do! There was no purpose in his life at all, he really needed someone to love, cherish and ..touch. The only person he wanted was his brother. Sam would be the perfect person to hold tight right now. Hold tight, cuddle and feel safe! Escape in to another world.. It wasn't lust, it was love..
Dean got through Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and then came Thursday, Dean felt like he was soon about to do something really drastic if something didn't change.
Dean called Sam..
"Sammy? Where are you? What are you doing?"
"Dean! Hey, I'm at this really nice café, reading a book, nothing special! What about you?"
"I'm about to kill my self man!" Dean said.
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah"
"What's happened?"
"I have nothing left to live for Sam, they have taken my Tammie, Tyra left me, and dad.. Well, you know.." Dean said.
"What? Tyra left? When?"
"A few weeks ago, and I can't handle this shit, I'm not used to being all alone!"
"At least, I'm not gone, I am still here" Sam said, trying to calm Dean down.
"No you're in New York, I'm in freaking Kansas" Dean said before he exhaled a deep sigh.
"Well, I can fly out! No problem!" Sam said.
"Really? Are you sure?" Dean asked, hoping for a yes.
"Really, no problem! Want me to come?"
"No, that's ok, just wanted to check on my little brother" Dean said and cringed at his stupid answer.
"Yeah, ok Dean! Talk to you later!''
"Yeah, bye..''
The second Dean hung up he fell in to the wall, crying.. He fell down onto the floor. He laid there, thinking of all the things he had lost during the last few months.
He got up, wiped his tears and decided that he could not keep this up, so he went over to the liquor cabinet and took a bottle of Vodka, got himself a glass and filled it up. After he had inhaled half of the glass he stopped and stared at it for a few seconds before he poured the rest of it down his throat. He threw the glass away, it smashed in to a thousand bits all over the floor. He then too the bottle and drank half the bottle in just a few seconds!
He put the half empty bottle on the table in front of him. He stared at the bottle. He could feel the alcohol rushing to his brain. He then proceeded to gulp down the rest of the Vodka.
He was now drunk, very drunk, seriously drunk, he stumbled in to the bathroom and looked in to the mirror and saw four Deans… He tried to take a piss, but only about half of it actually went in to the toilet the rest landed on the floor and on the seat.
When he was almost finished, he lost his balance and fell back on the floor and got piss all over his t-shirt, he couldn't care less. He didn't care about a damn thing anymore. He Got back up and removed his shirt before he stumbled back into the living room where another bottle of Vodka were waiting for him at the table. He sat back down on the sofa, half conscious. He took the bottle and kept on drinking, laying there on the sofa full of booze and piss with his dick hanging out of his pants.. Hurt and drunk waiting for his savior to show up, his hero..
When he had finished the bottle, he got up on his feet, his pants around his ankles. He fell over the table landing on his back. He laid there for about five minutes 'ommphing', twisting and twitching in the pain that he almost couldn't feel anymore, but almost wasn't good enough, no he thought; 'the pain needs go all away', so he got down on the floor on his knees, slowly and clumsy he crawled over to the liquor cabinet, getting a big bottle of Gin, when he got the bottle in his hands, he just collapsed there on the floor, looking up at the ceiling while feeling real bad about himself. He had to drink his feelings away.
So he opened the bottle and took a sip, and another sip, and another.. The pain wasn't gone yet so he drank until it only was half a glass left in the bottle. And there was the headache. He had now had had enough, he smashed the bottle down on the floor while still holding it. He tried to sit up, but he couldn't, he had no strength or balance.
He got the remains of the bottle and stabbed himself in the gut.
Five hours later he woke up to knocking at the door. Still drunk, and bloody, he tried to hide behind the liquor cabinet.
He heard a knock again.
Dean tried to compose himself. "Gooo.. Goo, way" He said as loud as he could, raspy deep voice. All he could manage was to whisper out in the air due to the major lack of strength.
"Dean? It's Sam, are you there?"
"No no no no no no" Dean whispered. ''FUCK!''
"Dean, I saw the Impala out front, I know you're here, open up!" Sam demanded.
