Title: Death is Only the Beginning
Author: Jennifer Zoromski aka Jennis524
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox.
Summary: Scully is left alone in the world after Mulder unexpectedly dies.
Category: Scully angst, MSR
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Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. John 8:32.
When the sun sets on the horizon it is the end of another day. In that day millions have people have reached the point of oblivion, breathing in their last breath, knowing that the future is no longer something that they can look forward to. Their future is there looking at them straight in the face, challenging their existence and in the end taking them to a place no one has yet returned from. Death effects so many people in so many different ways. One person could die and not be missed or remembered the next day that the sun rises in the east. But then another person could be loved by the world, remembered long after their untimely death. Death is only the beginning.
May 24, 1999
Dearest Mulder,
I don't know how I will survive with out you by my side. You were always there when my world was falling apart. The Heaven's could have been falling on my head and you would have been there to pick up the pieces, to save me. You helped me through some of the hardest parts of my life, dealing with life ending cancer, losing both Emily and Melissa, and saving me so many times when my life was threatened. Why did you go into that alley last night?
What was going through your head as that man pulled out his gun, taking aim, planning on ending your life? Did you confess to God, asking him to take you into his open arms? Were the last thoughts that ran through your head about me? At that moment when the bullet pierced your skin, wounding your heart, shutting down your body, I felt your pain. I could feel your spirit leave me when I know you drew in that fateful breath that was the last you would ever take in. Mulder how am I going to live with out you?
Love always,
Dana Katherine Scully
"Dana how are you doing?" someone came up to me as I stared into the starry night sky.
"I'm fine," I barely whispered looking down at the letter I had written to you. Mulder don't you see I'm dying here with out you. I just want them to go away. To just leave me alone to grieve for you and your life that was cut short.
I remember the time I helped you in faking your death. I wish that you would come walking through that door trying to pick a fight with Skinner just to get near me, comfort me, tell me everything is going to be all right.
Come on Mulder surprise them, come walking through the door of the funeral parlor, where I know your body is lying there in that coffin. Are you cold? Do you feel pain? I certainly feel pain, but it is not pain caused by you. It is not your fault. I love you Mulder, the pain is a deep aching need in my heart. My God Mulder tears are streaming down my face and I just wave people away telling them that 'I'm fine,' waving them away trying to take the world on my shoulders.
Do you remember the time when I was told I had cancer and I wasn't supposed to live? But I lived and I enjoyed the extra years we spent together. Mulder you were so persistent you wouldn't accept that I was dying, doomed. I wish I could do that with you, but Mulder your body is right here in front of my very eyes.
This is the end of the world. I feel waves of nausea coming over me as I stare at your once warm and loving face. Where is that smile that captivated me so many times when I was at wits end? Your face is now cold and I can not stand to look anymore.
I run out the door of the lonely funeral parlor. People look at me with disgust on their faces, but mummer, "That's Mrs. Spooky." They just nod and look away. Mulder I don't care about them. I never thought you were spooky, I would always question your theories, but Mulder you were almost always right. Science didn't help me that much now did it?
I start to wander out in the lonely field that is next to the funeral parlor. How many times had a distraught, grieving family member of a person who had just died run out to the field looking for the answers that would never be provided? Are you out here waiting for me? Take me with you I don't want to go on any longer with out you.
Salt is in my mouth from the wet, tears that are flowing down my face. I know that crying won't bring you back, but I see that dim ray of hope twinkling in the starry night sky. The corn hasn't even reached my knees, but they are ready to begin their short lives and I start to run. I don't know what I'm running from. Maybe the fate that I was destined to have. You know I could just die out in this field and then I'd be with for all eternity.
The heel of my shoe gets stuck in the fresh mud and I fall. I scream into the night, hoping you are there to hear me scream. I just want to see you one more time. I didn't even get to say good bye Mulder. I could have said so many things to you. Confessed my undying love for you. Do you know I love you? Do you love me back?
I see you. You come walking across the field to me. Around you there is a heavenly glow. Mulder why are you smiling? You are supposed to be dead.
"Mulder, please take me with you," I beg as you near closer.
"Scully, I can't tempt fate. You were meant to live. Go on with your life," you say in that nonchalant tone that you have always used.
"Mulder, I can't. Don't leave me here to live. I need you."
"You are the strong one and you have not fulfilled your destiny. There is so much more for you to do. You shall live forever."
"I don't want to live forever. Mulder, What about your quest? What about the truth?"
