Mustang lifted his head from his paperwork as he heard his office door creak open. He smiled upon recognizing Edward's face.
"Hey, Fullmetal," he greeted.
"Havoc said you wanted to see me?"
"Yes, I did. Take a seat, Ed. Make yourself comfortable."
Edward did as he was told. He was mildly surprised to see Roy leave his desk and make his way toward him. Roy sat down on the other side of the dark green sofa and rested his hands on his knees, never once shifting his gaze from Edward. He inhaled deeply and sighed before he spoke.
"Ed, you've appeared a little run down lately. I would assume it was due to not getting enough sleep, but your entire demeanor has changed. You're hardly laughing anymore, and you look depressed. Is there something bothering you that you want to talk about?"
Edward's eyes pierced him angrily for a moment before they dulled suddenly and he had to look away.
"No, I don't wanna talk about it."
"Ed…"
"It's nothing, okay?"
Roy scooted over closer to Edward and rested a hand on his left shoulder. Edward started a little at the contact but said nothing.
"Look, kiddo, I know I tease you a lot, but I can be serious when I need to be. Tell me what's wr—"
"Yeah, you can be serious when it comes to work, because now that I'm depressed, my performance is being negatively affected which, in turn, negatively affects your reputation. So you want me to tell you what's wrong so that you can magically fix it and get back on the road to being promoted to Major General. Isn't that why you called me down here?"
Roy sighed in frustration and said, "Well, if you want to see this as work-related, Fullmetal, have it your way. I'm just trying to be your friend here."
"Friend!" Edward sniffed. "You don't care about me," he almost whispered, letting his voice trail off in his own silent pain.
Roy was hurt that he could ever conceive such a thing about him. All this time he had thought they had been rather close as a result of all of the hardships they shared and all that they had learned about each other.
I guess I really don't know Ed as well as I think I do…
"Ed…" Roy's voice softened. "How could you ever think that? I did everything I could to keep you with me, under my command, and I gave you and your brother freedom to research the philosopher's stone. I supported you until you stopped trusting me. And even then, I pursued you to try to keep you out of trouble. Doesn't that say something? You know I don't just do that for anyone."
Edward looked up to meet Roy's onyx eyes with his own golden gaze so dead and lifeless that Roy stopped breathing. They both remained silent for a time as Edward reflected.
"You really do care, don't you?" Edward asked huskily.
"Does that—"
"Yeah, that changes things…"
Edward let his dead gaze fall once more to the floor, and Roy scooted close enough to put his arm around Edward's shoulders.
"As a friend, I'm asking you what's wrong. What's been on your mind for the past week?"
Edward fidgeted a little and sighed before answering, "I've just…I've really been missing my mom lately…"
Roy understood and felt a nearly unbearable compassion. He began to lightly massage the non-metal part of Edward's right shoulder, encouraging him to talk.
"It just…kinda hits me sometimes, ya know?" Edward's voice cracked, and he sniffled to try to cover it up. "She was…such a great mom, and—oh, God…the guilt for—man, I wish I could've—" And then he broke inside. "I miss her so much!"
Edward began sobbing hysterically into his two different hands, one of which was his constant reminder of his dedication to bringing her back…and of his failure to do so. Roy wrapped both of his arms around Edward and held him close. He would've cried as well, for Edward, if he didn't need to be the strong one at that moment. But what killed him almost more than Edward's pain was the fact that Edward returned no sign of affection. He longed for Edward to ball his fists up in his jacket, even, to lean into him in some way, but Edward was too far gone in sorrow to even know he was there.
Roy pulled Edward's head to his chest and continued to embrace him strongly. And then Edward heard it: Roy's heartbeat.
It was strong and steady, warm and comforting. The sound pulsed through Edward's convulsing body and ceased his sobs by subtle waves. Before he knew it, he was breathing softly with its rhythm. The silence, to his great pleasure, allowed him to hear it more clearly. It reminded him of the time when his mother was still alive, when he was young and had buried his head into her chest to hear that very sound. The throbbing of it, its determination to keep its keeper alive, his mother's eagerness to live that had pulsed through Edward's whole being once upon a time—it all came back to him from within the body of the man who was not afraid to hug him like his father never had. Edward pressed his head as close to Roy's chest as he could, straining to listen…
"Did you get it all out?" Roy asked quietly. He felt the younger man's head nod against his chest and was elated that he made no move to leave. He tightened his grip on him. "Do you ever talk to Al about this?"