"Fuck fuck fuck me..'' Dean said and looked around for a better hiding place.
"Dean! I'll break the door in if I have to" Sam shouted.
Dean's was thinking hard, what should he do? He had to escape somehow.. He drove the rest of the bottle he was holding in to the side of his stomach, again! Damn that hurt as freaking hell, he did it again just as he saw the door fly open and hit the wall very loudly. Dean got startled and pushed the crushed bottle remains further in to his vulnerable body.
Sam saw it and ran over to him and got down on his knees to look at the damage, Dean just sat still, his whole body was shaking and his eyes was flickering fast, he couldn't see anything but blurry colors in front of him.
"Sam" Dean whispered.
"What the hell have you done!" Sam said, holding Deans face.
"Noooo" Dean whispered.
"I need to get you to the hospital! This is so fucked up!" Sam said as he got up.
Dean closed his eyes.
"You stupid fuck, come on here!" Sam said.
Sam helped Dean up, Dean had no power in his body what so ever so Sam had to carry him in his arms all the way down to his own car, he got him in to the front seat and noticed that Dean's pants were almost falling completely off. He got him in to his car and quickly pulled them back up.
Two hours later.
"Mr. Winchester?"
"How is my brother? Is he okay?"
"Well, he drank himself halfway to death and stabbed himself repeatedly with shattered glass in the stomach. He is unconscious so we don't know all that much yet. But you may go see him"
"Thank you, I will" Sam said.
When Sam got in to see his pale brother, he shed a tear, quietly.
He sat down next to him and took his hand, felt his way to his pulse and laid his head on his hand, closed his eyes and laid there all night long, just like that, feeling his brothers pulse, to keep the feeling of knowing that his brothers still alive and breathing.
The next day Dean woke up looking up at the ceiling with a bad headache, stomach pain and a heavy pressure on his right hand, he looked down and found Sammy sleeping on it.
"Sa..'' was all Dean got out. He cleared his throat. ''Sam!''
..
"Sammy, wake up" Dean said.
Sam's eyes shot up.
''Sorry man, I fell asleep. Holy shit my back is hurting!'' he said and straightened his back.
Dean looked out the window. Sam noticed his blank stare.
''How are you?'' Sam asked quietly.
Dean just kept looking out the window. ''I'm so ashamed.'' Dean said.
''Why?'' Sam said and took his hand in his own.
''I'm so selfish.. I.. I just couldn't deal with all my emotions any more. I know it sounds stupid and shit, but it is what it is and I just couldn't deal anymore..'' Dean said, still looking out the window.
''It's ok Dean, I understand! and you're not selfish!'' Sam said and squeezed Dean's hand.
''I have no one.. I have nothing..'' Dean said.
"You have me, you always will… I'm gonna be there for you whenever life's give you lemons… I will come over and make you some lemonade. Because I love you!" Sam said and smiled.
It was sincere, Dean could feel it. It was never too late to really start caring!
Dean turned his head away so he could let his neglected tears stream, as they had wanted to for months now, but Dean wouldn't let them.. He could not show such weakness, not even for himself.
"Thank you Sammy! Thank you so much. I love you too."
Sam wiped away Dean's tears with his thumb, got up and gave him a long lasting warm hug. Dean turned his head and rested it on Sam's shoulder. He all of the sudden put his mouth on his neck and kissed him tenderly. Sam's leg started crumbling.
"Dean.. What are you doing?" Sam asked.
Dean quickly stopped. ''Sorry..'' was all he could say. He was mortified.
''It's ok.'' Sam said and kissed Dean's cheek. ''You're good to me!''
Sam went back to Dean's house to tidy up his mess from the day before, starting with washing the floor. It was bloody glass all over, mixed in with alcohol. When he was finished it was sparkling clean, he took a shot of Jack before taking the rest of the bottles down to his car.
He knew Dean would be tempted to repeat this all over again if it went the wrong way for him. Sam understood though. Understood that Dean's life had no meaning anymore, now that Tammie and Tyra were gone.
