A/N: So I am so, so late to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. However, I just finished watching Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered, and I couldn't help but wonder what might have happened if Buffy and Xander's conversation at the end of the episode had gone a bit differently?

"The scavenger hunt excuse seemed to work with my mother." Buffy said as she and Xander walked down the hallway of Sunnydale High.

"So she doesn't remember anything?" Xander asked hopefully. Having Joyce Summers come onto him had been a little creepy to be honest. Okay, a lot creepy. Like almost as creepy as Drusilla trying to turn him into an immortal vampire that Buffy would have to slay because he would not do well being locked inside all day.

"I think the thought that she came on to one of my friend's is causing her to repress. She's gotten really good at that. I should probably start worrying."

"Well, back to being unpopular." Xander said a moment later. Buffy just looked at him.

"It's better than everyone trying to axe murder you right?" Buffy asked, and Xander nodded.

"I guess. But Willow won't even talk to me."

"Is there a reason she should?" Buffy asked, and Xander sighed. In truth, there wasn't. He knew how Willow felt about him, and even though he didn't feel the same way about her, he had broken her heart.

"No. To be real honest, I'm surprised you're talking to me."

"Well, I remember what happened." She said, and Xander winced. While he would be lying if he said he didn't want to take Buffy on her offer, he wanted it to be because she wanted him in the same way that he wanted her.

"I remember coming onto you. I remember begging you to take my clothes off." She said, and he winced again.

"Buffy I-"

"Let me finish. I also remember you refused. It meant a lot to me, what you said." She told him, and he smiled. Then his smile fell off his face as he realized they were right where they always were. He was friendzoned, and she was still the woman he loved that he would never have.

"Xander I-"

"No. It's my turn to talk, and please let me finish before you say anything." He said, and she nodded. The two of them had stopped walking, and for a moment they just looked at each other brown eyes boring into green.

"I meant every word I said. If I thought I had a shot at you loving me the way I love you, if I thought for a moment that you weren't under a spell I...I love you Buffy Anne Summers. And not the I love my mom kinda love or the teenage hormone-filled lust that I feel when I kiss Cordelia, or the sibling love I have for Willow. I am in love with you. And I know you don't feel the same way, but I needed you to know."

Buffy opened her mouth to respond, but Xander cut her off.

"And that's why you're not doing the whole slayer thing solo anymore. I know that we help with crowd control and all that, but slaying's always been your thing. I know that there's this whole one girl in the world to stand against the forces of evil and blah blah blah, but you don't need to fight alone. I can assemble an M16 in fifty-eight seconds and sure I can't fight like you can, but I can learn and…..And I will be by your side. Always." He said, sincerity ringing in every word.

For a moment, Buffy couldn't say anything. She just stood there, looking into his eyes as her mind processed what she had just heard. Xander had just told her he loved her. Not that he liked her or was into her, which she already knew, but that he loved her. Not only that, he had said he would be by her side. Not that he and Willow weren't already there, but this was different. He didn't want to just be research support or be in a sidekick type of a role. He wanted to be her partner.

She opened her mouth to refuse, to tell him that this wasn't his war. She was the Slayer. She was the one meant to spend her life fighting the monsters that went bump in the night. But as she looked into Xander's eyes, she knew that he understood what he had just said. He knew that he was giving up a normal life. He understood that fighting the monsters wouldn't end when they graduated Sunnydale High and went off to college. But he wanted to do it anyway, because he loved her.

And did she love him? She honestly wasn't sure. She knew he wasn't Angel. He wasn't tall, dark and mysterious. He wasn't a vampire. He was Xander.

But he's still here. Angel isn't.

Buffy tried to ignore the voice in her head, tried to argue that it wasn't Angel's fault for what he had become. He didn't ask to be cursed, to lose his soul. He didn't ask to become Angelus.

So what then? Say he gets his soul back by some miracle. What do you do then? Do you go back to him, tell him you love him, share his bed again? Could you?

No. Buffy knew she could never be with Angel in such an intimate way again. Regardless of whether or not he lost his soul, he had threatened her friend's. He had killed innocent people. He had taken her virginity, and the next day he had made her a notch on his belt. She had begged him to try and fight, begged him to show any sign that the man she loved was still there, that Angel was buried somewhere in Angelus. But he hadn't. The man she had loved was gone, consumed by the monster. And even if he returned, she couldn't love him.