"My quest ended early yesterday morning when that man pulled out his gun and took aim. I asked God to take me into his arms openly and I prayed you could get on with out me. The bullet penetrated my skin and then I was at peace. The truth was nothing, but an excuse to be partnered with you. You want to know what my destiny in life was? It was to touch your heart in such a way Scully, that you would be changed forever. I love you," Mulder you started to walk away from me your destiny, you said I was the woman that had been your only path in life and stopped. You turned and looked at back at me.
"Scully, Death is only the beginning." Mulder you said that like it was the end to another one of our cases. It was supposed to be left unexplained. Did you expect me not to question what I had just seen? What is my purpose in life? To fulfill your never ending work?
I keep on walking further and further into the cornfield towards the woods. Do you remember our first case? We went to Oregon investigating paranormal activity and you were so convinced in your theory. I was sent to debunk your work, but you changed my mind so much.
The woods are so dark. I expect to see unexplained bright lights and question it. I didn't believe you until it was too late to. Mulder please come back. I need you. Why did you leave me for a second time? Why did you just walk away from me seconds ago in that cornfield? I can't survive with out.
I hear someone call my name. I look back expecting to see you, but it was Skinner. Mulder, Skinner was looking for me hoping I had not taken my own life. He walked towards me with tears in his eyes. What now, what else does he need to say?
"Scully, I was worried about you. Are you okay?" he said looking at me afraid that I would disappear before him and vanish into the night as you had just done.
"I'm fine," I barely whisper. I'm so sick of this. What do people expect? That everything should be hunky dory. I just lost the person I held so dearly in life, I lost my best friend, the only person I've been seen with for the last seven years. I don't think anything will ever be 'fine' again. With out you there is nothing left for me. What can I possibly fulfill in my life after the fire that is embedded deep in my eyes went out?
Skinner took me home that night. I felt so lost in my world. It started to rain as I got out of the car. Mulder were the angels in Heaven crying? Crying for your life and the shambles of mine? Tell them to stop. I can't take it anymore. Why should they feel pity on me? Mulder I let you go alone into that alley. I told you I didn't want to go. I told you I wanted to just stay home and relax for the night. You didn't wait for me, you just left, ditching me like you always do, but I would have been right behind you if you would have stayed a little longer and convinced me.
If I am supposed to live forever is this how its going to be? Losing everyone I love dearly and being a lonely, wondering soul in the starry night. I drop onto my bed, completely exhausted and fall asleep.
I awake suddenly when a swift breeze goes through the room. It is still dark out and the rain is still falling. Mulder is that you? Are you really there? I reach out to try and touch you, but my hand goes right through you. You smile again. God Mulder what is there to smile about? Are you going to make a joke about this? Try to make me laugh?
Mulder I don't think I will ever be able to laugh again. "Scully, What have you done to yourself?"
"What do you mean?" I look deep into your hazel eyes that have now gone black.
Why are you taking my hand? Putting it to my face? My God my face is freezing. Am I ill?
"Scully wake up, you are not in your bed, but lying outside on the grass, soaking in the cold May rain."
"Are you trying to warn me?"
"Don't die now," you say this and walk away from me again.
My eyes open quickly and I see that I am lying on the ground, in a pool of my own blood. Skinner is over me trying to stop the bleeding. I try to utter 'what happened?' but the words get stuck in my throat. Blood is in my mouth and there is a bright light. Mulder you are at the end of the tunnel. I can almost touch you Mulder. What are you saying? I can't hear you?
Then I hear your voice in the wind, "Death is only the beginning."
Mulder I feel at peace. Is this what you felt like? But then the pain comes back. Hot searing pain is in my chest. Blood is pouring from my body at the point of the wound.
"Scully everything is going to be all right," Skinner tries to reassure me. I try to recall what happened and then it hit me. Mulder the man who shot you was here lurking in the shadows. He took aim and I didn't notice until it was too late. Skinner saw me fall and rushed to my side as he shot at the man.
Mulder you brought me back to life. You once again saved me. How can death be only the beginning if I have been pushed away from it so many times? Sirens echo in the background and I black out.
I see you there. You are playing with Emily and Samantha is by your side. Mulder what am I doing here watching you? Mulder take good care of Emily for me until I get there okay. You seem to hear my thoughts and nod. Then I see Melissa come up to me. She hands me my cross.
"Where did you get this?" I ask her.
"Dana it is yours. Don't you remember you lost your cross? Fox found it in the alley right before he was shot. He was reaching down for the cross when that man shot at him. Like you he was distracted by the thoughts of his significant other."