Tyra had no relationship with Tammie at all, she just didn't care. Tyra needed a reason to get out, so in theory, it was a good thing that Dean hit her across her face, it was her ticket out. She felt trapped in a loveless relationship. Only Tammie kept her by Dean's side. Barely. She was now working at a night club as a stripper to get money so she could live her life, she had no money to take care of or even have a relationship with her own daughter.
Dean got home to a clean house 3 weeks later. Sam had been up to check on and talk to Dean every day at the hospital. His stomach was now almost healed but he had a few scars and that awful headache came to stay. It was milder but it was there, he could feel it disappearing more and more each day that went by.
When Sam got in the door 5 minutes after Dean, he noticed him staring at the liquor cabinet and then he looked over at Sam with wide eyes.
"Sam?"
"I had to, you know yourself just as well as I do... I hope" Sam said and gave Dean a look that said 'Right?'.
"Mmhpph, bitch" Dean muttered and walked away.
"Jerk" Sam said and winked.
Dean went over to the sofa and sat down, turned on the television.
"Are you coming or what?" Dean asked.
"Yeah sure"
Sam sat down at the other sofa stared empty at the TV.
Dean looked over at Sam, thinking; 'Wonder if he wants me the same way I want him.'
"Why are you sitting all the way over there Sammy? I won't bite!'' Dean said and patted the seat next to him.
Sam looked at Dean thinking of how it would be to touch him.. Like really touch him.. in places brothers shouldn't touch.. Dean sat wondering the same thing! All day long, especially when he was at the hospital, just laying in the white bed staring at the white ceiling in the white room, the only thing that wasn't white at that hospital was the black nurse called Wendy, she was one of the nicest people he'd ever met! Wendy was a pleasant big ol' black church woman! He loved it!
Sam jumped over to the other sofa and stared at Dean with a look that said 'can I come closer or is this enough?' Dean's look responded that he could come much more close than that. So he did!
Dean laid his head down on Sam's thigh and stared at the TV. Cheers was on, he couldn't stand that show, but Sam loved it, so what the heck.. His head was on his brothers thigh, he could now watch Barbie movies, he wouldn't care, he didn't pay attention to the TV anyway, he was just thinking about how nice this was, how nice it was to be this close to hist little brother without having those weird feelings about it!
Sam's hope wasn't dying out just yet, he could feel Dean's head coming closer up his thigh towards his private parts, he loved it. His thigh started shivering lightly, he tried to stop it, wouldn't want Dean to stop what he was doing. And he didn't.
In a five minute span his head had moved 2 inches up. Dean then had room to put his hand on his thigh as well, in front of his face. Sam felt the tingling on his thigh and felt how his bulge got bigger. He tried to stop it before it hit Dean at the back of his head, he started thinking about something gross to get his thoughts away from Dean's mouth on his.. But it failed, he couldn't think straight when Dean started rubbing his thigh slowly with his hand, Sam took a long shivering breath and put his hand behind his head. Dean saw the movements in his side view and didn't quite know how to interpret it.
"I need to go to the bathroom" Dean said.
"Do you need help?" Sam blurted.
"No I can do it by myself. I'm not an invalid." he said and walked away on his crutches.
Dean went in and did his thing before he stared at the mirror saying to himself 'What the fuck are you doing?'.
Sam was in the kitchen getting a glass of coke.
"You want some? Dean?"
"Yeah, thanks."
Dean got the coke in his hands and dropped it on the floor. He got a shooting pain in his stomach. He crunched in pain and fell on the floor, right on the broken glass and coke. Sam rushed down to help him up, he carried him in to the bed, asked if he could get him something. He just laid there twisting in pain, moaning and swearing. Sam took of the bandage Dean had around his waist to check if anything was wrong. It was. He had a giant piece of broken glass sticking out the side of his stomach, the bandage had just moved it back and forth. Sam didn't know what to do, because the skin was healed around it.
"Dean, you need to go to the hospital and get that glass out!"
"Ohhhhhh, ok… Fuuuck" Dean shouted.
They arrived at the hospital 10 minutes later, Sam had called ahead so there was a nurse outside waiting.
"Dean, what did you do this time, honey?" The nurse said, it was Wendy.