"Not really. I just…I just try to be strong for him. I don't want to bring him down; he's so happy since he got his body back…"
"You have a lot of pressure on you, don't you?" Edward looked up at him and blinked. "You keep yourself pulled together for work, and you don't even let yourself be emotional at home." Roy laughed once. "Heck, I don't even know how I got you this far."
Edward then realized just how intimately he was curled up against the brigadier general and stiffened into an upright posture, breaking free of Roy's hold. Still, Roy kept an arm around Edward's shoulders.
"Don't lock yourself up on me now, Ed," Roy pleaded. Edward felt a deep meaning in those words and slouched submissively, staring at the floor once again. After a pause, Roy spoke, "Maybe you should take the rest of the day off."
Edward looked up at him, alarmed. "I can't; I'm waiting on some paperwork from Sheska that I need to deliver to one of the new subordinates. She'll be finished soon."
Roy smiled slightly and said, "I'll take care of it."
"But…you're a brigadier general; you have much more important things to do than dog work."
"Look, kid. In the end, we're all dogs, just the same. Behind that door over there is a quiet room with a sofa even more comfortable than these ones in here. I'll close the blinds and bring you a blanket. Go sleep."
Edward shrugged his shoulders and sighed in weak protest. "Just wake me up in about an hour; I have other things to do besides that."
"Sure thing," Roy agreed, though he had no intention of waking Edward up before Central Headquarters shut down for the evening.
At about five after six, Roy quietly walked into the room where Edward was sleeping and knelt beside the couch. Edward's bangs were draped over his face, and he was still sound asleep. Roy wanted to brush his hair away with a hand but decided against it. Instead, he lightly shook Edward's shoulder and whispered, "Edward, it's time to get up."
Edward inhaled deeply and groaned as he stretched his arms. Roy was so close to him that he ended up pushing against Roy's chest, which made him awake immediately with a start. He drew his hands back quickly and looked away bashfully.
"Er…sorry," he offered.
Roy chuckled. "It's alright. You ready to go home?"
"Home? I still have things I need to take care of."
"I talked to Riza and made sure to take care of all of your tasks for you. She didn't like me abandoning my paperwork, but I told her it wouldn't have gotten finished anyway."
"But—how is that—wait a minute, you let me sleep until six, didn't you?" Edward accused.
"Six-oh-five, actually."
"But…I didn't want you to—I told you to wake me up!"
"And I told you to take the rest of the day off. No use worrying about it now. Come on, I'm taking you home."
Roy made the most gentlemanly display for Edward, holding each door open for him until at last Edward was seated in the car. Roy started the engine.
"Look, Brigadier General—"
"Please, just call me Roy. We're not on business terms right now."
"Okay then…Roy," he said, pausing very briefly, uncertain as to whether or not he liked the feel of the man's name on his tongue. "…you really don't have to go out of your way for me; I don't like it. I mean, I appreciate it, but at the same time, I—"
"Just let somebody be nice to you for once. I care about you, Ed, and I don't like seeing you push yourself all the time. When you're upset, it hurts me, and I can't think about much else besides trying to make you feel better."
"Roy, don't—I'm sorry," Edward choked out. He was near tears again.
"Ed, it's okay," Roy said, placing his right hand on Edward's nearest shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you." After a moment of silence, he removed his hand and replaced it on the steering wheel.
As the car rounded a corner, Ed jolted upright and shouted, "Wait, stop here!"
Roy did as he said and shifted the car into park. "Something wrong?"
"Al—I can't let him see me like this! Just let me out here…" Edward began fidgeting with the lock on the door, trying to get out.
"Ed, wait!" Roy seized his arm. "Where will you go?"
"I dunno, maybe a park or something. Just anywhere until I collect myself."
Roy then saw a tear that had rolled low enough to escape the curtain of his bangs.
"Ed, are you crying?"
Edward crossed his arms and sniffled. "No."
Roy felt a pain in his heart. "Ed, why don't you stay at my place tonight since we both have the day off tomorrow? I'll take care of you, and you can have your own room, if you'd like…"
Edward paused, clearly debating with himself. The idea didn't seem so bad to him, but he felt that he would be imposing too much. Roy picked up on this immediately.
"You won't be asking too much of me; it'd be worse for me to let you off here like this, crying."