Then there was Xander. He was Xander. He was her friend who made inappropriate or awkward comments at times, who spent time kissing Cordelia, who had always been there since the day she came to Sunnydale. He had worked with Angel who he hated, to bring her back to life when she had been killed by the master. He had faced ugly locust women, vampires and more monsters than she cared to count for her. He had always been there.

He'll always be there.

Buffy realized that's what she had been telling herself, even if she didn't always realize it. She had thought that Xander would always be there, waiting for her to decide she was ready to be with him. And that wasn't fair. He deserved better than what she had been giving him. But was she really ready to be in another relationship?

"Uh Buffy, can you please say something? Cause I just poured my heart out, and I am like dying here."

There were those words. The words he had said to her last year when he had asked her to the dance at the Bronze. She had told him no, that she considered him like one of the girls. A friend and nothing more. But now? Now things were different. Now she wasn't sure what to say. So she just stared for a moment. A moment too long, as Xander took her silence as rejection.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything I-"

"Xander."

"I mean, I know I'm not like Angel I-"

"XANDER!" She yelled, cutting him off.

"It's my turn to talk, and your turn to keep quiet okay?" She asked, and he nodded.

"I'm sorry. I haven't been fair to you. You have always been there for me, and I guess I thought you always would be. But that's still not an excuse to take you for granted, and I am so sorry for that. And I'm sorry that I can't tell you I love you. Not because I don't have feelings for you, because I know I do. I just...I'm not ready for another relationship. Not after what happened with Angel." She said, and Xander fought the urge to swear.

Angel. It was always Angel. Even when he wasn't there physically, he was still there. His presence was like a shadow over all of their lives.

Buffy saw the rage flash in Xander's eyes, and she reached over and took his head. She wanted him to understand her words. She didn't want him to see what she was saying as another rejection.

"It's not just that he broke my heart Xander. He….When I said we were hiding in the sewers...I…"

Words failed the blonde slayer as tears began to form in her eyes. She couldn't get the words out. She couldn't say it, couldn't say how she had given Angel her heart, her body. In a way she had given him her soul, and he had thrown it away.

Xander's eyes widened, and then they narrowed as he understood what Buffy was trying to say. He felt fury overwhelm him as the full impact of her words struck him. She and Angel had had sex. She had given him her virginity, and that undead monster had thrown her away like she was some cheap whore.

Xander put his arm around her and pulled her close, even as she shook with tears.

"Bastard." He whispered quietly.

"He….he told me he loved me. Then the next day he acted like it was just for fun, like the fact that we made love was just something that didn't even matter."

"Bastard." Xander whispered again, his mind full of various ways to kill the vampire.

"So I...I'm-"

"Don't apologize Buffy. I understand. I mean okay, so I haven't had sex. But I understand that you're not ready for a relationship." He said. He placed his hand on her cheek, and then he moved it up to dry her tears.

"But there are three things I need you to understand. Number one is that I am in love with you. Number two is that I will wait until you are ready."

"That's not fair to you." She protested, and he smiled.

"I've waited over a year to hear you say you have feelings for me. I can wait until you're ready to see if there's a chance for us."

"Cordelia and Willow-"

"Cordelia broke up with me, and Willow needs someone who can love her in a way I can't." He replied. He hoped Willow and Oz sorted things out. The other boy may be awkward, but he was good for her. Willow was happier with Oz than Xander had ever seen her, and he wasn't going to mess that up.

"What's number three?" She asked.

"What?"

"You said there were three things I needed to understand. So what's number three?"

"Angel's fucking dead." He said, eyes flashing with fury once again. In Xander's mind Angel was just a corpse, and very soon Xander would be coming to pick up the body.

A/N: So this is my first foray into the Buffyverse, and I hope you all enjoyed! There will be at least one more chapter, especially as I have now seen through the Sadie Hawkins Dance episode. I also have ideas for more Buffy/Xander stories, so keep your eyes peeled for those! Please read and review, and the next chapter will be up soon.