"Ahhh, nothing, its just some fucking…. Mmmhh, glass in my stomach"
"Oh dear, lets get you inside" she said.
Dean sat on the bench while Wendy checked the wound.
"Oh my, this looks like its hurting you!"
"No shit" Dean said.
"Don't swear, boy" she said.
"Arrrgh, it hurts"
Wendy put on some anesthetic cream. She then got a scalpel and cut it out. It was huge! She sowed him back together before she gave him some painkillers to take home. Sam took them right out of his hands in front of Wendy.
"I don't think you should have these, I am going to take care of them for you, Dean"
"You don't have faith in me do you?" Dean muttered.
"Well it's gonna take a little time before I trust you with anything dangerous again" Sam said.
"Nice.." Dean looked betrayed.
"Dean, honey? What is the matter?" Wendy asked worriedly.
Dean told his story, why he'd been so depressed and tried to kill himself. Wendy shared a tear, or twelve.
"Oh hell no! What a evil person this Tyra is! I'm sorry, but I had to say it" Wendy said, really thinking it was wrong to hit a woman. But she had to show sympathy to those who needed it.
"No shit" Sam said while rolling his eyes.
"Yeah, life's a bitch, and so is Tyra!" Dean said and tried to laugh, but didn't quite manage to do so.
Wendy gave Dean her phone number so he could call her anytime he wanted to talk or just take a cup of coffee. Dean appreciated that! Sam helped Dean to the car, he had left his crutches at home in the hurry. Dean's wound still hurt but it was better.
Next day Sam woke up with Dean's head resting on his stomach, he laid still for a moment, enjoying the sight and the feeling before waking him up with his palm ruffling his hair, not that he had too much hair to be ruffled, but he could get a good grip at it if he needed to. Dean slowly opened his eyes and smiled when he saw Sam laying there running his hand through his own hair while smirking at Dean. Dean got up from the bed and went into the kitchen for coffee, limping not to put any pressure on his wounded stomach. Sam was thinking.. 'Poor guy, how is he gonna be without me?' while sitting at the end of the bed putting on socks.
"Dean? Are you alright in there?"
"Why?" Dean yelled.
"You didn't make a sound, I got worried"
"I'm fine, thanks" he answered.
Sam sat down on the sofa asking what they should do today; Dean put his coffee down, went over to Sam and sat down at his lap so their eyes met. He stared into his eyes and slowly led his mouth down to his neck and kissed him repeatedly and tenderly, Sam gasped for air. He took Dean by his waist, forgetting his wounds.
"Auuch" Dean said in a low tone.
"Oh shit, I'm sorry Dean"
"Its okay just put your hands a bit up"
"Mhm" Sam mumbled.
Dean pushed Sam back on the sofa and started kissing him on the front of his neck working his way up towards his mouth, Sam stopped him and looked into his eyes and said "Let me love you."
Dean replied with turning his head back, Sam started kissing his neck, taking his hands under his t-shirt gently removing it from his body. Dean breathed heavily at Sam's touch on his wound. It was painful at the same time as it was kind of good, Sam's touch, the touch he had wanted for years, finally here. It was two brothers taking care of each other in a kind of not so brotherly way, neither of them cared about the boundaries anymore.
"Dean? Want me to get us some breakfast?" Sam stopped and asked.
"Later, let's carry on" Dean whispered in his ear.
"We can't do any more than this, not until you're fully healed, I have a tendency to get a little rough." Sam said.
"I like it rough" Dean said.
"Well, we can't!" Sam said.
"You don't want me, that's your problem"
Dean got up and went into the bathroom. He was going to take a bath, a cold one. He was depressed, again. His head was full of insecurities.
Sam walked over to the bathroom door and knocked. Trying to get Dean to open it up. The only thing he heard was rippling water and 'hurt' sounds from Dean. He wouldn't answer him so he went out in the kitchen and found a knife to open the lock with. Sam found Dean freezing in the cold water, he dragged him out, screaming 'what the fuck is the matter with you, Dean?' Dean was laying in Sam's arms, on his lap in his boxers, shivering, cold as ice.
''I have no fucking idea..'' Dean said.