"I'm not crying!" Edward shouted, but he made the mistake of turning his face toward Roy, making his tear-streaked cheeks plain to see. He realized his mistake quickly. "I mean…" He began to brush them off with his left hand, but Roy caught it and held it still.
"Ed, it's okay to cry. I'm here…" Roy soothed, washing a wave of calm over the young blonde. He released him and put the car back in gear. "No worries, alright? We're going to my place."
When they pulled up to Roy's home, Edward was surprised to see that it was a house and not an apartment. The thought of a house was rather appealing to him; it was cozy and private…and peaceful. Edward immediately felt tired.
He and Roy exited the car and walked through the door. Edward noticed that the place was small, but it was still twice the size of his own apartment. What intrigued him, though, was how neat and tidy it was. There wasn't a speck of dust or any sign of someone living there. That bothered him a bit.
"So…you, uh, keep this place pretty tidy, huh? You must have women over all the time."
Roy took off his coat and hung it on the rack by the door, facing away from Edward.
"Actually, I haven't had any women over for a while now…"
"Oh, you have someone on your mind, then?" Edward teased. He then noticed how Roy was being particularly fussy with the way his coat was hung, and he could faintly see a light blush on his cheek.
"Yeah…"
"Is it Hawkeye?"
Roy laughed tensely. "That's what everyone else seems to think." He turned to Edward, the heat from his blush gone. "She's a fine woman and all, but our relationship is strictly platonic. We're comrades, and she wants to see me become fuehrer someday."
"So what if somebody was your comrade and didn't want you to become fuehrer?"
Roy smirked a little on one side of his mouth. "Do you know of anyone in Central who doesn't support me?"
"Well, I mean, just think about it. If you were fuehrer, you'd be too busy to pick on anyone, and you wouldn't be fun to hang around anymore." Edward looked down and shuffled his left foot while he said this.
"Are you implying that you think I'm fun to hang around?"
"Well, uh…I…" Edward began rubbing the back of his neck as though that would prevent him from blushing. "I mean, I like to mess with you… 'cause you're fun to mess with… and then when you pick on me, it's not so bad, 'cause then… then…"
"Because…? C'mon, Ed, I need an explanation here," Roy said, poking fun at the stammering teen.
Edward closed his eyes and exhaled sharply as though he really needed to say what he was about to say.
"Because then… you're acknowledging that I exist."
"Aw, kid…" Roy stepped close to Edward. "You think that when I become fuehrer I'll just suddenly forget you?" His voice was as soft and non-threatening as could be.
"Sometimes I worry about that…" Edward admitted, nodding a couple times to himself.
When Edward refused to turn his gaze upward to Roy's face, Roy took care of it for him, lifting his chin up with a finger. He tried to speak, but he had no clear thoughts. So he said the only word he could think of.
"Edward…"
Edward swallowed once before he spoke. "You mean a lot more to me than I care to let on."
The warmth and depth of emotion in his eyes had a staggering effect on Roy. He wanted so badly to take Edward up in his arms and kiss him right then. He wanted to allow tears to flow down his face and feel the pain of loving someone who hurt so deeply. He wanted to embrace him with all his strength and show him that there was a haven safe from suffering in his arms. But he held himself back and made a lighthearted jest to keep himself under control.
"Don't worry, kid. When I become fuehrer, I'll always be sure to make fun of you."
Edward smiled half-heartedly and ducked his head slightly to the side as Roy lowered his hand. "I think I'm gonna fall asleep in a moment here. Where should I crash?" he asked.
Roy raised an eyebrow. "Don't you want something to eat?"
Edward shook his head. "No, I'm fine, thanks."
Roy looked concerned. Edward was not one to refuse food.
Poor kid…he's really not himself at all.
"Ed, just walk up the hallway, and the first door on the right is your room. I'll bring you some sleepwear."
Edward felt a little odd wearing the oversized T-shirt and sweats, but as he tucked himself beneath the quilt, he drew in a few deep breaths of the scent of Roy's house, which quelled his inner emotional tides until at last he fell asleep.
Man, the kid can sure sleep; it's past noon already…
Roy leaned against the doorframe, observing Edward, who was still fast asleep and calm as a lamb. His bangs were a fuzzed mess over his eyes, and his mouth was slightly open, sucking in the occasional breath through his dry lips. His braid had partially come undone, and some locks of hair strung out behind his head. The covers were crinkled all around his body, which was curled in a loose fetal position. He was the epitome of innocence.
