Hello. Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone home? C'mon now, I hear you're feeling down. I can ease your pain. Get you on you're feet again. Relax. I need some information first. Just the basic facts. Can you show me where it hurts?

I hate how I feel. I wake up every morning, look in the mirror and a reflection of someone I don't know anymore stares back at me. I don't really know how I got this way. One day I was fine. I was a normal person, living a normal life, but now... now that life doesn't exist anymore.

There is no pain. You are receding. A distant ship's smoke on the horizon. You are only coming through in waves. Your lips move but I can't hear what you say. When I was a child. I had a fever. My hands felt just like two balloons. Now I've got that fever once again. I can't explain. You would not understand. This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb.

Luka Kovac restlessly looked at the digital alarm clock opposite his bed. The glowing numbers cast an eerie glow across his features as he tossed and turned trying to sleep. He glanced wearily back at the alarm clock that now read three twenty four. In three hours he would have to get up and face the world again. Sighing, he sat up and flung the covers off his body. It was no use. He knew he wasn't going to get any sleep. He slowly walked from his bedroom into the living room, flicking on a lamp as he passed it. He sank into his recliner and grabbed the remote. His thoughts weren't on the television and the nameless program that was on. His thoughts drifted back to his wife and children. Recently he had begun to think about them again. He had tried so hard to put them out of his mind and he thought he had succeeded. He didn't understand why he was thinking about them again. He had a good job, friends and most of all a girlfriend whom he cared about deeply. He closed his eyes and saw is wife's face. Feeling that familiar pang of guilt and hurt, he put his head into his hands and let the tears fall. He didn't understand why this had to happen any better today than he had years ago. He sat up for the next three hours, just thinking. He had to change the way he felt. He knew that much for sure. He just couldn't go on like this. He thought about counseling, but he didn't think that could work. He just didn't see himself opening up to someone he didn't know. He barely opened up to people he did know.

Luka slowly got up and walked into his bathroom. He had to get to work. Just the thought of facing people made him cringe. He dreaded going into work and pretending everything was all right. He hated people coming up to him and asking if he was okay. Looking at him like he was an injured animal, like he was helpless. What if he said no? He doubted that they could do anything about it. He doubted that they would even care. He opened the medicine cabinet, looking for toothpaste. His eyes fell on a bottle of painkillers that had been prescribed for a knee injury. He slowly brought his hand to the bottle and picked it up. His hands shook as he opened the bottle and dumped a few ivory colored pills into his hands. The noise the pills made as they slid out of the plastic container filled the room. He looked at the five pills that were in his hands, the fifteen or so that remained in the bottle and then looked in the mirror.

"Is this what I really want?" He whispered to himself. He shook his head and put the pills back into the container, closed the lid and threw them in the trash.
What was he thinking? He knew it wasn't the answer but he couldn't see how he could continue on. He was sick of feeling this way. Luka gripped both sides of the sink and took a shaky breath. In an instant, he bent down, retrieved the bottle of pills and hurriedly took the cap off. He dumped the contents of the bottle onto the sink and one by one took the pills. He walked back into his living room and turned the stereo to his favorite radio station. He was at least going to die listening to something sweet, instead of the silence that had always seemed to mock him. He sat down and waited... waited for the pills to do their job. His vision began to get hazy and he found it hard to breathe. He felt his heart pounding in his ears and the last things he heard before he gave in to the darkness that was closing in on him was the phone ringing and the sound of an old Pink Floyd song on the radio.

Abby Lockhart tapped out the number she has long since memorized. She waited for Luka to pick up and instead got his answering machine.

"You have reached Luka Kovac, I'm not available, leave a message and I'll get back to you...beep" Abby sighed and left her message.

"Luka, this is Abby, I have something really important to tell you, so I called to let you know I'm coming over early... So I guess I'll see you in a few. You had better be ready, cause Weaver will flip if we're late again. Bye"

Abby set her phone back on its cradle and grabbed her coat. She hurried down her apartment stairs and made her way to Luka's apartment complex. Abby thought about Luka as she walked in the chilly spring air. She had been with him for almost a year and although she cared about him, that spark wasn't there anymore. Lately, it was more of a friendship to her than a romance. She knew she couldn't put this off any longer and had decided today would be the day she told him. She reached her destination and bounded up the stairs. She pulled out her key and slipped it into the keyhole. She noticed the stereo was on, blasting out some oldie. She turned the doorknob and pushed open the door.

"Luka?" She called into the apartment. She walked over to the stereo and pushed the off button.
"Luka?" She called again, into the now silent apartment. "Weird."

She walked into the kitchen, no Luka. She walked into the living room and smiled. He was in the recliner sleeping. She walked over to him but then stopped. Something was wrong and she couldn't quite tell what it was. She paused a moment, looked down at him and noticed the bluish gray color of his lips and face. Her mouth fell open and her eyes widened. He wasn't breathing. She quickly felt for a pulse and only felt a faint one.

"Oh my God." she whispered and ran for the phone, quickly dialing nine-one-one. After placing the call she ran back to Luka and began CPR. Her mind raced at the possibilities of why this had happened. Abby felt tears of frustration sting her eyes as she continued CPR, without success.

"Breathe, damn it!" Abby yelled. "Where the hell are the paramedics?!"

It felt like hours before paramedics arrived but in actuality it had only been minutes. Abby sat back and watched in silence as the paramedics put a tube down his throat and continued CPR. A medic tapped her on the shoulder.

"Do you want to ride with us to the hospital?" He gently asked her. He noticed the County General tag on her scrubs and added "We're taking him to County." Abby looked up at him and slowly nodded her head. The medic helped her up and led her downstairs to the ambulance.

They arrived at County ten minutes later, the medics still pumping oxygen into Luka's lungs. Abby walked next to the stretcher as they wheeling Luka into the ER. His lips still had that bluish color. She listened as the medics gave the vital statistics to a doctor. She didn't notice who it was or what they were saying. It sounded garbled to her. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around to see who it was. Once she saw it was John Carter, she turned her gaze back to Luka, who was being wheeled towards trauma one by Kerry Weaver and Jing Mei "Deb" Chen.

"Abby... Abby!" Abby tore her gaze from Luka and turned to face Carter. "Abby" he repeated. "What happened?"

"I... I went to his place... We were supposed to go to work... and... I found him like that. He wasn't breathing. I have no idea what happened. Carter, I was so scared." Abby's voice wavered and Carter watched as a few tears slid down her cheeks.

"Hey, it's okay now. We're gonna take care of him" Carter soothed, wrapping Abby in a hug. Abby let Carter comfort her and prayed that Luka would be all right.