"Do you want to die from me?"
Dean nuzzled his nose in Sam's t-shirt with tears in his eyes.
''Not from you..'' Dean sobbed.
The next day they woke up to knocking at the door. Sam threw on a robe and went out to check. It was Wendy standing there with a pot of coffee. She tried her best. Sam gave her a hug and told her to go wait in the living room while he and Dean got dressed.
Dean gave her a good hug. She said she had missed them. She had a big heart. Dean asked if she wanted breakfast or lunch.
"Mhmm, I am so hungry, I could eat a horse… I don't want horse though.." Wendy laughed.
"We don't have any horses anyway!" Dean said and laughed.
"Your brother is tall as a horse, you got one there" she said and laughed.
Dean went in to the kitchen to get cups for the coffee. He dropped a cup on the floor. When he bent over to pick it up, some of his stitches ripped open. It hurt like freaking hell.
"Ohh, god damn, when is this hell going to stop?" Dean shouted.
"Are you ok?" Wendy asked.
"No! Fuck!"
"Don't swear!" Wendy said.
"Sorry, can you check it?"
"No, I'm off duty"
Dean just stared at her with a 'what the hell?' look in his eyes.
"Of course I will check it, lay down on the sofa!" she said an chuckled.
She saw the broken stitches and sighed. She said they needed to go to the hospital again to sew him back up.
"Sick of this" Dean said.
"So am I" Sam said… "Me too" Wendy laughed.
1 month later
Dean was fully healed from the incident, physically. He still had awful thoughts about Tyra and Tammie. He missed Tammie so much!
Dean was in the bedroom changing clothes.
"Hold tight.. Surprise!" Sam said as he dragged out the brand new Iphone 4s that Dean had been wanting for months.
''What? No, I can't take it, they're so expensive! Take it back, spend your money more wisely!'' Dean said and kissed Sam.
"Come on, I bought it for you Dean, please?"
"Ok then!" Dean said. ''Thank you!''
Sam pointed on his own cheek. Dean knew what he wanted, and gave it to him. He gave him a huge kiss.
"To hell with it, come here" Dean said and took a good grab at his lapel and dragged him over and started making out with him before he threw him down on the bed, once again thanking him for the gift before he jumped on Sam and bent over to kiss him. Just then, they heard the doorbell.
"Are you serious!" Dean asked.
Sam opened the door, it was Tyra, out of all people who was gonna interrupt them now, it had to be Tyra. Sam rolled his eyes and said "What do you want?"
"I want to talk to Dean"
"Why? He don't want to have anything to do with you"
"I want to start over, forgive and forget" She said.
Sam could see their sex disappearing into the horizon.
''No.''
He slammed the door right in her face and went back in to the bed where Dean laid patient waiting.
"Who was it?"
"Some whore" Sam said.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes I am, she said she wanted you to buy her back"
"Tyra? What the fuck?"
"mhmm, yeah"
"To hell with her, she had her chance!" Dean said as he placed his palms around Sam's neck and dragged him down to his mouth. Sam put his hand on Dean's scars and gave him a sad smile, he smiled back and put his hand and Sam's hand. Sam gently threw Dean over at the other side and said "Let me serve you".
Dean smiled and agreed with the bite of his own lip and a wink. Sam kissed his way from the neck down to his scars, he kissed them to show his love and affection, he then helped him off with his belt and pants…
Later that same day Sam told Dean that he had to leave, that he had a house of his own..
"Are you sure" Dean asked.
"Yes, sorry Dean"
When Sam left, Dean crawled in to a ball on the sofa with his best friend Jack Daniels.. Sam came back 2 hours later because he had forgot his luggage. When he walked through the door he saw Dean drunk as hell, passed out on the floor.
He rushed over and woke him up.
"Oh my god, Dean? What's wrong?"
''Oy, I wasn't supposed to drink that much'' Dean said and laughed.
''Really Dean? Is this how it's going to be?'' Sam demanded.
"I'm scared of lonely, Sam... Please stay, I need you.." Dean said and sat up.
Sam gave it a thought.
"I will stay as long as you need me"
"I love you"