God, he's beautiful…
Roy walked up and sat on the edge of the bed. He brushed Edward's bangs out of his face and began lightly rubbing his back in large circles. As though he'd just come back to life, Edward drew in a deep breath and opened his eyes.
"Hey, kiddo, you've been asleep for quite a while," Roy murmured softly.
"Mmm…"
"That feel good?"
Edward nodded his head and closed his eyes again. Roy then brought his other hand to Edward's back and began kneading in a slow rhythm on top of his shoulder blades. Then he worked his way down along either side of his spine, digging his thumbs deep into the tissue there. He looked to Edward's face for any sign of stress or discomfort, but he was peaceful and appeared as though he'd fallen asleep again. Smiling mischievously to himself, Roy got an idea.
This oughtta wake him up…
Roy slid his hands underneath Edward's shirt to make contact with his skin. He felt Edward's back tense up almost immediately, and Edward's eyes looked back suspiciously.
"I can't feel the knots through the shirt very well," Roy explained.
He carefully fingered out the knots until, little by little, Edward relaxed once more. Edward even went so far as to sigh contentedly and snuggle a bit deeper into his pillow. Roy couldn't help but smile. He gradually eased up on the pressure he applied, and after a final gentle rub, he folded his hands together and rested them in his lap.
"You still awake?" Roy asked, amused.
"Mmhmm."
"I was gonna fix breakfast… or lunch… depends on what you want. What are you in the mood for?"
"Breakfast is always good…" Edward mumbled.
"Alright, breakfast it is."
When Edward finally trudged into the kitchen, Roy was sitting on the sofa sipping coffee and reading the newspaper. His already empty plate sat on the coffee table beside him with the fork resting on top. Upon hearing Edward approach, he turned, took one glance at him, and started laughing.
Edward was immediately offended and asked, "What's so funny?"
"Aw, kid, I hadn't seen the sleepwear on you yet, but…" He laughed a couple times before continuing. "…that shirt looks like a dress on you! And the pants are dragging the ground!"
Edward crossed his arms. "Go on, get it all out…"
Roy laughed a bit more before he added, "It looks cute on you, Ed. It really does."
Edward blushed and said, "Fine, I'll go change into my own stuff."
"C'mon, kid, don't trouble yourself. Your food'll get cold." When he saw Edward's hesitation, he added, "It's on the stove. I've already set out a plate and fork for you, and there are mugs in the left cabinet above the stove if you want coffee."
Edward gave in, grabbed himself a plate, sat in the lounge chair next to the couch, and began eating. He hadn't eaten since lunchtime the day before, so he was famished.
"Does it taste okay?" Roy asked.
"It's hot and edible, isn't it?"
"Yes, that it is."
The two sat in silence. Edward began subconsciously reflecting on Roy's kindness toward him. Roy had taken care of his work for him, opened up his home to him, and even given him a back massage, which must have been awkward. But the most significant thing Roy had done for him was hug him. Everyone else around Edward seemed to be afraid to so much as lay a finger on him, which was probably due to the fact that he locked the emotional aspect of himself inside, even during those rare moments in which he felt the pain from losing his mom all over again. But here was Roy, who coaxed his emotions out of him and held every scattered piece of him in his arms unabashedly. Here was someone who understood what it was like to feel a shadow of guilt for past sins hover above him every moment of his existence. And better yet, here was someone who quite possibly loved him. His eyes misted a little at the thought.
"Uh…Roy?"
"Yeah?"
"…Thanks."
Roy looked over at him, a little surprised at the sudden change in the tone of Edward's voice. He saw Edward sitting in the same slouched position as he'd been in whilst sitting in his office the day before, his bangs wild in front of his face, trying to hide his downward gaze. Roy folded up his paper at once and set it on the table.
"Edward, are you okay?"
"…Yeah."
Roy heard Edward's breath shake a little, as though he'd started to cry, and the sound stirred him. He set Edward's plate on the table and picked him up at the same time, sitting down in his original place on the sofa with the curled up blonde sitting in his lap. The fact that Roy's arms were around him shook Edward's emotions from deep within. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around Roy as tightly as he could and burrowed his head against the place where he could hear his heartbeat the best. Roy's heart thudded wondrously faster as Roy desperately returned Edward's embrace. Roy did not miss a single ounce of the fact that Edward, the untouchable one, was clinging to him, of all people. A few tears escaped his eyes out of sheer, painful joy. He rubbed his face against Edward's hair and heard his breathing slow.