Mulder, she smiled and walked away. Bright lights are hurting my eyes as the image of you fades away. I hear your voice one last time, "Death is only the beginning."
"Dana, Please wake up," I hear a familiar voice. Mom is that you? I try to open my eyes, but it is so hard. I just want to lay here waiting for death to over take me.
Mulder do you remember the photographer that told me to look away from death? What if he was right? What if he took my place and I won't die? I would hate that. I need to be with you and with my family. Is my dad up there? Has he asked for his little star buck? Tell him I can't wait to see him again.
I open my eyes and see my mother sleeping at my side. Mulder how long have I been out? Today is your funeral. I have to get there to say good bye. But wait. The calendar says that it is June first. Was I out for a whole week? I didn't get to say good bye.
I need to get up, to see where they put your grave. I need to know where it is so I can have late night talks with you like we used to. I know exactly what you would say too. Mulder I feel numb all over. I don't feel like crying anymore.
I try to move my legs, but Mulder they won't move. Am I paralyzed? Is this what my destiny in life is? How am I supposed to walk down the road of life if I can't walk? Mulder did you hear that I made a joke? A smile creeps across my face, but tears start to fall. I don't want to be left alone in this world.
Why did you leave me? Why did you keep saying that 'death is only the beginning'? Wasn't that on a movie? Please stop messing with my head. I'm trying to analyze what you meant. Do you mean that you can come back? Be reincarnated?
I am so confused, but I must see where your grave is. I pinch my toe and a dull sensation goes up my leg. I'm not paralyzed! At least I can be happy about one thing. My mom stirs and I stop. To tell you the truth I don't want to confront her right now. I get up and my legs are shaky. Waves of nausea shoot through my body and I have to sit down. I am stubborn and try again.
Mulder do you remember when I was lying in this hospital bed last year and couldn't move? I didn't have the strength to move. The chemotherapy left me weak and tired. I need to get out of here.
I grab my robe and head for the door and my freedom. Mulder can you believe it they have guards posted outside my door. Skinner is sitting on a bench outside the door. His head is in his hands and he is stooping as if he was defeated. Does he blame himself? It wasn't his fault. What is it with you men? You, yourself thought it was your fault that I had gotten cancer. It wasn't your fault, Mulder and this is not Skinner fault either. I was so out of it and didn't see your assassin standing there lurking in the bushes.
That man looked into my eyes, deep into my eyes. Telling my soul that it was time to die, but my soul did not believe him. I open the door and it creaks.
Skinner looks up expecting to see my mom, but he is utterly in shock when he sees me standing there in front of him. "Sir what is today's date?"
"June 1st, Scully you've been unconscious for a week."
I nod knowing that I had missed your funeral and I was right about the date. I remember the time that they had your funeral almost five years ago. You were missing and assumed dead, but I knew you would come back to me. I know now that you never will.
"Where is Agent Mulder buried?" I ask and Skinner nods.
"He was buried next to his mother. It was a beautiful service, but it rained for five days after that."
"I need to see his grave." Skinner looks like he is going to argue with me and tell me I'm not ready for a trip, but I look at him, my piercing eyes capture him and sway his decision.
Skinner left my mother a note because he didn't have the heart to wake her up. I got dressed in my usual attire. Mulder why did we always wear black? Were we always ready for the inevitable?
The car ride to the cemetery was a quiet one. Skinner told me the man died shortly after the ambulence arrived and I nodded. I shouldn't be happy that a man is dead, but Mulder that man took you away from me.
I know exactly were your grave is and I walk towards it. Skinner stays behind and watches. The sun is streaming into the cemetery. There is fresh dirt beneath my feet as I stand on your grave. I want to start digging, to save you. Is it cold? I hope you aren't claustrophobic. I want to look at your face one last time. Kiss you good bye. Hold onto you forever.
Your head stone is beautiful. You must have seen it by now. There is a picture of you and I touch it. I close my eyes and remember the smell of you cologne, the contour of your face, the same face I had looked into so many times. I can see those hazel eyes that lit up even the dreariest day. A cold swift breeze takes me back. I look down at your grave and read the inscription on the cold stone.
FOX WILLIAM MULDER
OCTOBER 13, 1961-MAY 23, 1999
"DEATH IS ONLY THE BEGINNING"
Mulder you were only thirty-eight years old. I used to picture us growing old together investigating X-Files and then settling down, quitting the FBI. I don't think you would have ever quit the FBI. I hear your voice on the wind, "Death is only the beginning." And then the world goes completely black. You know Mulder death is only the beginning.
THE END