Edward felt Roy's lips on the top of his head. Before he turned his own face up to meet Roy's gaze, he silently traced his lips along Roy's neck. When he drew back, he saw Roy's eyes filled with deep emotion and his cheeks lightly dotted with precious tears. He realized then that a couple tears had started to crawl down his own face and swallowed nervously. Both of their faces, expressing some unbearable love, were dangerously close. Edward waited to see what Roy would do.
Roy did not budge a fraction of a centimeter. He was still uncertain of what Edward's reaction might be and did not want to take a risk after getting so far. As confident a leader as he could be with hundreds of lives at stake on the frontline, he could not bring himself to cross into this unchartered territory, beautiful even from where he stood, and chance being banished from its intricate depths forever. He only needed a word from the other side, one small encouragement, and he would cross. His thoughts were empty of all but silence and the one name that was always with him, the one name that made his heart soar.
"Edward…"
A chill jolted down Edward's spine upon hearing his name. He felt as though he was starting to sweat. He was nervous and thrilled all at once. Those feelings rippled through him and made him nauseous and yet eager. His eyes frantically danced in dazzled warning to Roy, and he brought his face closer. He felt as though he had a duty, a duty to his heart. He could not leave this setting without trying to gain Roy's romantic affections at least once…
His eyes closed, his lips lightly buffeted Roy's open, and they kissed.
Upon drawing apart, Roy's breath came fast, and he leaned his face back into Edward's and kissed him again. The two met each other a few times more, sometimes for a brief instant, other times for a longer, more sensual moment. Roy was careful of Edward's feelings and went easy on him, not using his expertise but rather the sweet feeling of a first kiss to guide him. The way they kissed had no film grandeur, but each one's face was bright pink with a blush. It was the best kiss Roy had ever had in his entire life.
Roy tucked his chin toward his chest and rested his forehead against Edward's to end it. Their eyes were closed, and their breath was light and rapid. Roy brought his left hand up to Edward's cheek and rested it there, only to find it covered soon after by Edward's cold automail hand. They opened their eyes and smiled at each other. They asked a million silent questions to and fro, which were answered immediately by the light in the other's eyes.
They leaned apart from each other, and Edward scooted off of Roy's lap and rested his head on Roy's shoulder. Roy kept a snug hold around his shoulders and lightly rested his head on top of Edward's. They sat that way, silently, for a good long while.
Edward tensed for a moment and asked, "Does Al know where I am?"
"Don't worry; I told him I needed you to help me with some extra paperwork." Roy looked amused.
"Did he buy that?"
"Yeah, I think so. He said it sounded just like me to need help in that particular area."
"Well, you sure have a lot of it that's still incomplete; it could take all day to get through," Edward suggested.
"Ed, I don't actually have paperwork that I expect you to help me with."
"I know." Edward turned his torso toward Roy, reached up his left hand to Roy's chin, and turned his face to look at him. "I meant our 'paperwork'." He stood up a bit to kiss him and show him what he meant.
Roy caught on immediately then. "You're right, Ed; we'll have to work all day to get it done. We might even have to take a sick day tomorrow."
"Sounds like a plan." Edward smiled at him and sheepishly rested his head on Roy's shoulder again.
Roy kissed the top of his head and said, "Tell me about your childhood… when your mom was still alive."
That evening, Edward walked right past the guest bedroom without so much as a second glance. He headed straight down the hallway to Roy's room and slipped beneath the silk sheets of his bed. Roy joined him momentarily and laid on his back. Edward snuggled close to him.
"So Roy…" Edward began. "There's something that I was wondering about…"
"Sure, Ed. What's on your mind?"
"Well… I've always thought of you as the kind of guy who…um…tries to bring people 'home'… on the first night, if you know what I mean…"
"Yes, usually," he admitted. "What did you want to know about that?"
"It's just that you…uh…didn't try to do that with me, and I was wondering what was different about me… I mean, besides being a guy and all…"
Roy silenced him with his lips and, looking deep into his eyes, said, "You mean a lot more to me than just a one-night-stand."
Edward paused a moment in mild shock as a deep feeling of love coursed through him. Then he leaned in very slowly and gave Roy a long kiss. Resting his head on Roy's chest, he murmured, "Thanks, Roy. That's all I wanted to know."
And Edward fell asleep with his ear over Roy's heart, listening to the lulling sound of his heartbeat.